Twice Chosen

I Dare You To Step Over This Line!

2012-01-23T10:51:00.000-05:00

"I dare you to step over this line!" is usually what someone hears between a couple of guys right before a fight breaks out. However, I think that the same words may be spoken by adolescents to their parents, when it comes to being a teen. Teens are different in case you haven't noticed. It's amazing what they think, or not, say or shouldn't say, or do, and you guessed it they shouldn't have done it. Raising a teen into adulthood can be a crazy ride! BUT we can't avoid it so let's learn about our kids before they get into this crazy time called adolescence!

The term adolescence is a relative new term being coined about 100 years ago in our culture. Back in the day a person went from being a kid into adulthood situations and grew up fast and were men and women. Why else do you hear stories from grand parents of them leaving home at 13 or 14 and striking out on their own? But now we have to look at what we are dealing with today.

Adolescence is about a time of transitions and changes. It is that transitional phase of life that connects childhood to adulthood. It is during this time frame that the students are going through the fastest time of change in their lives. They will be changing all kinds of ways, and all at the same time. There are the hormonal issues, neurological, emotional, social, and prayerfully spiritual. These all come at the same time and are like getting a drink not from a water fountain but from a fire hydrant!

So that being said, what are you to expect? There are several things that Dr. John Townsend has listed in his book, "Boundaries with Teens".

Adolescence is normal and it is helpful to your child.
Preparation for adulthood. Teens need a time to process in which to let go of parental dependence and move into adult independence; and it can't be done overnight or wait until they are 18 and moving away to college. Teens are under the control of authority until they are ready to take ownership of their lives. Eccl. 4:9-10.
Dependence versus independence; students want independence but need parental input, even when the think they don't
Badness versus Goodness; sometimes they will vacillate between doing bad and doing good. Star Wars reference, "follow the force!" the good side of the force, let go!
Emotional versus Reason; do they know right from wrong? Probably so as you have taught them and then they feel they should do something diametrically opposite of what you have taught them.
Internal barometer versus External Social Realities, self explanatory.
Family values versus friends; "us versus them" mentality to a teen.

So what should the healthy adolescence look like?

Make connection with your teen. Them may seem withdrawn from you, and they might be, but YOU maintain that connection; you're the parent.
Responsibility. I am a firm believer that you allow them less supervision in areas that you can so they can be successful. Celebrate those things with more responsibility in steps.
Accepting reality, that is your student is not living in the video land, TV land, or other things such as perfectionism; remember this is real life and we have issues and skinned knees.
Messing up is normal and not everything is a crises!
Healthy is looking to the outside to their friends, and the outside world than being home with mom and dad all the time. Stay connected with them though.
They make friends with other GOOD kids. Parents you may not approve 100% of their friends, but as long as they are NOT dragging your kids into crises, pick and choose here.
Developing good values is important to them in morals, ethics, and spiritual beliefs. You may not agree with all the parameters they have but you can agree with the foundation.
Challenging parents is normal and it is healthy. They are speaking their minds, maturing, exercising their own thought processes.

What are we trying to say? Well being a teen is not without issues, it wasn't without issues when you were a teen. Parent so you will not go crazy let me say this, let go of your need to have the perfect teen. Do this for your sanity and for the fact there are NO perfect teens. They are human beings, little models of you, and they will have to learn their own way and you can help them do that.

I know that during these crazy times your teen will drive you crazy to a degree, you will not understand them but remember it is necessary for them to exercise who they are, within your parameters, so they will be solid adults. So here's the fight for the next few years of parenting your teen, "I Dare You To Step Over This Line!"

BWT 69-73

Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!

2012-01-18T20:13:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas! That's what everyone said on the 25th of December this last year and most people really meant it. I guess I really meant it too but I said it with a heavy heart. Why you might ask, well you see my baby brother went home to be with Christ on the 25th of December of 2011 after, I guess, a lengthy illness.

His name is Kenny and he was 44 years of age. He leaves behind not only the mother who raised us, Dorothy is 80 years young and weighs about 90 pounds (maybe); his wife of 19 years and a son, Braden who is only 12 years old. Kenny was my baby brother. Baby is a loose term when you are grown men. Kenny was a big man weighing in at well over 350 pounds and at times in his life weighed even more than that. BUT before you start thinking it had something to do with his weight, Nada!

Kenny suffered from "polymyositis" a connective tissue disease that slowly kept him from being able to move his legs, shoulders, and even motor control of his arms. He also was diagnosed with an inoperative melanoma tumor in his abdomen around October.

I watched his wife Leanna care for and love her husband in a story book kind of way. She took a leave of absence from her job where she didn't get paid while away to care for her family. I saw her help him get up to a standing position so he could walk months before the only thing he could do was lay there. She cared for him like, well; she demonstrated love like I had never seen before. If you or anyone you know that is married, could have half of what I saw, they will be lucky people.

The last few weeks of Kenny's life I was able to spend many hours with him. I had weeks of vacation so I went to the hospital and sat with her and him for days. Sula, my wife, stayed with us as well. We laughed, we cried, we talked about the elephant in the room: the going home of Kenny. We didn't want to talk about it because it seemed like a dream, a bad dream, but still a dream.

Was it hard? YES! I don't want to try to "spiritualize" it or say that we don't hurt because we know where Kenny is; yes we know where he is BUT we still grieve. I watched him tell his son that he was given only a week to live and then to have his 'little boy' lay across his daddy's chest and all of us cry and wail. Kenny gave the father to son talk about you can be whatever you want to be, you can accomplish whatever you put your mind to, be a good and honest/honorable man.

When I was asked to do his funeral, I agreed to do "whatever you want me to do" and then I asked him if I could cry, and his response was, "certainly." Kenny was my baby brother but he taught me oh so much.

When the doctor gave him the grim news, holding his hand and Leanna's hand, he asked Kenny if he could get anything for him. Kenny thought for a minute and said, "A clean bill of health would be nice!" The doctor laughed and so did everyone in the room because Kenny was thinking about everyone else and how they felt.

I survived the funeral experience with several tears pushed back, frogs in my throat, and times of extra prayer for strength. I used the text Proverbs 18:24 that reads, "A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. It was a fitting verse to use for two reasons, 1. It was the same text used at our father's funeral some 27 years before. 2. Because, although Kenny and I were not biological brothers, he was my baby brother.

Kenny wanted me to share the good news of Jesus Christ at his funeral and I was able to do that without any problem. To tell family and friends that there is one that is closer than a brother and that is Christ.

Selfishly I did not want Kenny to die on Christmas day, but God had other plans. His headstone will always have the Christmas date on it. People will look at it may think how sad because he died on Christmas day. I thought that at first, I prayed it wouldn't happen, but it did. Then I thought about Christmas, the birthday of Jesus and how my baby brother really got the best Christmas present of all; he celebrated Christmas 2011 WITH Jesus himself! How cool was it for him to say to Jesus, "Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!"

Youth Culture 101, Things That Students Are into TODAY!

2011-09-21T10:03:00.000-04:00

"Youth Culture 101, Things That Students Are into TODAY" is what I would call this blog. I recently taught a conference that basically looked at our Youth Culture and then hopefully from that; how does the church reach students? Here is a copy of an article done on that conference taken directly from the Western Recorder, the KBC state newspaper.

"Steve Coleman, Minister of youth at FBC Richmond and one of our Kentucky Youth Ministry Coaches recently lead a workshop at Super Saturday on today’s youth culture. Below is an article written by Robin Bass of the Western Recorder on his workshop.

Elizabethtown—In some circles they are called “digital natives.” Others refer to them as the “stressed generation.”

Whatever the term used to describe today’s teenagers, experts agree these young people are living in a fast-paced world that is constantly changing, both socially and technologically.

“Do you realize that kids who are graduating and turning 18 this year were born about 1993? And when you say the first George Bush, they look at you and go, ‘There were two?’” said Steve Coleman, minister to youth and families at First Baptist Church of Richmond.

“I have kids in the sixth grade that are coming into my youth ministry this year that were not born last century. They were born in the year 2000,” he added. “We have this major shift coming our way and if we don’t know the culture, we’re in trouble.”

To emphasis his point during a recent Super Saturday workshop in Elizabethtown, Coleman provided a series of statistics and social trends facing teenagers.

Fact: 60 percent of children born in the 1990s will live without a father in the home for a portion of their lives. “We have so many single-mom families now. Dad is no longer in the picture,” Coleman noted. “Many times mom is the leader of the household because dad has abdicated that role.”

Fact: More mothers working outside the home.

Fact: The average father (when there is one) spends only two minutes a day in conversation with his teenager.

These trends have influenced how teenagers are forming relationships and where they are getting information. When looking for advice, Coleman said youth are 55 percent more likely to seek the advice of friends before anyone else.

Even more alarming is that 57 percent of teens say they have looked for advice from someone online they do not personally know. As for parents, teenagers seek the advice of their mothers 44 percent of the time, while dads come in the lowest at 20 percent. Boyfriends and girlfriends rank slightly higher than fathers at 23 percent.

When teenagers go out into the world seeking guidance and information via the Internet, who is there waiting?

“Our media wants their mind, their money and their soul,” Coleman said. Why else would corporations spend $16 billion annually convincing teens—and anyone else—to believe the individual knows best how to make decisions for himself. By the time a teenager graduates high school, he or she will have seen 36,000 commercials.

To get a true sense of what teenagers are exposed to in the media, Coleman recommended youth workers watch three programs: the Teen Choice Awards, the MTV Movie Awards and Super Bowl commercials to get a year’s worth of youth culture in just a few hours.

“Our kids are swimming in this cesspool all the time and it does affect them.What we have to do is find out where they are swimming and what they are being confronted with, and then we can find out how to reach them,” he added.

As for spiritual matters, teenagers are suffering from the MTDs, Coleman said—moralistic therapeutic deism. There are five key elements of this post-modern belief system:
• That God created the world and watches over it.
• God wants people to be good, nice and fair to each other.
• The central goal in life is to be happy and feel good about oneself.
• God is not needed except to resolve a problem.
• Good people go to heaven when they die.

In today’s youth culture, Coleman said there is no absolute truth. Many teens think it is judgmental or intolerant to believe Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation, yet describe themselves as Christians.

Coleman’s first recommendation for youth workers and parents is to expand their personal libraries. Among the books he suggested were: “Youth Culture 101” and “Engaging the Soul of Youth Culture,” both by Walt Mueller; “Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers,” by Christian Smith; and “Generation iY,” by Tim Elmore.

Students basically want three things from youth workers, Coleman suggested. Teens want an adult who knows their names, they want somebody who will pray for them, and they want someone who is authentic and practices his or her faith.

Another recommendation is to use the technology that has permeated youth culture. Texting, Twitter, YouTube and Facebook are vital to maintaining social interactions with teenagers.

A simple way to get started is by creating a Facebook page for the youth group. Coleman also suggested using TweetDeck on a cell phone or desktop computer to send mass tweets to youth and parents. Youth event flyers, tracts or bulletins could have QR (Quick Response) codes that direct smartphone users directly to a website. Just be sure to update the website weekly, Coleman cautioned.

Since most students have cellphones with video capabilities, Coleman said youth workers could encourage them to record youth-group events and post the videos to the Facebook page. The next day, send out tweets and texts that will drive interest in the page. Youth likely will show the videos to friends who do not attend church.

“I know you don’t like it, but it’s not about us,” Coleman said, referring to technology and social media. “The reality of youth ministry is it’s one of the greatest times ever because they are open to the social part, they are open to the technology, and we can reach kids like we never have before. … Don’t look at it like we’re in trouble. Yes, we are in trouble, but sin is still sin and Jesus is still Jesus. Jesus is the answer.” (WR)

Western Recorder issue date: September 13, 2011.

A New Face In The Frame!

2011-09-09T12:05:00.003-04:00

A New Face In The Frame!
This phrase probably best describes being a stepparent. Let's face it being a parent is one of the hardest jobs you can do to begin with and then add into that equation, someone else's children in your home, or you into their home and boom!

Over the years I have seen so many marriages, second and third marriages, crumble because of the issues of dealing with someone else's kids. Mom has come through a bad divorce and the only thing she has emotionally left in her bank comes around her kids. Dad has been with his little girl for a while now and she has him around her little finger and now there's another 'girl' in his life? Competition for the affection of an adult to the child and the child having to share their parent with another person can be difficult at best.

Sure there are so many Brady Bunch success stories out there. You know, "here's the story of a lovely lady who was bringing up...." well if you don't know, google it, or watch T.V. Land. I wish that every step family had nothing but success in their homes but it's not the truth and I won't lie to you. IT'S HARD IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE!

Think about a child that is going into a new family dynamic with a "new parent", that is someone that they know but not really. A child, a teen, a student has had several years to bond with their parent and now this new person wants to tell me that they love me, care for me, and want to be in my life. Sure you do! Hey, it's going to take some time. You can't just jump in and be super stepparent all at one time. So if you are a stepparent, buckle up for the push back you will receive from the child or teen. Too many "stepparents are often surprised and discouraged by the conflicts they have in their three primary relationships having to do with adolescent: the teen, their spouse, and the other parent.

So what are you to do? Well let's look at you and the teen first.

Know what's going on inside the teen. Most students secretly, and sometimes not so secretly, want their parents to get back together. To have that story book home with mom, dad, and children make three; picket fence and dinner around the table. Well at least in their minds they do. The reality is that's not happening and YOU are the one that is messing that up! That may mean that the teen is rude to you, disrespectful, and defiant! To be honest with you, most of that is 'normal' teen behavior to parents but you become the lightening rod in this relationship.
Have patience and persistence in establishing a connection. Do things that the teen likes to do, at least to a certain degree. You don't have to become like them, especially in dress, speech, and cool factor! You are still a parent and not their buddy. Get to know them in their world. Be careful here don't become the parent stalker but know what is going on in their world. Sure they will still have some disdain for you but you are trying for the long haul; a long term solid relationship with them.
Do NOT try to replace the other parent. The mind of a student can be a battle ground trying to keep up with everything; now place another parent in the mix. Don't try to replace the other parent that is not in their immediate life. Oh yeah, when you hear, not IF you hear; "You are not my parent!" you can honestly respond by saying, "You're right I'm not, I'm just trying to..." The only thing you can really do here is to listen, be aware, empathize with them and be there.
Let the biological parent be in charge of the discipline at first. This step is the one that seems to cause the most problem from my observations of step families. Somewhere in this marriage in the future you may have to be the one that does the discipline but you can't start off that way. Sure you may seem some behavior that you don't approve of or you don't do with your child in the same home but remember it's not your child. So how do you do this? Well you tell the biological parent tell the child that you guys are on the same page and you have decided that .... This way the discipline not only comes from the biological parent but the stepparent as well. Not just one bad guy here but two that care.

You and your spouse.

Be super sensitive to you spouse's needs and concerns. Put yourself into their shoes so to speak. Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed and your child is with someone that you didn't know that well in their home. Let your spouse know you are supportive of them and their parenting. Ask how you can help them. When they respond you can have a more clear direction of what to do next. Don't come in by saying, "Let me tell you what you should have done." Not helpful, you are in this together, not in a superior role.
Allow you spouse to experience your connection with the teen. The best way to show character, love and humility is for your spouse to see you try with their teen. Sure they may not understand, the teen may push you away, but you are loving the child that they love.
Address questions about parenting skills. Talk about what role you will fill. When will you be entrusted with discipline, guidelines and rules? You cannot over communicate in this part of the marriage. If you are more forceful or 'over bearing' talk about it. It may be that you are not at all but that the biological parent is 'softer or gentler' than you are.

Now the other parent. In case you forget, there is another parent in the lives of these teens. The other parent may be hostile to you and their ex-spouse. The parent may not have the same values, be vindictive, or cause problems by driving a wedge between you, your spouse and the teen. Be ready for this. It may not happen but it might.

Involve your spouse. Remember they know the ex better than you do and they know how better to handle and talk to them. You have a teen that is your long term care and a spouse that you want to take care of in this relationship. If there is no relationship between you and the ex then make sure that you support your spouse. Let them be in charge and you support them.
Respect the other parent. No matter whether you respect the other parent or not know that they have suffered loss in the marriage; even if it was their own doing. Even if you don't agree with their values in life, this is still their teen that you have in your home. If possible have conversations about disciplines, homework, curfews, etc. This allows them to know that you do care about their child's well being.

When there is a family dynamics change like this there will be emotional fall out and difficulties. It has to! God created man and woman to remain in the marriage until death do us part. However, for whatever reason, that has not happened. Just be ready for the difficulty that will come because of it.

Remember, you married someone you love. One of the best ways to love you spouse is by helping them love their kids in the most supportive way possible. Give up controls, be humble in a true meaningful way, and earn your place in the family dynamics you have chosen.

I former minister told me years ago that when there's A New Face In The Frame! that it's the hardest job he has ever had to go through. So if you are in this situation, know you are not alone; others have had to look at A New Face In The Frame!

BWT 61-66

But I Am Alone!

2011-06-16T19:18:00.000-04:00

But I Am Alone! is what one parent said to me when it came to parenting their teen. As a single parent, regardless of why you are a single parent, you have the hardest job in the world, maybe in the universe! You have to meet needs of your teen that you are not equipped for and you need someone to help you during these days.

So what is a single parent to do when they struggle with all the things that two parent families struggle with when there are two of them? Let's face it your teen will push your button and you have no one to bail you out, to give you relief, nor to give you the back up you need when you make a hard call.

"You will need to get from the outside what you don't possess on the inside." You may have to take a break from a face to face with your teen and tell them you will get back to them on this but not right now. Take an adult break. Find yourself an adult and spend some time with them to refresh your batteries. Now that you are refreshed go back into the 'discussion'. What you cannot do is to feel you are too tired to deal with it and let it go. You can't let it go and think they'll be an adult soon and they won't need you. WRONG! Your child needs you to help set the boundaries and guidelines in their lives.

By the way, because I am older now and have married adult children, they still need some quality parent time. It's important that you are still a part of their lives.

It's been said that one of the biggest mistakes that single parents make is that they do not let their teens fail. They need to learn from their failures and mistakes. If your teen never has faced this in their young lives how will they ever function in the real world of 'dog eat dog, survival of the fittest, competition of winners and losers?"

Don't make your child grow up too soon either. That is they are not to be the other parent and they are not your best friend either. You are the parent. The last thing that a teen needs is another friend, they need a parent.

As a single parent if you start dating again and have another person in your life be careful in introducing your new person to your teen too early. Let's face it if this relationship is broken and your heart is broken because of it, what do you think happens to your teens emotions?

I know that there are parenting differences in the lives of individuals when it comes to parenting with your ex, if that is the case. You struggle because of different values, pains from a divorce, suffering because of the new economic woe you are in. Talk with your ex, if possible, and try to agree that you have to put your differences aside for the sake of your child. It is so important that they come first! This may be hard but remember "start with the end in mind."

Finally find yourself a small group at church, a Sunday School Class of like minded singles for support. You will find there are others that have been there and done that and will be able to give help, advice, and support. Maybe there is a man or woman there, a minister, youth pastor or Sunday School teacher that can help with your child as well. IF you can work through these you will maybe just maybe not have to say, But I Am Alone!

BWT 55-59

Sponge Bob!

2011-05-26T14:59:00.000-04:00

Sponge Bob! Yep you read it right, Sponge Bob is what I have been thinking about today as I was contemplating writing a Blog post or not. I am not talking about the crazy cartoon character that lives under the sea in square pants, etc. What I am thinking about Sponge Bob is that phrase when it comes to parenting.

Parenting is a thankless job or at least it feels that way from time to time. You know the feeling as a parent. You are the one that is always giving and giving and your student is the one that is always taking and taking. I know that becomes a little disheartening sometimes but use it to your advantage. Take a minute to think about how you can make this a good thing.

If your child is with you all the time, most of the time, or at least some of the time; you can use these moments as a teaching time. You can now use that 'sucking' life out of you as a positive thing and give them life principles without them even knowing about it. Example: last night in our Youth Ministry one of our students had a little extra tan line on his neck; really it was sunburned. I asked how he got this and he said he had mowed the yard. He was given $10 to do it. I responded that he got ripped off because that yard is at least a $20 yard and we laughed. Here's the fun thing about that conversation, his mom, much like my own bride, loves to mow the yard. So him mowing the yard, even for $10, was a teaching moment for him from his mom. She was teaching him responsibility.

He was soaking in her work ethic as he was mowing the yard. She was instilling this value into her son and he thought he was just mowing the yard.

Our kids, your students, our children are like sponges and they will soak up lots of things from us, some good and some bad. However, we can't allow them to live in an aquarium of culture and soak up everything around them; that's deadly to them and to your relationship with them.

It is our responsibility to stay connected to our kids even through the turbulent teen years. I believe that our kids will become more like us than we even think about or know about. They spend so much time with us that they will become like us; good or bad. Here's one thing to consider about your child's spiritual condition and growth; will they become stronger than you or weaker than you spiritually? Most will not become stronger as a teen as they walk away, or drift from you, especially if you have not had them in tow to deep spiritual truths.

I want you, the parent to think of a sponge, or better yet get one out and place it near the edge of a puddle of water. You will see that the moment that the sponge hits the water that a couple of things happen.

The sponge will start to soften up as it gets wet.
The sponge will start to 'suck' up or draw in the moisture.
The water will disappear but it will reappear inside the sponge.
The weight of the water is now influencing the weight of the sponge.
The sponge, to be used, must be emptied of most of what it has sucked up.

You see each of these things is what happens to our kids when they take on the things of the world and culture. It is my prayer that something will happen to them that will cause them to empty themselves of the culture and then to refill their lives on the Holy Spirit of God.

Bottom line, parents you are responsible for training, teaching, and nurturing your child in the spiritual realm. Remember they are a sponge, just like Sponge Bob.

Make Up My Mind!

2011-05-17T14:21:00.000-04:00

Make Up My Mind! is what I overheard someone say to their mom not too long ago! It cracked me up. You see there are times in the lives of our students where they feel that no matter what they are deciding to do their parents will trump that decision with their own. The problem with this issue is that the parents have to be careful to not train their child to be indecisive.

Think of this way, don't you hate it if you have a boss that seems to little your little infractions go at work and then one day you do the same thing, yet again, and this time your boss just seems to go off!? It's like you know that the best thing you can do is to stay close to your boss so that they will not go off on you. You learn to disengage when they are not involved in your work life and embrace them if you see fun stuff coming your way.

How does that translate into parenting? Stay with me as I build this up for you a bit but it's true! You see "parents teach their children primarily through experiences, even more than through teaching and talking. That is we will parent from our own level of maturity."

Too many times we see parents that will choose not to engage their child for some bad, not terrible behavior, but something that the parent just doesn't want to address at that time. However, later the parent is ready for the fight and when the student messes up and you blow up at them. We tend to save up, save up, pressure up and then Zap, we blow up at our kids.

Here's the issue with this parenting style, we teach them them in the long run that love and limits don't go together. Let's face it all of us from time to time will ignore things but we can't let them build up!

So how do you overcome this style and parenting issue:

Identify that this is what you do and get someone else, maybe a Youth Minister, or other friend, parent to help you through this.
Tell your teen upfront that part of the problem is you and you take ownership of your part with them. You will get tons of points with this and it opens up the dialogue between you two.
Get other adults in the life of your teen. Your teen can and needs to experience mature people who can take your teens attitudes, stay connected with them, and enforce the values that you as a parent do. This is a way to say you are right and others agree with you as they live out their lives as well.
Write out the rule and establish accountability. Write down the expectations, go over them, have your student sign off on them and it protects you and them. You can't build up and Zap because everyone is on the same page, so to speak.
Give your teen connection and consistency. (2 of my favorite things) Connect with your teen because believe it or not they really do want to connect with you as their parent. Consistency is huge! Even in our being upset and anger they need to know they are still loved.

This issue of consistency is so important because the teen needs someone in their lives who is strong enough be there for them no matter what. When teens don't experience connection and consistency, they can't develop a sense of self-control and responsibility. It also lessens their ability to develop and to accept the good and the bad aspects, or lifestyles of others. What they cannot accept in themselves, they are often are not able to accept in others.

It goes without saying, but I am saying it anyway, that parents what you do is important in the life of your teen. You see you have to be a part of their lives. Gone are the times or thoughts that all you have to do is to get them to age 18 and they are out of the house. You have to get into their lives and move toward the destination of maturity. You have to help them learn that you are there for them and love them when they say, Make Up My Mind!

BWT 47-53

Start With The End In Mind

2011-05-05T16:16:00.002-04:00

Start With The End In Mind is a phrase that I have said and written about multiple times. I have looked at people traveling on vacation at the airport and never have they shown up at the airport with their bags in hand just to ask for tickets to SOMEWHERE! They know exactly where they want to go, the final destination is in mind even before they leave.

We as parents need to do the same things with our children when it comes to parenting. Too many parents have the goal of surviving until the kids are out of the house and hope that the kids turn out alright. Bad way to parent if you ask me, bad way to parent even if you don't ask me. You see your children are kids, they may or may not know what's best for themselves and they need guidance. If you started a new job you would want someone to train you, to walk beside you, to give you guidance until one day you were ready to do it on your own. Our students and children deserve the same things in their lives especially when it comes to learning how to be independent at the appropriate time. Let's face it there are some things that your kids aren't ready for yet but they will in time be ready.

I wish that there was that mythical parent book that was given to us when our children are born in the hospital but there isn't. "The are mind sets, strategies, and approaches that work in some circumstances" when it comes to answers on how to raise our kids. "There are standards that should not be violated, principles that should not be given up, and Biblical mandates that should not be forgotten."

You see in our culture I do believe "that pain isn't always a bad thing, that kids are overly entitled and demanding, and that too many parents are enabling their children to continue their foolish (and childish self-centered) thinking. This generation of parents has spoiled our kids rotten, given them too much, and not expected enough in return. This generation of parents has created a generation of immature kids who would rather act childishly that ever grow up (think Peter Pan here), be given things rather than work for them, and have all the privileges of adulthood without accepting the responsibilities to go with it."

