tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23648354797434254602024-03-27T19:53:52.833-04:00Twice ChosenA blog about life, musings, questions, thoughts, ideas; whatever! When you have been twice chosen you know there is a purpose for your life.Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.comBlogger106125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-10679509273660292582014-06-25T09:58:00.000-04:002014-06-25T09:58:38.009-04:00Social MediaI have been asked many, many times about my years in Youth Ministry and what has changed. The biggest thing that has happened to Youth Ministry over the years is technology and<span style="color: #990000;"> </span><strong><span style="color: lime;"><span style="color: #990000;">Social Media</span>.</span></strong><br />
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Back in the day when communicating with students and parents we had to call everyone on a phone that was tethered to a desk or wall. There was a rotary dial and it took some time, a lot of time, to make all the calls to the parents and students. Then it would happen somewhere your plans would be tweaked and now you have to call everyone back and explain the change. <strong>Argh....</strong><br />
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We also used a lot of posters and snail mail. You remember mail right? We would actually make a letter, write it out, copy it, fold it, place it in an envelope and stamp it; then to the mail box. This would have to be done days and days in advance. Inevitably the students and adults would get the communication late! <strong>Argh...</strong><br />
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Today we have <strong><span style="color: #990000;">Social Media</span></strong> and most of the time this is at the finger tips of the students and adults. No more having to wait until they get home and have to check email. Email, by the way, students do not use, so don't send them! Parents and grandparents are all over that though.<br />
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<strong><span style="color: #990000;">Social Media</span></strong> is like a firearm, in my opinion, now wait before you shut me out! When used properly, firearms are to help, protect, hunt and for safety. When used as intended there is no problem. However, outside the bounds of what it was created for there is a problem. <strong><span style="color: #990000;">Social Media</span></strong> is the same way. You can contact masses at one time with upcoming ministry information, send updates immediately, contact parents and students at the same time, photos and immediate updates! But when <strong><span style="color: #990000;">Social Media</span></strong> is not used properly there is a problem. It can be used to tear down, destroy, attack and maim individuals. <br />
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<span style="color: #990000;"><strong>Social Medi</strong>a</span> can be a wonderful thing but use it wisely. IF we do not use it correctly in ministry then we are part of the problem. Make sure you follow the rules and guidelines properly! If you don't do it well, it will be used against you. <br />
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Parents please have conversations with your students about how to use <strong><span style="color: #990000;">Social Media</span></strong> correctly! Parents have your student's passwords and check their <span style="color: #990000;"><strong>Social Media</strong></span> often, and let them know you are doing it! Also don't let your students have a <span style="color: #990000;"><strong>Social Media</strong></span> page until 13 due to Federal Requirements, yep the government. <br />
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Anyway, I welcome your comments about this monster called <strong><span style="color: #990000;">Social Media</span></strong>. Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-24182632795040953022013-11-25T15:17:00.000-05:002013-11-25T15:24:08.703-05:00Alive or on Life Support<strong>Alive or on Life Support</strong> is the first thing that came to mind when I read this article and then again when I saw the video clip that it refers to. Bottom line is that a former leader of a church organization says he sees the church not doing enough to reach teens, students and the youth. This is from the Church of England and the country of Great Britain. <br />
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Now before too many other denominational protestants, or Catholics, become smug thinking this is NOT your concern, that is a wrong assumption. You see the church has to always be willing to reinvent itself, not the GOSPEL, not the Christ we represent but the HOW we do it. <br />
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We have to be willing to move outside our comfort zones, the way we have always done it, and be willing to embrace things that help reach this generation of souls for Jesus Christ. You see we have been too comfortable for too long doing the same old things the same old way and expect new and exciting changes or results. We tend to embrace change in our lives in entertainment, communications, food stuffs, medical procedures, and even in the cars we drive plus all the comforts of home, etc. However, when it comes to our worship, we tend to stay with what <strong>WE</strong> like over what <strong>THEY</strong> who are not here <strong>NEED</strong> when we can get them to the church. <br />
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I believe in new and improved in the free market. Better laundry detergents, better food products, improved cell phones, thinner televisions that take up a whole wall, better sound systems, headphones, games, and the like. If we can't make the product better we improve the container that it is in so it looks better. Take bleach in a better pour bottle, it's still bleach but sales go up for the new container. How about grape juice in a new easier to handle container to minimize spills? It's still grape juice! <br />
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Church, we have to look at, focus on, and target/reach those that are <strong>NOT</strong> here. How do we do that? Maybe you don't know, maybe I don't know, maybe no one really knows for sure but we do know one thing for sure; what we have been doing <strong>IS NOT WORKING! IF IT IS WORKING IT'S NOT WORKING AS WELL AS IT USED TO!</strong><br />
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I believe that when you see a church that is <strong>NOT</strong> catering to or coddling any certain group but is targeting, budgeting for and giving resources to the children and the youth; well that church is more alive. Take a mental inventory. Has your congregation reached a median age that is near retiring and there are not any or very many young couples, babies or teens there? I plead with us as church leaders, we have to not worry, fret and stress over those in our congregation that we may loose if we try to reach those that are <strong>NOT</strong> here. Jesus came to seek and to save that which was lost! <br />
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Kingdom work is hard and difficult. Bu we have to ask ourselves are we <strong>Alive or on Life Support!?</strong> <br />
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<a href="http://www.foxnews.com/world/2013/11/24/former-archbishop-canterbury-warns-christianity-as-risk-dying-out-in-generation/">http://www.foxnews.com/world/2013/11/24/former-archbishop-canterbury-warns-christianity-as-risk-dying-out-in-generation/</a><br />
<h1 id="article-title" itemprop="name">
<span style="font-size: large;">Former Archbishop of Canterbury warns</span> <span style="font-size: large;"><em>Christianity </em>at risk of dying out in a generation!</span></h1>
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<time datetime="2013-11-24T13:37-05:00" itemprop="datePublished" pubdate=""><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Published November 24, 2013</span></time><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">FoxNews.com</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Lord Carey, the former Archbishop of Canterbury, has a warning for Christian churches: Attract young people to the faith or risk losing it forever. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">According to The Telegraph, Carey said Christianity is just a “generation away from extinction” in Britain unless churches have a breakthrough in attracting young people. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Clergy are gripped by a “feeling of defeat” and congregations are worn down by “heaviness," he said.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Carey said the public greets both with “rolled eyes and a yawn of boredom," according to The Telegraph. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Carey made his remarks at a Shrewsbury conference discussing how the church could be "re-imagined." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">“So many people do not see the average church as a place where great things happen," he said. “To sit in a cold church looking at the back of other peoples’ heads is surely not the best place to meet exciting people and to hear prophetic words.”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">According to The Telegraph, Carey cited a lack of youth ministries as one of the sources of the problem. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">“So many churches have no ministry to young people and that means they have no interest in the future," he said. “We have to give cogent reasons to young people why the Christian faith is relevant to them.”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Sunday congregations in the U.K. have almost halved since 1970 to just 807,000 in the most recent figures, The Telegraph reported.</span> </div>
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Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-39102495038048778862012-12-04T16:17:00.000-05:002012-12-04T16:17:42.990-05:00Reboot!<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Reboot! </strong>Yep, that's what I did this weekend. My wife and I have been married over 34 years now. We have jokingly said, or I have said, "Yep we have been married 34 years, 28 happy years!" She just smiles and looks my way and says, "Now that's not true, it hasn't been 28 I am sure of it!" Ha, ha, ha, ouch!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Recently we went to a marriage retreat, A Weekend To Remember, is what it was called. Now you may be thinking, why would a couple that has been married to each other this many years go to a marriage retreat? The reason is that from time to time we too need to <strong>Reboot</strong> our marriage. Sure we are empty-nesters, that is our children are all grown and gone, and seemed like only yesterday that they were in diapers, but we too need time away to regroup and to reconnect. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I want every married couple to know this, that if you have children, kids, teens, or even young adult children, spend your time cultivating your relationship with your spouse. Many of you know my heart that if it comes down between you or the children, go with the spouse, because one day your kids will be grown and gone. If you are luck they will be for sure. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Now the hidden blog post this time. It's not just about marriage, family and life but it's about the calling in your life. If you are a minister or Youth Minister, I want to share this with you. I was cleaning up some in the office. Don't panic, I still have the proverbial youth minister office. You know, everything in it's place and everything all over the place! But still I came across a piece of paper that a former minister left behind pinned to the bulletin board. It's about our calling, and our lives in the people business. I share it with you today so you too may <strong>Reboot </strong>your ministry or calling.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It has no title just 7 statements that I now share with you.</span><br />
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<ol>
<li><strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">Am I living a life above reproach? 2 Timothy 2:20-21</span></em></strong></li>
<li><strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">Is this job my passion or my paycheck? 2 Samuel 23:9-10</span></em></strong></li>
<li><strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">Am I in line with where we are going as a church?</span></em></strong></li>
<li><strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">Do I feel like I deserve more? (You shouldn't)</span></em></strong></li>
<li><strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">Am I reflecting on how things used to be or passionate about how things are going to be?</span></em></strong></li>
<li><strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">Do i feel like I have to "kill time" because there is "nothing to do?" (There's always something to do when you're in the "people business".)</span></em></strong></li>
<li><strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">Do I fully trust the leadership? 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13</span></em></strong></li>
</ol>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Now that I have reviewed these in my own life, I can better do ministry. You see too many times we start to focus inward and think we are important, even more important than we really are. We do this in ministry and we surely do it in our marriages.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I guess some of the best advice I have learned about marriage is to out serve your spouse. They try to out serve you, both of these in love, and your marriage will be great. If we do this in ministry, that is out serve others, and they serve the Lord it will be a great ministry. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">What if? What if they don't serve like you serve? Who said THEY had too? You were the one called, equipped, and given a passion; you do it no matter what. So today, right now, whomever you are, wherever you are, slow down, be still and quiet and <strong>Reboot</strong>! </span><br />
<br />Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-63380737090296402332012-11-07T16:41:00.000-05:002012-11-07T16:41:57.667-05:00Married Couples, Unite! <strong>Married Couples, Unite!</strong> Yep that's what I said, Unite!<br />
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What do I mean by this? Well you guys are in a marriage for a lifetime. Be in it. Be in it together, united in all you do. You will disagree, if you don't then one of you is not needed. The other thing, is have some fun in your marriage. Do stuff together, do stuff apart, but do things. Do things you like together. GUYS, she doesn't always have to camp, kill and gut something to spend time with you. Although as a guy I think that's a fun thing.<br />
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LADYS, stop making him get in touch with his feminine side; that's just scary. If you are looking for someone that has that warm fuzzy feeling always wondering how you are doing emotionally and wanting to cuddle on the sofa; well get a stuffed bear! Just kidding, not really, yes I am.<br />
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I recently was digging out some old papers and came across this that I know you have seen but I wanted to post it in a blog because it's true or funny or not. Read it with while thinking of Married Couples and be committed in marriage for the long haul! Your children need to see it how a marriage in love is lived through.<br />
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<h2>
The Rules</h2>
<ol>
<li><em><strong>The female always makes the rules.</strong></em></li>
<li><em><strong>The rules are subject to change at anytime without prior notification.</strong></em></li>
<li><em><strong>No male can possibly know all the rules.</strong></em></li>
<li><em><strong>If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she MUST IMMEDIATELY change some or all of the rules.</strong></em></li>
<li><strong><em>The female is never</em> <em>wrong.</em></strong></li>
<li><em><strong>IF the female IS wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.</strong></em></li>
<li><em><strong>If rule 6 applies, the must apologize immediately for causing this misunderstanding.</strong></em></li>
<li><em><strong>The female can change her mind at any given time.</strong></em></li>
<li><em><strong>The male mus never change his mind without written consent from the female.</strong></em></li>
<li><em><strong>The female has every right to be angry or upset at any given time.</strong></em></li>
<li><em><strong>The male must remain calm at ALL TIMES, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.</strong></em></li>
<li><em><strong>The female must under NO circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.</strong></em></li>
<li><em><strong>IF the female has P.M.S. ALL RULES ARE NULL AND VOID!</strong> </em></li>
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Well there you have it, The Rules. Now read them together, and laugh out loud. You see laughter is great medicine. Doing things together helps married couples to unite.Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-47987193434055976802012-10-29T15:14:00.002-04:002012-10-29T15:15:21.502-04:00Safe Harbor<strong>Safe Harbor! </strong>This is the term that I saw when hurricane Sandy was coming ashore October of 2012. Some dubbed the storm as "Frankenstorm" as it would affect Halloween, and the 2012 Presidential elections. People on the sea shores and beaches were concerned about their homes, boats, and the harbors that flooded. It was the term <strong>Safe Harbor</strong> that got my attention.<br />
