I have been asked many, many times about my years in Youth Ministry and what has changed. The biggest thing that has happened to Youth Ministry over the years is technology and Social Media.
Back in the day when communicating with students and parents we had to call everyone on a phone that was tethered to a desk or wall. There was a rotary dial and it took some time, a lot of time, to make all the calls to the parents and students. Then it would happen somewhere your plans would be tweaked and now you have to call everyone back and explain the change. Argh....
We also used a lot of posters and snail mail. You remember mail right? We would actually make a letter, write it out, copy it, fold it, place it in an envelope and stamp it; then to the mail box. This would have to be done days and days in advance. Inevitably the students and adults would get the communication late! Argh...
Today we have Social Media and most of the time this is at the finger tips of the students and adults. No more having to wait until they get home and have to check email. Email, by the way, students do not use, so don't send them! Parents and grandparents are all over that though.
Social Media is like a firearm, in my opinion, now wait before you shut me out! When used properly, firearms are to help, protect, hunt and for safety. When used as intended there is no problem. However, outside the bounds of what it was created for there is a problem. Social Media is the same way. You can contact masses at one time with upcoming ministry information, send updates immediately, contact parents and students at the same time, photos and immediate updates! But when Social Media is not used properly there is a problem. It can be used to tear down, destroy, attack and maim individuals.
Social Media can be a wonderful thing but use it wisely. IF we do not use it correctly in ministry then we are part of the problem. Make sure you follow the rules and guidelines properly! If you don't do it well, it will be used against you.
Parents please have conversations with your students about how to use Social Media correctly! Parents have your student's passwords and check their Social Media often, and let them know you are doing it! Also don't let your students have a Social Media page until 13 due to Federal Requirements, yep the government.
Anyway, I welcome your comments about this monster called Social Media.
Showing posts with label Church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Church. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Monday, November 25, 2013
Alive or on Life Support
Alive or on Life Support is the first thing that came to mind when I read this article and then again when I saw the video clip that it refers to. Bottom line is that a former leader of a church organization says he sees the church not doing enough to reach teens, students and the youth. This is from the Church of England and the country of Great Britain.
Now before too many other denominational protestants, or Catholics, become smug thinking this is NOT your concern, that is a wrong assumption. You see the church has to always be willing to reinvent itself, not the GOSPEL, not the Christ we represent but the HOW we do it.
We have to be willing to move outside our comfort zones, the way we have always done it, and be willing to embrace things that help reach this generation of souls for Jesus Christ. You see we have been too comfortable for too long doing the same old things the same old way and expect new and exciting changes or results. We tend to embrace change in our lives in entertainment, communications, food stuffs, medical procedures, and even in the cars we drive plus all the comforts of home, etc. However, when it comes to our worship, we tend to stay with what WE like over what THEY who are not here NEED when we can get them to the church.
I believe in new and improved in the free market. Better laundry detergents, better food products, improved cell phones, thinner televisions that take up a whole wall, better sound systems, headphones, games, and the like. If we can't make the product better we improve the container that it is in so it looks better. Take bleach in a better pour bottle, it's still bleach but sales go up for the new container. How about grape juice in a new easier to handle container to minimize spills? It's still grape juice!
Church, we have to look at, focus on, and target/reach those that are NOT here. How do we do that? Maybe you don't know, maybe I don't know, maybe no one really knows for sure but we do know one thing for sure; what we have been doing IS NOT WORKING! IF IT IS WORKING IT'S NOT WORKING AS WELL AS IT USED TO!
I believe that when you see a church that is NOT catering to or coddling any certain group but is targeting, budgeting for and giving resources to the children and the youth; well that church is more alive. Take a mental inventory. Has your congregation reached a median age that is near retiring and there are not any or very many young couples, babies or teens there? I plead with us as church leaders, we have to not worry, fret and stress over those in our congregation that we may loose if we try to reach those that are NOT here. Jesus came to seek and to save that which was lost!
Kingdom work is hard and difficult. Bu we have to ask ourselves are we Alive or on Life Support!?
http://www.foxnews.com/world/2013/11/24/former-archbishop-canterbury-warns-christianity-as-risk-dying-out-in-generation/
Now before too many other denominational protestants, or Catholics, become smug thinking this is NOT your concern, that is a wrong assumption. You see the church has to always be willing to reinvent itself, not the GOSPEL, not the Christ we represent but the HOW we do it.
We have to be willing to move outside our comfort zones, the way we have always done it, and be willing to embrace things that help reach this generation of souls for Jesus Christ. You see we have been too comfortable for too long doing the same old things the same old way and expect new and exciting changes or results. We tend to embrace change in our lives in entertainment, communications, food stuffs, medical procedures, and even in the cars we drive plus all the comforts of home, etc. However, when it comes to our worship, we tend to stay with what WE like over what THEY who are not here NEED when we can get them to the church.
I believe in new and improved in the free market. Better laundry detergents, better food products, improved cell phones, thinner televisions that take up a whole wall, better sound systems, headphones, games, and the like. If we can't make the product better we improve the container that it is in so it looks better. Take bleach in a better pour bottle, it's still bleach but sales go up for the new container. How about grape juice in a new easier to handle container to minimize spills? It's still grape juice!
Church, we have to look at, focus on, and target/reach those that are NOT here. How do we do that? Maybe you don't know, maybe I don't know, maybe no one really knows for sure but we do know one thing for sure; what we have been doing IS NOT WORKING! IF IT IS WORKING IT'S NOT WORKING AS WELL AS IT USED TO!
I believe that when you see a church that is NOT catering to or coddling any certain group but is targeting, budgeting for and giving resources to the children and the youth; well that church is more alive. Take a mental inventory. Has your congregation reached a median age that is near retiring and there are not any or very many young couples, babies or teens there? I plead with us as church leaders, we have to not worry, fret and stress over those in our congregation that we may loose if we try to reach those that are NOT here. Jesus came to seek and to save that which was lost!
Kingdom work is hard and difficult. Bu we have to ask ourselves are we Alive or on Life Support!?
http://www.foxnews.com/world/2013/11/24/former-archbishop-canterbury-warns-christianity-as-risk-dying-out-in-generation/
Former Archbishop of Canterbury warns Christianity at risk of dying out in a generation!
FoxNews.com
Lord Carey, the former Archbishop of Canterbury, has a warning for Christian churches: Attract young people to the faith or risk losing it forever.
According to The Telegraph, Carey said Christianity is just a “generation away from extinction” in Britain unless churches have a breakthrough in attracting young people.
Clergy are gripped by a “feeling of defeat” and congregations are worn down by “heaviness," he said.
Carey said the public greets both with “rolled eyes and a yawn of boredom," according to The Telegraph.
Carey made his remarks at a Shrewsbury conference discussing how the church could be "re-imagined."
“So many people do not see the average church as a place where great things happen," he said. “To sit in a cold church looking at the back of other peoples’ heads is surely not the best place to meet exciting people and to hear prophetic words.”
According to The Telegraph, Carey cited a lack of youth ministries as one of the sources of the problem.
“So many churches have no ministry to young people and that means they have no interest in the future," he said. “We have to give cogent reasons to young people why the Christian faith is relevant to them.”
Sunday congregations in the U.K. have almost halved since 1970 to just 807,000 in the most recent figures, The Telegraph reported.
According to The Telegraph, Carey said Christianity is just a “generation away from extinction” in Britain unless churches have a breakthrough in attracting young people.
Clergy are gripped by a “feeling of defeat” and congregations are worn down by “heaviness," he said.
Carey said the public greets both with “rolled eyes and a yawn of boredom," according to The Telegraph.
Carey made his remarks at a Shrewsbury conference discussing how the church could be "re-imagined."
“So many people do not see the average church as a place where great things happen," he said. “To sit in a cold church looking at the back of other peoples’ heads is surely not the best place to meet exciting people and to hear prophetic words.”
According to The Telegraph, Carey cited a lack of youth ministries as one of the sources of the problem.
“So many churches have no ministry to young people and that means they have no interest in the future," he said. “We have to give cogent reasons to young people why the Christian faith is relevant to them.”
Sunday congregations in the U.K. have almost halved since 1970 to just 807,000 in the most recent figures, The Telegraph reported.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Reboot!
Reboot! Yep, that's what I did this weekend. My wife and I have been married over 34 years now. We have jokingly said, or I have said, "Yep we have been married 34 years, 28 happy years!" She just smiles and looks my way and says, "Now that's not true, it hasn't been 28 I am sure of it!" Ha, ha, ha, ouch!
Recently we went to a marriage retreat, A Weekend To Remember, is what it was called. Now you may be thinking, why would a couple that has been married to each other this many years go to a marriage retreat? The reason is that from time to time we too need to Reboot our marriage. Sure we are empty-nesters, that is our children are all grown and gone, and seemed like only yesterday that they were in diapers, but we too need time away to regroup and to reconnect.
I want every married couple to know this, that if you have children, kids, teens, or even young adult children, spend your time cultivating your relationship with your spouse. Many of you know my heart that if it comes down between you or the children, go with the spouse, because one day your kids will be grown and gone. If you are luck they will be for sure.
Now the hidden blog post this time. It's not just about marriage, family and life but it's about the calling in your life. If you are a minister or Youth Minister, I want to share this with you. I was cleaning up some in the office. Don't panic, I still have the proverbial youth minister office. You know, everything in it's place and everything all over the place! But still I came across a piece of paper that a former minister left behind pinned to the bulletin board. It's about our calling, and our lives in the people business. I share it with you today so you too may Reboot your ministry or calling.
It has no title just 7 statements that I now share with you.
Now that I have reviewed these in my own life, I can better do ministry. You see too many times we start to focus inward and think we are important, even more important than we really are. We do this in ministry and we surely do it in our marriages.
I guess some of the best advice I have learned about marriage is to out serve your spouse. They try to out serve you, both of these in love, and your marriage will be great. If we do this in ministry, that is out serve others, and they serve the Lord it will be a great ministry.