Last night I was watching a television show where the divorced mom was to pick up her daughter and her friends to take them somewhere. In the program the working mom was late to pick them up. Once she got there the daughter was upset because she had to wait. When mom got out of the car she was told that she was late and then she, and her friends, dropped their bags infront of the car and got into their seats. The mother then picked up the bags and put them in the trunk for them. REALLY? You see the mom didn't take the moment to teach the children that she was not their private butler. She missed the opportunity to teach about respect, attitude, and being a servant to your friends; not honoring your mother as scripture teaches. (I know it's a television show and written that way!) When I saw this happen I looked at my wife and said, "I don't think so! You want your bags in the car, you'd better get out and pick them up or I am leaving with out them!

While this may sound harsh, it is not my intent but I do want us to wake up as parents. There are many parents that have a done a great job as Christian parents building relationships with their children at a deeper level than they had themselves with their parents. Many parents have attempted to build and ground deep spiritual truths into their children and ownership of their faith; this is wonderful as well.

Every parent will have hard times and difficulties with their 'perfect' good children but prayerfully it is only a bump in the road. Just know that when you hit those "bumps in the road that God will take you through it and what you will have on the other side of it is a deeper relationship with your child; and as a Christian, your relationship with Christ will be deeper because of it as well."

Parent if you are a parent of a teen, know that you will have plenty of times to build and deepen your relationships. You will have times to mold your child. There will be times when your child will 'hate' you, dislike you, be angry with you, and give you a silent treatment, etc., etc., etc. but that's normal.

Decide early your standards and what you want your child to become once they leave your home and are 'adults' or have children of their own. In other words, it is my prayer that you will Start With The End In Mind!

PT 13-15

Parenting Out of Our Spiritual Guides

2011-04-26T15:08:00.001-04:00

Parenting Out of Our Spiritual Guides is our topic for today. I have to admit that when I was reading, researching and remembering those good old days of parenting our teens, well I recall my many failures on this one. To say that I have been there and done that is not flattering to me as I confess that I blew it and messed up so many times in this area. Let's face it "we're good Christian parents" and we should be able to do this.

The problem with good Christian parents is that we still try to parent in our own strength. Let's face it don't you get tired of refereeing every fight that your children have? The little guys are so irresponsible. They mess up everything you have planned in your perfect little world, home and the sofa, well one day you can buy a new one. By the way, about the time they become teens the old sofa will do just fine because they still spill stuff everywhere.

So let's talk about parenting out of your own strength and resources and abilities. When you do this you are teaching your children to live their lives the same way. To do it on their own. When I do the parenting on my own resources I and my child operate on "behavior, performance and external motivations." When I rely on Christ to work in me then I am teaching our children to "pursue Christ, relating to each other on a heart level, and being motivated internally."

How did we get to parenting on our own strength?

Our parents probably did the same and we were trained by them and learned from them.
From our own fears and insecurities. Let's face it don't we all fear that others will think bad about us if our kids aren't perfect? (by the way perfect kids aren't natural.)
We discipline in the methods we know best that leads to behavior modification but not a change of heart.
We view success and then we move our kids that direction, be it from teams, to dances, to dance teams, cheer leading; to us living our lives through their young lives in success.

Looking at these lists we see performance based and external motivations in our kids. If they look good, sound good, dress well, and are on the best things that make me look good as a parent, well then my parenting skills are working. Really?

The check list mentality that we are looking at is legalism. Legalism creates a difficult and negative impact on the family. If you hear yourself saying these phrases, look out:

Guilt. "You ought to...you should... or you could" are phrases we use to say our kids just don't quite measure up.
Fear. The fear that we instill in our children results from our won fear. When fear drives us, our method of rules and regulations, and the kids mess up we punish. (not discipline but punish.)
Performance. How easily we are saying that our kids are not measuring up to our standards.

Now before you deny or beat yourself up over these three words in handling your kids let me say that this is kind of a default setting for all of us. We all seem to gravitate to these in our natural lives. We can learn to parent supernaturally through the power of Christ. If we fail to parent through the strength of Christ we will see our teens do well at home and then they will 'go off the chain' when they graduate from high school. They do so because they no longer have to worry about the guilt, fear or performance they grew up under at home.

So how do we do this? We learn to parent by dieing to self as described in scriptures.
Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

GRACE is the word that we have to live through. You see God throws open the door and moves us into the freedom of his grace. Think about it this way:

God accepts us, and we please him simply because Christ's Spirit lives in us.
We can rely on the Spirit to supply us with all of his resources so that we are able to follow Christ faithfully and find fulfillment in him.
Practically, we have the freedom to use his vast array of resources to internally motivate us and our children.

Galatians 2:20-21, 5:1; 13, 16-18, 22-25 are the reasons for grace.
So what am I saying to you about parenting and your abilities? I am saying that you have everything you need to parent your children through Christ Jesus.

Think of it this way, if we want our children to respond to God and the wooing of the Holy Spirit in their lives how can they do that if we are always telling them what to do and harping on them when they don't meet our demands? As we teach our children, let's teach them to hear the Holy Spirit and that the focus of our discipline, actions and our conversations with them shows them how to hear the voice of God and not just my demands on them.

Our grace goal is to help our children become strong in the spirit as they learn to trust in the Holy Spirit that resides within them. Then as they get older and face more socially, morally, and spiritually demanding situations, the will begin to process the inner convictions to make Godly and Spirit filled decisions.

Parents, all of our other parenting issues will flow from this one decision about grace. This decision will determine how we operate as a family. Once we admit our inability to raise our children and desire to raise them by God's grace, all of God's resources become available to us.

2 Corinthians 9:8 "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."

If it is all in Christ, then we give it all to Christ. so that our all in all is Christ and not ourselves anylonger. This way we can stop Parenting Out of Our Spiritual Guides.

PF67-77

5 Tips on Raising Teenagers!

2011-04-19T09:49:00.000-04:00

5 Tips on Raising Teenagers! was that title of a recent blog post and article in the Western Recorder, the newspaper of the Kentucky Baptist Convention by Joe Ball...Youth Strategist for the KBC.

What struck me about this article was his openness and his honesty. You see we are friends and I have seen him do, say, and act out these things in his life and in his home. I write parenting blogs weekly and thought this one was extremely well written and wanted to share it with you in its entirety. Enjoy.

5 Tips on Raising Teenagers!
It seems that this season of ministry has me being asked a lot about parenting teenagers. I am sure some of that has to do with the season of life that Gina and I are in. In less than six weeks our youngest will turn twenty and we will no longer be the parents of teenagers. Wow, that doesn’t seem possible and that makes us proof that you can survive parenting teens.

I thought I would pass along some things that have been percolating in my soul about raising teens.

Understand you are not your parents. I love my parents dearly and am blessed beyond measure that God chose them for me, and I’m not just saying that because they read this article regularly. And even though my dad and I share a name we are not the same person. I strive to be like him in a lot of ways, but I am not him. And no matter how good or bad your parents were/are we are not them. We aren’t them and this isn’t the 1970”s so we cannot parent exactly how they did. We must sort through the “how” of our upbringing and become the parents we need to be for our children.

Remember your child is not you. This is tied directly to the first one yet deals with the other end of the spectrum. Just because we did or thought something at a certain age, doesn’t mean our children will do or think the same thing or respond in the same way we did at that age. Or just because a form of discipline did or didn’t work for us you does not mean it will have the same result on our child.

But probably where I see this the most is when it comes to sports or extra-curricular activities. I’ve seen countless students playing football, being involved in 4-H, band or dance just because that is an interest that parent has now or had as a teen. And it’s just not secular activities that we push are preference on, it happens in organizations and activities in church as well.

Each child is unique. I could write a book on this one, and probably several people have. But it is one area that we as parents have to work on the hardest. And in all honesty I think most of the issues here have to deal with us trying to be fair and not show favoritism. It usually plays out in, “well your sister didn’t get a cell phone until she was _________, so you’re not getting a cell phone until you’re _____________.” Or “your brother gets all A’s and B’s why can’t you”.

Each of us was created by God as unique individuals, with different talents, personalities, quirks, passions, skills, etc. While two students may be raised in the same house they are not raised in the same family. When Karen was born, she was an only child for almost 5 years, and then she became the older child. Jordan will never know what it is like to be the oldest child and his time as an “only child” came while he was in high school and his sister was away at college. One of our roles as parents is to help develop the uniqueness God created in each of our children.

Keep the end in mind. One of our primary roles as parents is too raise our children to be adults that follow God and have God’s eyes and heart for the world. I kept having to remind myself that some of the things that I saw in my kids that drove me crazy as a parent were things that would serve them well as an adult. While it drove me crazy that once Jordan made up his mind about something it was almost impossible to get him to change his mind. But when he became a teenager and was making more and more of his own decision and his friends had more and more of an influence on him, that that strong will was still there and that was a source of encouragement for me that he would stick to his guns and not be swayed by peer pressure.

Our job as parents is to disciple them along the way and to help them become the adults that God created them to be.

Enlist others along the way. Gina and I were both blessed in because our grandparents lived right down the street, and our first playmates were our cousins. We also had other adults in our lives that cared about who we were, knew are name, and looked out for us. As parent we can’t do this alone. Our children need the voice of others speaking truth into their lives. As a youth pastor I got the privilege of being “the other along the way” for countless students. My dad in his forty plus years as scoutmaster has gotten the same privilege for numerous boys. I will be forever grateful for those adults that spoke into the life of our children. Others are going to speak into the lives of our children, and I want them to be Godly men and women that will speak the truth of God into them.

You see!? Honesty and transparency when it comes to giving you 5 Tips on Raising Teenagers!

Promstitution Is Coming!

2011-04-11T09:54:00.000-04:00

Promstitution Is Coming! Okay, I know that is not a real word but it is one that has to be discussed annually with your teens, especially if they are old enough to go their school's Prom.

What do I mean about the word Promstitution? Well over the years in working with students and adults in youth ministry I have seen so many disasters that happen around the time of prom. Many times this will not even be realized until much later when there is an influx of teen pregnancies. By the way I had a nurse in a large metropolitan hospital tell me that the hospital always increased manpower on the obstetrics floor about 8-9 months after Prom and after graduation. It seems that for some strange reason there is an influx in the number of babies being delivered to teens 8-9 months after these special days from high school.

From a guys perspective, and I have had guys tell me this, "I spent money on the tickets, the corsage, the tux, the dinner, the ride, the meal, and pictures and all I get is hug and a kiss? I don't think so!" I know you think this guy is a real jerk, and rightly so, but think about the pressure that is placed on their date!

So what is a parent to do? Lock up your teen? (Not a good idea by the way.) You could refuse to allow your teen to go. Maybe. How about a sleep over at your home while you sit up all night to keep "those people" away? No. However, you can and should be proactive when it comes to the subject of Prom. You see Prom is that one event where we allow children to dress up like adults and act like adults, but THEY ARE NOT ADULTS.

In a recent Parenting Magazine I saw several great ideas to help you the parents. By the way if you are a parent of a teen, you need to start talking about this today, even if your student is not even close to being old enough to go to prom. You see you cannot over communicate.

So here are the top 5 things you can do with your teen and one added in for good measure.

Communicate with your teen. Yep, talk to them not at them. Don't lecture! this is not the time for you to be standing with one hand on your hip and one in their face. Communication goes both ways, talking, interpreting what has been said, decoding the information and returning the same to them. By the way asking questions here goes a long, long way.
Get some help from trusted others. Other adults in the lives of your teen will help you tremendously. Several times I have had students call me to get support for their side of an argument to find out that I agree with the parent. Small group leaders, or ever the Youth Pastor can help balance out the issues.
Agree on an escape plan! If your teen is in trouble, uncomfortable, or a little nervous about the evening and they want to escape but don't want to yell, "HELP!" on the cell phone; what to do? Come up with an escape plan and code word to get the help you need. It could be "I was calling to check on grand-mother", or "How did Billy do in the wrestling match tonight?", or how about "The kool-aide is not my flavor and I'm not wanting any at all.", wink, wink.... I think you get the idea. you decide on the words.
Set Appropriate Boundaries, Together. By the way this is done when you are communicating and talking together. Discuss curfews and appropriate times to be home. You can always stretch this IF YOU ARE BOTH COMFORTABLE with it. DO NOT TELL YOUR DAUGHTER THE TIME TO COME HOME IN FRONT OF THE DATE! She may want to come home earlier and now you have taken away one of her 'outs' by telling him the time to bring her home and she wants to end the date sooner.
Discuss The Boundaries Up-front and be Flexible. If you are one of those lucky parents that has 2 going out on the same night you know this already. The same thing for both of your children may not be appropriate. Be flexible about times on each child, IF IT WARRANTS it. If as the parent you do not feel it is in the best interest for your child to stay out to 1am when the prom is over at 11:30, make the call. However, if your child tells you that they are going to some one's home for a gathering afterwards, and you know and trust the adults there, then you can be flexible. Communication again.

Hey here's a freebie for you. Why not host the after Prom party at your home? You can have the place where the students hang out and have fun with them. One year I did this for my teen and several of their friends. One of the young ladies told her mom, who later told me, that the evening took the pressure off her as you can't do stupid stuff at your youth pastor's house!

Lastly remind your child, as a Christian, of who they are in Christ. As a daughter of God, they are a princess and deserve much better than mediocrity. As a son of God, they are royalty and cannot be taken down by the wiles of the evil one.

"Noted author and counselor Dan Allender has said, "You are the only you this world will ever know and something about you is meant to make something about God known in a way that no one else can!" You are his and he wants you to be the best you can be....

Be prepared, pro-active, and ready because, Promstitution Is Coming!

Adjust Your Parenting Style, Or Else!

2011-03-28T08:41:00.000-04:00

Adjust Your Parenting Style, Or Else! was the title of the devotional that I received this last week. It comes from Mark Gregston, who has been working with teens for over 25 years. He operates a home in Texas to help not only the teens but the parents as well. He has written numerous books and has a daily radio broadcast for parents. I am attaching the entire blog post that he sent me because I believe it is very similar to what I posted just yesterday that "It Hurts Too Bad to Parent". Remember I am here to help you as a Parent as you parent, disciple, and make a difference in the life of your teens.

"Most of us tend to parent the same way we were parented. Even those of us who vowed, “I’ll never do that to my kids,” often fall back to imitating what we saw from our parents. The problem is that the world has changed. Our parents would have been horrified by what our kids casually experience and discuss amongst themselves today. Things are different, and your kids are changing every day as well. Are you keeping up?

I went to Chicago recently—and I’m here to tell you that it’s a bad idea for a thin-blooded Texan to make a trip up north in the middle of winter! It was COLD. Fortunately before I left, I got a big warm coat (though it wasn’t big enough) and a hat and gloves to wear. I could have said, “I shouldn’t have to wear something different,” but I likely would have ended up in the Chicago morgue. Making that adjustment didn’t change who I was, it was simply a wise response to changing circumstances.

In the same way, sometimes parents can dig in their heels and refuse to change their parenting style to respond to the changes in the maturity of their children as they get older. But teens need their parents to recognize their growing maturity. To adjust from controlling to coaching them doesn’t mean you are surrendering your core values or throwing up your hands in futility and giving up; it means you are meeting your kids at their level and respecting their individuality.

Parents who are unwilling to adjust tend to push away their teenagers away or cause them to rebel. I’m not saying that they be allowed to walk all over you; rules and boundaries must be set and maintained. But adjusting can help your kids think you’re keeping up with their age and are in touch with their world—so they’ll be more likely to lean on you when they need help or to discuss the issues in their life.

Back in the Dark Ages when I grew up, information turned over every eleven years. Today, it happens every nine months. The pace of change has quickened, and if we are inflexible and refuse to acknowledge those changes, our kids see us as “dinosaurs,” out of touch with their world. It’s more vital than ever that we stay engaged with our kids. That means we need to know what’s going on in their lives and in their culture (which probably means we’re going to have to learn a new language or two) and to fit in with the way they relate to others in their world.

Unfortunately, another important authority in our kids’ life isn’t adjusting. Lifeway Resources recently did a study that showed 85% of kids never attend church again after they graduate from high school. It shows that there’s a huge disconnect between kids and the Church. After talking to and working with thousands of young people, I’ve discovered that many of them feel like what they’re being taught there simply doesn’t apply to the world in which they live. The Church isn’t answering the questions many of them are asking, and we can fail to so in our homes as well.

A New Way to Talk
The commanding communication style used when your kids were younger won’t work well when they are adolescents. So stop lecturing; start discussing. Stop talking; start listening. Please understand that I’m not saying the old way is wrong. It’s fine and it is needed for the care and nurturing of younger kids. But the changes in the thinking process of your teen will require a new way to talk to them if you want to really get through to them. Modifying the presentation doesn’t change the content of the message or the values of the messenger. It just makes it easier for you to get through to your teenager.

Many well-meaning parents think they can protect their kids by sheltering them. They spend very little time preparing them for the real world because they aren’t in danger at the moment. But they can only keep their kids isolated for so long. At some point they’re going out into that world—to a job, to college, to marriage—and it is vital that they be prepared for that day. When you taught your kids to swim, you probably didn’t pick them up and throw them in the deep end of the pool. You started them out splashing around in the shallow water, and gradually increased their exposure until they were ready and able to swim on their own.

Here’s a practical application of this principle: most parents wait too long to give their teens privileges and responsibilities. Typically they drag their feet for about six months past the point where they should have. I tell parents, “If you’re thinking about letting your teen do something, you probably should already have done it.” If they have to fight for their independence, they are actually in self-preservation mode; they innately know they need to test out freedom to adjust to the world in which they will have to survive.

Having said that, I remain absolutely committed to protecting kids from danger. For instance, I strongly urge parents not to let their 10-13 year old kids attend sleepovers or to be in the homes of their friends unattended. That may sound old-fashioned, but it is at that early age that much harmful experimentation goes on. If you look at the statistics of the first use of drugs, alcohol and sexual experimentation, it falls into that age range and anecdotal evidence points to kids picking up these habits when alone with their friends. Give your kids freedoms, but as we say in the horse world “let out the reins” slowly. Don’t do it in areas that will threaten their safety and their future, especially at the very impressionable “tween” years.

Breaking the Mold
One way to adjust your style is that instead of just telling your teenagers what to do (the way most of us were raised) have discussions with them; spend time working out the practical applications of the truths you have taught them. Rather than lecturing, ask questions. When you start asking questions, you convey a powerful positive message to them that they need to begin thinking on their own. Asking questions makes them feel valued—at the most devaluing stage of their lives. It empowers them to begin asking their own questions of you and about the negative things their peers may ask them to be involved in.

The answers you get to your questions will help you identify areas in which you may need to adjust or strengthen your teaching. Do not be judgmental or reactionary. If they are a teenager, you have already taught them all you’re going to teach them about your values; now affirm and guide them toward what is right. If I’m counseling with a young person and they give a negative answer, I say something like, “That’s interesting.” I don’t say “That’s wrong.” I then keep the conversation going (with more questions) and try to guide them rather than smother them. They’ll often come around to the right decision — based on the values they’ve been taught — if it is discussed openly and without condemnation.

My friend Walt Mueller, the founder and president of the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding, says that parents should look at themselves like cross-cultural missionaries when it comes to their teens. Many kids feel like their parents don’t understand their world and don’t speak their language—and they’re right. A missionary who goes to a foreign country takes time to learn the language and customs in order to be effective; they don’t just stand on a street corner and yell at people in English. Are you willing to put that kind of effort in to help your teen survive the trip to adulthood?

Adjusting to your teen’s age and maturity is like hitting a moving target. It’s not something you can do just once. As they grow and mature and face new challenges, you need to keep changing right along with them. The relationship is far more important than minor issues. Don’t violate your principles, but do focus on what matters most and set aside the rest. They say “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” but don’t wait until your teen spins out of control to make the needed changes. Engage your child now, on their level, and make any changes or adjustments in order to improve your relationship with them and to prepare them for the all too soon day in which they will be out on their own.

We talked about this issue in-depth on our radio program last weekend titled “Parents Learning to Adjust.” Listen online here (or look for the program dated March 16, 2011 at http://www.parentingtodaysteens.org/).

Remember, I am pulling for you 'cause we're all in this together. If I can assist you in anyway, just let me know.
Steve Coleman
http://www.twicechosen.blogspot.com/

It Hurts Too Bad to Parent!

2011-03-27T10:28:00.000-04:00

It Hurts Too Bad to Parent is what I heard a parent say not too long ago. They were referring to the messed up life that they had had as a child and teen. The parent was trying so hard to not make the same mistakes in their parenting of their teen that they were withdrawing and not doing the hard things that needed to be done for the child. Letting your children have whatever they want, do whatever they want to do, and you being the parent that is a push over is not good for your child.

Listen closely, there was only one perfect couple ever and they rebelled against their father too. Adam and Eve had it going for them and they blew it from perfection to something less than perfect! They started this thing called the fall of man, being marred imperfections of what God had first planned. However, even in this dysfunction, great things have come out of it. You may have come from a dysfunctional family, you did, and you may have a dysfunctional family, you do, but we are not to throw up our hands and quit because of it.

"No matter how healthy or dysfunctional a family is or how lovingly or un-lovingly your parents care for us, hurts happen. All of us have wound from our family!" If you have hurts in your life, and you do because we all do then we have options about them.

Try to ignore them and act like they never happened! This is not a healthy environment to be in because it doesn't work. It will come up somewhere else in our lives guaranteed.
Call out to Christ and get the help you need. Okay, so you have this persona that you are perfect and you don't want anyone to know you are flawed. (Hey, guess what no one things you are perfect so it's okay to be human.) Only Christ can make the difference in your life that you need to fully heal.

"When I Call On Jesus" is one of my favorite songs and has been for sometime now. You know there is a line in the song that says that mountains are going to fall! What mountain of pain do you have in your life that is keeping you from being whole right now? When you get your healing then you can better parent your teen.

"Look at your life. Where do you hurt? Behind the smile, where do you see bloodstains and tears? Do you realize that Jesus has already come to you and stays with you to bring healing to your hurts? Only Jesus can deliver us through our hurts and tears. He doesn't extract us from them or take us out of them- He leads us through them." You see Jesus has experienced our pain ahead of us. For these sins, your sins, he died.

Isaiah 53:2-5
"My servant grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot,
like a root in dry ground.
There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance,
nothing to attract us to him.
3 He was despised and rejected—
a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief.
We turned our backs on him and looked the other way.
He was despised, and we did not care.
4 Yet it was our weaknesses he carried;
it was our sorrows that weighed him down.
And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God,
a punishment for his own sins!
5 But he was pierced for our rebellion,
crushed for our sins.
He was beaten so we could be whole.
He was whipped so we could be healed."

Think about it this way:

"For those that feel ugly, He had no beauty.
Feel rejected, He was despised and rejected.
Have you suffered deep pain; He was a man of sorrow and grief.
Ever blamed God for your issues; he was considered stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.
If you have beaten or abused; He was pierced/wounded for something he didn't do.
If you suffer from losing a child or other close loved ones to death; He was crushed by death."

I guess what I am trying to say to some parents is that you may have suffered terrible things in your past but do not let your past affect your present and then destroy the future! You see you teens need YOU to be the best YOU, that YOU can be. Only Jesus will make you the best you can be in this thing called parenting.

"Honestly identify your pain, and humbly ask Christ to heal it!" Only when you overcome your pain will you stop making the excuse of It Hurts Too Bad to Parent!

PF48-54

United We Stand Divided We Fall!

2011-03-20T10:02:00.000-04:00

United We Stand Divided We Fall! is a phrase that many of us saw last year when the TEA Party rallies were held all over the United States of America. Now before you turn off this blog posting because I mentioned politics, stay with me as we are talking about Parenting.

If our country started out talking about being united as the United States of America and not the Divided States or the Independent, Solo, I'll Do It My Way States of America; the same is true in parenting. Parents you have to come together when it comes to this thing called parenting. I am talking about when parents think the punishment or the discipline that the child needs causes the parents to be opposed to each other; so what is the child to think? But when the parents are a united front, in agreement together before their child and they live this out infront of their child, well things just go better for everyone.

Severl years ago when our son was in High School he had this 'off the chain crazy hairstyle' not to be confused with ugly. His mother and I agreed on the hair style that it had to be clean and groomed and we were ok with that. He pushed us to get the tattoo and the ear ring. For us in our family this was not an option for him. We were in agreement over this issue. It turned out years later that the woman that he dated and married had a standard of not dating a guy with an ear ring or tattoo. LUCKY I guess.

Now listen I am not telling you how to do the same thing with your child, I am just sharing from our experiences. We said no. He understood where we were coming from and today, as an adult he still doesn't have the ear ring nor the tattoo. As an adult this is something for him to discuss with his spouse.

Parents this is not a time for you to be good cop/bad cop. One of you being the 'good parent' giving them whatever they want and the other parent being the 'bad parent' doing all the discipline. This will lead your child to failure. You have to learn to set limits and they have to learn to live within the limits. If they can't learn to live within limits then there is a real problem in adulthood.

So how can we help work through this when it comes to parenting?

Agree that your teen comes first. Agree to work on your differences by doing what is in the best interest for your teen in the long run and not the short haul for the parent. You know, you are tired and you don't want to deal with it. That is a cop out and the child is the one that suffers from it.
Pull from each other's strengths as parents. If one of you is a push over, and you know which one it is, then parents discuss the issue alone, without the teen there and come to a consensus. This way when you present your 'ruling' to the teen, you are a united front. Let's face it the divide and conquer thing has been going on for a long long time; remember when you did it?
Two parents and not Three! Don't include the teen in every decision you determine to make about them. Sure they can 'plead their case' but if you allow the student to be the one that keeps making the call then you are in trouble. I mean whom is the parent here?
Balance is the key. Many times you have a lenient parent and one that is more strict. Balance is good but let's face it you will not always agree with the terms of your spouse in disciplining of your teen. But know this, if you disagree and then undermine the 'ruling' or undermind your spouse not only will your teen suffer but your marriage will also. The last thing we need is for your teen to have conflict and then to watch mom and dad in the middle of a disentegrating marriage.