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<a href="http://www.heartlightministries.org/blogs/markgregston/wp-content/uploads/lighthousesm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img align="left" alt="" border="0" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-4150" height="212" src="http://www.heartlightministries.org/blogs/markgregston/wp-content/uploads/lighthousesm.jpg" title="Lighthouse" width="320" /></a>As I look at the term <strong>Safe Harbor</strong> I am moved to youth and youth ministry. The students that I have worked with over the years have had to weather storms, big storms, and even some as big as a hurricane and tornado in perspective. Recently I had a conundrum question asked of me, "Why do Christian students bully just like the other kids?". Boom a storm. Economic issues for the family, whoosh another wind storm. Then there is the issue of school and problems there of studies, tests, relationships, and problems with the social area. Students that have self esteem so low that it is in their shoes. Dates or no dates, boy friends and girl friends no one caring about them as they feel alone. Boom, whoosh, and then there's another problem in their lives. Then we talk about peace that passes all understanding in our Christian lives and students just don't get, see it, or believe it. Boom, Bamm, another storm but this time it's spiritual in nature. <br />
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Students come home and hope there is a place of safety where they can be themselves. The problem with some students' homes is that there is pressure at the home as much as there is in the school environment. What do I mean? Sports comes to mind. Be the best take no prisoners type approach. Make sure you are faster, meaner, leaner, and know more about that sport than anyone else ever. <br />
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How about band, academics, or even the social ladder? Students coming home have the pressure at home as much OR MORE than they do at school! The home has to become a <strong>Safe Harbor</strong>, a place to tie down and be safe from the storms in life. <br />
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The scriptures teach us to do so...“<em>… You were so glad when the storm died down, and He led you safely back to harbor.</em>” (Psalm 107:30 THE MESSAGE) Our savior and Lord has done this for us when it comes to saving from sin, from giving life purpose and meaning without a performance clause. The only clause we have to really "worry" about with the Lord God is to obey in love. <br />
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Parents here is my cry out to you as a Minister to Youth and Families, make your home a place of <strong>Safe Harbor</strong> for your kids, your children, your own flesh and blood. Don't live your lives through them, allow them to be kids, give them guidance and not pushes. Parents lead by example and not by prodding your kids to anger. Help your children navigate the water of the culture by giving them a <strong>Safe Harbor</strong> at home where they know they are loved, cared for, and sometimes told NO because you love them not YES because you want to be friends with them. <br />
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Bottom line for parents in this culture of storms is to allow your child to come home, to tie off and be safe; being loved and cared for by those that care the most about them; YOU! You are not the captain of the ship, their ship, Christ is; you are to be the captain of the harbor and make it safe for them. <br />
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Now I have to go and tie down some ships of my own in my own life too. You see being a leader doesn't mean we are always right, just that we will never, ever give up as we steer through the rough seas of life providing a place of rest for others who are tired and weary; a <strong>Safe Harbor</strong>. Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-79893009458992256382012-08-01T09:30:00.001-04:002012-08-01T09:30:21.167-04:00A Modern Day Parable!<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">A Modern Day Parable!</span></strong> OK, wait for it, wait for it, here we go. Parable an earthly story with a heavenly meaning. A parable is a story that makes you think. There may be different areas that you personally will pick up or out of the story that others will not see and yet the meanings are so much deeper.<br />
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Last night I was involved in a Bible Study with several of our students at a local Coffee shop that will go nameless, unless it's name is Purdy's Coffee Shop, but that is a story for another day. However, we were discussing scriptures and we end up talking about random things such as "what new flavor of coffee would you create?" Our next question was historical in nature, "What additional President would you add to Mount Rushmore if you could?" The answers were various from random choices to more thought provoking reasons. This was fun to hear their young minds move through history to make a choice. <br />
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So that made me think about history and scripture; how we see scriptures as a finished story on this end of history BUT we are making history right now. How we are making choices everyday affects history. Take this story for instance as it is unfolding.<br />
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<em>"There is a country where the people rule. The rulers make laws, rules and try to interpret what the winds of popularity are of the people. There are understandings, hot buttons, hot topics and topics that once they are invoked it gets emotional responses but not necessarily thought provoking conversation.</em><br />
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<em>The culture had set up this idol if you will about how sexuality should be viewed and anyone that dare oppose that idea or idol, would be dealt with in the most ugly fashion. Those that refused to bow to this idol whenever it was brought forth on the stage of conversation would suffer the consequences. </em><br />
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<em>In this story there are 3 men, let's name them Dan, Tim, and Jeremy and they are all in different fields of vocation, stages in life, and all have similar beliefs; contrary to the cultural idol. One of these men is in the area of business, a very successful business, grossing sales over 4 Billion dollars a year with a very simple concept. One of the men is young and was successful when going to college winning many awards and accolades for his abilities. He was sometimes over the top with emotion even wearing his faith as it were, under his eyes of all places. The final young man played sports and did not get all the rewards and was considered by many a failure even sleeping on some one's sofa as he was down and out. However, he never denied or walked away from his faith or his beliefs, no matter what those around him would say.</em><br />
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<em>Dan, Tim and Jeremy all stood strong for what they believed. Even when the culture traded them to other teams, ridiculed their abilities, and boycotted their businesses, they stood firm in what they believed. </em><br />
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<em>One day because of the stance of Dan in answering a question about his beliefs that did not go well with those of the culture trouble began. The people were outraged and got politicians, leaders, and others involved and heated up the stage of debate 7 times hotter than it had ever been before. They called for picketing, boycotting and even demanding his business be closed in various places. They would show this man that you can't have your opinion, thought or belief system, after all that is intolerance of the culture.</em> <br />
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(Side note, Tolerance is defined as: <span class="pg"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">noun</span> </span></span><br />
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<span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">1.</span> a.</span></span><span id="hotword"> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">fair,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">objective,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">and</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">permissive</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">attitude</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">toward</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">those</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">whose</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">opinions,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">practices,race, religion,</span> </span><span id="hotword"> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">nationality,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">etc.,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">differ</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">from</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">one's</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">own;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">freedom</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">from</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">bigotry.</span> </span></div>
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<span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">2.</span> </span></span><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">fair,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">objective,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">and</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">permissive</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">attitude</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">toward</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">opinions</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">and</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">practices</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">that</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">differ</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">from</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">one's</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">own.</span> </span></div>
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<span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">3.</span> </span></span><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">interest</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">in</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">and</span><span style="color: black;"> concern</span><span style="color: #0055bb;"> </span><span id="hotword" name="hotword">for</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">ideas,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">opinions,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">practices,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">etc.,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">foreign</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">to</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">one's</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">own;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">a</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">liberal,</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">undogmatic</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">viewpoint.</span> </span></div>
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<span class="dnindex"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">4.</span> </span></span><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">the</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">act</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">or</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">capacity</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">enduring;</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">endurance:</span> </span><span class="ital-inline"><span id="hotword"><span id="hotword" name="hotword">My</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">tolerance</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">of</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword">noise</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">is</span> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">limited.)</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="ital-inline"><span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><em>If Dan did not retract his words or his beliefs he would burn in the furnace of popular thought and culture. If Tim and Jeremy want to be successful they have to compromise their ideas, beliefs, and thought processes because that is not tolerance to believe differently from the 'norm'.</em></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="ital-inline"><span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><em>The day came for the boycott, the taking a stance against this belief system and something happened. It started small and then it grew and then it swelled. Support for this belief system, faith, and freedom of speech. It came from all areas of the culture and country. Many who had been silent for so long arose to support truth and even showing love for those that didn't believe the same way that they do. They attempted to show tolerance for all people. Sure not everyone will agree but civility must prevail. Sure there are pockets of bigotry, and intolerance, but that happens on all sides and not not acceptable on either front."</em></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="ital-inline"><span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">In this story the days are being played out before us and how will it end? Well that is up to you the reader because you are in the story, a player, and participant of the final outcome. However, I know that NOT participating in the story is not an option because silence, failure to stand, and not participating IS participating. </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="ital-inline"><span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">So this is a story being played out before us and in history when our children and grand-children ask about this kind of thing in the culture, I hope you can tell them about truth and life and faith. That you can use this story <strong>A Modern Day Parable</strong> to help them understand. </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="ital-inline"><span><span name="hotword" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span></span></span> </div>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-71042950245348724342012-07-24T08:13:00.000-04:002012-07-24T08:14:32.842-04:00So Now What?"So Now What?" is heard by so many when they are doing so many things and finally those things are about to come to an end. Take Camp for instance. This summer I have had the joy of being at more than one camp environment. I have been with hundreds, maybe thousands of teens, hard to count accurately in my sleep depravation, and I have seen and heard many things from our teens. So the question remains, "So Now What?".
I have learned things about our teens this summer. Many things that are new, some are reinforcements, and some I have seen for years.
New: Our students are more fascinated with sex than ever before. Well at least in my 50+ years of life. Boys still talk with great knowledge of the opposite sex, what the girls like and don't like; and like always, they are wrong.
New pranks involving Icey Hot, and other over the counter medications, some that you have to wonder out loud' "How did they think of that?" or "Why would you try something like that?"
Reinforcements: Students are more tethered to their phones and music than EVER before. It is unhealthy for a teen to isolate himself, or herself, from others by escaping into their headphones and music. These are not bad things but our student culture is the most "disconnected" connected generation we have ever had.
Students are insecure even when it comes to worshipping the Lord God in a worship service where the lights are low, people don't know each other and can't see you. Still they are afraid to let go and let God! So afraid of what others will think about them.
What I have known for years: Kids are kids even when they are teens. They are insecure and want someone to love them. They will do dumb stuff to impress the opposite sex and give up on values taught to them that make parents cringe. Students have more, or put more, pressure on themselves and worry like crazy. Students going into High School will never say it but they are worried. They are the youngest in a place where the guys are men and the girls are women. Middle School students are worried about grades and getting placed correctly when they go to HS.
Students are low in Self Esteem no matter how many participation ribbons and medals that they have amassed! Kids can't be kids because parents want them to perform at levels above them so the parents will look good, no matter that the kids just want to have some fun.
Kids are filled with anxiety because they can't go to the movies without fear of someone shooting, fighting, or picking on them. Predators are around every corner. Going on line can be dangerous. Going outside can be dangerous.
When it comes to relationships they are estranged from parents who are struggling with their own relationships. They see parents that struggle with many of the same issues that they do.
Spirituality is hard on our students. They are confronted about their faith from other religions, culture, paganism, and due to lack of learning, knowledge or even family experience, they will not stand firm on truth but pressure.
Students still want to know if SOMEONE will love them even though they see themselves as inferior products. Will they get dates, boyfriends, girlfriends, will pimples go away? What will the future bring to their lives? What vocation? Will I make money?
Will I be happy?
"So Now What?"
To parents, love your kids, teach them by modeling biblical truths. Teach them God's Word so they can better know what they believe and why they believe it.
To ministers, love the kids, teach them by modeling biblical truths. Teach them God's Word so they can better know what they believe and why they believe it.
To Youth Ministers, love the kids, teach them by modeling biblical truths. Teach them God's Word so they can better know what they believe and why they believe it.
The challenge is for parents and leaders because we have been where they are in ages and needs and the students this is their first rodeo. We know where to find answers, how to listen and how to lead them. That being said here's my question for us.