What if? What if they don't serve like you serve? Who said THEY had too? You were the one called, equipped, and given a passion; you do it no matter what. So today, right now, whomever you are, wherever you are, slow down, be still and quiet and Reboot!
Recently we went to a marriage retreat, A Weekend To Remember, is what it was called. Now you may be thinking, why would a couple that has been married to each other this many years go to a marriage retreat? The reason is that from time to time we too need to Reboot our marriage. Sure we are empty-nesters, that is our children are all grown and gone, and seemed like only yesterday that they were in diapers, but we too need time away to regroup and to reconnect.
I want every married couple to know this, that if you have children, kids, teens, or even young adult children, spend your time cultivating your relationship with your spouse. Many of you know my heart that if it comes down between you or the children, go with the spouse, because one day your kids will be grown and gone. If you are luck they will be for sure.
Now the hidden blog post this time. It's not just about marriage, family and life but it's about the calling in your life. If you are a minister or Youth Minister, I want to share this with you. I was cleaning up some in the office. Don't panic, I still have the proverbial youth minister office. You know, everything in it's place and everything all over the place! But still I came across a piece of paper that a former minister left behind pinned to the bulletin board. It's about our calling, and our lives in the people business. I share it with you today so you too may Reboot your ministry or calling.
It has no title just 7 statements that I now share with you.
- Am I living a life above reproach? 2 Timothy 2:20-21
- Is this job my passion or my paycheck? 2 Samuel 23:9-10
- Am I in line with where we are going as a church?
- Do I feel like I deserve more? (You shouldn't)
- Am I reflecting on how things used to be or passionate about how things are going to be?
- Do i feel like I have to "kill time" because there is "nothing to do?" (There's always something to do when you're in the "people business".)
- Do I fully trust the leadership? 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13
Now that I have reviewed these in my own life, I can better do ministry. You see too many times we start to focus inward and think we are important, even more important than we really are. We do this in ministry and we surely do it in our marriages.
I guess some of the best advice I have learned about marriage is to out serve your spouse. They try to out serve you, both of these in love, and your marriage will be great. If we do this in ministry, that is out serve others, and they serve the Lord it will be a great ministry.
What if? What if they don't serve like you serve? Who said THEY had too? You were the one called, equipped, and given a passion; you do it no matter what. So today, right now, whomever you are, wherever you are, slow down, be still and quiet and Reboot!
Monday, October 29, 2012
Safe Harbor
Safe Harbor! This is the term that I saw when hurricane Sandy was coming ashore October of 2012. Some dubbed the storm as "Frankenstorm" as it would affect Halloween, and the 2012 Presidential elections. People on the sea shores and beaches were concerned about their homes, boats, and the harbors that flooded. It was the term Safe Harbor that got my attention.
As I look at the term Safe Harbor I am moved to youth and youth ministry. The students that I have worked with over the years have had to weather storms, big storms, and even some as big as a hurricane and tornado in perspective. Recently I had a conundrum question asked of me, "Why do Christian students bully just like the other kids?". Boom a storm. Economic issues for the family, whoosh another wind storm. Then there is the issue of school and problems there of studies, tests, relationships, and problems with the social area. Students that have self esteem so low that it is in their shoes. Dates or no dates, boy friends and girl friends no one caring about them as they feel alone. Boom, whoosh, and then there's another problem in their lives. Then we talk about peace that passes all understanding in our Christian lives and students just don't get, see it, or believe it. Boom, Bamm, another storm but this time it's spiritual in nature.
Students come home and hope there is a place of safety where they can be themselves. The problem with some students' homes is that there is pressure at the home as much as there is in the school environment. What do I mean? Sports comes to mind. Be the best take no prisoners type approach. Make sure you are faster, meaner, leaner, and know more about that sport than anyone else ever.
How about band, academics, or even the social ladder? Students coming home have the pressure at home as much OR MORE than they do at school! The home has to become a Safe Harbor, a place to tie down and be safe from the storms in life.
The scriptures teach us to do so...“… You were so glad when the storm died down, and He led you safely back to harbor.” (Psalm 107:30 THE MESSAGE) Our savior and Lord has done this for us when it comes to saving from sin, from giving life purpose and meaning without a performance clause. The only clause we have to really "worry" about with the Lord God is to obey in love.
Parents here is my cry out to you as a Minister to Youth and Families, make your home a place of Safe Harbor for your kids, your children, your own flesh and blood. Don't live your lives through them, allow them to be kids, give them guidance and not pushes. Parents lead by example and not by prodding your kids to anger. Help your children navigate the water of the culture by giving them a Safe Harbor at home where they know they are loved, cared for, and sometimes told NO because you love them not YES because you want to be friends with them.
Bottom line for parents in this culture of storms is to allow your child to come home, to tie off and be safe; being loved and cared for by those that care the most about them; YOU! You are not the captain of the ship, their ship, Christ is; you are to be the captain of the harbor and make it safe for them.
Now I have to go and tie down some ships of my own in my own life too. You see being a leader doesn't mean we are always right, just that we will never, ever give up as we steer through the rough seas of life providing a place of rest for others who are tired and weary; a Safe Harbor.
As I look at the term Safe Harbor I am moved to youth and youth ministry. The students that I have worked with over the years have had to weather storms, big storms, and even some as big as a hurricane and tornado in perspective. Recently I had a conundrum question asked of me, "Why do Christian students bully just like the other kids?". Boom a storm. Economic issues for the family, whoosh another wind storm. Then there is the issue of school and problems there of studies, tests, relationships, and problems with the social area. Students that have self esteem so low that it is in their shoes. Dates or no dates, boy friends and girl friends no one caring about them as they feel alone. Boom, whoosh, and then there's another problem in their lives. Then we talk about peace that passes all understanding in our Christian lives and students just don't get, see it, or believe it. Boom, Bamm, another storm but this time it's spiritual in nature. Students come home and hope there is a place of safety where they can be themselves. The problem with some students' homes is that there is pressure at the home as much as there is in the school environment. What do I mean? Sports comes to mind. Be the best take no prisoners type approach. Make sure you are faster, meaner, leaner, and know more about that sport than anyone else ever.
How about band, academics, or even the social ladder? Students coming home have the pressure at home as much OR MORE than they do at school! The home has to become a Safe Harbor, a place to tie down and be safe from the storms in life.
The scriptures teach us to do so...“… You were so glad when the storm died down, and He led you safely back to harbor.” (Psalm 107:30 THE MESSAGE) Our savior and Lord has done this for us when it comes to saving from sin, from giving life purpose and meaning without a performance clause. The only clause we have to really "worry" about with the Lord God is to obey in love.
Parents here is my cry out to you as a Minister to Youth and Families, make your home a place of Safe Harbor for your kids, your children, your own flesh and blood. Don't live your lives through them, allow them to be kids, give them guidance and not pushes. Parents lead by example and not by prodding your kids to anger. Help your children navigate the water of the culture by giving them a Safe Harbor at home where they know they are loved, cared for, and sometimes told NO because you love them not YES because you want to be friends with them.
Bottom line for parents in this culture of storms is to allow your child to come home, to tie off and be safe; being loved and cared for by those that care the most about them; YOU! You are not the captain of the ship, their ship, Christ is; you are to be the captain of the harbor and make it safe for them.
Now I have to go and tie down some ships of my own in my own life too. You see being a leader doesn't mean we are always right, just that we will never, ever give up as we steer through the rough seas of life providing a place of rest for others who are tired and weary; a Safe Harbor.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
So Now What?
"So Now What?" is heard by so many when they are doing so many things and finally those things are about to come to an end. Take Camp for instance. This summer I have had the joy of being at more than one camp environment. I have been with hundreds, maybe thousands of teens, hard to count accurately in my sleep depravation, and I have seen and heard many things from our teens. So the question remains, "So Now What?".
I have learned things about our teens this summer. Many things that are new, some are reinforcements, and some I have seen for years.
New: Our students are more fascinated with sex than ever before. Well at least in my 50+ years of life. Boys still talk with great knowledge of the opposite sex, what the girls like and don't like; and like always, they are wrong.
New pranks involving Icey Hot, and other over the counter medications, some that you have to wonder out loud' "How did they think of that?" or "Why would you try something like that?"
Reinforcements: Students are more tethered to their phones and music than EVER before. It is unhealthy for a teen to isolate himself, or herself, from others by escaping into their headphones and music. These are not bad things but our student culture is the most "disconnected" connected generation we have ever had.
Students are insecure even when it comes to worshipping the Lord God in a worship service where the lights are low, people don't know each other and can't see you. Still they are afraid to let go and let God! So afraid of what others will think about them.
What I have known for years: Kids are kids even when they are teens. They are insecure and want someone to love them. They will do dumb stuff to impress the opposite sex and give up on values taught to them that make parents cringe. Students have more, or put more, pressure on themselves and worry like crazy. Students going into High School will never say it but they are worried. They are the youngest in a place where the guys are men and the girls are women. Middle School students are worried about grades and getting placed correctly when they go to HS.
Students are low in Self Esteem no matter how many participation ribbons and medals that they have amassed! Kids can't be kids because parents want them to perform at levels above them so the parents will look good, no matter that the kids just want to have some fun.
Kids are filled with anxiety because they can't go to the movies without fear of someone shooting, fighting, or picking on them. Predators are around every corner. Going on line can be dangerous. Going outside can be dangerous.
When it comes to relationships they are estranged from parents who are struggling with their own relationships. They see parents that struggle with many of the same issues that they do.
Spirituality is hard on our students. They are confronted about their faith from other religions, culture, paganism, and due to lack of learning, knowledge or even family experience, they will not stand firm on truth but pressure.
Students still want to know if SOMEONE will love them even though they see themselves as inferior products. Will they get dates, boyfriends, girlfriends, will pimples go away? What will the future bring to their lives? What vocation? Will I make money?