Several years ago I witnessed a dad make the ruling that their rebellious child could not be given any money for 'incidentals' at school because the child was causing too much trouble, bad choices and lifestyle. The dad held the line but he didn't know that mom was funneling money to the child because she couldn't stand the fact that her baby was doing without. The problem was that the child continued with all the bad stuff in their life because they could afford to; no consequences for their actions. When the dad found out about this it was devastating to their marriage.

Parents you have to pull together. If you are the parent of a teen, or God help you more than one teen, look down the road to when they graduate. You will have an empty nest and if you mess this up now and side with your teen over your spouse, well what will you have then? Know that you are facing an empty nest as a natural progression and you must draw closer to your spouse. You have to learn the good ole American way of United We Stand Divided We Fall!

BWT 45-48

Facebook Facts!

2011-03-16T10:19:00.000-04:00

Facebook Facts! I was having a conversation with several coworkers the other day and we were discussing the electronic media and our students. I was talking about how that students, yes your kids, have similar withdrawal symptoms when their cell phones are taken away from them as meth addicts do when they stop drugging.

Then as adults we too talked about how that we have our own vices. Me? Coffee. But I am better than I used to be, I only drink it now when I am awake. One said that if our Internet went down then we might as well go home! You know we all have them don't we?

I found some facts about facebook that I thought were fitting for our electronic world. Facebook has become a worldwide phenomenon and some of the numbers are striking to us as parents as we deal with our teens. Facebook facts:

Facebook has twice as many members as there are Christians in America.
72% of parents monitor their teen's online profile. (I think this should be 100%)
50% of parents check their kid's profiles at least once a week. (Really? Don't think it should be daily?)
98% of parents said their teen's online privacy is important. (Note: if it is on line, it is not private!)
80% of teens say their profiles are configured to hide information from their parents.
18% of students have been disciplined or embarrassed because of information they have posted.
82% of parents want to delete information from their teen's fb profile.

Resource: TRUSTe and Lightspeed Research

As I was looking at these facts about our new social network lives I was also looking at a review on the movie "The Social Network" and in the review I read the final line which said this, "Nothing is private, and everything is permanent." This line was talking about the things that we post on Facebook will be there, somewhere, in cyberspace forever. To quote a friend, "it's like having a billboard on the busiest interstate telling everyone that goes by, with your name attached, what you have posted."

From the spiritual point when I read this line, isn't this true in eternity? I mean to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ everything we have done is permanent and not even close to being private. Christ knows we are sinners. Christ died for sinners. Christ loves sinners. Christ knows I am a sinner. Christ extends grace to us that we can be forgiven and in all of eternity, we will have that forgiveness of our sins and relationship with Him.

So in a fun way I have learned to be more intentional in my walk with Christ today, it's permanent, and he knows me. Thanks for all your help Facebook Facts!

I Feel So Guilty!

2011-03-13T10:03:00.000-04:00

I Feel So Guilty! are the words that I heard a working mom say one time when she was talking about her little rug rat and her lack of discipline in his life. She knew that her 4 year old was the CEO of their home. Mom and Dad both worked hours and hours each day and they were away from their little tike most of the time. When they got home there were chores to be done around the house, you know laundry, cleaning the home, dinner, and getting little man ready for bed. Because mom was out of his life most of the day and he was in the day care environment she felt guilty trying to make him toe the line. There was guilt in her life because she didn't want the only time she saw him being wrapped up in rules, telling to do and don't, and him being unhappy.

The real problem with mom was that this issue was not about her son but more about her and her selfishness. YEP, her selfishness. It was about her and not about her son and his learning that life is about rules, guidelines, boundaries, and expectations. His being out of control was not his fault but his mother and father's issue of not being the parents.

Too many times parents allow fear and guilt/selfishness prevent them from helping their child, and especially their teen, from becoming responsible. "Guilt is a feeling of self-condemnation over doing something that hurts your child. Guilt is more about the parent, because guilt centers on the parent's failures and badness rather than on the teen's, or child's, difficulty and hurt." Guilt will keep you from doing something that will make your teen mad, get upset, disappointed, or frustrated, because you want to avoid an even greater sense of guilty feelings.

Dr. Townsend says this about the guilt issue. "Learn to experience remorse. Remorse is an empathetic concern for the pain that your teen feels. It is solution oriented. If you feel remorse over something you have done that hurt your teen, your focus is on helping your teen heal from the damage you may have done." Sounds good to me because (TRUTH ALERT!) as a parent you will let your teen down, you will frustrate them, upset them, and there will be times that will not like you! Understand that this normal! There will be times that you will not like them either. Trust me.

If you fear that your teen will withdraw from you if you set guidelines for him and then you back off because of that fear; bad news. You are teaching your teen that they can withdraw their love from you and you will cave in and give into them. Parents if you train, teach, and discipline this way; your teen may not have the problem here, you will. Students will withdraw when they are disciplined, it is normal. It is not normal to let them stay that way for an excessive amount of time so they may need your help to reengage but you are doing this for your child.

Your teen has to become their own person so don't take it personally when they withdraw. As parents we want our child to create their own opinions and identities. Once they learn to do this as a Christian teen they will learn to own their faith and not ride the coat tails of their parents in their faith.

Parents as a teen, especially boys, they seem to get mad, angry and upset a lot! Maybe they only get upset while they are awake but the anger thing seems to always to be there right below the surface. I know that some parents don't want to cross their kids because they might get mad at you. WAKE UP! Your teen will always be mad at you about something, it's in their nature and they will throw an angry fit which is a teens temper tantrum! "If your teen is never angry with you, you're probably doing something wrong! So let your teen get mad at you, and stay present with them, as long as they are in some control of themselves."

If your teen is normal, they will get upset at you when you set limits on them. Great! A normal teen! However, the end results are what you are looking for and not a retreat from any anger and guilt.

Setting the right guidelines and rules for your teen will help them in the long run as they are learning to function in society. Setting guidelines, and being the parent doing the hard things for the right reasons will help you to never say again, I Feel So Guilty!

BWT

Get Over Yourselves

2011-03-10T15:14:00.000-05:00

Get Over Yourselves sounds so ugly and it's not meant to be that way but there are times that we have to get over ourselves when we face things. Sometimes we have things happen to us because it is life. There are times that we find ourselves in a mess because we have made some bad choices in our lives.

In my last blog posting I explained that we have to find others to love on us as parents, to ground us, to walk in the issues that we find ourselves in with our kids. I am not so crazy to think that at least on person out there didn't think something like, "I can't do that because if they knew me they wouldn't like me" or something like "I don't want everyone knowing my stuff!" TRUTH ALERT! No one thinks you or any of us have it all together! We are all flawed, marred, and messed up from the fall of mankind in the Garden of Eden and none of us have it all together. At best we all have a house of cards and there has been no glue used in building it.

Here are some of the excuses that I have heard and probably some of you have also.

I don't want to burden others with my stuff. Really? You don't think these Christian people you know couldn't show you the love of Christ in your darkest hour?
As a Christian, I should be able to do this on my own. Really? Where does that show up in scripture? I think the word tells us that we need to bare one anothers burdens.
I am too embarrassed by teens actions. Really? There is nothing that teens do anymore that surprise any of us. Reality of what our teens are facing are shown on television everday and when they get caught up in it, well its not surprising anymore.
It is so hard to trust these people. Sounds like you have a problem that you will need to work through in building trust of others. Hey praying, really praying together will help you with the trust issue as they demonstrate Christ in your life.
We are so busy with the mess in our lives. Think about this. Because you are so busy this may have helped lead to some of the issues you are dealing with and struggles with your teen. Maybe, just maybe the time needs to be carved out to get someone into your lives to help you carry this heavy and unbelievable load!
The kind of people you are talking about don't exist in the real world. Your church is there for you and can help you during this time frame. Youth Ministers, your Pastor, and Sunday School or Small Groups are a great place to start and ask the hard questions. Pray hard prayers. Live the hard life as you are dealing with this mess.
I am afraid that some of the things in our home others might think badly of me. Sure there is always that potential but in reality, those that I have worked with over the years, the stuff that they worried about; not that big of a deal. Their teen coming back to the Lord, or the victory that occurred in their marriage is much better than the stupid stuff that anyone could ever worry about.

Having someone in your lives to help is like having surgery. When we have surgery it is painful, there are scars, and there is a mess to work through but the end results we are better than ever before. The other thing that happens is that we can now minister to someone else when they go through the similar thing you are dealing with. 2 Corinthians 2:4 says this, "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort given to us." So, it's biblical to help others during their difficulties. When we do this it helps all to Get Over Yourselves!

No Loose Connections

2011-03-09T11:58:00.000-05:00

No Loose Connections are important to almost everything we do. You know what happens when you have a loose connection on the phone line, the modem, the wireless goes down due to a loose connection and the power goes out. How about in the car when the spark plug wires are not connected firmly and there is a loose connection, there is a major loss of power. Guess what? The same is true in your life, in your family, and in your parenting.

Do you remember that home when you were young where everyone went to hang out at? You know the adults there seemed to always have kids hanging out there? Maybe your home is or was that way with everyone hanging out.

This kind of home is important to the lives of your teens, as long as you know and approve of it and you know the adults there. But "your teen needs for YOU to be connected to othe adults in meaningful relationships." Yep, you the parent need other adults in your life.

You see when our students see us in great or good relationships with other adults it just demonstrates to them how good it can be. If you as a parent isolate yourself from other adults you are modeling to your teen that this is a healthy option for them; and it's not. I am a firm believer that God did not create us to be solitary figures without others in our lives. Remember Adam was alone for a bit and God created him a helpmate. Not just to correct the problem with the first model!

It has been proven that people that are alone get in real trouble. In fact, the HALT method stands true, and be on guard for it.

Hungry, don't really hungry, you tend to over eat, not eat, or eat poorly.
Angry, don't get really angry because you will say or do something you will regret later.
Lonely, when you get lonely you take measures to not stay that way and that's not healthy for you.
Tired, when we are tired we don't think correctly and make poor decisions for ourselves and others.

So why do I need other adults in my life and why do you?

You need grace in your life. I have made so many mistakes parenting that it is so easy to beat yourself up over the errors you have made. People in our lives that will love us, walk with us, and help us to get over ourselves. Find some real people that are not really impressed with our parental facades of how perfect we are! They won't be shocked because they know you are real. Here's the deal find some folks that you can be real with and they know, as you know, that right now you don't have it all together.
Identify in likeness with other parents. This means you are not perfect, they are not perfect, neither of you are insane (as far as we know) and you are not weird because you are the parent of a teen. As another couple or several couples can come together and know each other's stories and not think bad about each other. Sure you would have done something differently when you hear the stories but you can know each other enough that you can speak truth, with grace into each other's lives.
Find those 'Been There Done That' people to help you. I would say mature people but that seems to me old people but it's not about age, it's about wisdom. However, if you have an older Youth Minister who has been through the parenting jungle or disasters with their own children, well that's a Godsend for you. They know there is light at the end of the tunnel and it's not always bad, just sometimes.
Stabilization in your life. Find these people that will help you become grounded in your storms. It's easy to see what our students are going through and we get our insides torn out and we panic. Our students even in the disaster they have created for themselves may be feeling the same thing. One of you have to be grounded in this mess.

So remember that you were created for relationships with others and with God, through Jesus Christ. Christ is your support and the power of the Holy Spirit will help you when you feel so helpless. Let's face it there are times that being a parent drives you to your knees, so while you are down there, PRAY.

What I want for you when things are nuts, going crazy and you feel you are coming apart to slow down, pray, seek God, and find others to help you so you will have No Loose Connections.

Follow The Leader

2011-03-08T09:48:00.000-05:00

Follow The Leader is one of those games that you play as a kid that can be fun for awhile until you are either are not the leader or you get tired of failing to complete the tasks the leader does before you. Believer it or not parenting our teens is the same. Parents are the leaders and many times they lead in such a way that their teen is set up for failure or the parent refuses to lead the way they should. The teen sees this and refuses to follow the examples laid out by Dad and Mom. So what are you to do? Great question.

"Teens will develop self-control and responsibility to the extent that their parents have true and healthy guidelines/rules for their own lives." It has to be more than "do as I say and not as I do" stuff. Your teen is watching you and if you are "wishy washy", yep old term words, and don't hold the line, then your rules/guidelines are meaningless. Our teens watch us and use that as their guideline in their lives. Let's face it the more our teens experience the negative consequences of poor choices, the more everyone learns from doing the wrong thing. I.e. "If I put my hand onto the stove I get burned. Answer: don't put your hand on the stove!" If you never learned this one as a kid you have the scars to prove it.

4 strong guidelines for you, the parent to develop first:

Define who you are, what you expect and what you really value. You know what you are expecting from your teen. In other words, "Start with the end in mind first!". If you fail to vocalize, establish your goals, or what your expectations are don't get get mad at your teen when they mess up because in their minds the expectations are not clear. Your child needs you to guide them because if you don't the world, and this culture will dictate that to them. You will not like where the world is taking them.
Separate yourself from your child and understand that as they get older they make their own decisions and must suffer their own consequences. Sure they will get mad, angry, full of DRAMA all the time and craziness; that's not you and it doesn't define you. If you are not separated from your child's emotions, consequences etc. then you will feel it's your responsibility to make your child happy. ALERT: teens are seldom happy no matter how hard you try. Many teens are only happy if they are unhappy. Go figure.
Learn to tell the truth in your rules/guidelines to your family. Your student is being lied to by the culture to get them to do what the culture wants so you become the truth agent. Listen teens want you to be real. They can smell a phoney a mile away! Get real, be real and tell the real truth to them. Confrontation to your teen is not a bad thing. Thinking it will go away on its own never works. If you allow it, if you permit it, if you decide to not to address an issue; you are teaching them that what they are doing is acceptable. When they cross the line, or draw a line in the sand and dare you to do something about it; DON'T DISAPPOINT THEM, LET'S ROCK! The real world will tell them when they mess up; driving, jobs, grades, etc. and you are preparing them for real life.
Keep on trucking! OK you are too young to know this but here is a news flash for you. Students will try everything they can to wear you down, to make you chase rabbits with them and then circle back to what they want. They will throw up smoke screens and try to blind side you or make you so tired that you will do what they want. I heard this said by a psycologist one time, "When your kid throws a fit, outfit them!" Keep on trucking, don't give up and don't let them get the upper hand; you are the parent! Now while we get tired of this daily fight, it is helping them to learn to better negotiate in the real world. If you roll over too easily or at all, you are teaching them that this is how the world will treat them. That's not fair to them because it's not real. Don't set your child up for failure.

Ok the spiritual part for you and I really like this one. I now live off a real curvy road that has an S-curve with guard rails on both sides. There is one stretch of this road where it appears that someone went through the rail and crashed. Someone didn't negotiate the twists and turns correctly and had a loss.

Parents, God has called you to be a guardrail for your kids. They may crash into you, over and over, and over again but you are there to help them to not break through and have a terrible loss. You have to be strong! You may get beat up, so to speak, tired, or even weakened some but your kids need you. You are teaching your kids to stay on track, on the road that is laid before them.

Now stay with me cause we will be moving soon to the teens, students and the kids but parents have to be strong first before we can address our kids. I want to give you the support you need first. Many that I have been working with of late need support, guidance, and prayer coverage.

Remember I am pulling for you as you Follow The Leader!

Getting To Know Your Teen

2011-03-07T07:04:00.000-05:00

Getting To Know Your Teen may sound like something that you can breeze through because after all, this is your child, your baby, the one that you have brought into the world and they are your world; you know them. Well, maybe not. We see our students as our children even when they are older, much older. I have had to adjust to this new role in my children's lives as they are not who they once were because they are now adults of their own.

When I say you need to get to know your teen don't block me out over this. Several years ago I had the opportunity to teach a class at the local high school in which my daughter was attending. I ate in the cafeteria, you just can't pass up a meal like that, and I saw the environment that the students were being educated in. That evening when my daughter came home, I hugged her, kissed her on the forehead and bragged on her. You see I understood her better after that event. I knew her better than I had the day before.

So what is a parent to do?

First of all get to know them better. What does this mean? RELATIONSHIP is the word. This may take some time especially if you have been butting heads over changing their behavior everytime you get together. Relax, for a bit, and just get to know your teen.
Listen more. I know that as parents we get angry because our teens just don't listen to us. Guess what? Most parents don't listen to their teens. Listening is a lost skill. Most of us listen so we will know what we are going to say in rebuttal. Just make eye contact and listen; fix the problems later.
Ask real listening questions of your teen. Let's face it we ask dumb questions and then get upset that the student doesn't answer what we really want to know. We ask, 'How was school?" they answer, "fine!" and we get upset. What we really wanted to know involved more. Ask better questions such as, "Hey, you were haveing a test in science today, how was that? How do you think you did" or "How do you think others did on the test, did they say it was hard?" Better questions and you can get better conversations.
Take away the pressure. Don't back your kid into the corner and give them the third degree. Continue a great relationship with them and tell them that you want to keep that relationship solid. This will require the two of you talking from time to time and just spend some time together. Cray but it works; it's a lot better than the stool, dark room, single light overhead and the rubber hose!

These tips are here to help you connect with your teen. I recommend that you find an activity that says you want to spend time with them. You can play video games, shoot b'ball, or whatever; it's just safer for the student to talk to you. Maybe you have a favorite resturant that you can eat and talk together. Find that place that makes things easier for you to talk to and not at your teen.

Now the spiritual part for us. To maintain and create a successful quiet time each day, you need a routine. Find a place that you use when you meet with Christ and read the word. It may be a special place in the house that you set aside just to meet with Christ. A place, a chair, table, journal or something so that if others seeing you do this they know you are meeting with God. If we have a place, a routine, or something that we do to talk with our teens, or get to know them better; whatever, it is; your relationship with them will be better.

Let's face it, the whole reason you are doing these things is so you will be "Getting To Know Your Teen"

It Starts At The Top!

2011-03-03T15:55:00.000-05:00

"It Starts At The Top!" is so true when it comes to a running a business, a church, or a home. Parents it starts with you. I remember the days where I messed up, said one thing and then did the other only to watch my teen learn from me on how be inconsistent.

So when it comes to parenting our teens and students what are we to do as a parent?
As a parent we are the ones that have to model responsibility, self-control and honor in front of our students. Parents have to live what they are teaching their teen. In other words it is NOT do as I say and but do as I do.

One of the ways to help you with your student is for you to take a trip down memory lane.

True you have never been a teenager during the current turbulent times that your teen is living in, but remember you were a teen dealing with some of the same things your student struggles with. Self esteem, a sense of belonging, fear, and not knowing who we are in Christ are true for any age; adults as well. But know this, "The more you can recollect how you felt and what you did then, the better a parent you will be"

It is difficult for your teen in living every single day during the teen years. But parents that recall their past tend not to judge their teens too harshly for being teens; of course they can't be too lenient either thinking they are just kids. Parent recall your memories but it is not necessary for you to air your dirty linens in front of your student. They don't need to think they have to out live YOUR past too.

Because you have a past you can better empathize with your teen and recall what it was that helped you through those times in your own life. See if you can recall:

Who stuck with you without giving up on you?
What truths helped you make sense of the world?
What did you learn from the consequences of your actions?

Think of it this way, you are who you are and you do what you do because of whom you have become due to your past experiences, both good or bad. Now many may be reading this and recalling their teen years when they too were arguing with their parents saying something like, "You just don't understand me!". "When I am 18, (or 21) I am out of here." Or maybe you are like the adults that remember the good old days and only think about the good times they had with nothing bad ever going on. Maybe; but I bet there were some storms in your history and not just the sun shinning days.

So Dad and Mom I want you to think back to your time as a teen. Think about when you were certain ages and then think how you REALLY were. You may have to journal, that is writing things down so you will remember. Maybe you should meet with other adults, or groups of adults for coffee and talk about your teen years. You can think about how you are the way you are because of your past. Maybe you have thought about your teen years and have decided to never go there again. If this is you, be careful, because you may be thinking that my child will never be this like I was and I'm going to make sure of it!

Parents it's tough to be a parent but you have to look at the long haul for your student. So when you have that next blow up, argument, or knock down and drag out fight remember to extend grace to them. That doesn't mean that students don't have to be responsible for the consequences of their actions but grace can still be extended to them. Remember that these years are hard for them like never before as they grow and prayerfully mature.

I know it's hard but it is still rewarding. Remember, "It Starts At The Top"

Parenting Is A Life Sentence!

2011-03-02T16:41:00.000-05:00

Parenting Is A Life Sentence! It is just determining how you want to serve your sentence! If you have been around my for very long, you will have heard me make this statement. You see even when your children are older, hopefully wiser, and in much more debt, you are still the parent. You see my father passed away at age 66 and his mother was still living when he passed away. She told me that he was born on a Saturday morning and he went home to Jesus on a Saturday. You see she was, and is, still a parent.

Lately my heart has been breaking over things I am seeing in our culture about students, disrespect, dishonor, lack of character, bold face lying, and thinking that their parents can't tell them what to do. I know this has probably been around since I was a rebellious teen many years ago, last century actually. But there is something different about what I am seeing now. You see I am seeing NO MEASURABLE DIFFERENCE IN THE STUDENTS AT THE LOCAL SCHOOL AND THE STUDENTS THAT CLAIM CHRIST AS SAVIOR!
I am heartbroken for many of our parents that seem so frustrated and want to throw up their hands in despair and quit.

So what can one Youth Minister do? Well I can support, equip, and write so our parents might have someone to help them, to walk with them, to hold them up in prayer and be there for the parent as well as the student.

That being said I am going to spend the next several blogs working on somethings in the area of parenting of teens. The direct audience will be the parents but there will be times that the teens might want to take a look at what I am telling their parents about them.

I am not an expert! I am a parent, I am a grand-parent, and I too have had my share, maybe more than my fair share of failures, but I know one thing for sure; we have to help each other as much as we can. I have listened to crushed parents and I want to help glue them back together. Parents that are cruising down the river called denial and clueless. Parents that think there is nothing they can do now because it is too late. I can tell you this, BUNK! You are the parent and you can make a difference. God put you in charge and you can do it.

So over the next few days, weeks, etc. I will try to post things to help you out and give you practical things you can do to move your teen into adulthood responsibly.

Remember I'm pulling for you because we're all in this together and "Parenting Is A Life Sentence!"

Growing Pains Hurt!

2011-02-28T09:22:00.000-05:00

Growing Pains Hurt! That is why they are called growing pains. Pain comes when we grow in our body's. You may not remember the feelings, the pain, the awkwardness that came from shooting up in what seemed to be overnight when you were a teen. I work with teens and they go away for a week of so on summer vacation and come back to youth group with deeper voices, facial hair, and are much taller than they were before; and that's just the girls! Aha, just joking; seriously I was joking.

During the summer months of my Sophomore and Junior year in High School I was racked with pain. My legs hurt so badly at night that I went passed man tears, you know, "something is in my eyes" to full out weeping due to the pain. I would rub them with liniment, alcohol, hot water, whatever I could find and they still hurt. I was ready to go to the doctor when I was told by my grand-mother that I was going through "growing pains". Really? That isn't just something that we have created but it is real?

Yep growing pains. Then the term made me think about what about other things that go through growing pains. Businesses go through growing pains when they are doing so well that they have to expand and during the expansion they post a sign, "Please excuse our growing pains." They lose business through the time they are expanding because it is messy, inconvenient, and it slows down their forward movement. Later on everything picks back up as their customers come back in droves and bring others with them.

What about churches? Churches have growing pains as well but sometimes the suffering or the pain takes longer to correct than it should. Sunday School or small groups are growing so quickly that the numbers are increasing and then there is a falling away because of being over crowded. How about needing more workers or teachers and not having enough? Has any church anywhere EVER had too many workers or the full amount that they need? You see the thinking in some churches and growing pains is that waiting them out or hoping they will get better is NOT an option. WHY? We aren't talking about pains, patients, or customers but souls. We are talking about those that need their eternity secured with the Father. Churches don't have the luxury to talk about it, talk about, think about it, and finally decide to start deciding about what to do. PRAY IN POWER, listen to God, and trust him. By the way, sometimes God doesn't make sense to us, so be ready! Buckle up! Time to try the new, the outlandish, the "big audacious dreams that a big audacious God can handle!"

Right now it hurts, sure. However, don't try to wait it out. There are too many too far away from God and we need to connect them to the one and only now. We have to because the pain for a moment is monetary compared to eternity. It won't hurt that bad to move forward. Sitting still and doing nothing is not an option for us because "Growing Pains Hurt!"

Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting!

2011-02-23T11:49:00.000-05:00

Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting! Yep you read the line correctly. The movie, the old movie with Chevy Chase teaches parenting techniques. Now before you think I have lost my mind, or that I ever had a mind, or there he goes again, let me explain and build my case.

In the movie, the golfing character played by Chevy Chase is practicing golf and teaching one of the caddy's about life. He is playing golf, putting, making all of these strange sounds like dunnnannnnnnnnannn.....when he kicks, hits, or putts the ball. While he is doing this he keeps talking about "Being the Ball"when you play golf. That is you must become one with the ball, be the ball, understand the ball, etc...

It was at this moment that it hit me, PARENTING TECHNIQUE!

Here's the scenario I have seen played out too often, and now that I have grand-children, yes I do have 4 and now someone to play with, I tend to watch for this in them. As an example have you ever been in the store shopping and a parent comes down the isle with their little terror in the basket or in hand. The mom or dad is trying to complete the shopping before her little one reminds the world that they are in control. The parent says something like, "If you are good, I will take you to grand-mother's house when we are done." This is a secret code for "now is the time for you to erupt!" The child yells, kicks and screams, "I don't want to go to grand-mother's house!"