"So Now What?"Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0Hilton City Center, Salt Lake City, Utah 67301, USA37.09024 -95.71289111.6301275 -136.1425785 62.5503525 -55.2832035tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-14481235957614929072012-06-25T09:49:00.003-04:002012-06-25T09:49:56.497-04:00Teens Leaving the Church<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Teens leaving the church </strong>is one of those blaring statements that not only concerns Youth Ministers but also parents, pastors and church leaders. Recently after returning from vacation I am going through my mail and I find our state denominational paper in my box. One of the headlines reads, "Southern Baptist Membership Continues to Decline". It talks about how we have gone from millions of membership to fewer millions in membership over the last few years. This is not good. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Everyone of those numbers represents a person and not just a number. Churches across the board need to look at "how we do business" and change what we need to change to reach and keep not only the youth but those demographics that we are not reaching. This means not doing things the way we have always done them, cause if you do you will always get what you always got! (Not an original line by the way!) Businesses do this all the time. Look at what you are doing and see if it is "meeting your business plan? Is it reaching your customer base? If it is not, what needs to be tweaked to meet those needs?" Sure this may mean NOT doing some FAVORITE things of the current customers but WE CANNOT ALLOW THE FEAR OF LOSING WHAT WE ALREADY HAVE TO KEEP US FROM REACHING THOSE THAT HAVE NEVER BEEN HERE. This means that we can't allow us to fear losing folks in the pews when we have folks not coming to Christ because of the way we do things for ourselves. Spiritually speaking this is Pharisee ism to the degree of religion over relationship with Jesus.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I read an article from Mark Gregston, who operates a home for youth in Texas and is an author, speaker and director of Heartlight Ministries. It is one of those articles that I have read, copied, printed and digested. It's such a good article that I want to include it in its entirety for you to read. I have taken liberty to insert some italicized words for my own comments within the article and bold. Enjoy and join me in helping reach this generation for the Kingdom.</span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Why Teens Are Leaving the Church </span></strong><br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Posted By Mark Gregston On June 15, 2012 @ 12:42 pm In boundaries,Finding purpose,fitting in,household rules,meaning of life,troubled teens </span><br />
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How many times have you walked into your teen’s room on a Sunday morning, stepped over wrinkled clothes and half-eaten sandwiches, shook the snoring lump between the covers and informed them to get up for church, only to hear a muffled, “No thanks”?</div>
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If this describes a scene in your household, you are not alone. Teens are leaving the church in droves. According to a recent study by the Barna Group, close to 60% of kids leave church after age fifteen. Three out of every five kids in your church’s youth group will eventually shrug off the institution entirely. What’s the cause for this exodus? Why is this next generation leaving churches en masse?</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-14lGs3u9h0o/T-hsTlkGF1I/AAAAAAAAADo/rCPOgeOqG1c/s1600/sleeping+teen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" rca="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-14lGs3u9h0o/T-hsTlkGF1I/AAAAAAAAADo/rCPOgeOqG1c/s1600/sleeping+teen.jpg" /></a><strong>The Culture</strong></div>
On matters of religion and the family, our culture fosters confusion in our teens. In a society that craves entertainment, teens have an aversion to lectures. They would rather not sit and listen to someone preach for an hour every Sunday. Church is seen as “boring” or “lame.” It fails to offer fun or amusement. Once the Sunday school curriculum moves past puppet shows into a more serious application of Christian principles, many teens abandon the notion that the church holds any relevance to their lives.<br />
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Our culture also preaches that church is antiquated. The cynics have concluded that pastors and church leaders are incapable of understanding the new sexual norms, modern media, changing gender roles, or even recent scientific discoveries. The Barna Group revealed that 40% of 18 to 29 year olds believe the church’s teachings on sexuality and birth control are outdated.<br />
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Whether or not the church has done a good job refuting this view or not, <em>the growing perception among young adults is that the church is no longer in touch with the modern world.</em><br />
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<strong>The Church</strong><br />
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Another reason teens are leaving the church has to do with the church itself. Don’t misunderstand—the point is not to bash churches or assign blame. There are many factors to the departure of teens from their faith. However, like a doctor who identifies the disease before treatments, if we can diagnose why teens struggle with church, we can better cure what ails them.<br />
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For many teens, <em>church has become judgmental and hypocritical</em>. On our radio program this week, you’ll hear one of our students from the Heartlight residential program explain that he left church because he felt judged and looked down upon. Kids make mistakes and misconstrue, of course, and they may feel like church unfairly shines a spotlight on their weaknesses. But this is also the most inclusive generation in history. The way they embrace diversity is remarkable and inspiring. However, with that commendable sense of tolerance, young people today struggle with the exclusivity of Christianity. <em>Why does the church act like it knows everything? Who’s to say they have the market on truth or right? For them, the church looks like an elite country club, where those who don’t fit the mold are denied acceptance.<strong> (We have to do a better job of explaining the why of things within the church. Why we do VBS as an example. Reason? More people come to Christ through VBS than any other evangelistic outreach of the church. Communicate the why so students and adults will know why we do this.)</strong></em><br />
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Of course, we know this is a skewed view of the church. Not all Christians are hypocritical or judgmental. I have been in churches where the members have been the most loving and divergent group of people I have ever seen. But because your son or daughter may have an immature picture of religion doesn’t mean we should disregard their concerns. We can shatter this perception by celebrating Christian models that disdain hypocrisy. Point out to your teen those Christians who are living changed and transformed lives. Jesus unleashed His deepest anger at hypocritical religious zealots who twisted authentic Christianity.<br />
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<em>Sometimes it’s healthy to get your teen exposed to Christian missionaries or volunteers who are building houses in third world countries, adopting children, or digging wells in Africa.</em> Show your son and daughter the transforming work of the church right in their own backyard and around the world. If your teen is struggling with the church, perhaps you can find someone who will take your child under his or her wing and develop a friendship with them. <strong><em>(This fall at our church we will be moving more into small groups and mentor ships for our students and adults.)</em> </strong>Interviews with rebellious young people who eventually persevered in their faith report having a friendship with an adult who was not their parent in the church.<br />
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David Kinnman, president of Barna Group, conducted his own studies on this issue and revealed that churches that integrate vocation and faith have a better retention rate among teens. <em>Kids want to see how Christianity converges with their aspirations to become graphic artists, civil engineers, biologists, lawyers, or doctors. So, when somebody comes alongside them and says, Look, here’s how that vocation lines up with our faith, it debunks the notion that says church is irrelevant.</em> <strong><em>(If we have a student interested in banking or business we need Christian business people to come along side of them and talk not only faith but vocational life.) </em></strong>If the church holds any hope of engaging with today’s teens, we must deliver the consistent message that our faith speaks to every issue in their lives.<br />
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<strong>The Teen</strong><br />
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Sometimes it’s the culture, sometimes it’s the church, but many times, it’s the teen himself that makes the decision to shrug off church. Even in the best-case scenarios, it’s quite normal to find resistance from your teen on this matter of church attendance. <em>Work hard at not taking it so personally, or as an affront to your success as a parent.</em><br />
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Start discussing this matter with your child long before he or she becomes a teenager. <em>Start going to church as a family when the kids are small; show them that it’s not a duty, but a privilege; it is something your whole family is committed to.</em> Then give your teen a timeline. I advise moms and dads to sit down and present a plan to their kids. It gives you a foundation to work from, and gives your teen a basis for freedom and responsibility for their own walk with God. <strong><em><u>It could</u></em></strong> look something like this …<br />
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• At 13, you need to go to youth group, church on Sunday, Bible study on Wednesday, and camp in the summer.<br />
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• At 15, you need to go to youth group and church on Sunday.<br />
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• At 17, you need to go to church on Sunday.<br />
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• At 18, we won’t make you go, but we would encourage you to go anyway, because church will equip you with life-skills, purpose and meaning. <strong><em>(I recommend that the last 6 months of HS, January on, to have them figure out what they can leave as a lasting legacy to their youth group. Passing of the baton so to speak.)</em></strong><br />
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Just because more young adults are leaving the church every year doesn’t mean we need to keel to the trend. Some say, Relax, they’ll come back. But I’m not willing to be a passive onlooker as kids abandon the institution of the church. This is a battle that deserves a valiant effort that requires discernment, grace and skill. The community of believers is not only essential in a teen’s life, but in our lives as well. It won’t be easy, and it will take persistence, but with God’s help, we can instill values in our children they will one day pass along to their own.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and director of Heartlight, located in Hallsville, Texas. For more information and helpful resources for moms and dads, check out our website. It’s filled with ideas and tools to help you become a more effective parent. Go to www.heartlightministries.org. Or read other helpful articles by Mark, at www.markgregston.com. You can also call Heartlight directly at (903) 668-2173. Hear the Parenting Today’s Teens broadcast on a radio station near you, or download the podcast at <a href="http://www.parentingtodaysteens.org/">http://www.parentingtodaysteens.org/</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: small;">I hope you have enjoyed this conversation and have had some thoughts about how to better reach this generation. The church has to do a better job in stop the <strong>Teens Leaving the Church. </strong></span></span><br />
<br />Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-51856968649047458882012-06-18T08:30:00.000-04:002012-06-18T08:30:02.784-04:00Youth Ministry in a Nutshell, Helping Parents<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Youth Ministry in a Nutshell, Helping Parents</strong></span> <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">that's right, Youth Ministry is about helping parents. Years ago the philosophy of Youth Ministry was to be the best that you could be and take care of the teens APART from the parents. The parents could rest assured that their teen was in capable hands and someone that knew their children better than they did who didn't need their help. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">This model of Youth Ministry was the norm for a long, long time. This has become known of late of teaching the parents to be Dry Cleaner Parents. You know the dry cleaner is where you drop off something that needs to be cleaned up, fixed up, pressed and nicely returned to you in a little over an hour. Parents were taught to vacate their responsibility to become the number one discipler in the lives of their teens. This is not the right way to do this, nor is it even biblical. The parents are to be the front runner and the Youth Minister, Pastor, leader, whatever, is to help the parents.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">So I am here to show the parents something and offer some help. Here goes. <strong><em>Have you ever thought about becoming a Missionary?</em></strong> Now don't panic. Learn from what the question is teaching about missions. A missionary that is going to a foreign field has to learn the culture of the people they are to work with. The nationals will have their own language and the missionary must learn to speak, understand, and interpret the language. There is a whole new set of foods to learn to eat, try to like, and although it is NOT something the missionary would have chosen; partake with the nationals to build relationships. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The locals always have their own way of dressing and many times it just doesn't make sense to the missionary. However, to reach the locals there is a way of 'embracing' many of the styles, not to offend, but to share Jesus even in the dress. Then there is the music of the locals. There is the music that moves them, they cry to, get angry with and dance like you have never seen before. This too is part of being a missionary. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Parents you have to learn to be a missionary. </span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Teens today have their own language.</strong> Learn it. You may have to understand text-ing in a new way. It is like a short hand that is used to improve speed and to lessen the amount of data going over the network saving you money. You don't have to talk like a teen, in fact, don't; it's kind of creepy. Learn to listen, understand and communicate with your teen. I gotta go to the next one, CUL8r (See you later) ; )</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Teens eat fast food all the time.</strong> Sure you are the parent and "Doritos" at 11pm are not the most nutritious things to eat but sometimes, give in. Students eat crazy food choices, and drinks such as "monster, bull, star, extra caffeine and sugar energy drinks" all the time. Moderation may be in order but saying no way is a sure way for them to sneak and do it anyway. Students eat crazy stuff that you CAN NO LONGER TRY without medication. Bet back in the day you downed some stuff like crazy as well</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Teen Fashion.</strong> Buckle up. Everyday there is someone sitting somewhere dreaming up a new way to wear, or just barely wear, their clothes. Let's face it, a teen wearing a Bennie cap in the summer is really crazy but IF IT IS WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING, well you know. Be aware of the fashions. You don't have to agree with it but understand it. Modesty is still hot so keep that in mind. The culture of our teens today will wear a fashion that is out there or it will be retro like it is brand new. Why? Because the are trying to be individualistic, while being like everyone else. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Teens and the music they listen to.</strong> Yep, you remember well what you listened to and probably your parents too said something like, "I don't understand it", "I don't get it", or "Turn that down!" We don't have to like it but we do need to understand the lyrics, the anger or attitude that goes with it or the meaning behind it all.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I know as a parent you may be thinking, 'Well when I was there age we never..." can I be honest with you for a second? You were never this age IN this age! School is different now. Homework, school work, life in general is different now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Find a great Youth Ministry that is teaching biblical truths and get involved in it. You don't have to teach your own student but get plugged into the ministry. Learn to listen to and hang with students. You don't have to be cool, just accepting and influence a ggeneration like never before. Parents every Youth Ministry I know, needs you. You need them! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">You see when you think about it, <strong>Youth Ministry in a Nutshell, Helping Parents!</strong></span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Stay in the Word</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">ETSOYC 42-44</span>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0Berea, KY, USA37.568694 -84.296322337.518351 -84.3752863 37.619037 -84.2173583tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-26177267044192071052012-06-11T19:03:00.001-04:002012-06-11T19:46:27.170-04:00Where Have You Been?<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>"Where have you been?" </strong>are words that I am sure you have never heard nor have you ever said them before. The time that you were to go to the store, come straight home and the senic route was calling your name. You take a detour and then before you know it, time has gotten away, the ice cream is now just cream and you are so in trouble because no one really knew where you were. Nah, probably never happened to you or the people that you know, just me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>"Where have you been?"