Will I be happy?
"So Now What?"
To parents, love your kids, teach them by modeling biblical truths. Teach them God's Word so they can better know what they believe and why they believe it.
To ministers, love the kids, teach them by modeling biblical truths. Teach them God's Word so they can better know what they believe and why they believe it.
To Youth Ministers, love the kids, teach them by modeling biblical truths. Teach them God's Word so they can better know what they believe and why they believe it.
The challenge is for parents and leaders because we have been where they are in ages and needs and the students this is their first rodeo. We know where to find answers, how to listen and how to lead them. That being said here's my question for us.
"So Now What?"
Monday, June 25, 2012
Teens Leaving the Church
Teens leaving the church is one of those blaring statements that not only concerns Youth Ministers but also parents, pastors and church leaders. Recently after returning from vacation I am going through my mail and I find our state denominational paper in my box. One of the headlines reads, "Southern Baptist Membership Continues to Decline". It talks about how we have gone from millions of membership to fewer millions in membership over the last few years. This is not good.
Why Teens Are Leaving the Church
Posted By Mark Gregston On June 15, 2012 @ 12:42 pm In boundaries,Finding purpose,fitting in,household rules,meaning of life,troubled teens
The Culture
On matters of religion and the family, our culture fosters confusion in our teens. In a society that craves entertainment, teens have an aversion to lectures. They would rather not sit and listen to someone preach for an hour every Sunday. Church is seen as “boring” or “lame.” It fails to offer fun or amusement. Once the Sunday school curriculum moves past puppet shows into a more serious application of Christian principles, many teens abandon the notion that the church holds any relevance to their lives.
Our culture also preaches that church is antiquated. The cynics have concluded that pastors and church leaders are incapable of understanding the new sexual norms, modern media, changing gender roles, or even recent scientific discoveries. The Barna Group revealed that 40% of 18 to 29 year olds believe the church’s teachings on sexuality and birth control are outdated.
Whether or not the church has done a good job refuting this view or not, the growing perception among young adults is that the church is no longer in touch with the modern world.
The Church
Another reason teens are leaving the church has to do with the church itself. Don’t misunderstand—the point is not to bash churches or assign blame. There are many factors to the departure of teens from their faith. However, like a doctor who identifies the disease before treatments, if we can diagnose why teens struggle with church, we can better cure what ails them.
For many teens, church has become judgmental and hypocritical. On our radio program this week, you’ll hear one of our students from the Heartlight residential program explain that he left church because he felt judged and looked down upon. Kids make mistakes and misconstrue, of course, and they may feel like church unfairly shines a spotlight on their weaknesses. But this is also the most inclusive generation in history. The way they embrace diversity is remarkable and inspiring. However, with that commendable sense of tolerance, young people today struggle with the exclusivity of Christianity. Why does the church act like it knows everything? Who’s to say they have the market on truth or right? For them, the church looks like an elite country club, where those who don’t fit the mold are denied acceptance. (We have to do a better job of explaining the why of things within the church. Why we do VBS as an example. Reason? More people come to Christ through VBS than any other evangelistic outreach of the church. Communicate the why so students and adults will know why we do this.)
Of course, we know this is a skewed view of the church. Not all Christians are hypocritical or judgmental. I have been in churches where the members have been the most loving and divergent group of people I have ever seen. But because your son or daughter may have an immature picture of religion doesn’t mean we should disregard their concerns. We can shatter this perception by celebrating Christian models that disdain hypocrisy. Point out to your teen those Christians who are living changed and transformed lives. Jesus unleashed His deepest anger at hypocritical religious zealots who twisted authentic Christianity.
Sometimes it’s healthy to get your teen exposed to Christian missionaries or volunteers who are building houses in third world countries, adopting children, or digging wells in Africa. Show your son and daughter the transforming work of the church right in their own backyard and around the world. If your teen is struggling with the church, perhaps you can find someone who will take your child under his or her wing and develop a friendship with them. (This fall at our church we will be moving more into small groups and mentor ships for our students and adults.) Interviews with rebellious young people who eventually persevered in their faith report having a friendship with an adult who was not their parent in the church.
David Kinnman, president of Barna Group, conducted his own studies on this issue and revealed that churches that integrate vocation and faith have a better retention rate among teens. Kids want to see how Christianity converges with their aspirations to become graphic artists, civil engineers, biologists, lawyers, or doctors. So, when somebody comes alongside them and says, Look, here’s how that vocation lines up with our faith, it debunks the notion that says church is irrelevant. (If we have a student interested in banking or business we need Christian business people to come along side of them and talk not only faith but vocational life.) If the church holds any hope of engaging with today’s teens, we must deliver the consistent message that our faith speaks to every issue in their lives.
The Teen
Sometimes it’s the culture, sometimes it’s the church, but many times, it’s the teen himself that makes the decision to shrug off church. Even in the best-case scenarios, it’s quite normal to find resistance from your teen on this matter of church attendance. Work hard at not taking it so personally, or as an affront to your success as a parent.
Start discussing this matter with your child long before he or she becomes a teenager. Start going to church as a family when the kids are small; show them that it’s not a duty, but a privilege; it is something your whole family is committed to. Then give your teen a timeline. I advise moms and dads to sit down and present a plan to their kids. It gives you a foundation to work from, and gives your teen a basis for freedom and responsibility for their own walk with God. It could look something like this …
• At 13, you need to go to youth group, church on Sunday, Bible study on Wednesday, and camp in the summer.
• At 15, you need to go to youth group and church on Sunday.
• At 17, you need to go to church on Sunday.
• At 18, we won’t make you go, but we would encourage you to go anyway, because church will equip you with life-skills, purpose and meaning. (I recommend that the last 6 months of HS, January on, to have them figure out what they can leave as a lasting legacy to their youth group. Passing of the baton so to speak.)
Just because more young adults are leaving the church every year doesn’t mean we need to keel to the trend. Some say, Relax, they’ll come back. But I’m not willing to be a passive onlooker as kids abandon the institution of the church. This is a battle that deserves a valiant effort that requires discernment, grace and skill. The community of believers is not only essential in a teen’s life, but in our lives as well. It won’t be easy, and it will take persistence, but with God’s help, we can instill values in our children they will one day pass along to their own.
Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and director of Heartlight, located in Hallsville, Texas. For more information and helpful resources for moms and dads, check out our website. It’s filled with ideas and tools to help you become a more effective parent. Go to www.heartlightministries.org. Or read other helpful articles by Mark, at www.markgregston.com. You can also call Heartlight directly at (903) 668-2173. Hear the Parenting Today’s Teens broadcast on a radio station near you, or download the podcast at http://www.parentingtodaysteens.org/.
I hope you have enjoyed this conversation and have had some thoughts about how to better reach this generation. The church has to do a better job in stop the Teens Leaving the Church.
Everyone of those numbers represents a person and not just a number. Churches across the board need to look at "how we do business" and change what we need to change to reach and keep not only the youth but those demographics that we are not reaching. This means not doing things the way we have always done them, cause if you do you will always get what you always got! (Not an original line by the way!) Businesses do this all the time. Look at what you are doing and see if it is "meeting your business plan? Is it reaching your customer base? If it is not, what needs to be tweaked to meet those needs?" Sure this may mean NOT doing some FAVORITE things of the current customers but WE CANNOT ALLOW THE FEAR OF LOSING WHAT WE ALREADY HAVE TO KEEP US FROM REACHING THOSE THAT HAVE NEVER BEEN HERE. This means that we can't allow us to fear losing folks in the pews when we have folks not coming to Christ because of the way we do things for ourselves. Spiritually speaking this is Pharisee ism to the degree of religion over relationship with Jesus.
I read an article from Mark Gregston, who operates a home for youth in Texas and is an author, speaker and director of Heartlight Ministries. It is one of those articles that I have read, copied, printed and digested. It's such a good article that I want to include it in its entirety for you to read. I have taken liberty to insert some italicized words for my own comments within the article and bold. Enjoy and join me in helping reach this generation for the Kingdom.
Posted By Mark Gregston On June 15, 2012 @ 12:42 pm In boundaries,Finding purpose,fitting in,household rules,meaning of life,troubled teens
How many times have you walked into your teen’s room on a Sunday morning, stepped over wrinkled clothes and half-eaten sandwiches, shook the snoring lump between the covers and informed them to get up for church, only to hear a muffled, “No thanks”?
If this describes a scene in your household, you are not alone. Teens are leaving the church in droves. According to a recent study by the Barna Group, close to 60% of kids leave church after age fifteen. Three out of every five kids in your church’s youth group will eventually shrug off the institution entirely. What’s the cause for this exodus? Why is this next generation leaving churches en masse?
The CultureOur culture also preaches that church is antiquated. The cynics have concluded that pastors and church leaders are incapable of understanding the new sexual norms, modern media, changing gender roles, or even recent scientific discoveries. The Barna Group revealed that 40% of 18 to 29 year olds believe the church’s teachings on sexuality and birth control are outdated.
Whether or not the church has done a good job refuting this view or not, the growing perception among young adults is that the church is no longer in touch with the modern world.
The Church
Another reason teens are leaving the church has to do with the church itself. Don’t misunderstand—the point is not to bash churches or assign blame. There are many factors to the departure of teens from their faith. However, like a doctor who identifies the disease before treatments, if we can diagnose why teens struggle with church, we can better cure what ails them.
For many teens, church has become judgmental and hypocritical. On our radio program this week, you’ll hear one of our students from the Heartlight residential program explain that he left church because he felt judged and looked down upon. Kids make mistakes and misconstrue, of course, and they may feel like church unfairly shines a spotlight on their weaknesses. But this is also the most inclusive generation in history. The way they embrace diversity is remarkable and inspiring. However, with that commendable sense of tolerance, young people today struggle with the exclusivity of Christianity. Why does the church act like it knows everything? Who’s to say they have the market on truth or right? For them, the church looks like an elite country club, where those who don’t fit the mold are denied acceptance. (We have to do a better job of explaining the why of things within the church. Why we do VBS as an example. Reason? More people come to Christ through VBS than any other evangelistic outreach of the church. Communicate the why so students and adults will know why we do this.)