Due to shear embarrassment, the parent backs down and says, "OK, we don't have to go to grand-mothers house if you don't want to." REALLY?! The CEO of the family, this little tike in tow made the decision not to go to an adults home just because the pouted, temper tampered, and whined their way into getting their way? How does this train and equip your child for the future in school, in social gatherings, or work?

The boss comes in one day and asks the employee to do something that they really don't want to do and the employee screams, cries, and yells "I don't want to do that!" The employee pouts, holds their breath and the boss does the only thing they can do; call 911 as an adult has totally lost it.

You see Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting when being the ball should be translated to be the parent. You are the parent. You are the one that sets the rules. You are the one that has the veto power of events. You are the final say so. WHY? Because it is time to Be The Parent.

In love a parent of a toddler makes the calls and that is it.
In love with a teen a parent still makes the calls and has input from their teen. The teen has to realize that the buy in from them also helps them realize that there are consequences to their failure to perform, obey, or to be respectful to the parents. Be The Parent when the teen yells, rolls their eyes, or is disrespectful to you when you have to hold the line to make the consequences of their failures to be obedient. You see you are not having a battle with your teen you are training them to fully function in society, culture, and to become responsible adults in a timely manner.

Parents I am here for you. If I can help you, let me know.
Be The Parent!
Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting!
Fore!

Stay In The Word

2011-02-15T17:12:00.000-05:00

"Stay In The Word!" has been my mantra for a long, long time now. In fact, I have said it for so long that one of the schools that I used to hang out at and do chapel from time to time gave the saying to me on a plaque which hangs in my office today. My current assignment from God at my current church I have the same phrase and say it every week and ask our students if they have read their Bibles everyday for the last 7 days. We do a kind of count down to about 4 days a week.

This 4 days a week means that the students that have raised their hands, Sunday School Teachers too, have read their Bible over 50% of the days in any given week. I wish I could tell you that this about 100% of our folks in our Sunday School and Youth Ministry on any given Sunday, but it is not. However, I can tell you that it runs 50% or more of those present almost every week. So why do I tell you this? Because I am upset about churches that meet, greet, do church and then go home and never stress the Word of God or teach it.

I read this just the other day and I quote it for you now:
"IN my good friend Joe Ball’s article in the Western Recorder he stated that several surveys indicated the following:
          “Only 16 out of 100 of those who regularly attend our churches read their Bibles everyday;
          another 32% read the Bible at least once a week. This mans that more than 50% of people who
          come through our doors on a regular basis only read their Bible occasionally, perhaps one or two
          times a month, if at all!”

As church leaders, concerned citizens, and Christian parents or guardians, we should be appalled at this number. The only way for our country to become better is to be in God's word and apply it. Even secular colleges and universities state that incoming Freshman should have read several 'classics' and one of those books it the Bible! Come on, we gotta do better!

So what are we to do? Well several things. We should be an example for our students and kids, read it for yourself in front of them, with them, challenge them to do it; question them when they say they have read it. Just do it!

I guess what I am saying is that as Christians we should want to read the Bible, to spend time with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords; the one who died for us. For me I just don't understand a Christian that doesn't want to read God's Word, I don't! I understand you not liking asparagus or carrots but the Bible? Come on, belly up the the Bible and Stay In The Word!

I'm Pulling For You, We're All In This Together!

2011-02-14T21:07:00.000-05:00

I'm Pulling For You, We're All In This Together! is a saying that I have been using for years and it's not mine. I must confess that I 'borrowed it" from another great philosopher by the name of Red Green from the Red Green Show on Public Television. In the show he is talking to 'older men' about things in life that seem to affect them at this stage of their lives. Things like hair growing in places that it never has before, such as an ear; or hair not growing where it once did like the top of your head. He gives folksy advice that you can use to cope with this stage of your life.

I have been using this phrase for years at the conclusion of most of my articles in youth ministry or at the end of my monthly newsletter called NETMA, which stands for "Nobody Ever Tells Me Anything"and I give it out to the parents. The reason that I use this phrase is that for this time period in the lives of parents of teens I'm Pulling For You, We're All In This Together in discipling, disciplining, and teaching the students. But here's the rub! I am not responsible for the student in these areas but the parent is. However, I am here to help the parent through these 'turbulent' years.

I have been there and done that. I have read, and continue to read books, articles, and talk to other youth pastors about how to deal with students in certain situations. How do we help parents to be the leaders in their homes? Bottom line, always remember, "I'm Pulling For You, We're All In This Together!"

Now for the parents of students in our Youth Ministry that might read this know that I am here for you. It is not my job to reach you, teach you, or to be there for you! That's right, it is not my job; it is may calling! I love to help you, to teach you, to equip you; pray for you and to just be a listening ear if you need to talk.

To parents and friends that are not in my local Youth Ministry and you are reading this; then you too are in my area of influence. Email, call, txt or tweet and I will help you anyway way I can. Why would I make myself available to you or to anyone for that matter? There is only one true reason: I'm Pulling For You, We're All In This Together!

Your Best Friend

2011-02-08T10:40:00.002-05:00

Your Best Friend, is a highly fought after role in many student's lives, adults too when you think bout it. But in reality, your best friend may not be a person at all. Let's face it when it comes to living our lives for the glory of God and the better of mankind, our best friend is not a person at all but self-discipline and self-control. Yep, you see your best friend is in you, and you get to control it. So as you read this devotional that I received a few weeks ago, take a minute to read the word, to understand what it is talking about and to apply it to your lives. You see you are Your Best Friend!

One of Your Best Friends

Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. Proverbs 16:32

Why can’t I lose weight? Why can’t I get in shape? Why can’t I consistently spend time with God? Why can’t I get out of debt? Why can’t I break this bad habit? Maybe it is because of a lack of self-control. Could it be that many, if not most, of our personal problems are caused by a lack of self-control?

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote: “Great is the art of beginning, but greater the art is of ending.”

Somewhere past the starting point a problem exists. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a genie who could help us finish what we start? Or, an angel that would protect us from falling into the snares of the evil one? Or, a guide that would direct us on the straight and narrow path of godly upright behavior? Unfortunately, we don’t have those available to us. But we do possess the inner dynamic of self-control, which is a needed and essential virtue for effective living.

Self-control is one of the best friends we can have. It is one of the best friends we can introduce to our kids. It will enable us to become the persons we want to be and to perform the activities we want to do. We need to cherish this friend always. It is a real lifesaver.

Yet self-control extracts a high price. Following one of the famed Polish concert pianist Ignace Paderewski’s outstanding performances, a fan said to him, “I’d give my life to play like that.” The brilliant pianist replied, “I did.” On another occasion Paderewski was asked by a fellow pianist if he could be ready to play a recital on short notice. The famous musician replied, “I am always ready. I have practiced eight hours daily for forty years.” The other pianist said, “I wish I had been born with such determination.” Paderewski replied, “We are all born with it. I just used mine.”

The point is not that we could all become concert pianists just by exercising enough self-control. But when it comes to effective living we each have the makings of triumph, if we will apply our wills and come under God’s control and pay the price.
##

So there you have it. What do you need today that you will need help with from Your Best Friend?

Parents Are Vital!

2011-02-07T14:42:00.005-05:00

This last weekend I was at Southeast Conclave in Chattanooga Tennessee with about 1100-1400 other youth workers, teachers, preachers and students. We were challenged by great speakers and several break out sessions. The one I taught on staying in the Youth Ministry for the long haul was particularly good, uhm..however, one of the sessions Dr. Jackson from New Orleans Theological Semainary, taught a session on what it takes to make a good kid. What do good kids have in common. The seminar was inciteful but also a true reminder of the number one roll of parents in the lives of their teens. Pastor Ryan Epps put together the notes from this break out session on line in his blog. Instead of me retyping the same facts, the same notes, from the same seminar; I thought I would copy his blog, give him the credit and post it for you.

This doesn't gurantee that your child will always turn out right because they live in a sinful world, and man is a fallen creature. However, this is set for you to read so you will be in the know and understand that you are to be faithful to the Lord God no matter what nor how hard it may be.

It's a great read. Take your time, ponder the facts, and as I always say, "Stay In The Word."

Parents…you are vital!!

This past weekend was a phenomenal time at Southeast Conclave in Chattanooga and we all left energized and motivated even greater in the calling to young people and their families. I sat in one of Dr. Allen Jackson’s (no not the country singer) seminars which was titled, “What makes good kids good.” While most of the information he shared we already know deep down, I would like to share some very valuable facts I gathered from my time that I pray can help confirm some issues for parents.

Allen says that some things most of us know, we have a generation that has quit coming to church (18-30 yrs old). There are some things to think about here. Most Christian students don't know how to explain what they believe in. I believe they may have a lot of knowledge from home teaching, children & youth ministry teaching, and possibly even Christian schools. When they are faced with heavier life decisions, secular college professors challenging them, and college life hammering down, they soon discover that all the knowledge was never rooted in the heart and lifestyle. In Christian Smiths book, “Soul Searching,” he calls this, “religion operating in the background.” Allen says that this is called, “Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.”

Moral: I know right from wrong / Therapuetic: I need God to make me feel better. / Deism: Maybe God did create the world, but He really isn't involved in day to day life.

With this expressed, this is what I would like to share with parents. There have been millions of teenagers surveryed over the past 30 years all across the country. Despite the rise of many factors in young peoples lives, one major truth still stands. The single most important social influence on religious life is their parents. Richard Ross says that the family environment around young people is a major variable in how things go for them in adulthood.

Let’s think about the Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.

a. They know right from wrong (Moralistic) because parents spend so much time sharing this in their discipling. The larger influence here is the parents living the example of making the decision between right and wrong.

b. They want God to make them feel better (Therapeutic) because they connect this aspect to their parents. Parents want to make their children feel better and many times try to “fix it.” This is totally natural and having my own child, I understand this. The greater influence would be the parent who teaches their child the possible purpose God has in the midst of their struggles. The parents need to let them experience the struggles, grow from them, thus being stronger because of them instead of trying to remove them from the problem. Yes, there are some issues that parents need to remove the child from, but there are many others that they could help lead their child through.

c. They believe for the most part that God created the world, but don't really think He is involved in day to day life (Deism). I believe that part of this is because they relate Gods involvement to church attendance on a Sunday and/or Wednesday and dont experience much outside of this. Parents can have a huge hand in this developement by taking the main role in being the ones who disciple their kids. Help them see God through their day when daily debriefing time comes in the evening before bed or whenever that time is for the family.

Ulitmately, young people will come to the age of accountability and personal responsibility, but I believe parents are the most impoartant factors in that developement. The choices and lifestyles of the parents are key, but also just as vital is the parents involvement in purposed discipleship teaching.

All of this helped me years ago to realize that it wasn't the youth ministries fault (or the Youth Minister) we are losing teens. Yes, I believe they play a huge role, but I believe parents are the best ones to disciple their kids.

Parents, I know it is a huge task to be this to your child, but the lifelong rewards are phenomenal. I don't believe in the statement, “its just too late.” No matter what age your child is, if they are still in your home, it is never too late to embarq on this journey with your child. I would love to share tangible ideas and directions you can take with your child. Feel free to contact me. I would love to come along side you in these efforts.

STATS: Dr. Jackson mentioned a few stats that are worth mentioning. He asked a couple thousand seminary students who are just previously post high school whom have stayed connected in the church and living moral lives what influences helped them.

a. 75% said parents/grandparents were their main influence.

b. One of the top contributing factors were that their parents were consistent in their own faith.

c. They described adult volunteers in the youth ministry as mentors.

d. Church was positive when friends were mentioned. (We need to create an environment where each student is missed and valued).

e. Most of them worked 10+ hours per week or played varsity sports. Creates discipline. (get them away from hours of video games, internet, & T.V.).

f. “Youth group” was mentioned as more positive than “church.” (they need more than just to sit in a worship service and miss out on the youth programs and activities)

g. 9th grade was pivotal – this is a developmental shift to the ability to think logical.

h. Each student needs 7 adults whose belief in them is unwavering and who speak encouragment into their lives. 2 of them need to be parents. (Proof that students need to be plugged into a youth ministry with loving adults).

*Just a few facts and stats to think about.
http://ryanepps.org/2011/02/07/parents-you-are-vital/ from Boone Trail Baptist Church, Johnson City, TN.

Owning My Faith

2011-02-07T09:12:00.004-05:00

Owning My Faith is not a youth only issue. How many times have we seen adults that live in the blessing of their parents and even grand-parents and their faith. You know, "Well my daddy was a deacon at the church, we were up at the church every time the door was open. Why, if the preacher was up there scrubbing the windows on Saturday we took a picnic lunch and yard chairs just to sit and watch him!" Really? Never thought about helping him or even doing the windows as a ministry to him, the church or the Lord? I digress, that is the subject of another blog later.

How about the person that talks about the greatness of their grand-parents as they walked with the Lord all their days, took them to church, taught them what prayer, scriptures, and faith fullness was all about but yet this person has walked away from that kind of faith.

Most of our Youth's Parents want their children, their teens, to own their own faith and will say so. However, their is a major disconnect here. If the parent's faith is weak, non-existent, or living on the blessings of the days gone by, do the parents really own their own faith? They are demonstrating to their kids what it means to be a Christian everyday and if they follow mom and dad who are not living on their own faith, well the student will be left with little to nothing.

I received this devotional from Tyndale House Publishers and wanted to post it so others could see it. Owning My Faith is critical in my own relationship with Jesus Christ. Enjoy.

I just realized that I’ve been living off of the faith of my parents.
How do I own my faith?

Living off of someone else's faith is like borrowing something from a friend. No matter what you borrow--a car, cell phone, clothes, CDs, or faith--it isnt yours and must be returned.
Solomon was challenged to 'learn to know the God of your ancestors intimately' (1 Chron 28:9). In other words, he wasn't to settle for hearing how someone else trusted God. He needed to find out for himself.

During these years, your faith will be tested. Friends who do not believe in Christ may see nothing wrong with doing things that would cause your conscience to start screaming in protest. That's when you will have to make a choice: Will you go along with your friends or will you stand on what you believe? If your faith is strong (if it is yours and not your parents or your youth leaders), no amount of pressure from friends will be able to blow you away. (See Matt 7:24-27.)
Consider taking these steps to help develop your faith.

First, make sure you have asked Jesus Christ to forgive your sin and come into your life.
Second, begin to ask questions about the Bible. God wants you to understand it as well as believe and obey it.
Third, look for other Christians who are excited about developing their faith in God--people who do not want to settle for second best.

What you learn from them can convince you that being a Christian is worth the work and is 100 percent right for you!

So this is a start into "Owning My Faith"

127 Hours

2011-02-01T21:58:00.003-05:00

127 Hours the movie is the true story of Aron Ralston and his ordeal of being trapped in the desert and having to take unusual measures to survive.

Here's what the reviews say about the movie:
"127 Hours" is the true story of mountain climber Aron Ralston's remarkable adventure to save himself after a fallen boulder crashes on his arm and traps him in an isolate canyon in Utah. Over the next five days, Ralston examines his life and survives the elements to finally discover he has the courage and the wherewithal to extricate himself by any means necessary, scale a 65 foot wall and hike over eight miles before he is finally rescued. Throughout his journey, Ralston recalls friends, lovers, family, and the last two people he ever had the chance to meet? A visceral thrilling story that will take an audience on a never before experienced journey and prove what we can do when we choose life.

In the movie Aron goes into his memory and tries to remember his life, family and his friends. The one thing that he remembers is his son and how much he loves him and wants to hold him. Here's the rub, he has no son; yet. You see his will to live is that he wants to have children, a son specifically. it is this love of the son that saves his life. It is the need to have this relationship with the son that keeps him alive.

It is just me or does this story kind of sound familiar to you? The relationship with the son is what saves people today. The Son is Jesus Christ and the relationship is with him in life change. It is that life change that causes us to live a life of meaning and fulfillment.

My friend Jeff and I were having lunch and talking about how difficult this movie is to watch, the blood, pain, and the ways that everything just came together in a coincidental fashion. When I think of Jesus Christ coming to mankind, I believe the scriptures talk about the fullness of time.

Oh well, once again the movies show us truth in Christ and this movie does the same; "127 Hours."

"You Do For Family"

2011-01-31T19:49:00.002-05:00

"You Do For Family" is probably not the best use of the English language. It is probably a slice out of the King's English, poor grammar, butchering some participle that I am dangling and 'ain't' even aware I done it. However, "You Do For Family" is a phrase that I strive to teach my children, who are both adults now with their own children and to try to live by it.

What does it mean? Sometimes it easier to discover and do than at other times. Sometimes it requires sacrifice and going out of your way to do things that may not make any sense at all. Going the extra mile or miles and sometimes you have to do that 3 or 4 times just to cover all the bases. Sometimes you have to be alone, pay an extra fee, pick up the check, or even spend lots of hours doing things you would rather not have to do.

Since November my wife and I have had to demonstrate and live the mantra of "You Do For Family." You see in October my brother was diagnosed with a very rare disease that has caused his muscles in his legs and torso deteriorate. He can seldom stand without help from a seated position. November my father-in-law was diagnosed with lymphoma after undergoing a surgery. He has been undergoing chemo for the last several weeks. The Friday after Thanksgiving my older sister was admitted to the hospital with abdominal pains, gallbladder was the early diagnosis until spots on the lung and then the liver were confirmed as cancer. I had my own bought with melanoma and it was surgically removed and so far so good. My bride of over 32 years now had gallbladder surgery in December and has improved so much from that surgery.

So what all of this have to do about "You Do For Family"? Well over the last few months we have made multiple trips to care of family. To visit, to sit through surgeries and making hospital visits. There have been trips to Georgia through the back roads of the mountains to pick and deliver things to help others get better. We have had the pleasure of picking up someones feet and legs just to ride in a car. Sitting through chemo treatments while the patient slept you get to watch vigils and pray during the time frame. There have been prayers, lots of prayers with and for people traveling through the valley of the shadow of death. During final visits I was able to serve my sister by helping carry her body from her home to the hearse as I was the only one who could emotionally and physically do it. As we were traveling to the funeral home our daughter-in-law called that she was in early stages of labor, weeks too early.

Now here's the neat thing about "You Do For Family" mantra. My church family has been amazing for and to me. Prayers, calls, txt msgs, emails, stopping in the hallway, cards and concerns have meant the world to me. You see we are family! Even today as we were about to begin the funeral of my sister Becky I see my Pastor walk into the room. He had driven over 3 hours just to sit with me and my wife through the service. This is something that "You Do For Family"

So through the last few months of what others would see as extremely difficult times, and sometimes they were, my God has sustained me, us and our family. Sometimes you may get down, short, put out and otherwise upset but Jesus has said he will never leave me nor forsake me. This has been proven over the last few months in my own life. Even now as I type these words my wife is with our son and daughter-in-law awaiting the arrival of a new life. I am home and she is there and we are separated once again but remember "You Do For Family"!

What Do You Want On Your Tombstone?

2011-01-29T23:14:00.003-05:00

"What Do You Want On Your Tombstone?" used to be a commercial on television for the Tombstone Pizza brand. I remember it well from many years ago, check it out on Youtube etc. for the commercials as they are rather cheesy and funny. (Yes I just used the word cheesy while talking about pizza and yes it was a pun and it was intended!)

The premise of the question is true for all of us. "What Do You Want On Your Tombstone?" The movie "The Bucket List" is the story of 2 guys, both dying from cancer that strike up a friendship and decided to do things that they always wanted to do but couldn't due to everyday life getting in the way. So they decide to spend their final days doing the things on their list, the list of things they want to do before they kick the bucket. It is a bitter sweet movie.

In the movie one person who is cynical is turned into a better person because of his contact with the one that has his own list of things to do. At the eulogy, he says that this man, Carter, had saved him. He wept because of what Carter had done in his life. Isn't that the thing for all of us? We end up running into someone that impacts our lives and we will never be the same again?

I met someone like that when I was about 15 hears of age in Memorial Auditorium in Nashville, TN. It was on March the 17th and I have never been the same since that date. I guess you could say he 'saved me' that day. His name? Jesus Christ.

So what does the bucket list, being saved, and your tombstone all have in common? Many might think it's about death and dying. That is not true. It is fully about living. You see everyone dies but not everyone truly lives.

Me? I want to live life to the fullest; shoot, I want to live it to overflowing. I want to charge Hell with a water pistol for the kingdom of God. I want all of Hell to celebrate my passing someday because I will be out of the battle for the Lord Christ and the demons can feel it just got easier. What am I saying? I am saying for you to live your life FULLY for him. Life is precious and how we live that life here will determine what is on our tombstone someday.

So live your life by "What You Want On Your Tombstone!"

Family Ties

2011-01-26T08:55:00.003-05:00

"Family Ties" was a television show from several decades ago for those that may not remember or know. However, we all have family ties in the body of Christ. As a child of God that allows me to be the brother to other believers. I am proud to be a part of the family of God.

Now I know that there are times when the family acts like a dysfunctional family but that is still family. I have been thinking about family over the last few months due to the fact my father-in-law was diagnosed with lymphoma, my baby brother has 'poly-myoscitis" and my older sister has terminal liver and lung cancer. In fact I am awaiting a call on her home going almost every day now. So family means a lot to me. You see I have been twice chosen so I love the fact that I can be part of the family of God; even if it's going to be a hard visit! : )

I came across this Parent Devo from Tyndale House Publishers, the owners of the New Living Translation, and it spoke to me today. Maybe because I am reflecting on life more, my age, grand-children; or the love of my life Sula. Anyway, take a look and let me know what you think about "Family Ties".

Loving Others like Family

“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”Romans 12:10 NLT

The December 31, 1989 issue of the Chicago Tribune featured a series of photographs considered the best photos of the decade. Michael Fryer’s image of a rescue attempt was a dramatic fire photo. It captured a fireman and a paramedic carrying a fire victim away from the scene. The blaze Fryer covered occurred in December 1984 at Irving Park and Kenmore Avenues in Chicago. It seemed routine until firefighters discovered a mother and five children huddled in one apartment’s kitchen. Fryer said firefighters surmised: “She could have escaped with two or three but could not decide who to pick and chose to wait for firefighters to arrive. All of them died of smoke inhalation.”

The apostle Paul wrote, “Love each other with genuine love” (Romans 12:10). The terms he used convey a love that is “full of tenderness” or “affectionate.” Actually, his first term “love” translates a compound Greek word that literally means, “love of the family.” The word translated genuine affection is a familiar Greek word, philadelphia. It means literally “love of the brethren.” I find it quite intriguing that Paul employs two words--love of family and love of brothers--to communicate the need for commitment in loving.

The deep affection and abiding commitment made between natural family members, like the Chicago mother toward her children, should be expressed in the spiritual family as well. We are to love our brothers and sisters of faith, as we love our brothers and sisters of blood. Brotherly kindness is an affection that family members have for one another.
Jesus has given authority to the entire world to judge whether or not we are genuine believers on the basis of our love for fellow believers. Love is the badge that identifies us as followers of Jesus Christ. Any time we do not show love toward fellow believers, we forfeit our right to proudly represent Jesus Christ in the world.

People around us who are bored by doctrine and can’t fathom theology instinctively understand love. People look at Christians before they look at our creed. They form their opinions about our religion when they see how we behave. If they like the melody, they will listen to our words. If what they hear is discord, then the lyrics of our faith seldom register in their lives.
As believers in Jesus Christ we need to make a clear, unequivocal commitment to loving each other as a family, for our own sake and for our witness to a watching world.

Oprah Proves Jesus Is The Way!

2011-01-25T21:34:00.002-05:00

Oprah Proves Jesus Is The Way! That's right Oprah has done it and she didn't even know she was doing it. You may be asking yourself, "How?" That is a great question to ask and if you are not looking for it you will miss it. You see there are spiritual lessons all around us and we miss them. We have our attention in other places, our ears listening to other things, and our eyes are looking the wrong way.

Imagine one day you realize that you are not who you think you have been all your life. Let's say one day you find out that you are really the child of someone else and all your life you have been raised as someone else. Suddenly you are given a wonderful gift and you are the child of someone famous, "royalty" if you will and you are part of the family.

Many of you know my testimony of being raise by a family that I had been given to as a baby. I was given to my 'mother' in a bar by my birth mother and raised by another. Imagine one day that you find out you are not who you think you are. You find out like one lady did just a month or so ago that your sister is Oprah Winfry who is extremely wealthy, royalty to many in our world today.

So when I look at this I see Jesus. Jesus you see said to you and me that to all that received him he gives us the right, privilege, the opportunity to be called 'sons' (and daughters) children of God. IF you are a believer and you have accepted Jesus as Savior and Lord then you are a child of God. If you are child of God then you have a brother that is truly Royal, you see he is a prince, a Lord, King of Kings, and he loves us. When I see what has happened with Oprah over the last few weeks it is easy for me to see Jesus as the older, bigger brother, who gives us opportunity like we have never seen. We will never be able to repay him for what he has done for us.

This means that we can hold our heads high. We are the ones that have received an inheritance that will rival anything that Oprah or any king or queen could ever give us; eternal life!

So this week when Oprah found out she had a half sister that she was never aware of her sister can benefit from it because of who her big sister is. As I see spiritual examples in the world I like to call them out, talk about them and look at them closely. It makes sense to me.

So to Oprah thanks, and 'ain't it great' that Oprah Proves Jesus Is The Way?

The BIONIC Man Lives!

2010-12-02T10:05:00.003-05:00

I know you are thinking, "The bionic man?" is that a remake of an old television show? Maybe a new movie that is coming out and I have missed the trailers? Nope, none of these. BIONIC is one of the many acronyms that I have used over the years. In fact, this one goes way back to the 70's, late 70's when being involved in youth ministry was mostly pizza blasts and big events with tons of prizes each week. We could bring in a crowd and then lose a crowd because someone else had a better dog and pony show down the street or a bigger "boom box" to give away or the new thing called a Sony Walkman CD/AM/FM combination to give away.