</strong> has been echoing in my ears of late as I have not blogged in sometime. I like writing, I like sharing with you life, stories, and above all the truths from the Bible. Why is it then that I haven't done more? Not sure really. You see I have about 52 blogs that I am doing on Youth Ministry and Parents. I want to help parents be the number one discipler in the lives of their teens. I want to help "Young" youth ministers when someone gives them a hard time because they are not experience in raising teens and try to give good Godly advice to a struggling parent. But I have not done so well of late. It was my goal to get back on track but I got side tracked of late.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">You see Christmas morning I lost my baby brother. We were closer than either of us really realized. I had the breath knocked out of me. You can read my blog about Birthdays and Christmas on that one. One of the things that happened during the funeral was that our mother that raised us both stood at the casket and told Kenny to not go too far inside the pearly gates because she was right behind him. Sure enough, in March, the 19th to be exact, Dorthy did just that and went to Heaven to be with Jesus and her family members. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I had a wonderful 1-2 punch of grief to deal with by losing 2 family members in just a short period of time. I had lost an older sister just 11 months before my brothers passing, but who's keeping up with time? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Grief is one of those things that everyone has to do on their own time, in their own way, and yet it is none the less painful, nor difficult. I was down, out, frustrated with myself and yet I just couldn't shake it. I knew the scripture, taught it and quoted how that Jesus would never leave nor forsake me. He didn't. He revealed himself in many different ways. One of the ways was a new friend on our staff. He went to lunch with me, challenged me, walked beside me and let me know there was healing. This was great. The brothers of my staff prayed for me and with me weekly walking through my pain and loving me all the way. My wife spoke truth into my life and challenged me, all the while knowing there was really nothing she could do but love me. That was enough.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">A book was relased the month that mom died entitled "Grieve Like A Man" of which I bought, read, devoured and saw my story in it. A dear friend took me hunting with him and within 2 hours of the season opening we had met our quotas and sat around a campfire for 2 days talking, sharing, and having our friendships grow deeper. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">This blog is one of those blogs that is written to share with you where I have been and to let you know I am back on track. All is good. You see the scriptures that I had read, quoted and taught about DID come true to my life. Jesus was walking with me all the time. Not once did he ask me <strong>"Where Have You Been?"</strong> because he had never left me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The blog postings of twicechosen are coming back on line. God is showing me some amazing stuff. Jesus has walked with me, carried me, and led me through the valleys of late and the Holy Spirit has empowered me to go on when giving up looked promising. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Today as you read this know that you are in good company as you live for Christ. IF you don't know him in a personal realationship you can like never before. The journey is great and it is the best ever. I promise you others will know you are different, changed, and want to know what happened and ask you <strong>"Where Have You Been?"</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Stay in the Word. </span>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-44981032090719524632012-02-08T13:06:00.000-05:002012-02-08T13:06:50.173-05:00Where in the Word do I find that?<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Where in the Word do I find that?</strong> </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This phrase was heard a few weeks ago when I was talking about parenting, discipline, issues on youth and Youth Ministry and how God's word is our answer to everything. The crazy thing about the Bible is that the information that we need is found in the pages but we have to open it, read it, apply it, and become scholars so to speak of it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Several years ago the movie "Thirteen" was about a young lady coming of age from being a little girl to becoming a teen. The movie was controversial but looking at it from a Youth Pastor or Parental view, it was and is very enlightening. Children grow up so quickly and sometimes they want to be a young adult before they are ready spiritually, physically (although their bodies may 'show' they are ready), mentally, and emotionally.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Paul Tripp in his book "Age of Opportunity" says that in the first seven chapters of Proverbs that there is a biblical perspective on the struggles facing our students and this generation of cultural teens. </span><br />
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<ol><li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Adolescents have no hunger for wisdom or correction. He let's face it they think they are right and much wiser than they really are, and most believe they know MORE than their parents.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">They have a tendency towards legalism. They tend to emphasize the letter of the law rather than the spirit. Teens trend to push at the fences you have in place and tell you that they are still in the yard. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">They have a tendency to be unwise in their choice of companions. Let's face it there are some students that your child should NOT hang out with. Your student and their friends are good kids but when they get together, trouble. My wife's grand father used to say this along these lines. "When you have a boy you got a boy, when you have 2 boys, you have half a boy; when you have 3 boys, you have nothing but trouble!" Some good church kids just can not be together without being in trouble.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Our culture is a sex charged culture and your students are right in the middle of it being tempted with these new feelings that they have not had before. What do you do with them when you used to not feel this way?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Students do not live with eternity in mind. Students live in the now. They want instant gratification. They are micro-wave than a slow cooker. They want what they want and they want it now.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">They tend to lack a heart of awareness of what they really need or want. Students are wondering about the big wild world that is just outside their doors and how they will function in it.</span></li>
</ol><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Add together all of this and you will start to see what the students are struggling with in their lives. They don't fear self-destruction, or risky behavior to fit in or belong. If there are problems in the home, their place of safety, or conflict that is not healthy or talked about; they will find someone to meet their emotional, spiritual, and acceptance needs. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Too many times we move our kids, students and youth to the margins and do not give them an outlet to express themselves. They will find a way to express themselves. If they do not have a chance to share their stories of life they will ramp it up in destructive behavior of some kind. This includes 'good church kids' as well.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I believe that we have to give students responsibilities along with consequences for not being responsible for the things we both have agreed to. You have to allow them to fail, to grow, to expand, to be safe and yet not back down when the conflict comes. Read the Bible as a family, as unit, allow them to lead, to read, to pray and share their hearts in a safe environment. Talk to your student and not at them. Make sure you continue to have places of conversation without judgement when you can.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Read the Bible as a parent in Deuteronomy 6 for your mandate and then read the first seven chapters of Proverbs to better understand your student. Do this and you won't have to ask, <strong>"Where in the Word do I find that?"</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">ETSOYC 31-37</span>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-23366634714438967892012-01-23T10:51:00.000-05:002012-01-23T10:51:27.835-05:00I Dare You To Step Over This Line!<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>"I dare you to step over this line!"</strong> is usually what someone hears between a couple of guys right before a fight breaks out. However, I think that the same words may be spoken by adolescents to their parents, when it comes to being a teen. Teens are different in case you haven't noticed. It's amazing what they think, or not, say or shouldn't say, or do, and you guessed it they shouldn't have done it. Raising a teen into adulthood can be a crazy ride! BUT we can't avoid it so let's learn about our kids before they get into this crazy time called adolescence!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The term adolescence is a relative new term being coined about 100 years ago in our culture. Back in the day a person went from being a kid into adulthood situations and grew up fast and were men and women. Why else do you hear stories from grand parents of them leaving home at 13 or 14 and striking out on their own? But now we have to look at what we are dealing with today.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Adolescence is about a time of transitions and changes.</strong> It is that transitional phase of life that connects childhood to adulthood. It is during this time frame that the students are going through the fastest time of change in their lives. They will be changing all kinds of ways, and all at the same time. There are the hormonal issues, neurological, emotional, social, and prayerfully spiritual. These all come at the same time and are like getting a drink not from a water fountain but from a fire hydrant!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">So that being said, what are you to expect? There are several things that Dr. John Townsend has listed in his book, "Boundaries with Teens".</span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Adolescence is normal and it is helpful to your child. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Preparation for adulthood. Teens need a time to process in which to let go of parental dependence and move into adult independence; and it can't be done overnight or wait until they are 18 and moving away to college. Teens are under the control of authority until they are ready to take ownership of their lives. Eccl. 4:9-10.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Dependence versus independence; students want independence but need parental input, even when the think they don't</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Badness versus Goodness; sometimes they will vacillate between doing bad and doing good. Star Wars reference, "follow the force!" the good side of the force, let go!</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Emotional versus Reason; do they know right from wrong? Probably so as you have taught them and then they feel they should do something diametrically opposite of what you have taught them.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Internal barometer versus External Social Realities, self explanatory.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Family values versus friends; "us versus them" mentality to a teen.</span></li>
</ul><span style="font-family: Georgia;">So what should the healthy adolescence look like?</span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Make connection with your teen. Them may seem withdrawn from you, and they might be, but YOU maintain that connection; you're the parent.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Responsibility. I am a firm believer that you allow them less supervision in areas that you can so they can be successful. Celebrate those things with more responsibility in steps.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Accepting reality, that is your student is not living in the video land, TV land, or other things such as perfectionism; remember this is real life and we have issues and skinned knees.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Messing up is normal and not everything is a crises! </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Healthy is looking to the outside to their friends, and the outside world than being home with mom and dad all the time. Stay connected with them though.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">They make friends with other GOOD kids. Parents you may not approve 100% of their friends, but as long as they are NOT dragging your kids into crises, pick and choose here.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Developing good values is important to them in morals, ethics, and spiritual beliefs. You may not agree with all the parameters they have but you can agree with the foundation.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Challenging parents is normal and it is healthy. They are speaking their minds, maturing, exercising their own thought processes. </span></li>
</ul><span style="font-family: Georgia;">What are we trying to say? Well being a teen is not without issues, it wasn't without issues when you were a teen. Parent so you will not go crazy let me say this, let go of your need to have the perfect teen. Do this for your sanity and for the fact there are NO perfect teens. They are human beings, little models of you, and they will have to learn their own way and you can help them do that. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I know that during these crazy times your teen will drive you crazy to a degree, you will not understand them but remember it is necessary for them to exercise who they are, within your parameters, so they will be solid adults. So here's the fight for the next few years of parenting your teen, <strong>"I Dare You To Step Over This Line!"</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">BWT 69-73</span>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-10786904193858096302012-01-18T20:13:00.000-05:002012-01-18T20:13:42.469-05:00Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Merry Christmas!</strong> That's what everyone said on the 25th of December this last year and most people really meant it. I guess I really meant it too but I said it with a heavy heart. Why you might ask, well you see my baby brother went home to be with Christ on the 25th of December of 2011 after, I guess, a lengthy illness. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">His name is Kenny and he was 44 years of age. He leaves behind not only the mother who raised us, Dorothy is 80 years young and weighs about 90 pounds (maybe); his wife of 19 years and a son, Braden who is only 12 years old. Kenny was my baby brother. Baby is a loose term when you are grown men. Kenny was a big man weighing in at well over 350 pounds and at times in his life weighed even more than that. BUT before you start thinking it had something to do with his weight, Nada! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Kenny suffered from "polymyositis" a connective tissue disease that slowly kept him from being able to move his legs, shoulders, and even motor control of his arms. He also was diagnosed with an inoperative melanoma tumor in his abdomen around October. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I watched his wife Leanna care for and love her husband in a story book kind of way. She took a leave of absence from her job where she didn't get paid while away to care for her family. I saw her help him get up to a standing position so he could walk months before the only thing he could do was lay there. She cared for him like, well; she demonstrated love like I had never seen before. If you or anyone you know that is married, could have half of what I saw, they will be lucky people.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The last few weeks of Kenny's life I was able to spend many hours with him. I had weeks of vacation so I went to the hospital and sat with her and him for days. Sula, my wife, stayed with us as well. We laughed, we cried, we talked about the elephant in the room: the going home of Kenny. We didn't want to talk about it because it seemed like a dream, a bad dream, but still a dream. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Was it hard? YES! I don't want to try to "spiritualize" it or say that we don't hurt because we know where Kenny is; yes we know where he is BUT we still grieve. I watched him tell his son that he was given only a week to live and then to have his 'little boy' lay across his daddy's chest and all of us cry and wail. Kenny gave the father to son talk about you can be whatever you want to be, you can accomplish whatever you put your mind to, be a good and honest/honorable man. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">When I was asked to do his funeral, I agreed to do "whatever you want me to do" and then I asked him if I could cry, and his response was, "certainly." Kenny was my baby brother but he taught me oh so much.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">When the doctor gave him the grim news, holding his hand and Leanna's hand, he asked Kenny if he could get anything for him. Kenny thought for a minute and said, "A clean bill of health would be nice!" The doctor laughed and so did everyone in the room because Kenny was thinking about everyone else and how they felt.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I survived the funeral experience with several tears pushed back, frogs in my throat, and times of extra prayer for strength. I used the text Proverbs 18:24 that reads, <strong>"A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.</strong> It was a fitting verse to use for two reasons, 1. It was the same text used at our father's funeral some 27 years before. 2. Because, although Kenny and I were not biological brothers, he was my baby brother. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Kenny wanted me to share the good news of Jesus Christ at his funeral and I was able to do that without any problem. To tell family and friends that there is one that is closer than a brother and that is Christ.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Selfishly I did not want Kenny to die on Christmas day, but God had other plans. His headstone will always have the Christmas date on it. People will look at it may think how sad because he died on Christmas day. I thought that at first, I prayed it wouldn't happen, but it did. Then I thought about Christmas, the birthday of Jesus and how my baby brother really got the best Christmas present of all; he celebrated Christmas 2011 WITH Jesus himself! How cool was it for him to say to Jesus, <strong>"Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!"</strong></span>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-2488196189045229932011-09-21T10:03:00.000-04:002011-09-21T10:03:40.633-04:00Youth Culture 101, Things That Students Are into TODAY!<strong>"Youth Culture 101, Things That Students Are into TODAY"</strong> is what I would call this blog. I recently taught a conference that basically looked at our Youth Culture and then hopefully from that; how does the church reach students? Here is a copy of an article done on that conference taken directly from the Western Recorder, the KBC state newspaper. <br />