Of course, we know this is a skewed view of the church. Not all Christians are hypocritical or judgmental. I have been in churches where the members have been the most loving and divergent group of people I have ever seen. But because your son or daughter may have an immature picture of religion doesn’t mean we should disregard their concerns. We can shatter this perception by celebrating Christian models that disdain hypocrisy. Point out to your teen those Christians who are living changed and transformed lives. Jesus unleashed His deepest anger at hypocritical religious zealots who twisted authentic Christianity.
Sometimes it’s healthy to get your teen exposed to Christian missionaries or volunteers who are building houses in third world countries, adopting children, or digging wells in Africa. Show your son and daughter the transforming work of the church right in their own backyard and around the world. If your teen is struggling with the church, perhaps you can find someone who will take your child under his or her wing and develop a friendship with them. (This fall at our church we will be moving more into small groups and mentor ships for our students and adults.) Interviews with rebellious young people who eventually persevered in their faith report having a friendship with an adult who was not their parent in the church.
David Kinnman, president of Barna Group, conducted his own studies on this issue and revealed that churches that integrate vocation and faith have a better retention rate among teens. Kids want to see how Christianity converges with their aspirations to become graphic artists, civil engineers, biologists, lawyers, or doctors. So, when somebody comes alongside them and says, Look, here’s how that vocation lines up with our faith, it debunks the notion that says church is irrelevant. (If we have a student interested in banking or business we need Christian business people to come along side of them and talk not only faith but vocational life.) If the church holds any hope of engaging with today’s teens, we must deliver the consistent message that our faith speaks to every issue in their lives.
The Teen
Sometimes it’s the culture, sometimes it’s the church, but many times, it’s the teen himself that makes the decision to shrug off church. Even in the best-case scenarios, it’s quite normal to find resistance from your teen on this matter of church attendance. Work hard at not taking it so personally, or as an affront to your success as a parent.
Start discussing this matter with your child long before he or she becomes a teenager. Start going to church as a family when the kids are small; show them that it’s not a duty, but a privilege; it is something your whole family is committed to. Then give your teen a timeline. I advise moms and dads to sit down and present a plan to their kids. It gives you a foundation to work from, and gives your teen a basis for freedom and responsibility for their own walk with God. It could look something like this …
• At 13, you need to go to youth group, church on Sunday, Bible study on Wednesday, and camp in the summer.
• At 15, you need to go to youth group and church on Sunday.
• At 17, you need to go to church on Sunday.
• At 18, we won’t make you go, but we would encourage you to go anyway, because church will equip you with life-skills, purpose and meaning. (I recommend that the last 6 months of HS, January on, to have them figure out what they can leave as a lasting legacy to their youth group. Passing of the baton so to speak.)
Just because more young adults are leaving the church every year doesn’t mean we need to keel to the trend. Some say, Relax, they’ll come back. But I’m not willing to be a passive onlooker as kids abandon the institution of the church. This is a battle that deserves a valiant effort that requires discernment, grace and skill. The community of believers is not only essential in a teen’s life, but in our lives as well. It won’t be easy, and it will take persistence, but with God’s help, we can instill values in our children they will one day pass along to their own.
Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and director of Heartlight, located in Hallsville, Texas. For more information and helpful resources for moms and dads, check out our website. It’s filled with ideas and tools to help you become a more effective parent. Go to www.heartlightministries.org. Or read other helpful articles by Mark, at www.markgregston.com. You can also call Heartlight directly at (903) 668-2173. Hear the Parenting Today’s Teens broadcast on a radio station near you, or download the podcast at http://www.parentingtodaysteens.org/.
I hope you have enjoyed this conversation and have had some thoughts about how to better reach this generation. The church has to do a better job in stop the Teens Leaving the Church.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Youth Ministry in a Nutshell, Helping Parents
Youth Ministry in a Nutshell, Helping Parents that's right, Youth Ministry is about helping parents. Years ago the philosophy of Youth Ministry was to be the best that you could be and take care of the teens APART from the parents. The parents could rest assured that their teen was in capable hands and someone that knew their children better than they did who didn't need their help.
This model of Youth Ministry was the norm for a long, long time. This has become known of late of teaching the parents to be Dry Cleaner Parents. You know the dry cleaner is where you drop off something that needs to be cleaned up, fixed up, pressed and nicely returned to you in a little over an hour. Parents were taught to vacate their responsibility to become the number one discipler in the lives of their teens. This is not the right way to do this, nor is it even biblical. The parents are to be the front runner and the Youth Minister, Pastor, leader, whatever, is to help the parents.
So I am here to show the parents something and offer some help. Here goes. Have you ever thought about becoming a Missionary? Now don't panic. Learn from what the question is teaching about missions. A missionary that is going to a foreign field has to learn the culture of the people they are to work with. The nationals will have their own language and the missionary must learn to speak, understand, and interpret the language. There is a whole new set of foods to learn to eat, try to like, and although it is NOT something the missionary would have chosen; partake with the nationals to build relationships.
The locals always have their own way of dressing and many times it just doesn't make sense to the missionary. However, to reach the locals there is a way of 'embracing' many of the styles, not to offend, but to share Jesus even in the dress. Then there is the music of the locals. There is the music that moves them, they cry to, get angry with and dance like you have never seen before. This too is part of being a missionary.
Parents you have to learn to be a missionary.
Find a great Youth Ministry that is teaching biblical truths and get involved in it. You don't have to teach your own student but get plugged into the ministry. Learn to listen to and hang with students. You don't have to be cool, just accepting and influence a ggeneration like never before. Parents every Youth Ministry I know, needs you. You need them!
You see when you think about it, Youth Ministry in a Nutshell, Helping Parents!
Stay in the Word
ETSOYC 42-44
This model of Youth Ministry was the norm for a long, long time. This has become known of late of teaching the parents to be Dry Cleaner Parents. You know the dry cleaner is where you drop off something that needs to be cleaned up, fixed up, pressed and nicely returned to you in a little over an hour. Parents were taught to vacate their responsibility to become the number one discipler in the lives of their teens. This is not the right way to do this, nor is it even biblical. The parents are to be the front runner and the Youth Minister, Pastor, leader, whatever, is to help the parents.
So I am here to show the parents something and offer some help. Here goes. Have you ever thought about becoming a Missionary? Now don't panic. Learn from what the question is teaching about missions. A missionary that is going to a foreign field has to learn the culture of the people they are to work with. The nationals will have their own language and the missionary must learn to speak, understand, and interpret the language. There is a whole new set of foods to learn to eat, try to like, and although it is NOT something the missionary would have chosen; partake with the nationals to build relationships.
The locals always have their own way of dressing and many times it just doesn't make sense to the missionary. However, to reach the locals there is a way of 'embracing' many of the styles, not to offend, but to share Jesus even in the dress. Then there is the music of the locals. There is the music that moves them, they cry to, get angry with and dance like you have never seen before. This too is part of being a missionary.
Parents you have to learn to be a missionary.
- Teens today have their own language. Learn it. You may have to understand text-ing in a new way. It is like a short hand that is used to improve speed and to lessen the amount of data going over the network saving you money. You don't have to talk like a teen, in fact, don't; it's kind of creepy. Learn to listen, understand and communicate with your teen. I gotta go to the next one, CUL8r (See you later) ; )
- Teens eat fast food all the time. Sure you are the parent and "Doritos" at 11pm are not the most nutritious things to eat but sometimes, give in. Students eat crazy food choices, and drinks such as "monster, bull, star, extra caffeine and sugar energy drinks" all the time. Moderation may be in order but saying no way is a sure way for them to sneak and do it anyway. Students eat crazy stuff that you CAN NO LONGER TRY without medication. Bet back in the day you downed some stuff like crazy as well
- Teen Fashion. Buckle up. Everyday there is someone sitting somewhere dreaming up a new way to wear, or just barely wear, their clothes. Let's face it, a teen wearing a Bennie cap in the summer is really crazy but IF IT IS WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING, well you know. Be aware of the fashions. You don't have to agree with it but understand it. Modesty is still hot so keep that in mind. The culture of our teens today will wear a fashion that is out there or it will be retro like it is brand new. Why? Because the are trying to be individualistic, while being like everyone else.
- Teens and the music they listen to. Yep, you remember well what you listened to and probably your parents too said something like, "I don't understand it", "I don't get it", or "Turn that down!" We don't have to like it but we do need to understand the lyrics, the anger or attitude that goes with it or the meaning behind it all.
Find a great Youth Ministry that is teaching biblical truths and get involved in it. You don't have to teach your own student but get plugged into the ministry. Learn to listen to and hang with students. You don't have to be cool, just accepting and influence a ggeneration like never before. Parents every Youth Ministry I know, needs you. You need them!
You see when you think about it, Youth Ministry in a Nutshell, Helping Parents!
Stay in the Word
ETSOYC 42-44
Monday, June 11, 2012
Where Have You Been?
"Where have you been?" are words that I am sure you have never heard nor have you ever said them before. The time that you were to go to the store, come straight home and the senic route was calling your name. You take a detour and then before you know it, time has gotten away, the ice cream is now just cream and you are so in trouble because no one really knew where you were. Nah, probably never happened to you or the people that you know, just me.
"Where have you been?" has been echoing in my ears of late as I have not blogged in sometime. I like writing, I like sharing with you life, stories, and above all the truths from the Bible. Why is it then that I haven't done more? Not sure really. You see I have about 52 blogs that I am doing on Youth Ministry and Parents. I want to help parents be the number one discipler in the lives of their teens. I want to help "Young" youth ministers when someone gives them a hard time because they are not experience in raising teens and try to give good Godly advice to a struggling parent. But I have not done so well of late. It was my goal to get back on track but I got side tracked of late.