In the youth ministry that I was a part of we started doing things differently. We wanted to do things such as building relationships with the students. Not to build the relationship around the Youth Pastor/Minister only because he, yes I said he because this was long, long ago in a generation far, far away, and then to see the students implode when the he left for a bigger or another church. (Long sentence there and choppy, but you get the idea!) Anyway we decided to build relationships with the students with as many adults in their lives as we could get. So we came up with the acronym called B.I.O.N.I.C. which stood for "Believe It Or Not I Care!"

This phrase was one we said often to one another and we trained on it:

Be available for your youth
Initiate conversations with youth
Operate Covertly with students but publicly. Conversations go well this way
Never break confidences. (Unless immoral, illegal, or dangerous)
Interest yourself into their lives, likes, dislikes, life and yes drama
Care, really care about their spiritual growth

Now I know looking over this list you can say these are cheesy and you would probably be right. However, think about youth ministry in light of these. Isn't Youth Ministry about being their for the students, talking with them, being open and really caring about their life? Things they are doing and not doing? Above all isn't Youth Ministry about their salvation and their spiritual growth?

So after finding this old piece of paper in one of my files recently I am thinking back to all the students that I have had the joy of hearing back from over the years that I have been able to impact for the kingdom. The joy of a little girl in the 7th grade that was tall, lanky, awkward and loved basketball more than boys write me years later to tell me she was now teaching a 7th grade girls Sunday School Class. How that she remembered the things I had taught her. Wow, I did make a difference after all.

So now after all these years, in the good times and the bad times, the fun and the sad, I can proudly say, "The BIONIC Man lives!"

Getting a drink and processing

2010-10-09T17:57:00.004-04:00

I just returned from Catalyst 2010 or as I was told by someone that loves me and tries to keep me current, #CAT10, or something like that, I realized that I wasn't thirsty. I had been in the presence of God, along with some godly people, and some that I wasn't real sure about but I had been drinking from THE fountain; Jesus.

The men and women, Beth Moore was just one of the ladies that brought it, along with likes of T.D. Jakes, Seth Godwin, and some guy by the name of Andy Stanley, brought the word. I took notes, bought Cd's, received downloads, talked to vendors, watched some incredible things such as a human cannonball right in front of me!

So here's the thing, what do I do with all of this? I have been overwhelmed and feel as if I got a drink from a fire hydrant with the valve set wide open! I have talked to vendors about ministry opportunities, missions, finances, and causes that make me feel that I am a terrible Christian. BUT there are take aways that I have to look at FOR ME. Things that I believe that GOD is showing me from my notes, from his word, from the Spirit stirring within me.

The last time that I went to Catalyst, I don't remember the number or much of anything, I left with such a stirring in my spirit that I moved to a new assignment of God in less than 6 months! So today, tomorrow and the days ahead I will be processing the things that I have heard, learned and have been challenge about.

So here's the question for you. IF you went to #CAT10 tell me what you drank and what you are processing! Did you drink? And what did you get?

Play to the last second!

2010-10-02T21:25:00.002-04:00

You know it's true when you are playing a game that you have to play to the final second of the game or Play to the last second! You know the routine of not giving up or quitting when you are down. How that you have to play every down of every quarter or sequence of plays or you can loose your momentum or your lead and lose it all.

On October 2nd, 2010, just a few moments ago, my beloved, or sometimes liked, Tennessee Volunteers Football team lost to the LSU Tigers in the last few seconds of the game. The VOLS were ahead by 4 points and the Tigers were driving and the VOLS were guilty of a penalty. This gives the Tigers another chance and they win in a last second play.

Now I hate that the VOLS lost the game but they weren't even in the same league as the Tigers. They fought valiantly but lost at the end. Now as I watched the game I was proud of them but in my heart I knew the out come was as it would be; and I was right.

Here's the thing about the game and learning to Play to the Last second. In the Christian life isn't that what we all want to do? That is to play, or live our lives to the very last second! To live our lives in such away that others will see Jesus Christ in us as we live and Play to the Last Second? To live in such a way that we might hear Jesus say, "Well done good and faithful servant!"

So here's the thing, go out there and live your life to the fullest and do everything you can to Play to the Last Second!

Something For Dad

2010-09-15T08:55:00.002-04:00

I was thinking that so many of my posts are for students, and seekers, or just sitting and thinking; I have some time to do that over the last few days. During my sitting and thinking spell I was thinking about men, dads, husbands and the roles that we have as men.

No matter how hard everyone else can try, only a dad can fully fulfill the roles of good ole dad! So here is some encouragement for you as you are thinking about being the one that God has called you to be. Yes it is a calling to be a parent. Let me try to encourage all the dads that feel inadequate; we all feel that way! So today, sit back slowly read the attached devotional that I received from The publishers of the New Living Translation Bible and know that I have Something For Dad!

Home Management

He must manage his own family well, having children who respect and obey him.1 Timothy 3:4

"The marketplace teaches us that success or failure in any business or venture depends on effective management. Management is not only doing things right; it is doing the right things.

The same is true for families. And dads, the Scriptures inform us, bear the responsibility for managing their family. Before you tune out the apostle Paul as being hopelessly chauvinistic, you need to understand the word manage. It means “to stand before; hence to lead, attend to (indicating care and diligence).” The use of this word in 1 Timothy 3:4 doesn’t give a husband permission to be a dictator. It simply means that as a manager, a husband is the one who will answer to the Lord for the home he and his wife have created. For good or bad, dads, we are the ones responsible for our homes--our families.

Most of us have had enough experience in the workplace to know the difference between good and bad management. Good managers lead by influence: They delegate but are available to help; they seek the input of others; and they plan ahead. In contrast, poor managers lead by authority: They tend to control all decisions yet are uninvolved when problems arise; they resist the input of others; and they tend to make decisions on the spur of the moment.

Dads, how is your management at home?

Let’s put an end to the extremes of uninvolved or dictatorial husbands. Dad, you are the leader, the manager of your home. Serve in that capacity with all your heart. Your family hungers for it. Your wife and children will respect you for it. And, God will be pleased when you stand before him to give an account of your responsibilities."

So there you have it! Something For Dad!

Like Father Like Son

2010-09-09T13:09:00.006-04:00

Yep, Like Father Like Son, is the phrase that you hear people say about someones child when they see the child, hear them, or watch them in an environment of their own.

Recently I saw a posting or blog of my son's posted on his church's website/blog. It had a lot to do about coffee cups that he owns (I can relate!). The two that mean the most to him are from Bybee Pottery in Waco/Bybee area of Kentucky, same location now 200 years! The other is from Tate Knob Pottery outside Berea, same location now about 30 years. He has other cups but these two mean the most to him, you can read below why in just a minute.

I want to take a moment to say that the phrase "Like Father Like Son" could have been said about Jesus from the New Testament. Jesus said that he and the father are one; if you have seen me you have seen the father. It is my prayer that for you as a believer that you too might have that said of you too. "Like Father Like Son Like You!" We are to become in the image of Christ so that others may see Christ in us and when they see Christ in us they may see the Father as well. SOOOOO....as you read the blog post of my son, enjoy, reflect and understand that my son walks with the Lord Jesus Christ, just like his dad does so I guess you can say, "Like Father Like Son!"

"I just counted, and my wife and I own somewhere in the neighborhood of 18 coffee mugs. They range from travel mugs from Starbucks, to a plastic mug my dad got before I was born. We have the 10 that came with our dinner set someone got us for our wedding. I guess we have 20 cups if you count the two 24 oz latte cups that I just use for cereal and soup. The point is, I love coffee and have plenty of options to choose from when it comes to drinking my favorite morning drink.

Nine times out of ten, I choose one of two cups. In fact, I’m drinking out of one as I write this right now. My two favorite mugs were made near where my parents live in eastern Kentucky. They live in Berea, which is the Artisan capital of the world. I love going there. In the same afternoon, you can visit a weaver’s shop, woodworkers’ shops, local craft shops, a chocolate-maker’s store (who was trained at Hershey as a kid), and multiple pottery studios. The mug I’m drinking from as I write this was created at Tater Knob, a pottery studio that is nestled among the tall hills of the region. You have to step over this huge dog to get into the shop, and see all these creations everywhere you look. The potters invite you back and allow you to watch them turn bowls, cups, and just about anything you can think of on their wheels. You feel like part of the family. Their hands made the cup I drink out of at home, and it is unique and beautiful to me.

The other mug I drink from came from Bybee pottery, which is also near my parents’ home. What amazes me about this company is that they have been owned by the same family and made pottery in the same building for 200 years. The floor in the “throwing room,” where the pottery is actually turned, is 18 inches higher than the rest of the building, because of the generations of clay dust that has settled there. I love the history, and the rugged craftsmanship of their art.

Why do I tell you about these cups? I have almost two-dozen cups at my disposal, yet I consistently drink out of only two because they are unique, individual, and special to me. I’ve met their creators, looked them in the eye, and seen how much they love creating their craft. They don’t’ do it for the money; they do it for the sheer love of creation. They do the exact same job as a factory produced mug, but their beauty is in their hand-made imperfections. They have character.

God is building you and building me. What makes us beautiful is not our perfect edges that we present to everyone. When we come to church or walk out our doors, we present this perfectly finished, polished life, but that’s not who we are. So, there are chinks in our armor. So, we’re missing a few polished places.

Perfection doesn’t make us beautiful in God’s eyes; allowing his handiwork to shine through does. You are unique, individual and loved by God. Not because of your perfect records you may cling to so dearly, but because you have been in the hands of the Maker. Let his fingerprints shine in your encounters and interactions today."

So there you have it, the words of my son, in whom I am well pleased!

Fear and God

2010-08-30T20:21:00.003-04:00

It is one of the worst things in the world to be afraid. Especially if those fears are unfounded or become phobias. Those things that you become afraid of and you can't seem to get it out of your mind. Now while one person may not have a particular fear or phobia, those that do, those fears are real. It is difficult to over come our fears sometimes. It is extremely difficult to overcome fears if those fears are of God.

In reading an article today I saw this about Fear vs God and thought I would re-post it for you to enjoy, use, or learn from it. May God truly bless you as you Stay In The Word.....

Fear vs. God

Many kids go through stages where fear seems to be ruling their lives. They may have trouble sleeping and avoid any situation that might involve whatever fear they are preoccupied with in the moment.

It’s not just kids, of course. Parenting itself creates the opportunity to be afraid of all kinds of new things we had never worried about before. Some of us become fearful people on behalf of kids who don’t seem to have the sense, yet, to know what they should be afraid of for themselves.

But we also have a unique opportunity as Christian parents to begin equipping our kids with the primary tool for vanquishing fear now and for the rest of their lives—faith in a bigger God.
We’re pulling our talking points for the week from Psalm 46, a psalm that describes very real dangers in relationship to a very powerful God to make the point that God is bigger than whatever may frighten or worry us.

We hope a few of the following questions will provoke a good conversation with your child about fear and trusting God to take care of us.

Talking Points:

What are a few things that really scare you? [Parent: Open up; be honest about some of your own fears, as well.]
Can you think of a time recently when you felt really scared about something? What did you do? [Parent: Again, encourage openness by being open.]
When you think about some of the things that scare or worry you most, what can you imagine that would make you completely unafraid of that thing? [Parent: Encourage brainstorming even of impossible things, e.g., never having to fall a sleep, a spray that could instantly make all snakes disappear, the ability to completely forget anything bad that has happened in the past, etc.]
Do you think God wants us to be afraid? Why or why not?
Does talking to God about your fear help you to feel less scared? Why or why not?
What does work best to help you to overcome fear?
What does the word “refuge” mean to you? [Parent: A refuge, basically, is a place of safety from whatever is threatening you.]
Psalm 46:1 says that God is our refuge. How does God protect us from the things that we’re afraid of? Why does He protect us?
If you were as strong, say, as Superman—or 4 times bigger than you are right now—would you be afraid of the same things? Why or why not?
Psalm 46:1 also says that God is our strength and that He is ready to help at all times. Do you believe God is stronger than whatever you’re afraid of, that He is stronger and bigger than anything we can imagine?
Psalm 46:2-3 describes worst cases that people might fear—earthquakes and floods, maybe a tsunami. What is the worst thing you can imagine happening with what you’re afraid of? [Parent: Talking about the worst case scenario is a way of bringing it into the light and discovering either how unlikely it is or that it is survivable. Leaving the worst unspoken often gives it more power.]
The next verses in Psalm 46 describe that when God is in a city, He can keep it safe even if the worst thing happens because He is there and more powerful than any terrible thing that could ever happen. How confident are you that God could take care of you even if the worst thing happened?
Psalm 46:8-9 show us that God is not afraid to use His power against evil to make it stop. He has all the power He needs to step in when the time is right. How confident are you that God can protect you by destroying evil?
Psalm 46:10 gives one strategy for responding to fear. It says we should “be still” and “know that I am God.” How could we do better at stilling our thoughts and focusing on God’s power when we’re afraid instead of focusing on what is scaring us? [Parent: Help brainstorm strategies, including prayer, reading the Bible, listening to Christian music, or talking to someone about God’s power.]

Running Like A Dog On The Interstate!

2010-08-21T14:56:00.004-04:00

Maybe I am more sensitive today than at other times because I just returned from a Men's Weekend retreat and have been praying, singing, worshipping, and seeking God; to make me more obedient. It could be that I am tired because you seldom sleep well when you are not in your own bed or in your own room. It could be that I was listening to sermons on the way home and was sensing God in my truck with me as I drove.

Whatever the reason I saw this crazy thing happening just north of Lexington, Kentucky. The traffic was moving along quiet nicely, and briskly (which is a nice way to say we were probably speeding) when I saw lots of brake lights coming on in the distance. There were cars, trucks, SUV's and big rigs swerving all over the place. Several cars started to exit the lane and pull over. This usually translates into a fender bender or a rear end collision. As I got closer I saw what appeared to be something Running Like A Dog On The Interstate! That's right it was a dog.

This dog was black and he was running across the two outside lanes and people were doing all they could to not run over this dog. People would pull way past the dog and try to get it to stop, to exit the roadway, or to even go into the treeline off the interstate.

Some people were not paying attention as they pulled upon this scene and had not slowed down, as they either didn't care about the dog, or had not seen what was going on. However, everyone was no longer traveling at a higher rate of speed but were well under the speed limit.

This happened less than an hour ago as I write this. It is fresh on my mind. It is also fresh in my mind as I think of the unsaved, un-churched, and lost people in our culture. How that each of us need to slow down, swerve to the left and to the right, to pull off and stop if we need to; just so we might reach one that is about to die. The dog on the interstate was running with glee, joy and was having fun in doing what it does best; acting like a dog. The day is coming and now is that we need to be aware of the lost and dying "Running Like A Dog On The Interstate!"

I wish I was more consistent

2010-08-18T08:51:00.003-04:00

Have you ever thought or said these words that you just wished that you were more consistent?
I know that I have. "I wish I was more consistent":

Blogging each week/day
Journal daily
Writing
Teaching
Learning
Studying more of the word
etc., etc., etc.

As parents I know we worry about being consistent with our kids as we try to teach them, discipline them, and provide for them. But we sometimes MESS UP ROYALLY! Do not despair.

I came across this devo from Tyndale Publishers (the did the New Living Translation) and thought other parents might want to take a look at these words of wisdom and not be too hard on yourself saying, "I wish I was more consistent."

Parental Consistency

My child, never forget the things I have taught you. Store my commands in your heart.

Proverbs 3:1

Most of us as parents struggle with the issue of consistency. This struggle shows up particularly in the area of discipline. But our perceived lack of consistency also cripples us in positive areas. From time to time, as we are evaluating how we’re doing as parents, we can be overwhelmed by our failure to be as steadfastly fair, loving, impartial, wise, firm, and fun as parents as we intended.

As parents of three grown kids, my wife and I have not been immune to these agonies. We often say, “If we only knew then what we know now . . .” Fortunately, listening to our children describe their childhood, we’ve had a chance to hear other opinions about our performance. Turns out we did worse in some ways and better in some ways than we thought. And now that these kids of ours are becoming parents themselves, we’ve noticed a marked softening of perspectives on the task of parenting.

Here’s the deal about consistency that amazes us. We confuse consistency with perfection. When we as parents try to be steadfastly fair, loving, impartial, wise, firm, and fun with our kids, every failure tends to be remembered by us as evidence of missing the mark. But it’s amazing to hear how our kids remember things. Our children talk about patterns and events in their early years with breathtaking summaries of consistency.“Mom, you always had a batch of homemade play dough ready for us to enjoy.” “Dad, you always took short-cuts on our vacation trips that always turned into crazy long cuts.” “Mom, every week you found something to do at school with our teachers so we knew you were around.” We know what they are talking about, but we know that “always” and “every” are not exactly right. We weren’t that perfect.As those perhaps farther down the road we would say to young parents, “By all means aim for consistency.

Discipline consistently. Train consistently. And realize that you will fail from time to time. In retrospect, your kids will remember your deliberate attempts at consistency as consistency, much to your surprise!”

WWJD? Oh yeah!

2010-08-16T08:27:00.003-04:00

You remember the craze a few years ago, unless you are currently in the youth ministry and you probably have heard about it, WWJD, What Would Jesus Do? It was a time about 10 years ago, or so, when there were tee-shirts, bracelets, bumper stickers, book marks, hats, Bible covers, posters, etc. that had the letters WWJD plastered across them.

Really WWJD is not something that was new but a resurgence of a book that was written so long ago where the small community started basing all their decisions by asking that question first, "What would Jesus Do?" in this situation? The book is a great read and I recommend it to all students in any youth ministry. There are twists and turns and you have to do some soul searching to see exactly what Jesus would do in any given situation.

I was thinking about this today as I read a story where a group of "church ladies" in Lexington, Kentucky have been going to the strip bars in that fair city. The story says that when they get out of the van they are there with food home cooked meals for the dancers and the staff, that the bouncers announce here comes the Church Ladies! They listen to the people that they talk to and show them kindness as fellow human beings. Why do this and become exposed, not pun intended, to all the ridicule from others for being there?

"We go because Jesus went.
Later when Jesus was eating supper at Matthew’s house with his close followers, a lot of disreputable characters came and joined them. When the Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company, they had a fit, and lit into Jesus’ followers. “What kind of example is this from your Teacher, acting cozy with crooks and riffraff?” Jesus, overhearing, shot back, “Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: ‘I’m after mercy, not religion.’ I’m here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders” (Matthew 9:10-13, The Message).

We are continually amazed by the openness of the women and men we serve, and have seen many lives changed through the unconditional love and grace the team shows each week."
(link to the article is http://www.christianstandard.com/articledisplay.asp?id=1564 )

To think of a way to have a place in your life where you "Passion and your burden" collide to make a difference in the lives of others has to be awesome.

What is your passion? What are you consumed with in ministering to others over? Is there a place in your life where you can turn your burden into something beyond yourself and affect others? It is your opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ. Not everyone is gifted, called, or burdened to do what these "church ladies" are doing but Jesus has given you a gift to impact someone for the kingdom.

Thinking about this ministry one last time about the "church ladies" do you think Jesus would really minister to these people? I mean do you think Christ would touch those that many church folks run away from? For me when I think about this in this scenario; WWJD? Oh yeah!

Law Breaker and Grace

2010-08-11T08:55:00.004-04:00

OK so here we go again with a new insight into my so called life. I was recently working on several things at home that involved moving paper from one stack to another stack and then back again to the first stack. I came across a folder that I carry from time to time and opened it to see what tid bit of information that I might have had in it or some long lost and forgotten thought. When I opened the folder I saw a receipt which meant I had spent some money on something important.

Upon closer look at the receipt I saw that it was attached to something that looked official and important. It was important! It was my registration and license renewal for my truck. The date was from APRIL! Now today as I compose these lines, it is much later than April; in fact, I have just completed my Summer activities with our Youth Ministry. We have had VBS, fellowships, I did a missions camp, we had two youth camps, and I have driven thousands of miles! I even drove to the seminary multiple times with my license/tags technically expired. I have been a law breaker and didn't even know it!

Of course you know me, that causes me to think about a spiritual analogy. How many people do we know that are law breakers and they don't even know it? Now I know we are not under the law but you get my point. How many are not in relationship with Christ but they don't know that they need to be? How about the idea that they are against God and are not aware of their need to not be a law breaker? How can they know if we don't tell them? The Bible tells me that we have to be the ones telling others about Christ. We have to be the ones that are no longer afraid of what others might say to us or think about us; more than we care that our friends being lost and without Jesus.

So today I am putting my sticker onto my truck to make sure that I am not breaking the law. I mean it's really simple when you think about it, you peel the backing off and place it onto the tag.

If I had been pulled over prior to today I would have pleaded ignorance or argued that I had purchased the sticker. I could have said I used to have the sticker but I don't have it anymore or I have no idea what happened. One day I just decided to not use the stickers anymore. Let's face it, I can still drive. It's not like I forgot how! You know I could argue, discuss, and plead all I want and still be a Law Breaker and Grace would not be given. Why? I am guilty. Sure there are excuses and reasons that I had not fully gone through all I was supposed to do but bottom line, guilty.

This is exactly the same with us before Christ. I used to go to church. I was a good person and never mistreated anyone. What do you mean that I am guilty like those people?! God I didn't like some of those people at the church because they were such hypocrites! I thought because my daddy and mommy went to church and were 'saved' that I was good too, kind of like a family thing.

You mean to tell me that all I have to do is to pull back the hardness of my heart and say yes to Christ, asking for forgiveness of my sins, repenting of them, and walk in obedience to him?

It sounds so simple to move from being a Law Breaker to Grace, and it is!

DNA is Proof of Intelligent Design

2010-08-09T21:51:00.003-04:00

Okay I have to admit that I don't understand lots of things in life. Things that other, much smarter people, understand without any hesitation and don't even try to think hard to do it. They understand small things such as how a normal grown adult male can eat a Quarter Pounder w/Cheese and gain five pounds while a teenage boy can eat three of them and never gain an ounce. How about this one, "two woman can spend 15 minutes together and can tell you more details about each other than two men can when they have spend 4 hours together playing golf."

I was coming home the other day and heard a conversation between two talking heads on the radio that were talking about DNA like most people would read a box score over yesterday's baseball game. They were talking about the discovery of the model that proved there was a reason for who we are and how we are put together. As the men were talking they talked about the double helix and how the acids and information was formed together to give the building blocks of life.

It was at this moment that what they said started to make sense to me. They used these terms that made the difference. When we look at computer programs we understand that they are bits of information or code that are put together as information to make the program come alive. That is to say that the bits of information formed together is transferred through the computer and now the communications move along the wiring, or memory systems or even the drives contained within it. I understand the old binary system, somewhat, where information is in code of 0 or 1 and combinations of those numbers to make the computer program work. The DNA molecule also does the same thing! The scientists have discovered the helix has codes with in it that are the building blocks of life.

http://www.food.gov.uk/multimedia/bigimages/dna2-web.jpg

Now here's the rub for me. If we have a computer program running in a computer that means there had to be a computer programmer. This means there has to be a person that designed the program or it will not work. So if we understand the complexity of a computer program with all the information needed to be just right or it won't work then think on a more grand scale. Think about life and now DNA with it's information as the building blocks of life. Being life is so much more complex and delicate to exist, this means that there must have been some true intelligence in place to design that. Failure to have everything in place there is no life or existence. So when I look now at the DNA issue about life I have no argument left in me. I just have to say that after reviewing and comparing these two, DNA is Proof of Intelligent Design.

Here Comes The Bride!

2010-08-02T08:34:00.002-04:00

I guess it is because I am getting older, which is something that all of us are doing if we are alive, and maybe I just notice things more than I used to. But weddings are not as bad as I once thought they were. I know, I know, some of you reading this are appalled that I would not like to go to a wedding of a close friend that is the happiest days of their lives. OK you're right, normally I don't like to go because it is NOT the happiest day of my life. Let's face it you go to a wedding, you know a handful of people, you watch other people that are much closer to the wedding party and you get to observe it all. Normally you hear this song that you can't sing called "Here Comes The Bride!"

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, really I am not, it's just a fact. You go, you sit, you listen, you applaud at the appropriate time, maybe chuckle along the way and if you are lucky you stay for the cake at the end. Now that's a plus! However, weddings within themselves have not been my forte if you will. That has been up to the last 2 years now.

I have seen several of my youth that have been involved in my youth ministry grow up and get married. I have conducted the wedding ceremonies of both of my children, cried in both of them! To witness the groom as he sees his bride coming down the isle all smiles and filled with excitement is a wonderful thing.

This last weekend I went to a dear friend's daughter's wedding. It was HOT and outside, but no matter. The bride arrived with her father in a horse drawn carriage as everyone was looking on. The father of the bride gave away his only daughter to a young man that well, this is the only girl and if you are the father of a daughter know this, any guy is only one step above an orangutan, and my apologies to the monkey! At the reception of this wedding the brother of the bride sang a song to the newly wed couple and he rocked! She kissed him and said thank you. The father of the bride did the traditional dance with the bride with a twist, he sang to her the Steven Curtis Chapman song, "Cinderella" to her live while he danced! How do you do that?

The reception was fun, loud, dancing and celebrating the wedding that had just taken place.

This of course reminds me of Christ and the church. How that the bride, the church, is in preparation for the marriage feast. I think of how the father is preparing the bride, the church, for that final day. The Bible is full of scripture that tell us the church is like a bride adorned for the groom. How that Jesus' first miracle was at a wedding feast, or reception, in Canna. The church is to be pure for the groom. The purity is only through the blood of Christ. It is for the church to mature and grow and to bring as many people into the fold as we can, not for the growth of the church but for the one and only Jesus Christ.

So today as I think of the beautiful wedding that I just witnessed I think of the day the celebration will last forever when we don't hear "Here Comes The Bride!" but the groom will appear to take his church home. Oh happy day.