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"<strong>Steve Coleman, Minister of youth at FBC Richmond</strong> and one of our <strong>Kentucky Youth Ministry Coaches</strong> recently lead a workshop at Super Saturday on today’s youth culture. Below is an article written by Robin Bass of the Western Recorder on his workshop.<br />
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<em>Elizabethtown</em>—In some circles they are called “digital natives.” Others refer to them as the “stressed generation.”<br />
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Whatever the term used to describe today’s teenagers, experts agree these young people are living in a fast-paced world that is constantly changing, both socially and technologically.<br />
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“Do you realize that kids who are graduating and turning 18 this year were born about 1993? And when you say the first George Bush, they look at you and go, ‘There were two?’” said Steve Coleman, minister to youth and families at First Baptist Church of Richmond.<br />
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“I have kids in the sixth grade that are coming into my youth ministry this year that were not born last century. They were born in the year 2000,” he added. “We have this major shift coming our way and if we don’t know the culture, we’re in trouble.”<br />
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To emphasis his point during a recent Super Saturday workshop in Elizabethtown, Coleman provided a series of statistics and social trends facing teenagers.<br />
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<strong>Fact:</strong> 60 percent of children born in the 1990s will live without a father in the home for a portion of their lives. “We have so many single-mom families now. Dad is no longer in the picture,” Coleman noted. “Many times mom is the leader of the household because dad has abdicated that role.”<br />
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<strong>Fact:</strong> More mothers working outside the home.<br />
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<strong>Fact:</strong> The average father (when there is one) spends only two minutes a day in conversation with his teenager.<br />
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These trends have influenced how teenagers are forming relationships and where they are getting information. When looking for advice, Coleman said youth are 55 percent more likely to seek the advice of friends before anyone else.<br />
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Even more alarming is that 57 percent of teens say they have looked for advice from someone online they do not personally know. As for parents, teenagers seek the advice of their mothers 44 percent of the time, while dads come in the lowest at 20 percent. Boyfriends and girlfriends rank slightly higher than fathers at 23 percent.<br />
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When teenagers go out into the world seeking guidance and information via the Internet, who is there waiting?<br />
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“Our media wants their mind, their money and their soul,” Coleman said. Why else would corporations spend $16 billion annually convincing teens—and anyone else—to believe the individual knows best how to make decisions for himself. By the time a teenager graduates high school, he or she will have seen 36,000 commercials.<br />
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To get a true sense of what teenagers are exposed to in the media, Coleman recommended youth workers watch three programs: the Teen Choice Awards, the MTV Movie Awards and Super Bowl commercials to get a year’s worth of youth culture in just a few hours.<br />
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“Our kids are swimming in this cesspool all the time and it does affect them.What we have to do is find out where they are swimming and what they are being confronted with, and then we can find out how to reach them,” he added.<br />
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As for spiritual matters, teenagers are suffering from the MTDs, Coleman said—<strong>moralistic therapeutic deism</strong>. There are five key elements of this post-modern belief system:<br />
• That God created the world and watches over it.<br />
• God wants people to be good, nice and fair to each other.<br />
• The central goal in life is to be happy and feel good about oneself.<br />
• God is not needed except to resolve a problem.<br />
• Good people go to heaven when they die.<br />
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In today’s youth culture, Coleman said there is no absolute truth. Many teens think it is judgmental or intolerant to believe Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation, yet describe themselves as Christians.<br />
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Coleman’s first recommendation for youth workers and parents is to expand their personal libraries. Among the books he suggested were: “Youth Culture 101” and “Engaging the Soul of Youth Culture,” both by Walt Mueller; “Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers,” by Christian Smith; and “Generation iY,” by Tim Elmore.<br />
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Students basically want three things from youth workers, Coleman suggested. Teens want an adult who knows their names, they want somebody who will pray for them, and they want someone who is authentic and practices his or her faith.<br />
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Another recommendation is to use the technology that has permeated youth culture. Texting, Twitter, YouTube and Facebook are vital to maintaining social interactions with teenagers.<br />
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A simple way to get started is by creating a Facebook page for the youth group. Coleman also suggested using TweetDeck on a cell phone or desktop computer to send mass tweets to youth and parents. Youth event flyers, tracts or bulletins could have QR (Quick Response) codes that direct smartphone users directly to a website. Just be sure to update the website weekly, Coleman cautioned.<br />
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Since most students have cellphones with video capabilities, Coleman said youth workers could encourage them to record youth-group events and post the videos to the Facebook page. The next day, send out tweets and texts that will drive interest in the page. Youth likely will show the videos to friends who do not attend church.<br />
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“I know you don’t like it, but it’s not about us,” Coleman said, referring to technology and social media. “The reality of youth ministry is it’s one of the greatest times ever because they are open to the social part, they are open to the technology, and we can reach kids like we never have before. … Don’t look at it like we’re in trouble. Yes, we are in trouble, but sin is still sin and Jesus is still Jesus. Jesus is the answer.” (WR)<br />
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<em>Western Recorder issue date: September 13, 2011.</em>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-83078494888177935432011-09-09T12:05:00.003-04:002011-09-09T12:07:39.250-04:00A New Face In The Frame!<strong>A New Face In The Frame! </strong><br />
This phrase probably best describes being a stepparent. Let's face it being a parent is one of the hardest jobs you can do to begin with and then add into that equation, someone else's children in your home, or you into their home and boom! <br />
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Over the years I have seen so many marriages, second and third marriages, crumble because of the issues of dealing with someone else's kids. Mom has come through a bad divorce and the only thing she has emotionally left in her bank comes around her kids. Dad has been with his little girl for a while now and she has him around her little finger and now there's another 'girl' in his life? Competition for the affection of an adult to the child and the child having to share their parent with another person can be difficult at best.<br />
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Sure there are so many Brady Bunch success stories out there. You know, "here's the story of a lovely lady who was bringing up...." well if you don't know, google it, or watch T.V. Land. I wish that every step family had nothing but success in their homes but it's not the truth and I won't lie to you. IT'S HARD IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE!<br />
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Think about a child that is going into a new family dynamic with a "new parent", that is someone that they know but not really. A child, a teen, a student has had several years to bond with their parent and now this new person wants to tell me that they love me, care for me, and want to be in my life. Sure you do! Hey, it's going to take some time. You can't just jump in and be super stepparent all at one time. So if you are a stepparent, buckle up for the push back you will receive from the child or teen. Too many "stepparents are often surprised and discouraged by the conflicts they have in their three primary relationships having to do with adolescent: the teen, their spouse, and the other parent. <br />
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So what are you to do? Well let's look at you and the teen first.<br />
<ul><li><strong>Know what's going on inside the teen. </strong>Most students secretly, and sometimes not so secretly, want their parents to get back together. To have that story book home with mom, dad, and children make three; picket fence and dinner around the table. Well at least in their minds they do. The reality is that's not happening and YOU are the one that is messing that up! That may mean that the teen is rude to you, disrespectful, and defiant! To be honest with you, most of that is 'normal' teen behavior to parents but you become the lightening rod in this relationship.</li>
<li><strong>Have patience and persistence in establishing a connection. </strong>Do things that the teen likes to do, at least to a certain degree. You don't have to become like them, especially in dress, speech, and cool factor! You are still a parent and not their buddy. Get to know them in their world. Be careful here don't become the parent stalker but know what is going on in their world. Sure they will still have some disdain for you but you are trying for the long haul; a long term solid relationship with them.</li>
<li><strong>Do NOT try to replace the other parent. </strong>The mind of a student can be a battle ground trying to keep up with everything; now place another parent in the mix. Don't try to replace the other parent that is not in their immediate life. Oh yeah, when you hear, not IF you hear; "You are not my parent!" you can honestly respond by saying, "You're right I'm not, I'm just trying to..." The only thing you can really do here is to listen, be aware, empathize with them and be there.</li>
<li><strong>Let the biological parent be in charge of the discipline at first. </strong>This step is the one that seems to cause the most problem from my observations of step families. Somewhere in this marriage in the future you may have to be the one that does the discipline but you can't start off that way. Sure you may seem some behavior that you don't approve of or you don't do with your child in the same home but remember it's not your child. So how do you do this? Well you tell the biological parent tell the child that you guys are on the same page and you have decided that .... This way the discipline not only comes from the biological parent but the stepparent as well. Not just one bad guy here but two that care.</li>
</ul>You and your spouse.<br />
<ul><li><strong>Be super sensitive to you spouse's needs and concerns.</strong> Put yourself into their shoes so to speak. Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed and your child is with someone that you didn't know that well in their home. Let your spouse know you are supportive of them and their parenting. Ask how you can help them. When they respond you can have a more clear direction of what to do next. Don't come in by saying, "Let me tell you what you should have done." Not helpful, you are in this together, not in a superior role.</li>
<li><strong>Allow you spouse to experience your connection with the teen.</strong> The best way to show character, love and humility is for your spouse to see you try with their teen. Sure they may not understand, the teen may push you away, but you are loving the child that they love. </li>
<li><strong>Address questions about parenting skills.</strong> Talk about what role you will fill. When will you be entrusted with discipline, guidelines and rules? You cannot over communicate in this part of the marriage. If you are more forceful or 'over bearing' talk about it. It may be that you are not at all but that the biological parent is 'softer or gentler' than you are.</li>
</ul>Now the other parent. In case you forget, there is another parent in the lives of these teens. The other parent may be hostile to you and their ex-spouse. The parent may not have the same values, be vindictive, or cause problems by driving a wedge between you, your spouse and the teen. Be ready for this. It may not happen but it might.<br />
<ul><li><strong>Involve your spouse.</strong> Remember they know the ex better than you do and they know how better to handle and talk to them. You have a teen that is your long term care and a spouse that you want to take care of in this relationship. If there is no relationship between you and the ex then make sure that you support your spouse. Let them be in charge and you support them.</li>
<li><strong>Respect the other parent. </strong>No matter whether you respect the other parent or not know that they have suffered loss in the marriage; even if it was their own doing. Even if you don't agree with their values in life, this is still their teen that you have in your home. If possible have conversations about disciplines, homework, curfews, etc. This allows them to know that you do care about their child's well being.</li>
</ul>When there is a family dynamics change like this there will be emotional fall out and difficulties. It has to! God created man and woman to remain in the marriage until death do us part. However, for whatever reason, that has not happened. Just be ready for the difficulty that will come because of it. <br />
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Remember, you married someone you love. One of the best ways to love you spouse is by helping them love their kids in the most supportive way possible. Give up controls, be humble in a true meaningful way, and earn your place in the family dynamics you have chosen.<br />
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I former minister told me years ago that when there's <strong>A New Face In The Frame!</strong> that it's the hardest job he has ever had to go through. So if you are in this situation, know you are not alone; others have had to look at <strong>A New Face In The Frame!</strong><br />
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BWT 61-66Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-7559828502470054172011-06-16T19:18:00.000-04:002011-06-16T19:18:57.314-04:00But I Am Alone!<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>But I Am Alone!</strong> is what one parent said to me when it came to parenting their teen. As a single parent, regardless of why you are a single parent, you have the hardest job in the world, maybe in the universe! You have to meet needs of your teen that you are not equipped for and you need someone to help you during these days.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">So what is a single parent to do when they struggle with all the things that two parent families struggle with when there are two of them? Let's face it your teen will push your button and you have no one to bail you out, to give you relief, nor to give you the back up you need when you make a hard call. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">"You will need to get from the outside what you don't possess on the inside." You may have to take a break from a face to face with your teen and tell them you will get back to them on this but not right now. Take an adult break. Find yourself an adult and spend some time with them to refresh your batteries. Now that you are refreshed go back into the 'discussion'. What you cannot do is to feel you are too tired to deal with it and let it go. You can't let it go and think they'll be an adult soon and they won't need you. WRONG! Your child needs you to help set the boundaries and guidelines in their lives.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">By the way, because I am older now and have married adult children, they still need some quality parent time. It's important that you are still a part of their lives.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">It's been said that one of the biggest mistakes that single parents make is that they do not let their teens fail. They need to learn from their failures and mistakes. If your teen never has faced this in their young lives how will they ever function in the real world of 'dog eat dog, survival of the fittest, competition of winners and losers?" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Don't make your child grow up too soon either. That is they are not to be the other parent and they are not your best friend either. You are the parent. The last thing that a teen needs is another friend, they need a parent. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">As a single parent if you start dating again and have another person in your life be careful in introducing your new person to your teen too early. Let's face it if this relationship is broken and your heart is broken because of it, what do you think happens to your teens emotions?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I know that there are parenting differences in the lives of individuals when it comes to parenting with your ex, if that is the case. You struggle because of different values, pains from a divorce, suffering because of the new economic woe you are in. Talk with your ex, if possible, and try to agree that you have to put your differences aside for the sake of your child. It is so important that they come first! This may be hard but remember "start with the end in mind." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Finally find yourself a small group at church, a Sunday School Class of like minded singles for support. You will find there are others that have been there and done that and will be able to give help, advice, and support. Maybe there is a man or woman there, a minister, youth pastor or Sunday School teacher that can help with your child as well. IF you can work through these you will maybe just maybe not have to say, <strong>But I Am Alone!</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">BWT 55-59</span>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com1Berea, KY, USA37.568694 -84.29632229999998637.519690000000004 -84.342550799999984 37.617698 -84.250093799999988tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-90966794829867700042011-05-26T14:59:00.000-04:002011-05-26T14:59:52.491-04:00Sponge Bob!<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Sponge Bob! </strong>Yep you read it right, <strong>Sponge Bob </strong>is what I have been thinking about today as I was contemplating writing a Blog post or not. I am not talking about the crazy cartoon character that lives under the sea in square pants, etc. What I am thinking about <strong>Sponge Bob </strong>is that phrase when it comes to parenting.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Parenting is a thankless job or at least it feels that way from time to time. You know the feeling as a parent. You are the one that is always giving and giving and your student is the one that is always taking and taking. I know that becomes a little disheartening sometimes but use it to your advantage. Take a minute to think about how you can make this a good thing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">If your child is with you all the time, most of the time, or at least some of the time; you can use these moments as a teaching time. You can now use that 'sucking' life out of you as a positive thing and give them life principles without them even knowing about it. Example: last night in our Youth Ministry one of our students had a little extra tan line on his neck; really it was sunburned. I asked how he got this and he said he had mowed the yard. He was given $10 to do it. I responded that he got ripped off because that yard is at least a $20 yard and we laughed. Here's the fun thing about that conversation, his mom, much like my own bride,</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> loves to mow the yard. So him mowing the yard, even for $10, was a teaching moment for him from his mom. She was teaching him responsibility.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">He was soaking in her work ethic as he was mowing the yard. She was instilling this value into her son and he thought he was just mowing the yard. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Our kids, your students, our children are like sponges and they will soak up lots of things from us, some good and some bad. However, we can't allow them to live in an aquarium of culture and soak up everything around them; that's deadly to them and to your relationship with them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">It is our responsibility to stay connected to our kids even through the turbulent teen years. I believe that our kids will become more like us than we even think about or know about. They spend so much time with us that they will become like us; good or bad. Here's one thing to consider about your child's spiritual condition and growth; will they become stronger than you or weaker than you spiritually? Most will not become stronger as a teen as they walk away, or drift from you, especially if you have not had them in tow to deep spiritual truths.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I want you, the parent to think of a sponge, or better yet get one out and place it near the edge of a puddle of water. You will see that the moment that the sponge hits the water that a couple of things happen. </span><br />
<ol><li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong><em>The sponge will start to soften up as it gets wet.</em></strong></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong><em>The sponge will start to 'suck' up or draw in the moisture.</em></strong></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong><em>The water will disappear but it will reappear inside the sponge.</em></strong></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong><em>The weight of the water is now influencing the weight of the sponge.</em></strong></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong><em>The sponge, to be used, must be emptied of most of what it has sucked up.</em></strong></span></li>
</ol><span style="font-family: Georgia;">You see each of these things is what happens to our kids when they take on the things of the world and culture. It is my prayer that something will happen to them that will cause them to empty themselves of the culture and then to refill their lives on the Holy Spirit of God. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Bottom line, parents you are responsible for training, teaching, and nurturing your child in the spiritual realm. Remember they are a sponge, just like <strong>Sponge Bob.</strong></span>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-12123586175259985432011-05-17T14:21:00.000-04:002011-05-17T14:21:50.354-04:00Make Up My Mind!<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Make Up My Mind! </strong>is what I overheard someone say to their mom not too long ago! It cracked me up. You see there are times in the lives of our students where they feel that no matter what they are deciding to do their parents will trump that decision with their own. The problem with this issue is that the parents have to be careful to not train their child to be indecisive.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Think of this way, don't you hate it if you have a boss that seems to little your little infractions go at work and then one day you do the same thing, yet again, and this time your boss just seems to go off!? It's like you know that the best thing you can do is to stay close to your boss so that they will not go off on you. You learn to disengage when they are not involved in your work life and embrace them if you see fun stuff coming your way.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">How does that translate into parenting? Stay with me as I build this up for you a bit but it's true! You see "parents teach their children primarily through experiences, even more than through teaching and talking. That is we will parent from our own level of maturity." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Too many times we see parents that will choose not to engage their child for some bad, not terrible behavior, but something that the parent just doesn't want to address at that time. However, later the parent is ready for the fight and when the student messes up and you blow up at them. We tend to save up, save up, pressure up and then Zap, we blow up at our kids. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Here's the issue with this parenting style, we teach them them in the long run that love and limits don't go together. Let's face it all of us from time to time will ignore things but we can't let them build up!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">So how do you overcome this style and parenting issue:</span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Identify that this is what you do and get someone else, maybe a Youth Minister, or other friend, parent to help you through this.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Tell your teen upfront that part of the problem is you and you take ownership of your part with them. You will get tons of points with this and it opens up the dialogue between you two.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Get other adults in the life of your teen. Your teen can and needs to experience mature people who can take your teens attitudes, stay connected with them, and enforce the values that you as a parent do. This is a way to say you are right and others agree with you as they live out their lives as well.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Write out the rule and establish accountability. Write down the expectations, go over them, have your student sign off on them and it protects you and them. You can't build up and Zap because everyone is on the same page, so to speak. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Give your teen connection and consistency. (2 of my favorite things) Connect with your teen because believe it or not they really do want to connect with you as their parent. Consistency is huge! Even in our being upset and anger they need to know they are still loved.</span></li>
</ul><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong><em>This issue of consistency is so important because the teen needs someone in their lives who is strong enough be there for them no matter what.</em></strong> When teens don't experience connection and consistency, they can't develop a sense of self-control and responsibility. It also lessens their ability to develop and to accept the good and the bad aspects, or lifestyles of others. What they cannot accept in themselves, they are often are not able to accept in others. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">It goes without saying, but I am saying it anyway, that parents what you do is important in the life of your teen. You see you have to be a part of their lives. Gone are the times or thoughts that all you have to do is to get them to age 18 and they are out of the house. You have to get into their lives and move toward the destination of maturity. You have to help them learn that you are there for them and love them when they say, <strong>Make Up My Mind!</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">BWT 47-53</span>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-48450843154515870522011-05-05T16:16:00.002-04:002011-05-05T16:17:03.687-04:00Start With The End In Mind<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Start With The End In Mind</strong> is a phrase that I have said and written about multiple times. I have looked at people traveling on vacation at the airport and never have they shown up at the airport with their bags in hand just to ask for tickets to SOMEWHERE! They know exactly where they want to go, the final destination is in mind even before they leave.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">We as parents need to do the same things with our children when it comes to parenting. Too many parents have the goal of surviving until the kids are out of the house and hope that the kids turn out alright. Bad way to parent if you ask me, bad way to parent even if you don't ask me. You see your children are kids, they may or may not know what's best for themselves and they need guidance. If you started a new job you would want someone to train you, to walk beside you, to give you guidance until one day you were ready to do it on your own. Our students and children deserve the same things in their lives especially when it comes to learning how to be independent at the appropriate time. Let's face it there are some things that your kids aren't ready for yet but they will in time be ready.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I wish that there was that mythical parent book that was given to us when our children are born in the hospital but there isn't. "The are mind sets, strategies, and approaches that work in some circumstances" when it comes to answers on how to raise our kids. "There are standards that should not be violated, principles that should not be given up, and Biblical mandates that should not be forgotten."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">You see in our culture I do believe "that pain isn't always a bad thing, that kids are overly entitled and demanding, and that too many parents are enabling their children to continue their foolish (and childish self-centered) thinking. This generation of parents has spoiled our kids rotten, given them too much, and not expected enough in return. This generation of parents has created a generation of immature kids who would rather act childishly that ever grow up (think Peter Pan here), be given things rather than work for them, and have all the privileges of adulthood without accepting the responsibilities to go with it."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Last night I was watching a television show where the divorced mom was to pick up her daughter and her friends to take them somewhere. In the program the working mom was late to pick them up. Once she got there the daughter was upset because she had to wait. When mom got out of the car she was told that she was late and then she, and her friends, dropped their bags infront of the car and got into their seats. The mother then picked up the bags and put them in the trunk for them. REALLY? You see the mom didn't take the moment to teach the children that she was not their private butler. She missed the opportunity to teach about respect, attitude, and being a servant to your friends; not honoring your mother as scripture teaches. (I know it's a television show and written that way!) When I saw this happen I looked at my wife and said, "I don't think so! You want your bags in the car, you'd better get out and pick them up or I am leaving with out them!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">While this may sound harsh, it is not my intent but I do want us to wake up as parents. There are many parents that have a done a great job as Christian parents building relationships with their children at a deeper level than they had themselves with their parents. Many parents have attempted to build and ground deep spiritual truths into their children and ownership of their faith; this is wonderful as well.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Every parent will have hard times and difficulties with their 'perfect' good children but prayerfully it is only a bump in the road. Just know that when you hit those "bumps in the road that God will take you through it and what you will have on the other side of it is a deeper relationship with your child; and as a Christian, your relationship with Christ will be deeper because of it as well."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Parent if you are a parent of a teen, know that you will have plenty of times to build and deepen your relationships. You will have times to mold your child. There will be times when your child will 'hate' you, dislike you, be angry with you, and give you a silent treatment, etc., etc., etc. but that's normal.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Decide early your standards and what you want your child to become once they leave your home and are 'adults' or have children of their own. In other words, it is my prayer that you will <strong>Start With The End In Mind!</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">PT 13-15</span>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0Richmond, KY, USA37.7478572 -84.29465390000001437.6623582 -84.345593900000011 37.8333562 -84.243713900000017tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-77337667370484368422011-04-26T15:08:00.001-04:002011-04-26T15:10:54.998-04:00Parenting Out of Our Spiritual Guides<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Parenting Out of Our Spiritual Guides</strong> is our topic for today. I have to admit that when I was reading, researching and remembering those good old days of parenting our teens, well I recall my many failures on this one. To say that I have been there and done that is not flattering to me as I confess that I blew it and messed up so many times in this area. Let's face it "we're good Christian parents" and we should be able to do this.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The problem with good Christian parents is that we still try to parent in our own strength. Let's face it don't you get tired of refereeing every fight that your children have? The little guys are so irresponsible. They mess up everything you have planned in your perfect little world, home and the sofa, well one day you can buy a new one. By the way, about the time they become teens the old sofa will do just fine because they still spill stuff everywhere.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">So let's talk about parenting out of your own strength and resources and abilities. When you do this you are teaching your children to live their lives the same way. To do it on their own. When I do the parenting on my own resources I and my child operate on "behavior, performance and external motivations." When I rely on Christ to work in me then I am teaching our children to "pursue Christ, relating to each other on a heart level, and being motivated internally." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>How did we get to parenting on our own strength?</strong></span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Our parents probably did the same and we were trained by them and learned from them. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">From our own fears and insecurities. Let's face it don't we all fear that others will think bad about us if our kids aren't perfect? (by the way perfect kids aren't natural.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">We discipline in the methods we know best that leads to behavior modification but not a change of heart.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">We view success and then we move our kids that direction, be it from teams, to dances, to dance teams, cheer leading; to us living our lives through their young lives in success. </span></li>
</ul><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Looking at these lists we see performance based and external motivations in our kids. If they look good, sound good, dress well, and are on the best things that make me look good as a parent, well then my parenting skills are working. Really?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">The check list mentality that we are looking at is legalism. Legalism creates a difficult and negative impact on the family. If you hear yourself saying these phrases, look out:</span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Guilt.</strong> "You ought to...you should... or you could" are phrases we use to say our kids just don't quite measure up.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Fear.</strong> The fear that we instill in our children results from our won fear. When fear drives us, our method of rules and regulations, and the kids mess up we punish. (not discipline but punish.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Performance.</strong> How easily we are saying that our kids are not measuring up to our standards. </span></li>