You see Christmas morning I lost my baby brother. We were closer than either of us really realized. I had the breath knocked out of me. You can read my blog about Birthdays and Christmas on that one. One of the things that happened during the funeral was that our mother that raised us both stood at the casket and told Kenny to not go too far inside the pearly gates because she was right behind him. Sure enough, in March, the 19th to be exact, Dorthy did just that and went to Heaven to be with Jesus and her family members.
I had a wonderful 1-2 punch of grief to deal with by losing 2 family members in just a short period of time. I had lost an older sister just 11 months before my brothers passing, but who's keeping up with time?
Grief is one of those things that everyone has to do on their own time, in their own way, and yet it is none the less painful, nor difficult. I was down, out, frustrated with myself and yet I just couldn't shake it. I knew the scripture, taught it and quoted how that Jesus would never leave nor forsake me. He didn't. He revealed himself in many different ways. One of the ways was a new friend on our staff. He went to lunch with me, challenged me, walked beside me and let me know there was healing. This was great. The brothers of my staff prayed for me and with me weekly walking through my pain and loving me all the way. My wife spoke truth into my life and challenged me, all the while knowing there was really nothing she could do but love me. That was enough.
A book was relased the month that mom died entitled "Grieve Like A Man" of which I bought, read, devoured and saw my story in it. A dear friend took me hunting with him and within 2 hours of the season opening we had met our quotas and sat around a campfire for 2 days talking, sharing, and having our friendships grow deeper.
This blog is one of those blogs that is written to share with you where I have been and to let you know I am back on track. All is good. You see the scriptures that I had read, quoted and taught about DID come true to my life. Jesus was walking with me all the time. Not once did he ask me "Where Have You Been?" because he had never left me.
The blog postings of twicechosen are coming back on line. God is showing me some amazing stuff. Jesus has walked with me, carried me, and led me through the valleys of late and the Holy Spirit has empowered me to go on when giving up looked promising.
Today as you read this know that you are in good company as you live for Christ. IF you don't know him in a personal realationship you can like never before. The journey is great and it is the best ever. I promise you others will know you are different, changed, and want to know what happened and ask you "Where Have You Been?"
Stay in the Word.
"Where have you been?" has been echoing in my ears of late as I have not blogged in sometime. I like writing, I like sharing with you life, stories, and above all the truths from the Bible. Why is it then that I haven't done more? Not sure really. You see I have about 52 blogs that I am doing on Youth Ministry and Parents. I want to help parents be the number one discipler in the lives of their teens. I want to help "Young" youth ministers when someone gives them a hard time because they are not experience in raising teens and try to give good Godly advice to a struggling parent. But I have not done so well of late. It was my goal to get back on track but I got side tracked of late.
You see Christmas morning I lost my baby brother. We were closer than either of us really realized. I had the breath knocked out of me. You can read my blog about Birthdays and Christmas on that one. One of the things that happened during the funeral was that our mother that raised us both stood at the casket and told Kenny to not go too far inside the pearly gates because she was right behind him. Sure enough, in March, the 19th to be exact, Dorthy did just that and went to Heaven to be with Jesus and her family members.
I had a wonderful 1-2 punch of grief to deal with by losing 2 family members in just a short period of time. I had lost an older sister just 11 months before my brothers passing, but who's keeping up with time?
Grief is one of those things that everyone has to do on their own time, in their own way, and yet it is none the less painful, nor difficult. I was down, out, frustrated with myself and yet I just couldn't shake it. I knew the scripture, taught it and quoted how that Jesus would never leave nor forsake me. He didn't. He revealed himself in many different ways. One of the ways was a new friend on our staff. He went to lunch with me, challenged me, walked beside me and let me know there was healing. This was great. The brothers of my staff prayed for me and with me weekly walking through my pain and loving me all the way. My wife spoke truth into my life and challenged me, all the while knowing there was really nothing she could do but love me. That was enough.
A book was relased the month that mom died entitled "Grieve Like A Man" of which I bought, read, devoured and saw my story in it. A dear friend took me hunting with him and within 2 hours of the season opening we had met our quotas and sat around a campfire for 2 days talking, sharing, and having our friendships grow deeper.
This blog is one of those blogs that is written to share with you where I have been and to let you know I am back on track. All is good. You see the scriptures that I had read, quoted and taught about DID come true to my life. Jesus was walking with me all the time. Not once did he ask me "Where Have You Been?" because he had never left me.
The blog postings of twicechosen are coming back on line. God is showing me some amazing stuff. Jesus has walked with me, carried me, and led me through the valleys of late and the Holy Spirit has empowered me to go on when giving up looked promising.
Today as you read this know that you are in good company as you live for Christ. IF you don't know him in a personal realationship you can like never before. The journey is great and it is the best ever. I promise you others will know you are different, changed, and want to know what happened and ask you "Where Have You Been?"
Stay in the Word.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Where in the Word do I find that?
Where in the Word do I find that? This phrase was heard a few weeks ago when I was talking about parenting, discipline, issues on youth and Youth Ministry and how God's word is our answer to everything. The crazy thing about the Bible is that the information that we need is found in the pages but we have to open it, read it, apply it, and become scholars so to speak of it.
Several years ago the movie "Thirteen" was about a young lady coming of age from being a little girl to becoming a teen. The movie was controversial but looking at it from a Youth Pastor or Parental view, it was and is very enlightening. Children grow up so quickly and sometimes they want to be a young adult before they are ready spiritually, physically (although their bodies may 'show' they are ready), mentally, and emotionally.
Paul Tripp in his book "Age of Opportunity" says that in the first seven chapters of Proverbs that there is a biblical perspective on the struggles facing our students and this generation of cultural teens.
Too many times we move our kids, students and youth to the margins and do not give them an outlet to express themselves. They will find a way to express themselves. If they do not have a chance to share their stories of life they will ramp it up in destructive behavior of some kind. This includes 'good church kids' as well.
I believe that we have to give students responsibilities along with consequences for not being responsible for the things we both have agreed to. You have to allow them to fail, to grow, to expand, to be safe and yet not back down when the conflict comes. Read the Bible as a family, as unit, allow them to lead, to read, to pray and share their hearts in a safe environment. Talk to your student and not at them. Make sure you continue to have places of conversation without judgement when you can.
Read the Bible as a parent in Deuteronomy 6 for your mandate and then read the first seven chapters of Proverbs to better understand your student. Do this and you won't have to ask, "Where in the Word do I find that?"
ETSOYC 31-37
Several years ago the movie "Thirteen" was about a young lady coming of age from being a little girl to becoming a teen. The movie was controversial but looking at it from a Youth Pastor or Parental view, it was and is very enlightening. Children grow up so quickly and sometimes they want to be a young adult before they are ready spiritually, physically (although their bodies may 'show' they are ready), mentally, and emotionally.
Paul Tripp in his book "Age of Opportunity" says that in the first seven chapters of Proverbs that there is a biblical perspective on the struggles facing our students and this generation of cultural teens.
- Adolescents have no hunger for wisdom or correction. He let's face it they think they are right and much wiser than they really are, and most believe they know MORE than their parents.
- They have a tendency towards legalism. They tend to emphasize the letter of the law rather than the spirit. Teens trend to push at the fences you have in place and tell you that they are still in the yard.
- They have a tendency to be unwise in their choice of companions. Let's face it there are some students that your child should NOT hang out with. Your student and their friends are good kids but when they get together, trouble. My wife's grand father used to say this along these lines. "When you have a boy you got a boy, when you have 2 boys, you have half a boy; when you have 3 boys, you have nothing but trouble!" Some good church kids just can not be together without being in trouble.
- Our culture is a sex charged culture and your students are right in the middle of it being tempted with these new feelings that they have not had before. What do you do with them when you used to not feel this way?
- Students do not live with eternity in mind. Students live in the now. They want instant gratification. They are micro-wave than a slow cooker. They want what they want and they want it now.
- They tend to lack a heart of awareness of what they really need or want. Students are wondering about the big wild world that is just outside their doors and how they will function in it.
Too many times we move our kids, students and youth to the margins and do not give them an outlet to express themselves. They will find a way to express themselves. If they do not have a chance to share their stories of life they will ramp it up in destructive behavior of some kind. This includes 'good church kids' as well.
I believe that we have to give students responsibilities along with consequences for not being responsible for the things we both have agreed to. You have to allow them to fail, to grow, to expand, to be safe and yet not back down when the conflict comes. Read the Bible as a family, as unit, allow them to lead, to read, to pray and share their hearts in a safe environment. Talk to your student and not at them. Make sure you continue to have places of conversation without judgement when you can.
Read the Bible as a parent in Deuteronomy 6 for your mandate and then read the first seven chapters of Proverbs to better understand your student. Do this and you won't have to ask, "Where in the Word do I find that?"
ETSOYC 31-37
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas! That's what everyone said on the 25th of December this last year and most people really meant it. I guess I really meant it too but I said it with a heavy heart. Why you might ask, well you see my baby brother went home to be with Christ on the 25th of December of 2011 after, I guess, a lengthy illness.
His name is Kenny and he was 44 years of age. He leaves behind not only the mother who raised us, Dorothy is 80 years young and weighs about 90 pounds (maybe); his wife of 19 years and a son, Braden who is only 12 years old. Kenny was my baby brother. Baby is a loose term when you are grown men. Kenny was a big man weighing in at well over 350 pounds and at times in his life weighed even more than that. BUT before you start thinking it had something to do with his weight, Nada!
Kenny suffered from "polymyositis" a connective tissue disease that slowly kept him from being able to move his legs, shoulders, and even motor control of his arms. He also was diagnosed with an inoperative melanoma tumor in his abdomen around October.