Are You Talking To Me?

2010-07-27T10:46:00.003-04:00

Have you ever had those conversations in a crowded room or in an area where there are tons of people all talking at the same time and you realize that someone is trying to get your attention? You think you hear them saying something to you but you are not sure. You may even hear your name or you may even pick up parts of a conversation that has something to do with you but you are still not sure. You peruse the room and you now know that someone has been talking to you but you didn't know it. You make a concerted effort to hear more fully and then you ask the question, "Are You Talking To Me?"

It is only now that with all the noise going on around you that you finally can concentrate on the communication coming your way. You focus on what is being said. You disregard all the other things going on around you. Now you can better understand what is being told to you.

I have seen this happen 2 times this summer in 2 different summer camps for our students. The first week we were in a camp in North Carolina, one of the best camps around when it comes to teaching, preaching, and telling deep spiritual truths. The speaker was bringing it, if you know what I mean, and he stopped and mentioned something about authority in the lives of our students. He said something like this, "Students you will NEVER grow as a Christian if you do not respect and be obedient to the authority that has been placed over you in your life." Wow, that got every one's attention. We talked about it in our church group time and they acknowledged that this is an area that all of them needed to work on .

The 2nd time that I heard this was in a different camp in the entirely different direction from the first camp, in Western Kentucky and a whole different group of students, and speaker. The speaker was preaching, bringing it in love and he said this, "Students the way that you as Christian students talk to your parents is UNGODLY with no respect, no obedience, and you are not respecting the authority that has been placed over you in your life. You have to respect those that are over you, including parents and youth leaders, if you ever expect to grow as a child of God."

The same thing in 2 different camps, from 2 different speakers/preachers, and 2 different sets of students. Now I know that our students needed to hear this but then it dawned on me too. "Are You Talking To Me?"

God is not only talking to students at these camps but also to us adults. I am on the same journey as many of our students and I need to get it as well. So today, as I am recuperating from the weeks away from camp I am asking the same question that all of us need to ask, "Are You Talking To Me?"

And She Didn't Know It!

2010-07-19T15:09:00.004-04:00

Recently I was driving on one of my many trips across our state or maybe it was out of state, or even the state of confusion; never mind, I was driving. Coming up to a traffic light I noticed that this lady had driven her car up to the light and had passed the sensor strips in the roadway. In fact, she was a couple of feet in front of where she needed to be and the sensors did not know that her car was there.

She sat there for sometime as other cars would come to their part of the street, trip the sensors, make their turn and the light would stay red. She was angry and agitated as she looked first left and then right and then back again. She looked at the lights, she looked at others that were able to go while she just sat there. I was behind her in traffic and I had no idea how long she had been there at the light. She has caused her own problem And She Didn't Know It! Her anger was at the manufacturer, the designers of the system, the roads department; everyone she could think of but in reality, it was her own fault And She Didn't Even Know It!

Isn't that the way we all are in our lives? We make bad choices, decisions, and do things on the impulse only to have them blow up in our faces and it's our own fault And We Didn't Know It!? The Christian walk is a journey of many steps, stairs, highways, hills and valleys but it is a journey. Many of the turns that we make that are wrong are of our own problem And We Don't Know It. Sure some of the dark clouds, the rain, the storms and the things of life that come our way that are not our fault. Jesus said something about it raining on the just and the unjust, or believers and non-believers, sceptics and saints, me and you, or something like that.

Here's my question, wonder if the things you are going through right now, are they from God, life, Satan or are they are own doing? Could it be her problem due to the wrong decisions, consequences for her actions, And She Didn't Know It?

To help the lady out that was stuck at this one red light, I eased my car up to the sensors and tripped the light timer so she, and I, could now go on our way. There was no thank you wave, no honking of the horn, or rolling down the window to show appreciation. In fact, I am not sure she was even aware that it was me at all. I helped her, somewhat the way Jesus helps us albeit not nearly the same, "And She Didn't Know It!"

What will they say?

2010-07-14T20:20:00.002-04:00

George Steinbrenner died the other day at the ripe old age of 80 from a massive heart attack. IF you are one of the few in America that doesn't know who that is let me just say that he has been the controversial owner of the New York Yankees Major League Baseball team. He bought the team for about $1 million dollars some 30 years ago and has turned the franchise into a 1.3 BILLION dollar company, not to mention that his team has won the World Series several times and the American League Championship even more times that the Series Champions.
So now that you know who he was, so what? I have lived long enough to know that this owner has been one hard owner on the players, management, and coaches of his team. He hired and fired the same Coach Billy Martin 5 different times! He was fined by the Commissioner of Baseball on multiple times thousands and thousands of dollars. He was difficult to work for and those close to him knew that he was highly demanding of all his employees.
The news anchors, and sports analyst are now saying what a great guy he was to the sport of baseball. Stories are coming to light such as one young man that was caught spraying graffiti on the Yankee Stadium when he was 16 years of age. He was caught by George himself and was taken to a holding pen until that evening. He was then hired to be a bat boy for the evenings game. He then worked for the organization for over 30 years! The owner lifted him up from what he was to what he could become.
So here's the thing, we are now looking back at George's life and seeing how he lived his life and how he impacted people over his life. He is not here to hear what they are saying about him or to misunderstand any judgments they may have about him. He is gone BUT YOU ARE HERE~! So think about this, "What will they say about you and your life?" You see you have the rare opportunity to mark others so they will say the right things about you. How you impacted others with your life and influence.
"What will they say?" It is really up to you! You have the chance to impact others for the good, for God, for eternity! It's your call, "What Will They Say?"

In Case of Fire!

2010-06-30T11:07:00.002-04:00

Recently I was in my favorite Chicken Restaurant eating a new spicy sandwich. I know you are thinking, of course you were. If you know me, you know that I love to go there to eat, listen to Christian music, and to see quality customer service in action, but I digress.

The new sandwich that is there is really, really, really good, maybe fantastic. I even put extra hot sauce on it because I love to have "A Kickin Chikn Sandwich!". On the tables at this place there is a card stock box that resembles a fire alarm station where you pull down the alarm in case of fire. The logo on the box says "In Case of Mouth Fire, Pull Down!". I love the play on words and then I start thinking about the spiritual aspects of it all.

What happens when our mouths get the best of us? What happens when we speak things in private or with friends that we would never say in front of our pastor, preacher, teacher or parents? What happens when our mouths get us into trouble because they are too "spicy"?

I think of James 3:1-12 and how that we get into so much trouble with our tongues. Yep all of us, especially me. I think right after I say something and realize only then that I shouldn't have said that. Praise God for his grace!

How about you? You been in trouble lately because you didn't think before you spoke? Did you say something that you regret, will regret, or think that you shouldn't have done that?

Aren't you glad that God (Jehovah, YHWH) is a God that forgives and is full of grace? I know I am and I know what to do "In Case Of Fire!"

True Life Adventure!

2010-04-12T21:40:00.003-04:00

True Life Adventure! It was one of those stories that we used to read in various magazines that made you think, Wow! wonder what that would be like to have that happen to me? There were stories such as bear attacks in the back woods and having nothing but a stick to beat the attacker off with....

So today, I had a True Life Adventure that happened to me. NO, there wasn't a bear, lion, or tigers, that were in my path. NO, I didn't stop a robber in the middle of a bank robbery. NO I didn't do a stop a bomb at the last second but I did do a good deed!

Today while driving to grab a cup of coffee and sandwich I saw smoke coming from the mulch! I slowed down and realized that the mulch was on fire! Quickly I stopped my truck, turned on the flashers, opened the door to do something. The fire didn't appear too big so I started to stomp the fire out. PROBLEM! I was wearing sandals! It looked like I was dancing, not very good dancing mind you, but dancing nonetheless. My feet were hot so I took off a sandal and tried to beat the flames out, to no avail.

Finally a person that I worship with on Sundays stopped to help and along with his wife we put water on it and yet the fire wouldn't stop! Others tossed bottled water to us and we poured it on the mulch as well. Then we realized that 911 was probably in order. The fire department came and put out the fire with lots of water.

The fireman said that once the mulch gets fire in it that it breaks out from underneath it and it's hard to put out.

Spiritually speaking that is the way it should be for all of us. We should have the fire deep inside us and it should be hard to put out! You see, Jesus is the fire that burns deep inside me and he is NOT going to be put out. That is the real, "True Life Adventure!"

In It To Win It!

2010-03-12T15:24:00.002-05:00

In It To Win It! Is a phrase that we hear during the various seasons of sports. Now it happens to be tournament time and everyone is thinking this same phrase. We are playing this year to not to come in 2nd place, we are In It To Win It! This means there is no satisfaction for coming in less than number one. To be the very best, the best of the best and forget the rest.

I was reading a book on leadership and came across these sentences about leading and supervising others. "Being a life-impacting leader of staff (others) requires a long-term perspective. Try to see each opportunity as one that can pay dividends not only today but year from now." In short this really means to be In It To Win It! I also look at this statement and think about being Pastor or more specifically a Youth Pastor or Minister. Why?

The reason that I see these sentences in the light of Youth Ministry is that you, as a minister, or lay person working with kids, must be thinking long term when it comes to students. Think of the end goal, the long term, the prize, that what you are aiming for that the students need to accomplish. How will you get there? Will you have to make unpopular stances or positions to get to the end goal? Will you have to change how you communicate with others? Do you communicate at all? Are you willing to do the hard work that may not show results for YEARS?

So here's the thing when it comes to Youth Ministry, there are no quick fixes when it comes to our teens. They didn't start being this way over night and they will not fix it over night. IF you are a dieter, you didn't get over weight over night and you don't get back to that weight over night! The issue is this, you have to commit and be ready! So here is my challenge for you plan now, pray hard and plan to be In It To Win It!

I'm On A Diet!

2010-03-06T22:46:00.002-05:00

"I'm On A Diet!" is what I overheard the young lady say recently in a local restaurant. It was a college student that needed to be on a diet like a runway model needs to go America's "The Biggest Loser". When she cried out these words she was looking all around the restaurant to see if anyone else was listening, watching her, or paying attention to her.

I chuckled to myself as she did this simple outburst for others to hear. What made me laugh was if this same young lady was to cry out "I'm A Christian" or "Jesus is Lord of My Life!" would she have carried on the same way? It made me think that we have to be more aware of what we are doing and saying while in public. Who gets the glory when these statements are made? Us or Him?

Now don't think that I am being over critical or even critical at all; just thinking out loud. Yeah we have to watch what we eat from time to time because we are what we eat, but come on. We shouldn't shout out things that are really personal unless it is the personal relationship that we are in with Jesus Christ. So if we are on a diet OK, just don't tell everyone "I'm On A Diet!"

The Second Coming!

2010-03-01T23:31:00.002-05:00

I love to hear and see biblical quotes in our everyday lives. March 1st, 2010 on NBC I heard one that really caught my attention. It was a news report about Jay Leno returning to the Tonight Show. The news reporter was talking about the Second Coming of Jay Leno to the show that he owned before he was moved to another time frame by his network.

Interesting! Jay returned to that which was rightly his before he left it and now is returning to it. We miss opportunities to share about the real Second Coming. You know, the one that the Bible talks about where Jesus Christ, who is part of the Trinity, will be coming back to the earth that he left years and years ago?

So now you can talk about the Second Coming and use the phrase to talk about Jay Leno but move over quickly to the real Second Coming, Jesus Christ. So now I have to go and watch Jay and the Second Coming.

Cats and Weather!

2010-01-26T21:28:00.002-05:00

Over the last few days in central Kentucky I have watched with excitement as everyone in the state has been watching with great anticipation for a couple of reasons. Those two reasons were the Kentucky Wildcats becoming number 1 in the national ratings. The other reason to to watch has been the weather. People have been crazy watching and waiting to see what the weather is going to do.

Everyone has an opinion about their beloved teams. Everyone has something to say about the team, their play, and second guess every decision made on the court. People are worried, concerned, or think about the weather and all that should be done or said about plans due to the weather.

Now here's the rub. We seem to spend more time concerning sports, games, outcomes, stats and the weather than we do concerning our walk with Christ. Let's face it, it's fun to talk about games and the weather but to spend time working on our walk, our faith, scripture, or journey with Jesus Christ is work. We are a society that spends more time doing the easy things than we the hard work.

I guess what I am saying is this; I want to do the hard work of my faith over Cats and Weather.

Commitment!

2010-01-18T18:30:00.002-05:00

"Commitment" is not a word that people talk about or hear people talk about unless there is a wedding going on or a couple of guys are talking at the local sports watering hole. Commitment to the new spouse, the new coach, the game or something until something 'better' comes along.

We see it all the time all around us. This last week the University of Tennessee's football coach leaves Tennessee to go back to the west coast. He's not committed to the VOLS or the program that he was so excited about coming to just a year ago. Where is his commitment ? Then I saw it played out on television with Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno. Conan is being ousted by the NBC executives due to a time change in his program. He says he is committed to the "Tonight Show" a show that has come to be a part of American television history by being on at the same time for over 60 years. Now the execs want to move it to a later time and move Jay Leno to that time slot. Conan says no, I am out of here and he parts with a reported 30 Million Dollars!

Commitment is needed in our culture once again. When a person gives their word to you, you can take it to the bank. The problem is that there is little commitment to marriage, to relationships, jobs, schools, programs, and family. In Youth Ministry is sometimes evident when parents don't allow the student to sign up or say they are participating in an event yet because something else may come up later. Where is the part that says no matter what else happens, I am committed!

So the bottom line that I am talking about is that commitment is important in the most important relationship of all, the one with Christ. Christ was, and is, so committed to us that he died for us and yet do we have the commitment to live for him? So the bottom line is this, do you have the Commitment?!

I Survived The Florida Cold

2010-01-12T10:52:00.002-05:00

I just finished a few days away from the home and the office. My wife, my bride of 30 plus years, went to Florida for a few days. We stayed with friends in the deep peninsula of Florida where the sun shines, the temperatures are high and the alligators are in any deep pool of water. However this year is was different. The news cast was tauting that it was the coldest, longest cold temperature in almost 100 years! Great we were in the middle of it. The local folks were about to go nuts due to the cold! One morning there was a small patch of frost on the roof on the car.

We still did the things that you do in Florida. We went to the beach, didn't take a thick enough jacket for the cold and wind. Even the people visiting from New York were cold this day. We bought fruit and vegetables from a stand and they were working over time to get the crops in before they froze. We played golf but weren't able to wear shorts due to the cold, the wind, and the 'misery' of it all.

But with all the cold, the golf, the complaints, the wind and all the like; we had a great time. I discovered as I was sitting out NEXT to the pool that the Word was still the same. My time with God was sweet. The time I had to relax, read, journal and just spend time with God was awesome. It was warm in my heart! It was warm in the word. God's presence was with me on every golf hole, the restaurants we ate in, and the hot dog at the turn was awesome! The birds were beautiful, the 'gators' were big, and the time away was refreshing! Praise God.

So what did I learn? I learned what I already knew and that is that God is awesome and is in control of it all. Yes, I believe in a sovereign God. This takes a lot of worry away from me because I can trust him for it all. So when I think about the 'cold' I guess it is all relative. While the locals were concerned about some frost, back home it snowed about 3 inches! God is good in frost, snow, sun and wind, he is a great God to serve. So when we think about it all, well it's relative; "I Survived The Florida Cold!"

Value Differences

2009-12-17T21:07:00.002-05:00

Value Differences. You know the other day I saw this demonstrated in the sports world and everyone laughed and thought it was so cute. You probably remember the story as well, it went something like this.
"It was September the 15th and the Philadelphia Phillies were playing a game and they were in the hunt for the pennant. There was a long fly ball hit into the upper decks of the outfield and a dad caught the ball! It was amazing! The crowd cheered and the father then handed the baseball to his small child, a 4 year old, and she threw the ball back onto the playing field! The crowd is shocked and the dad holds his head in disbelief! He then hugs his little girl. He loved the girl more than he loved a $10 baseball."
Now here's the rub about this cute little story. We loved the story because the Value Differences were really sweet. BUT when we see the Value Differences in other relationships we don't seem to celebrate it. Times like differences in likes in church, music, worship styles; husband and wives and how they have differences and should compliment one another.
So what's the point? We are all different but we have lots of things in common. We are in a free country and we have the ability to worship freely without fear. Sure we have things that we can disagree on but there are some differences that we have that can cause us all to grow closer together. When one of us is down the other can pick us up. I read something in a book one time that said that a cord of three strands is not easily broken.
Take the time to embrace and understand the Value Differences.

One Creepy Sign!

2009-12-01T21:14:00.002-05:00

One Creepy Sign and it's not about Halloween! For the last few months now I have been driving 2 or 3 times a week from my home to Louisville, KY along the wonderful interstate system. The state has installed those wonderful jumbo tron type signs that tell when there is an Amber Alert, accidents ahead, and announcements that drivers need to know about.

I watched an announcement that changed almost every day and at first it didn't bother me too much but then it was One Creepy Sign! You see the sign said something like "Buckle Up Kentucky" which made sense, you know, being a safe driver on the interstate etc. Then the sign would flash over to another sign and it was the number of people that had died on Kentucky roadways so far this year. As I said, I drove the interstate for miles and miles and I would see the numbers such as 623 Killed on Kentucky Highways. A week or so later I was able to see that number go to 633, 648, and now the number is over 700! Men, women, boys, and girls, teens; killed even as we slept or drove on the highways.

This sign bothered me each day I drove and realized that more people slipped out into eternity! This means that there were some people that will be separated from God forever and ever. Did any of these people know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior?

Thousands of people drove past the signs everyday and did it bother them that people were dying? Does it bother us that people are dying without Jesus? Are we doing anything about it?

This is the Christmas season and people will be more receptively willing to hearing about Christ than most any other time of the year. Are you making plans to share that good news?
We have to be aware of our surroundings and be aware that Jesus is real enough to tell others about him. If you are not ready, get ready to share it or maybe you will be bothered by One Creepy Sign!

Fear In Leadership?

2009-10-23T09:43:00.002-04:00

Fear In Leadership is what I was thinking about the other day when I read about a few leaders in the Southern Baptist Convention retiring. You know this time of retirement will come to all of us someday, if we live long enough, and all the economic factors stay in place. However what concerns me is when I perceive leaders doing things out of fear.

The Southern Baptist Convention passed at their last meeting in Louisville, the "Great Commission Resurgence" motion. It is to look at how all the entities of the SBC are functioning. Are we doing things well? Can we do things better? Look at the Mission Boards that we have and see what needs to be done there, if anything. How can we better use the Cooperative monies that are collected? The bottom line, can we do better?

The Executive Committee Chair announced that he was not for this motion as it was coming to the floor months before. That is OK. He even spoke against it on the floor at the convention. I don't know how he voted when the motion was called for a vote, but I can only guess. However, the motion did pass.

A few weeks in Southern Baptist life we saw where the President of the North American Mission Board had been let go, along with a few others at the agency. There is a search for a replacement but this will take a lot of time. Then there was the announcement that the President of the International Mission Board was retiring as well.

Three powerful agencies and all three will not have experienced, seasoned or veteran leaders at the top. It appears that there is Fear In Leadership.

Watch State Conventions and see if there are leaders in these entities that are leaving, as they too received monies from the Cooperative Program. Is there Fear In Leadership? Maybe, just maybe most of these retirements and timing of them are coincidental, maybe; but we also saw leaders leaving all the financial agencies as changes were coming their way.

So what am I saying, and does it really matter; probably not but....we stand for something that is bigger than fear. We serve a living God that does not give us a spirit of fear but of power and a sound mind. Leaders need to lead in power and not to have Fear In Leadership!

Crosses on Public Lands

2009-10-09T19:49:00.008-04:00

Crosses on Public Lands
First of all I read this story from an email I get from Focus on The Family.

It reads:

Eight years ago, the ACLU filed a lawsuit on behalf of Frank Buono claiming that the

memorial — which was on public land — should be altered or removed since it only

represented Christian soldiers and excluded soldiers of other faiths. "This is a stand-

alone cross," said Peter Eliasberg, an ACLU lawyer. "The cross is the predominant

symbol of Christianity, and it should not be treated as though it is the single, favored

religious symbol."

Responding to the argument, Justice Antonin Scalia said that "the cross is the most

common symbol to honor the war dead," calling it an "outrageous conclusion to say the

cross is limited to honoring only soldiers who were Christians."

The land on which the cross stands was recently transferred from the national preserve

to the Veterans of Foreign Wars, but the Supreme Court justices are debating this week

whether that solves the issue or if they need to go further back and decide if it was

constitutional to erect the cross on public land originally.

I am concerned and confused about this one issue that is so offensive to one person from one state about a cross that appears in another state. He files suit, through the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), an organization that many would call liberal, because he is offended by the cross. He doesn't like it. He says that this cross that has been given to honor the military dead and erected so many years ago, has offended him because it is on public land that is owned by the American citizens.

So when did we get to the place that just because we are offended we sue someone. Seems like I get offended every time I wait in line somewhere and overhear someone saying phrases, terms, ugly words, profanity, and even derogatory statements. I don't sue over it just because I am offended; give me a break. This is a slippery slope that we must not continue down.

I am concerned not because he is offended by the cross as the cross has been offending people for centuries. The cross IS offensive and it has been causing people to try to eradicate it for years and years and years. People try to stamp it out for what it stands for: sacrifices that can change them, their thoughts, their very souls forever. Kill or be killed I guess is the mind set that they govern their hatred of the cross by.

So here is MY logic on this cross issue on public lands. My father that raised me was a veteran of WWII and of the Korean Conflict. He was a purple heart recipient from being wounded and pinned down somewhere in Germany. He was reactivated for Korea and saw the worse of the worse as he was in and on the front lines shooting at the enemy and the enemy shooting back at him. Many of the men he fought with did not survive and they are buried in foreign lands and you can see hundreds and hundreds of crosses in the cemeteries marking the graves of the brave soldiers.

"Arlington National Cemetery" has thousands of graves of the fallen and deceased and many, yes thousands of markers, have crosses on them. There are hundreds of regional cemeteries where many of the war dead are buried and there are crosses once again all over the place. All of these not only mark graves of individuals but heroes as well. The crosses are all over the place.

Now here is the rub. IF the Supreme Court of the United States says that the cross cannot be on public land, what do we do about the cemeteries and the cross?

The cross is still a symbol for a sacrifice that is beyond measure. Think about the men and women who lie buried in the public lands, tax payers' lands with crosses proudly posted. I think it is OK to display the crosses because of the sacrifice that was given by the fallen and those that served with pride.

Well that's my thoughts on this issue of the Crosses on Public Lands.

Church Surface

2009-10-05T09:10:00.004-04:00

"Church Surface" is what I overheard in a restaurant lately. No, not really, what they were actually talking about was their normal weekly church services. However, in listening above the noise of the patrons, no I wasn't ease dropping as they were talking loud enough for anyone to hear if you strained hard enough, and I heard what I heard. Their conversation wasn't ugly and they weren't having the pastor for lunch that day. You know, after the church service is over you go to a local restaurant and complain about the pastor, the music, the sermon, the lights, the video, the singers, what that person was wearing, etc. These people were actually talking about how well things went that Sunday. They were talking about how the pastor had spoken the Bible into their lives and that they were challenged by what they had heard. Refreshing don't you think?

I did start thinking about the issue of church attendance in America being overall in the decline. Why? Is it because the church is under persecution? Hardly. No place to meet? Are you kidding? Most churches meet in multi million dollar facilities. Is it because the neighbors will make fun if you attend a church? Not really for a couple of reasons: 1. your neighbors go with you or 2. your neighbors don't know you and they don't care what you do.

In my thinking about this issue it dawned on me like a new light bulb coming on in an overhead ceiling fan, it's the Church Surface! The church surface that lasts from point a to point b without any delineation from the script. It is the church surface that is nice, neat, and pretty little package that is fully predictable with no variance from what is known. The church surface where all is comfortable and little requirement is expected from the congregants. The church surface that is neither real nor relevant to the lives of our parishioners but a thing that you do to say that you have done it for the week. A church surface that is nothing more than a church surface!

Take a quick look at churches that are not doing a church surface but a church service, and that is a subject for another blog; we don't go to church to be served in a service..............but to worship God. Jesus said that he didn't come to bring peace but a sword. If you put your hand to the plow and look back you are not fit for the kingdom of God. Jesus said to take up your cross and follow him.

C.S. Lewis wrote in the Chronicles of Narnia a great line talking about the great king, "Is he safe? No he is not safe but he is fair.", or something like that. I know that Lewis said, "Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important." The point is that following Jesus is neither safe nor always comfortable. Following Jesus is one of those things that will cause you to be outside your comfort zones. It will require more than a church surface and a move toward a church service that is challenging, that causes us to reflect on our lives, to see our lives in the light of scripture, to become more like Christ, to be different, to get our hands dirty; to come to serve and not to be served.

It was interesting that day when I overheard the church surface statement and realized that if our churches in America want to be real and relevant to the culture, we will have to go deeper than just a Church Surface!

[Footnote: For anyone reading this posting, know that I am not talking about YOUR church. I am talking about the corporate church. However, if you are convicted that you need to be more than what you currently are in Christ Jesus, then be obedient and follow through. : ) ]

It's Football Time In...

2009-09-15T08:35:00.002-04:00

It's Football Time In... and you can fill in the blank of where you may be. I grew up in the foothills, kind of, of the Great Smoky Mountains and Knoxville, TN, the home of the Tennessee Volunteers (Vols for short). So every year at the start of the college season we would hear the words "It's football time in Tennessee!" to which the 100,000 plus people would scream and shout and get caught up in the energy of the crowd. Your school, team, or football season brings the same excitement I am sure.