</ul><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Now before you deny or beat yourself up over these three words in handling your kids let me say that this is kind of a default setting for all of us. We all seem to gravitate to these in our natural lives. We can learn to parent supernaturally through the power of Christ. If we fail to parent through the strength of Christ we will see our teens do well at home and then they will 'go off the chain' when they graduate from high school. They do so because they no longer have to worry about the guilt, fear or performance they grew up under at home.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">So how do we do this? We learn to parent by dieing to self as described in scriptures. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."</em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>GRACE</strong> is the word that we have to live through. You see God throws open the door and moves us into the freedom of his grace. Think about it this way:</span><br />
<ol><li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">God accepts us, and we please him simply because Christ's Spirit lives in us.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">We can rely on the Spirit to supply us with all of his resources so that we are able to follow Christ faithfully and find fulfillment in him.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Practically, we have the freedom to use his vast array of resources to internally motivate us and our children. </span></li>
</ol><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Galatians 2:20-21, 5:1; 13, 16-18, 22-25 are the reasons for grace. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">So what am I saying to you about parenting and your abilities? I am saying that you have everything you need to parent your children through Christ Jesus.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Think of it this way, if we want our children to respond to God and the wooing of the Holy Spirit in their lives how can they do that if we are always telling them what to do and harping on them when they don't meet our demands? As we teach our children, let's teach them to hear the Holy Spirit and that the focus of our discipline, actions and our conversations with them shows them how to hear the voice of God and not just my demands on them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Our grace goal is to help our children become strong in the spirit as they learn to trust in the Holy Spirit that resides within them. Then as they get older and face more socially, morally, and spiritually demanding situations, the will begin to process the inner convictions to make Godly and Spirit filled decisions. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong><em>Parents, all of our other parenting issues will flow from this one decision about grace. This decision will determine how we operate as a family. Once we admit our inability to raise our children and desire to raise them by God's grace, all of God's resources become available to us. </em></strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>2 Corinthians 9:8 "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."</em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">If it is all in Christ, then we give it all to Christ. so that our all in all is Christ and not ourselves anylonger. This way we can stop <strong>Parenting Out of Our Spiritual Guides.</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">PF67-77</span>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-56014438226069616832011-04-19T09:49:00.000-04:002011-04-19T09:49:32.580-04:005 Tips on Raising Teenagers!<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>5 Tips on Raising Teenagers! </strong>was that title of a recent blog post and article in the Western Recorder, the newspaper of the Kentucky Baptist Convention by Joe Ball...Youth Strategist for the KBC.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">What struck me about this article was his openness and his honesty. You see we are friends and I have seen him do, say, and act out these things in his life and in his home. I write parenting blogs weekly and thought this one was extremely well written and wanted to share it with you in its entirety. Enjoy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>5 Tips on Raising Teenagers! </strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>It seems that this season of ministry has me being asked a lot about parenting teenagers. I am sure some of that has to do with the season of life that Gina and I are in. In less than six weeks our youngest will turn twenty and we will no longer be the parents of teenagers. Wow, that doesn’t seem possible and that makes us proof that you can survive parenting teens.</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em></em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>I thought I would pass along some things that have been percolating in my soul about raising teens.</em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em><strong>Understand you are not your parents.</strong> I love my parents dearly and am blessed beyond measure that God chose them for me, and I’m not just saying that because they read this article regularly. And even though my dad and I share a name we are not the same person. I strive to be like him in a lot of ways, but I am not him. And no matter how good or bad your parents were/are we are not them. We aren’t them and this isn’t the 1970”s so we cannot parent exactly how they did. We must sort through the “how” of our upbringing and become the parents we need to be for our children. </em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em><strong>Remember your child is not you.</strong> This is tied directly to the first one yet deals with the other end of the spectrum. Just because we did or thought something at a certain age, doesn’t mean our children will do or think the same thing or respond in the same way we did at that age. Or just because a form of discipline did or didn’t work for us you does not mean it will have the same result on our child. </em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>But probably where I see this the most is when it comes to sports or extra-curricular activities. I’ve seen countless students playing football, being involved in 4-H, band or dance just because that is an interest that parent has now or had as a teen. And it’s just not secular activities that we push are preference on, it happens in organizations and activities in church as well.</em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em><strong>Each child is unique.</strong> I could write a book on this one, and probably several people have. But it is one area that we as parents have to work on the hardest. And in all honesty I think most of the issues here have to deal with us trying to be fair and not show favoritism. It usually plays out in, “well your sister didn’t get a cell phone until she was _________, so you’re not getting a cell phone until you’re _____________.” Or “your brother gets all A’s and B’s why can’t you”. </em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>Each of us was created by God as unique individuals, with different talents, personalities, quirks, passions, skills, etc. While two students may be raised in the same house they are not raised in the same family. When Karen was born, she was an only child for almost 5 years, and then she became the older child. Jordan will never know what it is like to be the oldest child and his time as an “only child” came while he was in high school and his sister was away at college. One of our roles as parents is to help develop the uniqueness God created in each of our children.</em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em><strong>Keep the end in mind.</strong> One of our primary roles as parents is too raise our children to be adults that follow God and have God’s eyes and heart for the world. I kept having to remind myself that some of the things that I saw in my kids that drove me crazy as a parent were things that would serve them well as an adult. While it drove me crazy that once Jordan made up his mind about something it was almost impossible to get him to change his mind. But when he became a teenager and was making more and more of his own decision and his friends had more and more of an influence on him, that that strong will was still there and that was a source of encouragement for me that he would stick to his guns and not be swayed by peer pressure. </em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em>Our job as parents is to disciple them along the way and to help them become the adults that God created them to be.</em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em><strong>Enlist others along the way.</strong> Gina and I were both blessed in because our grandparents lived right down the street, and our first playmates were our cousins. We also had other adults in our lives that cared about who we were, knew are name, and looked out for us. As parent we can’t do this alone. Our children need the voice of others speaking truth into their lives. As a youth pastor I got the privilege of being “the other along the way” for countless students. My dad in his forty plus years as scoutmaster has gotten the same privilege for numerous boys. I will be forever grateful for those adults that spoke into the life of our children. Others are going to speak into the lives of our children, and I want them to be Godly men and women that will speak the truth of God into them</em></span>. <br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">You see!? Honesty and transparency when it comes to giving you <strong>5 Tips on Raising Teenagers! </strong></span>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-40181293919475244092011-04-11T09:54:00.000-04:002011-04-11T09:54:25.240-04:00Promstitution Is Coming!<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Promstitution Is Coming! </strong>Okay, I know that is not a real word but it is one that has to be discussed annually with your teens, especially if they are old enough to go their school's Prom. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">What do I mean about the word Promstitution? Well over the years in working with students and adults in youth ministry I have seen so many disasters that happen around the time of prom. Many times this will not even be realized until much later when there is an influx of teen pregnancies. By the way I had a nurse in a large metropolitan hospital tell me that the hospital always increased manpower on the obstetrics floor about 8-9 months after Prom and after graduation. It seems that for some strange reason there is an influx in the number of babies being delivered to teens 8-9 months after these special days from high school. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">From a guys perspective, and I have had guys tell me this, "I spent money on the tickets, the corsage, the tux, the dinner, the ride, the meal, and pictures and all I get is hug and a kiss? I don't think so!" I know you think this guy is a real jerk, and rightly so, but think about the pressure that is placed on their date! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">So what is a parent to do? Lock up your teen? (Not a good idea by the way.) You could refuse to allow your teen to go. Maybe. How about a sleep over at your home while you sit up all night to keep "those people" away? No. However, you can and should be proactive when it comes to the subject of Prom. You see Prom is that one event where we allow children to dress up like adults and act like adults, but THEY ARE NOT ADULTS.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">In a recent Parenting Magazine I saw several great ideas to help you the parents. By the way if you are a parent of a teen, you need to start talking about this today, even if your student is not even close to being old enough to go to prom. You see you cannot over communicate.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">So here are the top 5 things you can do with your teen and one added in for good measure.</span><br />
<ol><li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Communicate with your teen.</strong> Yep, talk to them not at them. Don't lecture! this is not the time for you to be standing with one hand on your hip and one in their face. Communication goes both ways, talking, interpreting what has been said, decoding the information and returning the same to them. By the way asking questions here goes a long, long way.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Get some help from trusted others. </strong>Other adults in the lives of your teen will help you tremendously. Several times I have had students call me to get support for their side of an argument to find out that I agree with the parent. Small group leaders, or ever the Youth Pastor can help balance out the issues.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Agree on an escape plan!</strong> If your teen is in trouble, uncomfortable, or a little nervous about the evening and they want to escape but don't want to yell, "HELP!" on the cell phone; what to do? Come up with an escape plan and code word to get the help you need. It could be "I was calling to check on grand-mother", or "How did Billy do in the wrestling match tonight?", or how about "The kool-aide is not my flavor and I'm not wanting any at all.", wink, wink.... I think you get the idea. you decide on the words. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Set Appropriate Boundaries, Together.</strong> By the way this is done when you are communicating and talking together. Discuss curfews and appropriate times to be home. You can always stretch this IF YOU ARE BOTH COMFORTABLE with it. DO NOT TELL YOUR DAUGHTER THE TIME TO COME HOME IN FRONT OF THE DATE! She may want to come home earlier and now you have taken away one of her 'outs' by telling him the time to bring her home and she wants to end the date sooner.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Discuss The Boundaries Up-front and be Flexible. </strong>If you are one of those lucky parents that has 2 going out on the same night you know this already. The same thing for both of your children may not be appropriate. Be flexible about times on each child, IF IT WARRANTS it. If as the parent you do not feel it is in the best interest for your child to stay out to 1am when the prom is over at 11:30, make the call. However, if your child tells you that they are going to some one's home for a gathering afterwards, and you know and trust the adults there, then you can be flexible. Communication again.</span></li>
</ol><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Hey here's a freebie for you. <strong>Why not host the after Prom party at your home? </strong>You can have the place where the students hang out and have fun with them. One year I did this for my teen and several of their friends. One of the young ladies told her mom, who later told me, that the evening took the pressure off her as you can't do stupid stuff at your youth pastor's house!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Lastly remind your child, as a Christian, of who they are in Christ. As a daughter of God, they are a princess and deserve much better than mediocrity. As a son of God, they are royalty and cannot be taken down by the wiles of the evil one. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">"Noted author and counselor Dan Allender has said, "You are the only you this world will ever know and something about you is meant to make something about God known in a way that no one else can!" You are his and he wants you to be the best you can be....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Be prepared, pro-active, and ready because, <strong>Promstitution Is Coming! </strong></span>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-35833357592530955242011-03-28T08:41:00.000-04:002011-03-28T08:41:11.375-04:00Adjust Your Parenting Style, Or Else!<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="http://www.heartlightministries.org/blogs/markgregston/wp-content/uploads/teen-with-backpack.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img align="left" alt="Adjust Your Parenting Style, Or Else!" border="0" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-3565" height="132" src="http://www.heartlightministries.org/blogs/markgregston/wp-content/uploads/teen-with-backpack.jpg" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-width: 0px;" title="teen-with-backpack" width="200" /></a><strong>Adjust Your Parenting Style, Or Else!</strong> was the title of the devotional that I received this last week. It comes from Mark Gregston, who has been working with teens for over 25 years. He operates a home in Texas to help not only the teens but the parents as well. He has written numerous books and has a daily radio broadcast for parents. I am attaching the entire blog post that he sent me because I believe it is very similar to what I posted just yesterday that "It Hurts Too Bad to Parent". Remember I am here to help you as a Parent as you parent, disciple, and make a difference in the life of your teens. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><em>"Most of us tend to parent the same way we were parented. Even those of us who vowed, “I’ll never do that to my kids,” often fall back to imitating what we saw from our parents. The problem is that the world has changed. Our parents would have been horrified by what our kids casually experience and discuss amongst themselves today. Things are different, and your kids are changing every day as well. Are you keeping up?</em></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><em>I went to Chicago recently—and I’m here to tell you that it’s a bad idea for a thin-blooded Texan to make a trip up north in the middle of winter! It was COLD. Fortunately before I left, I got a big warm coat (though it wasn’t big enough) and a hat and gloves to wear. I could have said, “I shouldn’t have to wear something different,” but I likely would have ended up in the Chicago morgue. Making that adjustment didn’t change who I was, it was simply a wise response to changing circumstances.</em></div><em>In the same way, sometimes parents can dig in their heels and refuse to change their parenting style to respond to the changes in the maturity of their children as they get older. But teens need their parents to recognize their growing maturity. To adjust from controlling to coaching them doesn’t mean you are surrendering your core values or throwing up your hands in futility and giving up; it means you are meeting your kids at their level and respecting their individuality.</em><br />
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<em>Parents who are unwilling to adjust tend to push away their teenagers away or cause them to rebel. I’m not saying that they be allowed to walk all over you; rules and boundaries must be set and maintained. But adjusting can help your kids think you’re keeping up with their age and are in touch with their world—so they’ll be more likely to lean on you when they need help or to discuss the issues in their life.</em><br />