I watched his wife Leanna care for and love her husband in a story book kind of way. She took a leave of absence from her job where she didn't get paid while away to care for her family. I saw her help him get up to a standing position so he could walk months before the only thing he could do was lay there. She cared for him like, well; she demonstrated love like I had never seen before. If you or anyone you know that is married, could have half of what I saw, they will be lucky people.
The last few weeks of Kenny's life I was able to spend many hours with him. I had weeks of vacation so I went to the hospital and sat with her and him for days. Sula, my wife, stayed with us as well. We laughed, we cried, we talked about the elephant in the room: the going home of Kenny. We didn't want to talk about it because it seemed like a dream, a bad dream, but still a dream.
Was it hard? YES! I don't want to try to "spiritualize" it or say that we don't hurt because we know where Kenny is; yes we know where he is BUT we still grieve. I watched him tell his son that he was given only a week to live and then to have his 'little boy' lay across his daddy's chest and all of us cry and wail. Kenny gave the father to son talk about you can be whatever you want to be, you can accomplish whatever you put your mind to, be a good and honest/honorable man.
When I was asked to do his funeral, I agreed to do "whatever you want me to do" and then I asked him if I could cry, and his response was, "certainly." Kenny was my baby brother but he taught me oh so much.
When the doctor gave him the grim news, holding his hand and Leanna's hand, he asked Kenny if he could get anything for him. Kenny thought for a minute and said, "A clean bill of health would be nice!" The doctor laughed and so did everyone in the room because Kenny was thinking about everyone else and how they felt.
I survived the funeral experience with several tears pushed back, frogs in my throat, and times of extra prayer for strength. I used the text Proverbs 18:24 that reads, "A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. It was a fitting verse to use for two reasons, 1. It was the same text used at our father's funeral some 27 years before. 2. Because, although Kenny and I were not biological brothers, he was my baby brother.
Kenny wanted me to share the good news of Jesus Christ at his funeral and I was able to do that without any problem. To tell family and friends that there is one that is closer than a brother and that is Christ.
Selfishly I did not want Kenny to die on Christmas day, but God had other plans. His headstone will always have the Christmas date on it. People will look at it may think how sad because he died on Christmas day. I thought that at first, I prayed it wouldn't happen, but it did. Then I thought about Christmas, the birthday of Jesus and how my baby brother really got the best Christmas present of all; he celebrated Christmas 2011 WITH Jesus himself! How cool was it for him to say to Jesus, "Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!"
His name is Kenny and he was 44 years of age. He leaves behind not only the mother who raised us, Dorothy is 80 years young and weighs about 90 pounds (maybe); his wife of 19 years and a son, Braden who is only 12 years old. Kenny was my baby brother. Baby is a loose term when you are grown men. Kenny was a big man weighing in at well over 350 pounds and at times in his life weighed even more than that. BUT before you start thinking it had something to do with his weight, Nada!
Kenny suffered from "polymyositis" a connective tissue disease that slowly kept him from being able to move his legs, shoulders, and even motor control of his arms. He also was diagnosed with an inoperative melanoma tumor in his abdomen around October.
I watched his wife Leanna care for and love her husband in a story book kind of way. She took a leave of absence from her job where she didn't get paid while away to care for her family. I saw her help him get up to a standing position so he could walk months before the only thing he could do was lay there. She cared for him like, well; she demonstrated love like I had never seen before. If you or anyone you know that is married, could have half of what I saw, they will be lucky people.
The last few weeks of Kenny's life I was able to spend many hours with him. I had weeks of vacation so I went to the hospital and sat with her and him for days. Sula, my wife, stayed with us as well. We laughed, we cried, we talked about the elephant in the room: the going home of Kenny. We didn't want to talk about it because it seemed like a dream, a bad dream, but still a dream.
Was it hard? YES! I don't want to try to "spiritualize" it or say that we don't hurt because we know where Kenny is; yes we know where he is BUT we still grieve. I watched him tell his son that he was given only a week to live and then to have his 'little boy' lay across his daddy's chest and all of us cry and wail. Kenny gave the father to son talk about you can be whatever you want to be, you can accomplish whatever you put your mind to, be a good and honest/honorable man.
When I was asked to do his funeral, I agreed to do "whatever you want me to do" and then I asked him if I could cry, and his response was, "certainly." Kenny was my baby brother but he taught me oh so much.
When the doctor gave him the grim news, holding his hand and Leanna's hand, he asked Kenny if he could get anything for him. Kenny thought for a minute and said, "A clean bill of health would be nice!" The doctor laughed and so did everyone in the room because Kenny was thinking about everyone else and how they felt.
I survived the funeral experience with several tears pushed back, frogs in my throat, and times of extra prayer for strength. I used the text Proverbs 18:24 that reads, "A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. It was a fitting verse to use for two reasons, 1. It was the same text used at our father's funeral some 27 years before. 2. Because, although Kenny and I were not biological brothers, he was my baby brother.
Kenny wanted me to share the good news of Jesus Christ at his funeral and I was able to do that without any problem. To tell family and friends that there is one that is closer than a brother and that is Christ.
Selfishly I did not want Kenny to die on Christmas day, but God had other plans. His headstone will always have the Christmas date on it. People will look at it may think how sad because he died on Christmas day. I thought that at first, I prayed it wouldn't happen, but it did. Then I thought about Christmas, the birthday of Jesus and how my baby brother really got the best Christmas present of all; he celebrated Christmas 2011 WITH Jesus himself! How cool was it for him to say to Jesus, "Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!"
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Youth Culture 101, Things That Students Are into TODAY!
"Youth Culture 101, Things That Students Are into TODAY" is what I would call this blog. I recently taught a conference that basically looked at our Youth Culture and then hopefully from that; how does the church reach students? Here is a copy of an article done on that conference taken directly from the Western Recorder, the KBC state newspaper.
"Steve Coleman, Minister of youth at FBC Richmond and one of our Kentucky Youth Ministry Coaches recently lead a workshop at Super Saturday on today’s youth culture. Below is an article written by Robin Bass of the Western Recorder on his workshop.
Elizabethtown—In some circles they are called “digital natives.” Others refer to them as the “stressed generation.”
Whatever the term used to describe today’s teenagers, experts agree these young people are living in a fast-paced world that is constantly changing, both socially and technologically.
“Do you realize that kids who are graduating and turning 18 this year were born about 1993? And when you say the first George Bush, they look at you and go, ‘There were two?’” said Steve Coleman, minister to youth and families at First Baptist Church of Richmond.
“I have kids in the sixth grade that are coming into my youth ministry this year that were not born last century. They were born in the year 2000,” he added. “We have this major shift coming our way and if we don’t know the culture, we’re in trouble.”
To emphasis his point during a recent Super Saturday workshop in Elizabethtown, Coleman provided a series of statistics and social trends facing teenagers.
Fact: 60 percent of children born in the 1990s will live without a father in the home for a portion of their lives. “We have so many single-mom families now. Dad is no longer in the picture,” Coleman noted. “Many times mom is the leader of the household because dad has abdicated that role.”
Fact: More mothers working outside the home.
Fact: The average father (when there is one) spends only two minutes a day in conversation with his teenager.
These trends have influenced how teenagers are forming relationships and where they are getting information. When looking for advice, Coleman said youth are 55 percent more likely to seek the advice of friends before anyone else.
Even more alarming is that 57 percent of teens say they have looked for advice from someone online they do not personally know. As for parents, teenagers seek the advice of their mothers 44 percent of the time, while dads come in the lowest at 20 percent. Boyfriends and girlfriends rank slightly higher than fathers at 23 percent.
When teenagers go out into the world seeking guidance and information via the Internet, who is there waiting?
“Our media wants their mind, their money and their soul,” Coleman said. Why else would corporations spend $16 billion annually convincing teens—and anyone else—to believe the individual knows best how to make decisions for himself. By the time a teenager graduates high school, he or she will have seen 36,000 commercials.
To get a true sense of what teenagers are exposed to in the media, Coleman recommended youth workers watch three programs: the Teen Choice Awards, the MTV Movie Awards and Super Bowl commercials to get a year’s worth of youth culture in just a few hours.
“Our kids are swimming in this cesspool all the time and it does affect them.What we have to do is find out where they are swimming and what they are being confronted with, and then we can find out how to reach them,” he added.
As for spiritual matters, teenagers are suffering from the MTDs, Coleman said—moralistic therapeutic deism. There are five key elements of this post-modern belief system:
• That God created the world and watches over it.
• God wants people to be good, nice and fair to each other.
• The central goal in life is to be happy and feel good about oneself.
• God is not needed except to resolve a problem.
• Good people go to heaven when they die.
In today’s youth culture, Coleman said there is no absolute truth. Many teens think it is judgmental or intolerant to believe Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation, yet describe themselves as Christians.
Coleman’s first recommendation for youth workers and parents is to expand their personal libraries. Among the books he suggested were: “Youth Culture 101” and “Engaging the Soul of Youth Culture,” both by Walt Mueller; “Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers,” by Christian Smith; and “Generation iY,” by Tim Elmore.
Students basically want three things from youth workers, Coleman suggested. Teens want an adult who knows their names, they want somebody who will pray for them, and they want someone who is authentic and practices his or her faith.
Another recommendation is to use the technology that has permeated youth culture. Texting, Twitter, YouTube and Facebook are vital to maintaining social interactions with teenagers.
A simple way to get started is by creating a Facebook page for the youth group. Coleman also suggested using TweetDeck on a cell phone or desktop computer to send mass tweets to youth and parents. Youth event flyers, tracts or bulletins could have QR (Quick Response) codes that direct smartphone users directly to a website. Just be sure to update the website weekly, Coleman cautioned.
Since most students have cellphones with video capabilities, Coleman said youth workers could encourage them to record youth-group events and post the videos to the Facebook page. The next day, send out tweets and texts that will drive interest in the page. Youth likely will show the videos to friends who do not attend church.