Why do I bring up this subject matter? Well I'm glad you asked, or thought about it, or whatever. I was in the halls of a great school of theological training on Monday. It was interesting to hear people NOT talking about the hot topics that all the Southern Baptists are concerned about. No one was talking about Calvinsim and if that was right or was it freedom of choice? No discussion about the Great Commission Resurgence that is worrying many at the State Conventions, Local Associations, and even some churches. No one was talking about inerrant scriptures. No one was talking about Jesus Christ, eternal life, security of the believer, right to life, taxes, the church, or even possible tests or papers that they had not prepared for in class. NO! Everyone was talking, loudly, about the Bears and how their favorite line backer would be out for the season. How Favre played, yet again for another season for another team. They spoke about which team they were pulling for in the BCS Natioinal Championships, and the season had just begun.

I guess what caught my attention was that no one seemed to be talking about what REALLY matters. Now I am not against football, or sports of any kind as I feel they have their place. What I am against is that it seems that we in America, seminary students included, may be worshipping Baal and not even realize it. We call Baal a different name today. We call it Base-baal, Foot-baal, Basket-baal, etc. Baal was an idol for those that may not be in the know.

How many times do we know box scores, stats, players, and coaches names and even the names of their children but we can't remember any Bible verses beyond John 3:16? Once again, don't hear what I am not saying. I am not saying that sports are necessarily bad. I am just wanting to consider to put everything into perspective about the eternity of that which we devote our lives to. We all have those things that steal our time from facebook, to myspace, to my team, to my favorite hobby or pastime.

All I am saying is that there are some balances that we all need in our lives. We need to make sure that when new things show up in our lives that we don't allow God and his holy word to be the first thing that gets pushed to the side lines.

SO.....think about it, reflect on it and choose wisely. Enjoy life and your weekend; remember it is the fall and It's Football Time In ....

Are You Prepared for Disaster?

2009-09-09T15:02:00.002-04:00

"Are You Prepared for Disaster?" is what the sign said flashing along the roadside in Lexington, Kentucky. I could see the sign from a long distance away and it just kept flashing and telling me several things:

I needed to be ready
A disaster was coming
Preparation is the key to survival
This coming disaster was personal in nature because I had to prepare for it
Disaster, well you know that can't be good, in fact, I bet it is disastrous.

I kept waiting for the rest of the storyline, the disaster, the impending doom that was coming and yet there wasn't a "rest of the story" as the late Paul Harvey used to say. Just the flashing lights saying the same thing, "Are you prepared for disaster?" I watched other drivers as they rode by and none of them paid any attention to the lights. They had seen them before. This sign had been there for so long flashing the same message that people had gotten used to it and well had learned to ignore it.

I wondered if the flashing lights had said something like:

Road out ahead, slow down or DIE!
Free cash given out at 4th red light.
Every 6th vehicle will explode along this roadway.
You will be shot at, guaranteed, if you continue to travel this roadway.
Bridge out ahead, you will die if you keep on this roadway.

Maybe I am just sick or strange enough to think that these might get our attention more readily than the same message, the same way, day in and day out, week after week, after week.

Then again think about it "Are You Ready for Disaster?", is really something all of us need to be prepared over. I mean, life is short and if you live long enough, disaster of some kind is coming your way. Sickness, health, wealth, weather, kids, spouses, stuff, and just life in general. The question is "Are You Ready For Disaster?"

Jesus tells us that no man knows the hour or the day that the Son of man will return, (a favorite term he used for himself by the way) so everyone should be ready. Salvation in Christ is so simple that many miss it all together. "It can't be that easy", they will say. But think about it this way, it has to be that easy or I, you, or children could not get in and that would not be a loving father for sure. So be ready, because Jesus is coming again and you have to be prepared. So let me leave you with this simple notice, "Are You Ready For Disaster?"

New and Improved!

2009-08-31T08:19:00.002-04:00

New and Improved! What a simple concept when you think about it. You take something that you have always used or have had and improve on it. You make it better. But what happens if you can't make it any better, what do you do then?

Marketers have had this problem for years now. I have lived a pretty long time by many standards, in dog years I should be over 350 years old now, and I have noticed something that is remarkable about New and Improved products. Tide Detergent should make you clothes disappear when you wash them in the product! Why? Because almost every year Tide comes out with a new Tide. They tout that Tide will make your clothes brighter! Does that mean that they will glow in the dark now? Or they will say things like "New Tide, in a more concentrated formula", great, do I have to use less detergent or do I get to wash less? How about making Tide do the laundry for me?

Then the approach to some products is that you can't make the product any better, because it is at its zenith of perfection, what do you do then? You change the packaging. Take for example bleach. What do you do with bleach? You make it easier to use in a new "easy to pour bottle". Let's face it you need this because you are such a klutz, you may want to stop using bleach products. However, sales go up because it is new and improved.

How about the bottle of grape juice that you buy for the family. You take a look at the bottle and it says something like, "Now with more grape flavor!", really? How do you make grape juice taste more like grape juice? Do you put more grapes in it?

Several years ago Arby's rolled out their "new" french fries and I promise you their campaign was "now with more potato flavor". Huh? How do you pull that off? But when they made this statement their sales of fries went up.

What am I rambling on about today New and Improved!? You see Madison Avenue advertisers have figured it out to make people want their products even if the products haven't changed any is to make it New and Improved!. They will make the packaging look newer or better. Such was the idea behind changing the Morton Salt box. It's salt for heaven's sake but in a new package; let's all go buy some now.

The church universal needs to take notice of this. We have the very best thing to offer and that is the Son of God, the Lord Jesus Christ, the forgiveness of sins, a new life, peace that passes understanding, a hope and a future, becoming a child of God. So we will NEVER be able to improve on that product. However we can and should take a look at our packaging.

As people change in our culture we can change in the way we deliver our product. Let's face it we all like New and Improved things in our lives. I seldom hear of anyone telling the pharmacist that they would like to have a bottle of aspirin and 2 leeches because they have bad blood and a headache. No they want all the best pain killers that are available to them.

I am not saying that we water down the gospel, NEVER. I am saying that we can deliver the message in a New and Improved way for this generation of people. The gospel always works! I just want to deliver it in such a way that it changes lives forever so that that person can be New and Improved!

School!

2009-08-25T08:34:00.002-04:00

School! It is the word that strikes fear into most individuals when they are in elementary, middle school (Junior High for those over 45), high school and even college. That one word brings with it so many memories that are good and sometimes horrific. Days gone by of sitting in rows of seats, hot, bored, and having to learn something that in the back of your mind you know you are thinking, "I'll never use this stuff!"

Memories such as in your 5th period history class when the teacher, with a smirk on his face, asks something about the Bible to you, because he knows you are believer, and then rides you pretty good, in front of your peers, when you don't know the answer.

Memories that come rushing into your mind when you hear a certain song, our song you think and you are catapulted back to the day that she, or he, was in your life and you knew this was forever. It wasn't but at that time you were in luv!

School! The teachers, the books, the assignments that you are thinking about completing or not, and the opportunities that you have to become something more than you are or ever have been.

School! Students will tell you that they hate it! However, a quick check onto any social page and you will see students telling each other that they are bored and can't wait for school to begin. They don't tell their parents or any adult but they secretly DO like school. Now that they have the opportunity to return to school and start a new year may they make new friends, new grades, and a set of new mistakes. School is there to train but it is also an opportunity to better oneself to a new dynamic person.

Sure we all love school! And parents love school most of all. Sure there are supplies, money for trips, camps, clothes, calculators that do stuff that they don't have a clue about, computers, cell phones, books, etc., etc., etc. But after the student heads out the door and onto the bus or into the hallways of the place of learning; most parents sigh, dance or smile and say to themselves, School!

Given, Never Earned!

2009-08-24T08:58:00.003-04:00

I was driving to Louisville, KY the other day and in traffic I passed, or actually it passed me, a big truck that apparently the Marines use. On the side of the truck was a sword, a dress blue sword, with the white handle and it was beautiful. There were only 3 words that were on the side of the truck which caught my eye. The words were simply said, "Earned, Never Given". Wow, enough said. When you think about being a Marine that is true.

Over the years I have seen guys graduate, girls too, from high school and they are the proverbial 98 pound weakling. These were folks that we never in the "IN" crowd, nor jocks, or the 4.o smartest kids in school. They graduate from high school and then the word is given that they have joined the military. Thoughts go through your mind, well that's nice, they have a place to belong. It is only later that it is told that they went to the Marines and not some 'other' branch of the service. Not to be disparaging to the other branches of the military but there is something that comes to mind when it is said someone was in the Marines.

After this recent high school graduate comes home from their basic training you get together for some coffee and you notice something about this new Marine. They are more mature, clean cut, having shaved, look you in the eye and are so sure of themselves. They are a Marine. They have worked hard to become one and they are on their way to the day they will be able to tell some young recruit about the sword and the dress blues, "Earned, Never Given"!

That phrase "Earned, Never Given" is a great phrase to use in the military but it is a TERRIBLE mind set to have in the church and the Lord Jesus Christ. You see when it comes to the salvation experience you will see people trying to earn it. They do all the 'right' stuff and try to ear their salvation only to find out that they cannot do it.

You see to become a Christian, a Christ follower, Saved, etc. you can't earn it, it's given freely to you. Not that it is cheap but it has already been paid for by Christ himself.

So today if you have never thought about becoming a Christian, that is asking Jesus to forgive you of your sins as you repent from them and make him the lead, the lord, the number one in your life all you have to do is ask and it will be given to you. You see salvation it is "Given, Never Earned!"

The Ice Storn of 09.

2009-02-08T22:27:00.003-05:00

I survived the ice storm of 09. This phrase has not appeared on a tee shirt yet but I think that it will. Living in Kentucky and having one of the worst storms and disasters to come through this state has had so many asking the question, "When did you get your power back?" Most people in our area lost power for over a week or more in near zero temperatures.

People stayed with folks that had power and some camped out in cold homes waiting for the power to come back on. People came in from other states to help get the power grid back on and up and running. There were trees down, cracking and falling heavily laden with ice tearing out the electrical wires and power poles.

What a pleasure it was to see utility trucks coming into the city like the cavalry to rescue the cold, the weak and the powerless.

There were those that volunteered from the Alabama Southern Baptists that came to town, paying their own way, slept on cots, taking chain saws and cleaning up debris for weeks. They showered in the homes of new friends, ate with others they did not know, and did it with a smile on their face and joy in their hearts. They were willing to do this because they understood what it meant to be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ serving their fellow man.

I have made new friends, new associates, and fellow Christians that are willing to make a difference in the lives of others for the Glory of God.

The ice storm was terrible and there was billions of dollars of damages and loss of life in the state. This was a tragedy, no doubt. However, even in tragedy good things came out of it. Many learned to do without and some learned to do more with less. God was glorified as his people did what they do best, help others.

I can say it and hope to see it on a tee shirt soon, "I survived the ice storm of 09!"

PALS will work for the parents of teens

2009-01-26T18:33:00.003-05:00

I saw PALS on television and thought to myself, PALS will work for parents of teens.

The television commercial was about a Senior Adult program that encouraged others to work with them and to treat them with respect and honor. To talk to them, to be normal person with them and just get to know them, hang out with them, and be normal. The commercial said to use the PALS program. PALS stands very simply and yet profoundly:

Pay attention
Ask questions
Listen to them
Support them

I have seen this commercial several times and each time I think about parents and their students in our student ministry. What if we used the PALS program in dealing with our students from day to day, eating together, or just hanging out. It would play out something like this:

Pay attention to the things your student is saying, or talking about, or not talking about. Things like music, school, text messages, that friend that is driving them crazy or that new gadget that they just have to have. Pay attention to them as they are just talking about nothing.
Ask questions. Now as a parent, pay attention to this part, ask questions that are not accusational or confrontational but communication questions about stuff that they are talking about. These questions are not really deep at this point so don't go there. Just ask surface questions that they have been talking about. (Hint, if you do this well you can go deeper later because they will open up to you about those things as you learn to be PALS.)
Listen to them. Spend time listening to your student as they talk to you. Listen to them to learn more about your student. This is not a time to find out dirt so you can "clean house" but a time to listen and connect. IF you find out something that concerns you about your conversation, tuck that away and pull it out later on and talk about some other time. IF you do it while you are listening now, you will destroy your time of relationship building.
Support them. Now is the time to laugh with them, cut up, have fun and be a friend, as well as being a parent. Support your student as they are thinking about that crazy hair cut, or new outfit, maybe the special food that they want to try. Supporting them doesn't mean you have to say yes, but you support them by walking them thought the thinking process about what they are wanting to try or experiment with. Let's face it if they learn the process of thinking through this process, they can do it on seriously important issues later on.

So tomorrow when you sit down with your student or you pick them up from school think about the PALS system and see if it works for you. Sure it will be awkward at first because as adults we talk so much more than we listen but give it some time, cause it will work. PALS will work for the parents of teens if the parent will work at it and be there pal.

Is there is life after 50!

2009-01-17T18:51:00.005-05:00

"Is there life after 50, in youth ministry?"

About two years ago I started that thought process in my life about youth ministry. I still loved it and thought all was well but what happens when others around you start asking that question such as, "aren't you getting a little old for this job?"

I became a Christian as a teenager in a youth evangelism conference. I was baptized as a teen, joining the church and getting involved in Sunday School, Youth Choir, Training Union (now there's a dated term), Wednesday night youth programs and various Bible studies that I could attend in my church. I also went to other churches seeking the will of God in my life. I learned to read the Bible and listen to the Holy Spirit in my life. I got involved in Youth For Christ (Campus Life) and Teens for Christ club in our school. There was a daily Bible study and prayer time in the art room of Mrs. Cunningham my Sophomore and Junior years.

I believed God was calling me into the ministry to preach the word and began that ministry call in my early teens. A teen reaching teens with the gospel of Jesus Christ, doing youth revivals, Bible studies, and mission work as well. Then a couple of years ago I looked in the mirror and saw this guy looking back at me and he had some gray hair where there used to be none. Wrinkles and lines that indicated life and life experiences were building behind the eyes and in the mind of this individual.

Now what about youth ministry? I still do it and I still love it. The students that I have the privilege to work with bless my heart and it is a joy to see them get it in the word and in their life as they follow Christ. I smile as I see them working to minister to others, build important relationships and lead in worship plus other ministries.

So is there life after age 50 in youth ministry? You better believe it! I love being with the students and seeing them connect. Those wrinkles, white hair, and life experiences are paying off with not only the students but as a resource for the parents. The opportunity to impact and help parents as they move forward in relationship with their child is awesome! To help the parent realize that they are the primary disciple leader and educator of their children is so important and I get to help them realize that.

Sure I am not some 25 year old youth pastor that is all cool, crazy, and chaotic; GREAT! I don't want to be. I want to be a guy that has 25 years of experience in both life and ministry over that guy, or girl, and yet, I am still crazy and chaotic. (I never was cool!)

So if anyone out there is thinking about youth ministry and you believe that God may be calling you to it, I have this advice for you; DO IT! It doesn't matter the age because it is the heart and the attitude that matters most. Cause I have to tell you, Is there life after 50 in Youth Ministry? You better believe it.

They always come in threes!

2008-12-10T14:15:00.002-05:00

You know, they always come in threes!

This is one of those phrases that we hear from time to time around my home. My family the my extended family, in laws, out laws, and in-loves; and all those people are the ones that I am talking about. Anyway, it seems that things always happen to you in threes don't they.

Take today. I was ministering to a family and I got a phone call from my wife and it was very important as she called and called and called again in a short period of time. I picked up the line and she was broken down on the side of a busy interstate with a blow out. Wow! My bride was in need so I dropped all and went to her aide. It was only after that I got there, got the jack out, the tire almost completely off that a police officer stopped to see if we needed to help or was this a good Samaritan that was there to help. (By the way that is a biblical term) So I changed the tire and she was on her way.

Later on today I received a text message from my daughter that something was wrong with the windshield wipers on her vehicle which as we all know is not good when it's raining, that you need to be able to see out. She thought it was the fuses, I think it is something else, but what's a dad to do when he is 3 hours away?

You are not going to believe this, and it's not one of those preacher stories, I got a call from my son, who lives another 3 hours away in another direction and his car wouldn't start! Yep, water, distributor cap etc. but what do I know from here.

So there you have it. In less than 3 hours and in 3 hours in different directions I had to deal with 3 different things about vehicles.

Now why do I share this with you and what is the significance of this? You know we all need to be aware of the things that come in threes! You see that God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit they have pursued you to have a relationship with them. It's not automatic that is nothing that you have to do to get this relationship but it is for all that will call upon him in repentance and accept him by faith, the forgiveness of your sins.

It is important that you think about this because we all know, "They always come in threes!"

More Than Just The Sum of the Parts

2008-12-02T22:07:00.002-05:00

There are so many new television shows on right now and all are jockeying for that prized position of the best new show. The show that will be the one to watch. The show that everyone will be talking about tomorrow after the latest episode there will be more people tuning in than last week.

Currently there is a new show on CBS called "The 11th Hour". It is a unique show that has last minute intervention on special cases of national significance. On October 9th the season premier had a special case about babies, cloning, and the right to life and life with rights of the unborn.

The cloning issue was hot and heavy when the main character made a statement about the soul of the child being cloned. Will the child being cloned have the same soul as the original soul or will it have their own, etc.

The line stated was this, "The soul is more than just the sum of the genetic parts." What he was referring to was the cloning issue but what he said is of the utmost importance in the reality of eternity and spiritual responsibility for ALL of mankind. We, that is us, that is all of the human race are eternal creatures and the soul in each of us is more than just the sum of our genetic, DNA structure, or our biological make up. The soul is who we are! The soul is that which makes us alive!

Too many people think that we are alive and we have a soul. I think that we are living souls that happen to be housed in a body. Can they be separated? Sure, because when we die the body will die, be buried, and generally decay. The soul? The soul will live on in either heaven or in separation from God in a place called hell.

So what am I trying to say? I am trying to say that we all need to know and realize that we are a soul that is eternal. The question is where will it spend that eternity? And remember that you are more than just the sum of the parts.

I Am So Lonely!

2008-12-01T22:37:00.002-05:00

I am so lonely! These were the words that I found written on the bathroom stall wall. Now the crazy thing is that we have all seen various little tid bits of information on bathroom stalls. Sometimes they are ugly and vulgar. Graffiti that has been placed there by some strange person that feels that they must express themselves in such a way that everyone that comes and goes in that stall needs to see it.

You know you have seen those things and you may have thought how sad, or sick, or why do they do that? I know that I have thought the same things as I have read many of those things. I wasn't sure what to think about the one that said, "I am so lonely". This one was different. I don't know if it was different because of the fact it was small, or that it was scribbled not in a conspicuous place, or exactly what it was.

The thing that caught my attention was that it said "I am so lonely" and then someone had written under those haunting words a response. Their response was "get over it!" Now you might be thinking yeah, so what's the big deal, they do need to get over it.

Now let's see if we can still say the same thing when we realize that those haunting words were found in the stall at a Seminary. The person that was crying out for help was for all practical purposes was a seminary student. This was sad to think that first of all that someone was lonely but it was also sad to see that someone else did not care about that they were hurting.

The final note on the walls said something else that made me feel a little better. Under these 2 lines was one more line and it said, "I am praying for you both". I guess that was the most fitting response to each of them. You see compassion needs to be extended to both of the graffiti artists. The writers need help and at least someone was trying to reach out to them.

Loneliness is not something that anyone should be ashamed of, it is normal to feel lonely from time to time. If loneliness is is a concern get help, talk to someone, and prayerfully they will listen. So don't worry about it, and it's ok to say, "I am so lonely"

Bumper Stickers

2008-11-17T08:20:00.002-05:00

Bumper Stickers tell you a lot about a lot of people.

The national elections are over and we have a new President Elect. Over the last few months we have seen thousands of bumper stickers that are placed all over individuals cars. I have been noticing some things about the bumper stickers that I have seen. Some of them have been on the deck lid, that's the trunk area of the car where you put your key in and open up the back of the car, some are one the windows and yes some have been on the bumper of the car. Not all the bumper stickers have been political in nature. I have seen things such as "Be Good To Your Mother" and they are talking about the earth. One of the stickers said, "Make Peace Not War" and all is well if we will get out of a foreign country and not fight with other people.

I saw hundreds of stickers for the political candidates and many times there was changes on the cars depending on the candidate and the primaries. Some would be for a candidate so much that they campaigned for them and then changed once their candidate lost. They were committed to their candidate but they had to change once they saw all was lost.

What really spoke to me was the person that was passionate about their candidate and you just knew they were going to vote for their candidate. What struck me funny about them was that they had their bumper sticker 'taped' to the bumper and not stuck on as it was designed. They said that they were 'committed' to their candidate but were they really? I mean if you are committed wouldn't you have placed the sticker on the bumper, even if it will not come off easily? I mean are they committed or not?

I guess that I look at things differently than others do but I see that the bumper stickers and how they are placed on the car tells me a lot about the person. Then I think about the idea of spirituality and how that works in their lives. Are people committed to their faith? Are people ready to place the bumper sticker on their lives and not worry about what others think about them? Are they ready to actually place the sticker on their lives?

So the next time you are driving down the road and you notice a bumper sticker on a car, think about what your bumper sticker would say if it was on your life for others to see? So today, think about what your life says and think about your bumper stickers.

A Firm Foundation

2008-11-10T05:23:00.003-05:00

"It all comes down to a firm foundation" is what the man said.

I was watching, well not really watching, it just happened to be on while I was concentrating on holding down my favorite chair and really watching the back of my eye lids, and the PBS show of "Ask This Old House" was sounding in my hearing off in the distance. Anyway, out of my sleepiness I heard one of the men say to a home owner about his brick side walk that the problem that he was having with the side walk was not with the bricks. The bricks were in good shape. He took out a few bricks and said the problem was underneath it.

The men proceeded to tear the bricks from the ground and shovel out the layers underneath them. They got to the bottom and they found out that the previous owner had used sand where he should not have. The host of the show said that this had to come out. He then said that they would be putting in gravel and some other type of back fill that had lots of gravel dust, etc. etc. etc, (I'm not sure I actually saw that part) but he then said, "It all comes down to a firm foundation, and if your foundation is good then everything else will be good and solid." Well he go my attention.

Isn't that the truth anyway? That in our lives that if we build our lives on things that are not solid that we will always crumble and fall apart? As a student minister when I see students building their lives on the acceptance of others, they will crumble and fall. If they seek popularity at all costs, well it will cost them more than what they had anticipated. If students build their lives on anything else except the Lord Jesus Christ, well their lives will eventually fall apart.

So what am I saying today? I am saying that for students, adults, all people really that we have to have our foundation on that which is solid. It's like the man said that if you have a good foundation then what you build on top of it will be fine. But you have to have a firm foundation.

Song of the Decade

2008-11-02T10:22:00.002-05:00

The song of the decade in Christian music or in youth ministry, what will it be?

I have been "doing youth ministry" since I was a youth. Well actually I was newly married but I have been around a few decades! I have seen things that have come and gone and are now back in the realms of youth ministry. The days are gone for a 'pizza blast' to bring in students when the average student eats pizza 2-3 times a week! Christian concerts have gone out of vogue but have come back in again!

So here's the thing what will be the Christian song for the 2000's?
1960's had Kum Bah Ya
1970's It Only Takes A Spark
1980's Friends are Friends Forever
1990's You Came From Heaven to Earth
2000's will it be something from:
David Crowder Band?
Chris Tomlin?
Charlie Hall?
What will it be?

So we know the song but do we know the Savior? It is more important to know Jesus than to know the songs About Jesus! So chime in, what do you think will be the song for the 2000's
What will be the song of the decade in Christian music?

New Testament Proven Probable!

2008-10-31T21:16:00.003-04:00

"Cold Case" television show proves New Testament is probable and true!

That's right, a television show proves that the probability of the New Testament can be proven and if proven probable then it must be true as well.

On October 26 th an episode of the Cold Case told the story of a missing Korean soldier who was found some 50 years later. It was a murder and those that were involved knew the facts and details of one night 50 years before. Each person knew of places, names, people, and events down to the smallest details.

These people were aware of everything that occurred that evening and they were right on target to the smallest detail.

Now here's the thing. If a show can demonstrate that people can remember details from 50 years ago then what about facts from the New Testament from less than 30 years? If a movie can show the plausibility that on one night people could remember details then what about a time changing event? Could it be that the facts of the life and night of Jesus' death could be true? That the events reported of the flogging, the beatings, the crucifixation and resurrection are true.

I guess what I am trying to say is that if a televisoin show can show to millions that people are able to remember facts years later to the smallest details then the writers of the New Testament books were also able to do the same thing.

Well it's true, "Cold Case" television show proves New Testament is probable and true!

Just You Wait

2008-10-22T22:19:00.002-04:00

"Just You Wait" is what I have heard from those that mean well about the birth of my first grand-child.

Yes is has been a week since I have posted a blog but I have been ever so busy enjoying being a first time grand-father. Yes I have been gloating over what I would perceive to be the best looking baby to come along since Gerber put that picture on their first baby food jar. But I get off track here, yes I have been off line for a few days. However, as I was off line, I was listening to everyone bragging about Rachel, and I am being honest here, they actually said all that good stuff. The one thing that I kept hearing people say things like, "You just wait until she gets older, the terrible twos and you won't think she's so cute!" "You just wait until you have to sit up with her all night when she is crying sick with the fever or throwing up."

I watched a young couple get tired of hearing these phrases being said to them when they had waited so long and had suffered so much already. How that they had suffered 4 different miscarriages and had come home from the hospital empty handed each time. How that they had waited for years to have a child that they thought may never happen. How that waiting was something they had learned to do whether or not they wanted to or not.

You know as I was watching and listening everyone say, "Just you wait" and each time they were referring to something that was not a pleasing thought it made me think about life in general. If we focus on all the bad things that could happen, well we could truly be full of anxiety and fears that would immobilize us from living our lives.

"Just You Wait" can be filled with good things as well. Just wait for that first day you realize that God has given you new life. Just you wait for the day that you will meet Jesus Christ and bow at his feet. Just you wait for the day that a friend, a spouse, a child, or grandchild becomes a follower of Jesus Christ because you prayed for them and shared with them.