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<em>Back in the Dark Ages when I grew up, information turned over every eleven years. Today, it happens every nine months. The pace of change has quickened, and if we are inflexible and refuse to acknowledge those changes, our kids see us as “dinosaurs,” out of touch with their world. It’s more vital than ever that we stay engaged with our kids. That means we need to know what’s going on in their lives and in their culture (which probably means we’re going to have to learn a new language or two) and to fit in with the way they relate to others in their world.</em><br />
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<em>Unfortunately, another important authority in our kids’ life isn’t adjusting. Lifeway Resources recently did a study that showed 85% of kids never attend church again after they graduate from high school. It shows that there’s a huge disconnect between kids and the Church. After talking to and working with thousands of young people, I’ve discovered that many of them feel like what they’re being taught there simply doesn’t apply to the world in which they live. The Church isn’t answering the questions many of them are asking, and we can fail to so in our homes as well.</em><br />
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<strong><em>A New Way to Talk</em></strong><br />
<em>The commanding communication style used when your kids were younger won’t work well when they are adolescents. So stop lecturing; start discussing. Stop talking; start listening. Please understand that I’m not saying the old way is wrong. It’s fine and it is needed for the care and nurturing of younger kids. But the changes in the thinking process of your teen will require a new way to talk to them if you want to really get through to them. Modifying the presentation doesn’t change the content of the message or the values of the messenger. It just makes it easier for you to get through to your teenager.</em><br />
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<em>Many well-meaning parents think they can protect their kids by sheltering them. They spend very little time preparing them for the real world because they aren’t in danger at the moment. But they can only keep their kids isolated for so long. At some point they’re going out into that world—to a job, to college, to marriage—and it is vital that they be prepared for that day. When you taught your kids to swim, you probably didn’t pick them up and throw them in the deep end of the pool. You started them out splashing around in the shallow water, and gradually increased their exposure until they were ready and able to swim on their own.</em><br />
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<em>Here’s a practical application of this principle: most parents wait too long to give their teens privileges and responsibilities. Typically they drag their feet for about six months past the point where they should have. I tell parents, “If you’re thinking about letting your teen do something, you probably should already have done it.” If they have to fight for their independence, they are actually in self-preservation mode; they innately know they need to test out freedom to adjust to the world in which they will have to survive.</em><br />
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<em>Having said that, I remain absolutely committed to protecting kids from danger. For instance, I strongly urge parents not to let their 10-13 year old kids attend sleepovers or to be in the homes of their friends unattended. That may sound old-fashioned, but it is at that early age that much harmful experimentation goes on. If you look at the statistics of the first use of drugs, alcohol and sexual experimentation, it falls into that age range and anecdotal evidence points to kids picking up these habits when alone with their friends. Give your kids freedoms, but as we say in the horse world “let out the reins” slowly. Don’t do it in areas that will threaten their safety and their future, especially at the very impressionable “tween” years.</em><br />
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<strong><em>Breaking the Mold</em></strong><br />
<em>One way to adjust your style is that instead of just telling your teenagers what to do (the way most of us were raised) have discussions with them; spend time working out the practical applications of the truths you have taught them. Rather than lecturing, ask questions. When you start asking questions, you convey a powerful positive message to them that they need to begin thinking on their own. Asking questions makes them feel valued—at the most devaluing stage of their lives. It empowers them to begin asking their own questions of you and about the negative things their peers may ask them to be involved in.</em><br />
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<em>The answers you get to your questions will help you identify areas in which you may need to adjust or strengthen your teaching. Do not be judgmental or reactionary. If they are a teenager, you have already taught them all you’re going to teach them about your values; now affirm and guide them toward what is right. If I’m counseling with a young person and they give a negative answer, I say something like, “That’s interesting.” I don’t say “That’s wrong.” I then keep the conversation going (with more questions) and try to guide them rather than smother them. They’ll often come around to the right decision — based on the values they’ve been taught — if it is discussed openly and without condemnation.</em><br />
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<em>My friend Walt Mueller, the founder and president of the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding, says that parents should look at themselves like cross-cultural missionaries when it comes to their teens. Many kids feel like their parents don’t understand their world and don’t speak their language—and they’re right. A missionary who goes to a foreign country takes time to learn the language and customs in order to be effective; they don’t just stand on a street corner and yell at people in English. Are you willing to put that kind of effort in to help your teen survive the trip to adulthood?</em><br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><em>Adjusting to your teen’s age and maturity is like hitting a moving target. It’s not something you can do just once. As they grow and mature and face new challenges, you need to keep changing right along with them. The relationship is far more important than minor issues. Don’t violate your principles, but do focus on what matters most and set aside the rest. They say “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” but don’t wait until your teen spins out of control to make the needed changes. Engage your child now, on their level, and make any changes or adjustments in order to improve your relationship with them and to prepare them for the all too soon day in which they will be out on their own.</em></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><em>We talked about this issue in-depth on our radio program last weekend titled “Parents Learning to Adjust.” Listen online here (or look for the program dated March 16, 2011 at <a href="http://www.parentingtodaysteens.org/">http://www.parentingtodaysteens.org/</a>).</em></div><strong><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Remember, I am pulling for you 'cause we're all in this together. If I can assist you in anyway, just let me know. </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Steve Coleman</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><a href="http://www.twicechosen.blogspot.com/">http://www.twicechosen.blogspot.com/</a></span></strong><br />
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</div>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-47910134757114060892011-03-27T10:28:00.000-04:002011-03-27T10:28:47.977-04:00It Hurts Too Bad to Parent!<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>It Hurts Too Bad to Parent </strong>is what I heard a parent say not too long ago. They were referring to the messed up life that they had had as a child and teen. The parent was trying so hard to not make the same mistakes in their parenting of their teen that they were withdrawing and not doing the hard things that needed to be done for the child. Letting your children have whatever they want, do whatever they want to do, and you being the parent that is a push over is not good for your child. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Listen closely, there was only one perfect couple ever and they rebelled against their father too. Adam and Eve had it going for them and they blew it from perfection to something less than perfect! They started this thing called the fall of man, being marred imperfections of what God had first planned. However, even in this dysfunction, great things have come out of it. You may have come from a dysfunctional family, you did, and you may have a dysfunctional family, you do, but we are not to throw up our hands and quit because of it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">"No matter how healthy or dysfunctional a family is or how lovingly or un-lovingly your parents care for us, hurts happen. All of us have wound from our family!" If you have hurts in your life, and you do because we all do then we have options about them. </span><br />
<ol><li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Try to ignore them and act like they never happened!</strong> This is not a healthy environment to be in because it doesn't work. It will come up somewhere else in our lives guaranteed.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Call out to Christ and get the help you need.</strong> Okay, so you have this persona that you are perfect and you don't want anyone to know you are flawed. (Hey, guess what no one things you are perfect so it's okay to be human.) Only Christ can make the difference in your life that you need to fully heal.</span></li>
</ol><span style="font-family: Georgia;">"When I Call On Jesus" is one of my favorite songs and has been for sometime now. You know there is a line in the song that says that mountains are going to fall! What mountain of pain do you have in your life that is keeping you from being whole right now? When you get your healing then you can better parent your teen.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">"Look at your life. Where do you hurt? Behind the smile, where do you see bloodstains and tears? Do you realize that Jesus has already come to you and stays with you to bring healing to your hurts? Only Jesus can deliver us through our hurts and tears. He doesn't extract us from them or take us out of them- He leads us through them." You see Jesus has experienced our pain ahead of us. For these sins, your sins, he died. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>Isaiah 53:2-5 </em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><em>"My servant grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot, </em></span><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">like a root in dry ground.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance,</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">nothing to attract us to him.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">3 He was despised and rejected—</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We turned our backs on him and looked the other way.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">He was despised, and we did not care.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">4 Yet it was our weaknesses he carried;</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">it was our sorrows that weighed him down.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God,</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">a punishment for his own sins!</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">5 But he was pierced for our rebellion,</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">crushed for our sins.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">He was beaten so we could be whole.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">He was whipped so we could be healed."</span></em><br />
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Think about it this way:<br />
<ul><li>"For those that feel ugly, He had no beauty.</li>
<li>Feel rejected, He was despised and rejected.</li>
<li>Have you suffered deep pain; He was a man of sorrow and grief.</li>
<li>Ever blamed God for your issues; he was considered stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.</li>
<li>If you have beaten or abused; He was pierced/wounded for something he didn't do.</li>
<li>If you suffer from losing a child or other close loved ones to death; He was crushed by death."</li>
</ul>I guess what I am trying to say to some parents is that you may have suffered terrible things in your past but do not let your past affect your present and then destroy the future! You see you teens need YOU to be the best YOU, that YOU can be. Only Jesus will make you the best you can be in this thing called parenting. <br />
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"Honestly identify your pain, and humbly ask Christ to heal it!" Only when you overcome your pain will you stop making the excuse of <strong>It Hurts Too Bad to Parent!</strong><br />
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PF48-54Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2364835479743425460.post-65953220244194517132011-03-20T10:02:00.000-04:002011-03-20T10:02:31.201-04:00United We Stand Divided We Fall!<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>United We Stand Divided We Fall! </strong>is a phrase that many of us saw last year when the TEA Party rallies were held all over the United States of America. Now before you turn off this blog posting because I mentioned politics, stay with me as we are talking about Parenting.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">If our country started out talking about being united as the United States of America and not the Divided States or the Independent, Solo, I'll Do It My Way States of America; the same is true in parenting. Parents you have to come together when it comes to this thing called parenting. I am talking about when parents think the punishment or the discipline that the child needs causes the parents to be opposed to each other; so what is the child to think? But when the parents are a united front, in agreement together before their child and they live this out infront of their child, well things just go better for everyone.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Severl years ago when our son was in High School he had this 'off the chain crazy hairstyle' not to be confused with ugly. His mother and I agreed on the hair style that it had to be clean and groomed and we were ok with that. He pushed us to get the tattoo and the ear ring. For us in our family this was not an option for him. We were in agreement over this issue. It turned out years later that the woman that he dated and married had a standard of not dating a guy with an ear ring or tattoo. LUCKY I guess.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Now listen I am not telling you how to do the same thing with your child, I am just sharing from our experiences. We said no. He understood where we were coming from and today, as an adult he still doesn't have the ear ring nor the tattoo. As an adult this is something for him to discuss with his spouse. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Parents this is not a time for you to be good cop/bad cop. One of you being the 'good parent' giving them whatever they want and the other parent being the 'bad parent' doing all the discipline. This will lead your child to failure. You have to learn to set limits and they have to learn to live within the limits. If they can't learn to live within limits then there is a real problem in adulthood.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">So how can we help work through this when it comes to parenting?</span><br />
<ul><li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Agree that your teen comes first.</strong> Agree to work on your differences by doing what is in the best interest for your teen in the long run and not the short haul for the parent. You know, you are tired and you don't want to deal with it. That is a cop out and the child is the one that suffers from it.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Pull from each other's strengths as parents.</strong> If one of you is a push over, and you know which one it is, then parents discuss the issue alone, without the teen there and come to a consensus. This way when you present your 'ruling' to the teen, you are a united front. Let's face it the divide and conquer thing has been going on for a long long time; remember when you did it?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Two parents and not Three!</strong> Don't include the teen in every decision you determine to make about them. Sure they can 'plead their case' but if you allow the student to be the one that keeps making the call then you are in trouble. I mean whom is the parent here?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><strong>Balance is the key.</strong> Many times you have a lenient parent and one that is more strict. Balance is good but let's face it you will not always agree with the terms of your spouse in disciplining of your teen. But know this, if you disagree and then undermine the 'ruling' or undermind your spouse not only will your teen suffer but your marriage will also. The last thing we need is for your teen to have conflict and then to watch mom and dad in the middle of a disentegrating marriage. </span></li>
</ul><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Several years ago I witnessed a dad make the ruling that their rebellious child could not be given any money for 'incidentals' at school because the child was causing too much trouble, bad choices and lifestyle. The dad held the line but he didn't know that mom was funneling money to the child because she couldn't stand the fact that her baby was doing without. The problem was that the child continued with all the bad stuff in their life because they could afford to; no consequences for their actions. When the dad found out about this it was devastating to their marriage. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Parents you have to pull together. If you are the parent of a teen, or God help you more than one teen, look down the road to when they graduate. You will have an empty nest and if you mess this up now and side with your teen over your spouse, well what will you have then? Know that you are facing an empty nest as a natural progression and you must draw closer to your spouse. You have to learn the good ole American way of <strong>United We Stand Divided We Fall!</strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;">BWT 45-48</span>Stay In The Wordhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11416712352524100924noreply@blogger.com0