“I know you don’t like it, but it’s not about us,” Coleman said, referring to technology and social media. “The reality of youth ministry is it’s one of the greatest times ever because they are open to the social part, they are open to the technology, and we can reach kids like we never have before. … Don’t look at it like we’re in trouble. Yes, we are in trouble, but sin is still sin and Jesus is still Jesus. Jesus is the answer.” (WR)
Western Recorder issue date: September 13, 2011.
"Steve Coleman, Minister of youth at FBC Richmond and one of our Kentucky Youth Ministry Coaches recently lead a workshop at Super Saturday on today’s youth culture. Below is an article written by Robin Bass of the Western Recorder on his workshop.
Elizabethtown—In some circles they are called “digital natives.” Others refer to them as the “stressed generation.”
Whatever the term used to describe today’s teenagers, experts agree these young people are living in a fast-paced world that is constantly changing, both socially and technologically.
“Do you realize that kids who are graduating and turning 18 this year were born about 1993? And when you say the first George Bush, they look at you and go, ‘There were two?’” said Steve Coleman, minister to youth and families at First Baptist Church of Richmond.
“I have kids in the sixth grade that are coming into my youth ministry this year that were not born last century. They were born in the year 2000,” he added. “We have this major shift coming our way and if we don’t know the culture, we’re in trouble.”
To emphasis his point during a recent Super Saturday workshop in Elizabethtown, Coleman provided a series of statistics and social trends facing teenagers.
Fact: 60 percent of children born in the 1990s will live without a father in the home for a portion of their lives. “We have so many single-mom families now. Dad is no longer in the picture,” Coleman noted. “Many times mom is the leader of the household because dad has abdicated that role.”
Fact: More mothers working outside the home.
Fact: The average father (when there is one) spends only two minutes a day in conversation with his teenager.
These trends have influenced how teenagers are forming relationships and where they are getting information. When looking for advice, Coleman said youth are 55 percent more likely to seek the advice of friends before anyone else.
Even more alarming is that 57 percent of teens say they have looked for advice from someone online they do not personally know. As for parents, teenagers seek the advice of their mothers 44 percent of the time, while dads come in the lowest at 20 percent. Boyfriends and girlfriends rank slightly higher than fathers at 23 percent.
When teenagers go out into the world seeking guidance and information via the Internet, who is there waiting?
“Our media wants their mind, their money and their soul,” Coleman said. Why else would corporations spend $16 billion annually convincing teens—and anyone else—to believe the individual knows best how to make decisions for himself. By the time a teenager graduates high school, he or she will have seen 36,000 commercials.
To get a true sense of what teenagers are exposed to in the media, Coleman recommended youth workers watch three programs: the Teen Choice Awards, the MTV Movie Awards and Super Bowl commercials to get a year’s worth of youth culture in just a few hours.
“Our kids are swimming in this cesspool all the time and it does affect them.What we have to do is find out where they are swimming and what they are being confronted with, and then we can find out how to reach them,” he added.
As for spiritual matters, teenagers are suffering from the MTDs, Coleman said—moralistic therapeutic deism. There are five key elements of this post-modern belief system:
• That God created the world and watches over it.
• God wants people to be good, nice and fair to each other.
• The central goal in life is to be happy and feel good about oneself.
• God is not needed except to resolve a problem.
• Good people go to heaven when they die.
In today’s youth culture, Coleman said there is no absolute truth. Many teens think it is judgmental or intolerant to believe Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation, yet describe themselves as Christians.
Coleman’s first recommendation for youth workers and parents is to expand their personal libraries. Among the books he suggested were: “Youth Culture 101” and “Engaging the Soul of Youth Culture,” both by Walt Mueller; “Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers,” by Christian Smith; and “Generation iY,” by Tim Elmore.
Students basically want three things from youth workers, Coleman suggested. Teens want an adult who knows their names, they want somebody who will pray for them, and they want someone who is authentic and practices his or her faith.
Another recommendation is to use the technology that has permeated youth culture. Texting, Twitter, YouTube and Facebook are vital to maintaining social interactions with teenagers.
A simple way to get started is by creating a Facebook page for the youth group. Coleman also suggested using TweetDeck on a cell phone or desktop computer to send mass tweets to youth and parents. Youth event flyers, tracts or bulletins could have QR (Quick Response) codes that direct smartphone users directly to a website. Just be sure to update the website weekly, Coleman cautioned.
Since most students have cellphones with video capabilities, Coleman said youth workers could encourage them to record youth-group events and post the videos to the Facebook page. The next day, send out tweets and texts that will drive interest in the page. Youth likely will show the videos to friends who do not attend church.
“I know you don’t like it, but it’s not about us,” Coleman said, referring to technology and social media. “The reality of youth ministry is it’s one of the greatest times ever because they are open to the social part, they are open to the technology, and we can reach kids like we never have before. … Don’t look at it like we’re in trouble. Yes, we are in trouble, but sin is still sin and Jesus is still Jesus. Jesus is the answer.” (WR)
Western Recorder issue date: September 13, 2011.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Parenting Is A Life Sentence!
Parenting Is A Life Sentence! It is just determining how you want to serve your sentence! If you have been around my for very long, you will have heard me make this statement. You see even when your children are older, hopefully wiser, and in much more debt, you are still the parent. You see my father passed away at age 66 and his mother was still living when he passed away. She told me that he was born on a Saturday morning and he went home to Jesus on a Saturday. You see she was, and is, still a parent.
Lately my heart has been breaking over things I am seeing in our culture about students, disrespect, dishonor, lack of character, bold face lying, and thinking that their parents can't tell them what to do. I know this has probably been around since I was a rebellious teen many years ago, last century actually. But there is something different about what I am seeing now. You see I am seeing NO MEASURABLE DIFFERENCE IN THE STUDENTS AT THE LOCAL SCHOOL AND THE STUDENTS THAT CLAIM CHRIST AS SAVIOR!
I am heartbroken for many of our parents that seem so frustrated and want to throw up their hands in despair and quit.
So what can one Youth Minister do? Well I can support, equip, and write so our parents might have someone to help them, to walk with them, to hold them up in prayer and be there for the parent as well as the student.
That being said I am going to spend the next several blogs working on somethings in the area of parenting of teens. The direct audience will be the parents but there will be times that the teens might want to take a look at what I am telling their parents about them.
I am not an expert! I am a parent, I am a grand-parent, and I too have had my share, maybe more than my fair share of failures, but I know one thing for sure; we have to help each other as much as we can. I have listened to crushed parents and I want to help glue them back together. Parents that are cruising down the river called denial and clueless. Parents that think there is nothing they can do now because it is too late. I can tell you this, BUNK! You are the parent and you can make a difference. God put you in charge and you can do it.
So over the next few days, weeks, etc. I will try to post things to help you out and give you practical things you can do to move your teen into adulthood responsibly.
Remember I'm pulling for you because we're all in this together and "Parenting Is A Life Sentence!"
Lately my heart has been breaking over things I am seeing in our culture about students, disrespect, dishonor, lack of character, bold face lying, and thinking that their parents can't tell them what to do. I know this has probably been around since I was a rebellious teen many years ago, last century actually. But there is something different about what I am seeing now. You see I am seeing NO MEASURABLE DIFFERENCE IN THE STUDENTS AT THE LOCAL SCHOOL AND THE STUDENTS THAT CLAIM CHRIST AS SAVIOR!
I am heartbroken for many of our parents that seem so frustrated and want to throw up their hands in despair and quit.
So what can one Youth Minister do? Well I can support, equip, and write so our parents might have someone to help them, to walk with them, to hold them up in prayer and be there for the parent as well as the student.
That being said I am going to spend the next several blogs working on somethings in the area of parenting of teens. The direct audience will be the parents but there will be times that the teens might want to take a look at what I am telling their parents about them.
I am not an expert! I am a parent, I am a grand-parent, and I too have had my share, maybe more than my fair share of failures, but I know one thing for sure; we have to help each other as much as we can. I have listened to crushed parents and I want to help glue them back together. Parents that are cruising down the river called denial and clueless. Parents that think there is nothing they can do now because it is too late. I can tell you this, BUNK! You are the parent and you can make a difference. God put you in charge and you can do it.
So over the next few days, weeks, etc. I will try to post things to help you out and give you practical things you can do to move your teen into adulthood responsibly.
Remember I'm pulling for you because we're all in this together and "Parenting Is A Life Sentence!"
Monday, February 28, 2011
Growing Pains Hurt!
Growing Pains Hurt! That is why they are called growing pains. Pain comes when we grow in our body's. You may not remember the feelings, the pain, the awkwardness that came from shooting up in what seemed to be overnight when you were a teen. I work with teens and they go away for a week of so on summer vacation and come back to youth group with deeper voices, facial hair, and are much taller than they were before; and that's just the girls! Aha, just joking; seriously I was joking.
During the summer months of my Sophomore and Junior year in High School I was racked with pain. My legs hurt so badly at night that I went passed man tears, you know, "something is in my eyes" to full out weeping due to the pain. I would rub them with liniment, alcohol, hot water, whatever I could find and they still hurt. I was ready to go to the doctor when I was told by my grand-mother that I was going through "growing pains". Really? That isn't just something that we have created but it is real?
Yep growing pains. Then the term made me think about what about other things that go through growing pains. Businesses go through growing pains when they are doing so well that they have to expand and during the expansion they post a sign, "Please excuse our growing pains." They lose business through the time they are expanding because it is messy, inconvenient, and it slows down their forward movement. Later on everything picks back up as their customers come back in droves and bring others with them.