So what am I saying? Well I guess I am trying to say that it's not always negative when you hear those words it can be positive. Trust me on this one! "Just You Wait!"

LIFE

2008-10-14T08:11:00.002-04:00

Life? When does life begin?

This is a question that has derailed many a presidential hopeful by not answering the way that his constituency may desire. This question may be whispered behind napkins in public places due to the fear of others not agreeing. Even family members may not agree on the answer to this question.

In a few days I will become a Grand-Daddy for the very first time. This blessed event has been on my mind longer than most would imagine. Our daughter has had several miscarriages and has suffered so during each one. She would go through all the emotions, the anger, the guilt, rejection, depressed, to the question of 'what's wrong with me?' I too suffered with her and for her and the loss of each child.

The doctors finally figured out what the problem was medically and prayerfully there will be a new baby here very shortly.

So life, when does it begin? You know really that may be a question that we are asking that we may never come to a true understanding over. Some say the moment the fertilization occurs with the egg but that has some issues too. Some on the other end of the life question would say when the 'fetus' can breath on its own and survive outside the womb. Me? I have to fall on the side of Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations." I believe God. I believe that we are wonderfully and fearfully made. I believe that even before time began there was God.

When we look at scripture and the statements of life, it all begins with God and his creation. Even Jesus says something about life. "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

So life comes from God and it is he that I serve and trust.

By the way, her name will be Rachel Elizabeth and she will be the pride of all that have waited for her for so long. I can't wait to kiss my daughter's forehead and to hold this new little LIFE!

I want what I want

2008-10-13T05:16:00.002-04:00

So you didn't get what you wanted, so now what?

Years ago there was this story of a young lady that was not following after that which God would have in her life. There was a young man that had caught her eye and he became her world. He was what she lived for and not anything or anyone else. The night before moving into her college dorm room she wanted to say goodbye to "the love of her life" which was normal except he had a terrible virus. The kind where things don't want to stay in or stay down, if you get my message. This young lady was determined to go see him and to tell him good bye. Her parents told her no she couldn't go because if she got this same virus it would be devastating to her in her dorm and no one there to take care of her. This didn't set well with her so the argument broke out. The parents pleaded and said to use some common sense. It was during the heat of this argument that the words were spoken, "I don't want to use common sense, I want what I want!"

So there it was, I want what I want! The words were uttered in desperation but those words were the ones that said what their relationship was all about, selfishness.

I think of these statement and story when I hear students argue with their parents. I am listening to see which one is the one that is saying I want what I want and not what is best for the other person. I want it my way because I am selfish or I want it my way because I don't want you to have it at all.

Why are we like this? Why are we so bent on not doing the right thing when we know the right thing is out there? Christ is not about selfishness but selflessness, giving himself away.

Bottom line is that sin will cause all of us to become so selfish, to make ourselves better than others, and to try to put others down so we might be lifted up in our own eyes. Christ was the ultimate leader and he did by serving others. He had the attitude and heart of a servant.

So today as I drive, as I learn, as I minister to others, I have to have the right attitude and make sure that I am trying to do the right thing when I serve others. I have to make sure that it's about them and not about me, my wants, my desires, my attitude must be what do you need and not "I want what I want"!

Worship

2008-10-12T07:15:00.002-04:00

Worship is defined to bring worth to someone or something.

This morning as I type these words I am preparing myself for worship. Worship of someone, not of something. Yesterday in America it was a day of worshipping something. People were off the deep end yesterday in their worship. They put on special clothes, sang songs that they may not even fully believe in but they were standing with others mouthing the words, and fellowship with people they didn't even know. People sitting together talking and getting to know each other even better. Some were even fanatical in what they believed. Many would tell you of the last time or years ago when they were there and they would testify of what they had seen. There would be the nut cases standing on the corner fanatically waving their signs not minding that not everyone believes the same way they do. There would be those that were dressed in their best. People would take cold hard cash and give it away for things that were way over priced but for the group they felt it was OK to pay.

The god of football does that to people.

Today many of these same people will not go to church saying that Christians are fanatical, the church is too big, there are people there that I do not know, they only want my money, I don't have anything to wear, they sing songs I don't know, there are too many fanatics pushing what they believe on everyone, and way too many are hypocritical.

Yeah I guess you are right, we don't want to appear crazy now do we?

Oh well, today I will dress differently, sing songs I may not fully know, talk to people I don't know, give my money, and be in a big environment with many people that could be called fanatical. Why am I there? I am there to worship the almighty God in the power of his Holy Spirit through the fullness of the Son, Jesus, called the Christ. You see I found out long before I read a book, that it's not about me!

So this morning, I am going to Worship!

Financial Collapse Blessings

2008-10-11T09:35:00.002-04:00

Lately the only thing on the news seems to be about the impending doom of the world wide economic crises. Then I hear one news anchor make a statement that caused me to think more fully about this mess.

"A bright spot to this global problem is that it has brought all of us closer together", said Chris Cumo morning news anchor for Good Morning America on 10/08/08. He was commenting no the world market turmoils and how that this economic problem was affecting everyone everywhere.

His statement made me think about the fact that when things are good, we all seem to go our own way. We have it the way that we want to and do not think of anyone else around us, in a word when things are going well we are selfish. If you are a fisherman and things are happening you don't tell everyone else what you are using as bait, where the fish are biting or be willing to take them to your favorite fishing hole. If you have a way of making money, lots of money, you don't tell everyone your secret until you have "enough money" and then you will only tell them your secret for $19.95 and order today!

It seems that when things are bad we are drawn together into the same significant setting. We move in the same painful circles looking for the same comfort from one another. When 911 occurred, people from all over the world grieved with us. Sure there were those that saw this as a time to celebrate our pain but in reality those were rare. Now that the world is in a financial crises is seems that everyone is pulling together once again. Even today and this weekend the financial governments are meeting in Washington to see what can be done.

Now for the spiritual aspect of it all. We are all sinners, that is we are far away from God. We have no way to get to God without his help. We must pull together and help one another. This is why people seem to be so nosey when they are asking spiritual questions about you and your life. They know and realize that we are all in the same spiritual collapse and we need to help one another. They have found the answer for the problem and they are trying to help others get the same help for no money down.

So although we are in a time of financial difficulty we are to look past it all for the good that may come out of it such as it is in the time of "Financial Collapse Blessings."

The Sky is Falling, The Sky is Falling!

2008-10-10T09:52:00.002-04:00

Yep, that's what I keep hearing on the television, reading about in the paper, and the radio talk shows are all screaming that the financial sky is falling!

It is interesting when you think about it, if I say that I can jump to the moon does that make that statement true? I used to be able to slam on the basketball court, I had great hang time, grab the rim, block shots and now, I get excited it I can throw a piece of wadded up paper into the trash can!

The financial folks are all screaming that the sky is falling and we are headed for depression. The word depression causes visions of soup lines wrapped around the block. Apples for sale on carts at a nickel and shabby clothed people pushing them around. When they scream depression, well it makes many depressed. Just because people are saying the sky if falling doesn't make it so.

Sure all of us will have to tighten our belts, and for many that might be a good thing! Just a few weeks I heard people all screaming about the price of gasoline and how we had to do something to lower the costs! People yelling I would do anything if we could just get these prices down! Last night in a near by city the price of gas was at $2.98 and people were lined up! There you have the price of gasoline is down and we are not happy.

The Dow Jones, that magic number ticker that says that we are or are not making money is dropping lower and lower and we are afraid. The global markets are looking to us, the United States of America to help fix it all. These are the same countries that hate the United States but at the same time crave the American dollar! Sure the numbers are lower, the interest rates are falling, we are in the middle of one of the most important Presidential elections in decades (maybe centuries), and people's confidence level in our leadership in congress is the lowest EVER! Thanks Steve, now I hear you saying that the sky is falling!

No I am not saying that the sky is falling what I am saying is that these are some hard and bad times that are coming. Facts are not causing panic! Failure to look at and realize the things that we see are pure denial and that is not a good thing.

Here's the deal when things are bad, "What are you going to do about it?" You have to make plans on what to do and how to do and when to do it.

For me and my house we will serve the Lord! I was almost in a panic the other day as the stock market fell, tripped or tumbled and I realized that money I have to retire on someday was being affected big time! I almost started to wring my hands and say what are we going to do? I ran to the coffee shop to get a cup of coffee, the regular kind by the way not the latte, yada, yada, yada, kind. As I pulled out my dollar to pay for the cup I saw something that reminded me it was going to be OK.

"In God We Trust"; it was on my money and now I have to make sure it is in my heart.

So I am planning on working hard to make sure that I hold onto this simple fact and live it out, In God We Trust. In God I trust even though those around me may be saying "The Sky Is Falling!"

It's My Pleasure

2008-10-09T06:58:00.002-04:00

I was in a resturant eating yesterday for a fast food type meal. After waiting in line like a bovine mammal awaiting their slaughter, I moved forwared and ordered my meal. It wasn't a difficult order mind you, just a number 2 with a diet drink. I ordered and they provided the meal as I had given the order without any problem. What happened next surprised me. I said thank you and what they said back surprised me!

I said thank you and the person behind the fast food counter said, "It's My Pleasure!"

I was taken back by this simple but thoughtful statement. The person was saying that they were pleased in making my sandwich, to provide the service that I had just paid for, that it was their pleasure to make sure that I had the meal I was looking for, and it was their pleasure that I was there in that resturant at that particular time.

This simple statement also challenged me to think about what I do. Is it my pleasure to serve others in the calling that I have? Is it my pleasure to sit and listen to a student's problems for hours knowing that I may not have the words to help them at that time? Am I pleased when I see students step up in leadership to only stumble later on making what appears to be a big blunder? Is it my pleasure when a parent doesn't understand the process of youth ministry with the end results of helping their student become a fully devoted follower of Jesus Christ? Is it a joy and pleasure when I hear the students say they want to have a "lock in", uuuuhhhhhh!

YES! Yes it is a pleasure for me to see that they are moving towards the prize, of the high calling of God in their lives. It is my pleasure to see students, parents, and others understand that Jesus is real and is really real in a life of obedience to him.

So after eating my fast food meal with a different attitude, I now can look at what I do, who I am, and move forward in a new way in difficult situations and say to myself and others, "It's my pleasure!"

I did my best!

2008-10-08T06:51:00.002-04:00

I did my best!

Recently I was talking with someone about various things in their life such as family, school, dating, pressure, and all that other normal stuff that happens to a person in a culture that wants you to "have your cake and eat it too." In our conversation the phrase came out over and over again of how they had done their best but it never seemed good enough.

If you have done your best the question begs to be asked, "what more could you have done?" If you have done your best and others tell you that it wasn't good enough ask yourself "by what standards are they comparing my best to?" Is is perfection? If it is perfection then no one's best is good enough. If the comparison is to another person that has more foresight, knowledge or experience, sure they might have done it differently but would the results turn out the same or differently or even turn out at all?

Doing your best is your best. The movie "Facing the Giants" is always asking the question "Are you going to give my your best?" Life asks that question, are we giving our best to whatever we do? Do we settle for second best?

Bottom line, once you have done your best and it is not good enough, then what do you do? What if the standard that you are being compared to is perfection, then what do you do when you come up short? What if you have some help? I believe that when I come up against perfection, and we all will one day or another, that we will find ourselves short. Because I will be short in my perfection, what if I can get help from the one that is perfect? How do I get this perfection? Simple!

God created us to be with him.
Our sins separates us from God.
Sin cannot be done away with by doing good deeds.
Paying the price for our sins, Jesus died and rose again.
Everyone that trusts, puts their faith in Christ alone, can have life that is eternal.
Life that is eternal means we will be with Christ in heaven forever.

Now if that makes sense or you understand it, why not give your life to Christ. Remember that he is perfect and we are not. We will never be able to measure up to the perfect standard. However, we can have the one that is perfect to help us out.

I did my best, stating it is all you did may not be enough for some things in life, however if you will do your best right now and say yes to Christ, that is the best thing you could ever do!

Go ahead, do your best!

Who Are You?

2008-10-07T06:32:00.004-04:00

The question continues to come to us no matter your age, "who are you?"

This week the television show that changed it all, at least for the last 9 years, will have their thrilling season premier. The show of this generation is CSI "Crime Scene Investigators" from Las Vegas will hit the air ways with new story lines, twists, and turns that will keep the audience enthrolled. Main characters will fight for their lives, old characters will return, and new characters will arrive.

The audience has become acustomed to the current characters, the storylines, the back grounds of each, what has happened to them, and the personal struggles of each. The truth about each character each week remains the same "who are you?" The show hits the airwaves, or the digital highway, each week with a portion of a song from "The Who"; "who are you...?, ...I really want to know."

A few weeks ago Grissom, one of the main characters stated, "Things may affect you but they don't have to define who you are." (I happened to see this episode on September 25, 2008, being aired on CBS.) True, maybe; but somethings do. A new mother or father will be affected by their new baby and it will define that for the rest of their days on this earth, and beyond, they will always be a mother or a father. In a tragic sense if something bad happens to you, you do not have to allow that to be the one thing that defines you, you make the choice about being a victim or a victor.

One thing for sure that should affect you and define you is the moment that you become a follower of Jesus Christ. The moment, by faith, that you accept the grace of God offered to you through his son, his death, his forgiveness of sins, and the resurrection life. This moment should define who you are as a complete and real person with purpose in your life.

So here's the question for you, "Who are You?", do you know for sure? Take a moment, right now as you read this to define who you are in Christ Jesus. If you really want to know who you are, then look no further than into the eyes and life of Jesus to know you are, or could be, a child of the most high God.

So there you have it. Me? I have to go look at my schedule so I can see what happens this week and not to miss that opening line, "Who are you...?"

Time Got Away From Me

2008-10-06T09:10:00.002-04:00

How does this happen anyway? "Time got away from me", we don't own the time, it's not ours and how did we keep it locked up? What were we going to do with the time that we had stored up anyway? Do we really believe that if we mess up on this Monday that next Monday is a "shoot over or a mulligan"? We don't have roll over minutes when it comes to living our lives. That heart beat, that last breath, well it's gone to never ever get back.

If time gets away from me, what did I think was so important that I had to do that and give my time to? Was it really important? When I gave my heart beats, my inhaling and exhaling to that, was it really that important?

Did I give my best for that? What are somethings that are worth those minutes, those heart beats, those last moments of your time that you are giving away? Some would say to see that last game, to see my team win it all. Think about that one, records are made to be broken and then where are you? I too have given many a heart beat to my favorite golfer winning the big tournament and now it's 20 years later and all I have are cloudy memories of that event. How about sleeping? We all need sleep but is the sleep worth sleeping our lives away?

What is worth the things that we are giving away all the time by our lives? God and family. God first because it all came from him anyway and it all returns to him as he created it all anyway. Family because the legacy that you leave is important to those that come behind you. The family name is important, you and some before you have worked hard to get it just as it is right now.

So today as you look at that schedule and all you have to do, the important and most high on your priority list may not really be the most important after all, it depends on the time return. What kind of return will you get on your investment? So don't wast time today, invest it and get a great return for what you are doing and giving.

Well I better end this blog posting before time gets away from me. I have something important to do and it's going to take some time!

What do you expect?

2008-10-05T10:20:00.002-04:00

I hear this statement all the time. You are somewhere hanging out with friends, or at the mall, maybe even at a movie. You know the scene. Things are not going well. Your team is down, they are loosing, or maybe they weren't supposed to win anyway and you look at your friend and you say, "Well, what did you expect?"

What did you expect to happen when you bought your ticket or went to the game, friend's house, the movie or the mall? You may be thinking that I wasn't expecting anything but you know that is not true. You were expecting something because if you weren't then you wouldn't be disappointed when things went awry.

Here's my question about Sunday and going to church, "what did you expect?" You had something in mind when you went to church, you had some expectations. You had to have a standard that you were looking for before even entering the building.

Will I like the music? Will the testimonies be real or relevant? Will I have anyone that will speak to me? What if I come in and leave and no one speaks to me, then what will I do?

If our expectations are wrong then we will walk away and say "well, what did you expect?" If our expectations are on ME, I, What I Like, or how I feel, then we are already in trouble when we start.

What if our expectations were on God, focused on Christ, and the power of the Holy Spirit and how I can be embraced by Him? If my expectations are on meeting God, worshipping him in no matter what kind of music is play, then my expectations can't be a let down.

So today, or on any given Sunday, go with expectations of meeting the Holy One in song, in music, in testimony, in the word of God, in the smile of a baby or even when YOU are the one that speaks to someone else. Bottom line it is about "what did you expect?"

The Job to Do

2008-10-04T08:55:00.002-04:00

You know you have a job to do. You have something that needs to be done asap and yet there is that calling crazy pulling from those things that are fun. Those things that you want to do versus what you have to do. The job is important and it has to be done.

The fun things are, well in a word, fun! Fun to do the things you really like to do. Although the fun thing that you want to do will cause you to exert more energy and make you tired and sore. The job that needs to be done will also cause you to exert energy and you will be just as tired.

What's the difference? The difference is attitude! Attitude must go before everything you do. We have to have the right attitude in all we do. It's important that we have the right attitude in all we do.

The bottom line is this, do it with the right attitude. Make it happen with a smile and get the job done. It's important or it wouldn't be a job.

Attitude, lead the way.

Friday

2008-10-03T09:43:00.000-04:00

The last hurrah, the last day to work until Monday, Friday is here. The old song lyric of "Everybody's working for the weekend" is all to true for all too many. The weekend where it is time to throw off inhibitions and live life like there is no tomorrow. Some will take this wrong and live like there is no tomorrow and hurt others along the way. They will lie, cheat, steal, drink, carouse, do drugs, hurt others, walking on the "little man" to get to where he wants to be.

But think about living for the weekend like this. What if we lived for the weekend so we could live like there is no tomorrow? Like think how you would live this weekend if it was the last one that you were to have, ever? How would you live it? Parties? Probably to some degree you would, but the atmosphere would be different. You would probably have that special friend, family member that you have been mad at for a long long time there so you could say I'm sorry. Maybe you would have a parent there just so you could be close to them.

What would you do? Surely you wouldn't sit and think about all the missed opportunities in your life, those are already gone and are behind you and you can't get those back. Move forward, live your life to the fullest! Go for it.

You know that we are to live our lives to the max for God anyway, so don't hold back. The idea that you are here for you is really egocentric anyway, because even in this universe it's not about you, it's about God. Jesus said this in John 10:10 'The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy. I came that you may have life and have it abundantly!" Abundantly is not a word that we use often so let's change it to the full, or overflowing, or to the Maximum that you can to the second power! Now that's life!

So this weekend, go for it! Live for God full out. Make a difference in the lives of others. Make a stand for the little guy. Stand in the gap for someone. Be a man or woman of character and integrity. Let's face it, we are all headed for a tombstone anyway on this earth and how we live our lives is what will determine what is put on it when we die.

Live it!

The Cool of the Day

2008-10-02T08:43:00.000-04:00

The temperatures have dropped over the last few days and the air is cool and crisp and I love it! To rise early in the morning, that's a relative term by the way, and to feel the air on your skin is an awesome experience.

This morning I was up before sunrise and as I was walking to my vehicle I noticed the stars and the clear sky. I looked up and realized the beauty is always there even if I don't notice it. The stars just shine and shine and shine whether or not I appreciate them or not. Our own Sun, the star that keeps us alive on the whole planet has been doing it's thing for years and years, and yet we, I take it for granted.

The Psalmist knew that the heavens were there declaring the work of the Lord God. "The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork." Psalm 19:1 You can almost see him sitting back in the cool of the evening, watching over his sheep, and looking up at the sky, sitting next to a small fire and realizing how awesome our God is.

The phrase of cool in the evening comes to us from the book of Genesis as God would come and walk in the garden to talk to Adam and Eve. God came to Adam and Eve to have a conversation, a relationship, a friendship with them and God is the one that came to them.

God still comes to man today in the form of his One and Only Son Jesus Christ. The power of the Holy Spirit of God is walking, moving, and crying out to us still today to have a relationship with the Father through the Son.

Why all this talk about the relationship thing? Well it's all about relationship with a holy and perfect God and because he is perfect he had to cleanse man kind of sinfulness so they can have that relationship with God.

So today, tomorrow, the next or whenever it gets cool again realize that it can be at that moment that you can look to the skies and see God's handiwork or you can also just talk to him. You see God is wanting, desiring and changing even nature so you will notice him and move to a relationship with him.

Go get a sweater and enjoy the coolness of the day in the presence of the Father.

Emergency Bailout

2008-10-01T07:11:00.000-04:00

Congress has failed to act! Ripples run rampant through the Wall Street and Stock Markets fall in value over 700 points! American people don't want the Congress to bail out the 'fat cats' those that are better off than they are in their financial lives. The market lost over 1 trillion dollars in value that affected many individuals 401k's. Many started screaming that their pensions were in danger, that their credit limits were being slashed by credit card companies, and if anyone was trying to buy a home found that getting credit is difficult.

The calls to Congress were changing once the individuals realized that their pocketbooks were being affected and now over 50% of the calls are for the bailout. Some call it a rescue, some call it a bailout, some call it a take over, many may even think it is the government taking care of the 'fat cats'.

Why do I talk about all of this in today's blog posting? People were not concerned about any of these issues until they saw their need and they were being personally affected by it.

Now let's move this to the spiritual realm. Long before people see their need for Christ the need is already there. The financial needs and markets were in trouble long before people realized it would impact them individually. The same is true for all people when it comes to their spiritual needs. Whether or not a person knows of their need for Jesus Christ in a personal relationship, the need is still there. There is a need for a 'spiritual bailout' if you will.

Our heavenly Father God has prepared a way for all that will come to him through Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit in faith. All we have to do is to repent, that is big word that says to turn from all the things that we do that are against a loving God and move into a relationship with Him.

So what am I trying to say? Bottom line, we are all in an emergency bailout need and there is only one that can make it happen for us and we don't have to wait for the vote. The price has already been paid by Christ on the cross for you.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the aye's are in majority and the measure passes."

Praise God!

Take a nap!

2008-09-30T09:58:00.000-04:00

I was talking with several students over the weekend and I noticed a reoccuring theme in our conversations. All of the students were tired. These are students that range from 6th-12th grade and they were exhausted. Tired and needing sleep. I thought to myself, "Why are they so tired?" Students don't have jobs, well not all of them, and they go to school and that sort of thing and then it dawned on me. "If a student gets into college, most of them will have more free time than they do in High School."

Many will not agree with this statement but listen to them as they talk about all they are involved in and trying to get ahead, fit in, or work for college spots; not to mention all the self esteem issues they deal with.

Tired from going to school, being in a leadership position, leading others, academics, clubs, sports, games that last until who knows when during the week, homework, and last but especially not least is the social aspect. Many parents don't help when we add to this list things such as 'chores' or home responsibilities and we add to the tiredness of our students. (Dont' hear what I did not say here. Parents are to give students responsibilities and I am not advocating that they don't have them!) What I am saying is that as Parents we may have to reteach our students to say something that came so easily and naurally when they were about 2 years of age: NO!

Saying no to things that keep you away from family, keep you up too long and too late; things that you may have to reexamine in your life to see what the purpose is in doing these things. Let's face it, as parents we all were caught up in that thing called High School, and now Middle School, where we spent all our time trying to impress people that we will never see again, or worse yet impress those that in the grand scheme of things don't matter.

So what am I saying? IF you are tired, say no to something and go take a nap!!!

God rested on the 7th day, not because he had too but to show you that you need to slow down and take a rest. I think it's time to sit down, turn off the phones, the music, the I-pod/I-phone, computers, set down the books, don't go to the game, turn off the TV and rest! I promise you one thing for sure, that if you do, that in about 3 days, no one will have missed you at those other events.

Shhhhh! Go take a nap and don't be so tired.

Family

2008-09-28T21:16:00.000-04:00

The last few days I have been spending time with my son and his wife for his birthday. We had a great time just being together. We spent time playing disk golf and laughing. Laughter is important to family. All of us had the chance to talk to one another about life, coming life and what God was doing in our lives right now.

God is continuing to move us all along to that which he wants us to become. What does he want us all to become? He wants us to become like Jesus, is son. We are to move towards the likeness of him in love, ministry, and work in our lives.

So what's the thing with you? Who are you like? Are you moving towards maturity in your walk or not moving at all? Lots of questions and only you can answer them.

When you are twice chosen, you have to understand that God has something special for you. So go for it, God is there.

Twice Chosen

2008-09-27T08:08:00.000-04:00

Twice Chosen

Why the name? Why does anyone chose the name they may choose for their child, their pet, or even naming their car? It is that which we have picked to represent that object of affection in our minds when we hear it.

Twice Chosen for me is my name. It is exactly who I am and as I realized it more and more that I was twice chosen, well it just made sense of what to call me blog.

As a child I was born into a terrible situation. I was given life but not much chance at life. My mother had chosen poorly with alcohol and a crazy lifestyle and by the time that I was born I was the 4th child and from what records I can piece together there were 3 more before me.

Me? I was placed in a shoe box, or maybe just a small cardboard box, and tossed on the bar in a restaurant/bar in Chicago as the man caring for me walked out the door saying this is not my kid. Stinking and dirty along with terrible diaper rash, underfed and sick my 'mother' placed me into the women's bathroom for the employees and watched me from time to time. She told a co-worker that she couldn't care for me and could she take care of me for a few days. Dorothy took me and that was that.

Dorothy took me and raised me, along with Vic, and the rest of the family. I was chosen to live in their family. There are many of stories from that which I will share with you in the days ahead.

Let me fast forward to the teenage years and tell you the best thing ever to happen to me was when I was chosen again by the Lord Jesus Christ and I became a Christian. From that moment own, I now know that I have been twice chosen.

The journey is grand and the days ahead while unsure, bumpy, and sometimes stormy, the destination is worth the ride.