What about churches? Churches have growing pains as well but sometimes the suffering or the pain takes longer to correct than it should. Sunday School or small groups are growing so quickly that the numbers are increasing and then there is a falling away because of being over crowded. How about needing more workers or teachers and not having enough? Has any church anywhere EVER had too many workers or the full amount that they need? You see the thinking in some churches and growing pains is that waiting them out or hoping they will get better is NOT an option. WHY? We aren't talking about pains, patients, or customers but souls. We are talking about those that need their eternity secured with the Father. Churches don't have the luxury to talk about it, talk about, think about it, and finally decide to start deciding about what to do. PRAY IN POWER, listen to God, and trust him. By the way, sometimes God doesn't make sense to us, so be ready! Buckle up! Time to try the new, the outlandish, the "big audacious dreams that a big audacious God can handle!"
Right now it hurts, sure. However, don't try to wait it out. There are too many too far away from God and we need to connect them to the one and only now. We have to because the pain for a moment is monetary compared to eternity. It won't hurt that bad to move forward. Sitting still and doing nothing is not an option for us because "Growing Pains Hurt!"
During the summer months of my Sophomore and Junior year in High School I was racked with pain. My legs hurt so badly at night that I went passed man tears, you know, "something is in my eyes" to full out weeping due to the pain. I would rub them with liniment, alcohol, hot water, whatever I could find and they still hurt. I was ready to go to the doctor when I was told by my grand-mother that I was going through "growing pains". Really? That isn't just something that we have created but it is real?
Yep growing pains. Then the term made me think about what about other things that go through growing pains. Businesses go through growing pains when they are doing so well that they have to expand and during the expansion they post a sign, "Please excuse our growing pains." They lose business through the time they are expanding because it is messy, inconvenient, and it slows down their forward movement. Later on everything picks back up as their customers come back in droves and bring others with them.
What about churches? Churches have growing pains as well but sometimes the suffering or the pain takes longer to correct than it should. Sunday School or small groups are growing so quickly that the numbers are increasing and then there is a falling away because of being over crowded. How about needing more workers or teachers and not having enough? Has any church anywhere EVER had too many workers or the full amount that they need? You see the thinking in some churches and growing pains is that waiting them out or hoping they will get better is NOT an option. WHY? We aren't talking about pains, patients, or customers but souls. We are talking about those that need their eternity secured with the Father. Churches don't have the luxury to talk about it, talk about, think about it, and finally decide to start deciding about what to do. PRAY IN POWER, listen to God, and trust him. By the way, sometimes God doesn't make sense to us, so be ready! Buckle up! Time to try the new, the outlandish, the "big audacious dreams that a big audacious God can handle!"
Right now it hurts, sure. However, don't try to wait it out. There are too many too far away from God and we need to connect them to the one and only now. We have to because the pain for a moment is monetary compared to eternity. It won't hurt that bad to move forward. Sitting still and doing nothing is not an option for us because "Growing Pains Hurt!"
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting!
Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting! Yep you read the line correctly. The movie, the old movie with Chevy Chase teaches parenting techniques. Now before you think I have lost my mind, or that I ever had a mind, or there he goes again, let me explain and build my case.
In the movie, the golfing character played by Chevy Chase is practicing golf and teaching one of the caddy's about life. He is playing golf, putting, making all of these strange sounds like dunnnannnnnnnnannn.....when he kicks, hits, or putts the ball. While he is doing this he keeps talking about "Being the Ball"when you play golf. That is you must become one with the ball, be the ball, understand the ball, etc...
It was at this moment that it hit me, PARENTING TECHNIQUE!
Here's the scenario I have seen played out too often, and now that I have grand-children, yes I do have 4 and now someone to play with, I tend to watch for this in them. As an example have you ever been in the store shopping and a parent comes down the isle with their little terror in the basket or in hand. The mom or dad is trying to complete the shopping before her little one reminds the world that they are in control. The parent says something like, "If you are good, I will take you to grand-mother's house when we are done." This is a secret code for "now is the time for you to erupt!" The child yells, kicks and screams, "I don't want to go to grand-mother's house!"
Due to shear embarrassment, the parent backs down and says, "OK, we don't have to go to grand-mothers house if you don't want to." REALLY?! The CEO of the family, this little tike in tow made the decision not to go to an adults home just because the pouted, temper tampered, and whined their way into getting their way? How does this train and equip your child for the future in school, in social gatherings, or work?
The boss comes in one day and asks the employee to do something that they really don't want to do and the employee screams, cries, and yells "I don't want to do that!" The employee pouts, holds their breath and the boss does the only thing they can do; call 911 as an adult has totally lost it.
You see Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting when being the ball should be translated to be the parent. You are the parent. You are the one that sets the rules. You are the one that has the veto power of events. You are the final say so. WHY? Because it is time to Be The Parent.
In love a parent of a toddler makes the calls and that is it.
In love with a teen a parent still makes the calls and has input from their teen. The teen has to realize that the buy in from them also helps them realize that there are consequences to their failure to perform, obey, or to be respectful to the parents. Be The Parent when the teen yells, rolls their eyes, or is disrespectful to you when you have to hold the line to make the consequences of their failures to be obedient. You see you are not having a battle with your teen you are training them to fully function in society, culture, and to become responsible adults in a timely manner.
Parents I am here for you. If I can help you, let me know.
Be The Parent!
Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting!
Fore!
In the movie, the golfing character played by Chevy Chase is practicing golf and teaching one of the caddy's about life. He is playing golf, putting, making all of these strange sounds like dunnnannnnnnnnannn.....when he kicks, hits, or putts the ball. While he is doing this he keeps talking about "Being the Ball"when you play golf. That is you must become one with the ball, be the ball, understand the ball, etc...
It was at this moment that it hit me, PARENTING TECHNIQUE!
Here's the scenario I have seen played out too often, and now that I have grand-children, yes I do have 4 and now someone to play with, I tend to watch for this in them. As an example have you ever been in the store shopping and a parent comes down the isle with their little terror in the basket or in hand. The mom or dad is trying to complete the shopping before her little one reminds the world that they are in control. The parent says something like, "If you are good, I will take you to grand-mother's house when we are done." This is a secret code for "now is the time for you to erupt!" The child yells, kicks and screams, "I don't want to go to grand-mother's house!"
Due to shear embarrassment, the parent backs down and says, "OK, we don't have to go to grand-mothers house if you don't want to." REALLY?! The CEO of the family, this little tike in tow made the decision not to go to an adults home just because the pouted, temper tampered, and whined their way into getting their way? How does this train and equip your child for the future in school, in social gatherings, or work?
The boss comes in one day and asks the employee to do something that they really don't want to do and the employee screams, cries, and yells "I don't want to do that!" The employee pouts, holds their breath and the boss does the only thing they can do; call 911 as an adult has totally lost it.
You see Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting when being the ball should be translated to be the parent. You are the parent. You are the one that sets the rules. You are the one that has the veto power of events. You are the final say so. WHY? Because it is time to Be The Parent.
In love a parent of a toddler makes the calls and that is it.
In love with a teen a parent still makes the calls and has input from their teen. The teen has to realize that the buy in from them also helps them realize that there are consequences to their failure to perform, obey, or to be respectful to the parents. Be The Parent when the teen yells, rolls their eyes, or is disrespectful to you when you have to hold the line to make the consequences of their failures to be obedient. You see you are not having a battle with your teen you are training them to fully function in society, culture, and to become responsible adults in a timely manner.
Parents I am here for you. If I can help you, let me know.
Be The Parent!
Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting!
Fore!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Stay In The Word
"Stay In The Word!" has been my mantra for a long, long time now. In fact, I have said it for so long that one of the schools that I used to hang out at and do chapel from time to time gave the saying to me on a plaque which hangs in my office today. My current assignment from God at my current church I have the same phrase and say it every week and ask our students if they have read their Bibles everyday for the last 7 days. We do a kind of count down to about 4 days a week.
This 4 days a week means that the students that have raised their hands, Sunday School Teachers too, have read their Bible over 50% of the days in any given week. I wish I could tell you that this about 100% of our folks in our Sunday School and Youth Ministry on any given Sunday, but it is not. However, I can tell you that it runs 50% or more of those present almost every week. So why do I tell you this? Because I am upset about churches that meet, greet, do church and then go home and never stress the Word of God or teach it.
I read this just the other day and I quote it for you now:
"IN my good friend Joe Ball’s article in the Western Recorder he stated that several surveys indicated the following:
“Only 16 out of 100 of those who regularly attend our churches read their Bibles everyday;
another 32% read the Bible at least once a week. This mans that more than 50% of people who
come through our doors on a regular basis only read their Bible occasionally, perhaps one or two
times a month, if at all!”
As church leaders, concerned citizens, and Christian parents or guardians, we should be appalled at this number. The only way for our country to become better is to be in God's word and apply it. Even secular colleges and universities state that incoming Freshman should have read several 'classics' and one of those books it the Bible! Come on, we gotta do better!
So what are we to do? Well several things. We should be an example for our students and kids, read it for yourself in front of them, with them, challenge them to do it; question them when they say they have read it. Just do it!
I guess what I am saying is that as Christians we should want to read the Bible, to spend time with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords; the one who died for us. For me I just don't understand a Christian that doesn't want to read God's Word, I don't! I understand you not liking asparagus or carrots but the Bible? Come on, belly up the the Bible and Stay In The Word!
This 4 days a week means that the students that have raised their hands, Sunday School Teachers too, have read their Bible over 50% of the days in any given week. I wish I could tell you that this about 100% of our folks in our Sunday School and Youth Ministry on any given Sunday, but it is not. However, I can tell you that it runs 50% or more of those present almost every week. So why do I tell you this? Because I am upset about churches that meet, greet, do church and then go home and never stress the Word of God or teach it.
I read this just the other day and I quote it for you now:
"IN my good friend Joe Ball’s article in the Western Recorder he stated that several surveys indicated the following:
“Only 16 out of 100 of those who regularly attend our churches read their Bibles everyday;
another 32% read the Bible at least once a week. This mans that more than 50% of people who
come through our doors on a regular basis only read their Bible occasionally, perhaps one or two
times a month, if at all!”
As church leaders, concerned citizens, and Christian parents or guardians, we should be appalled at this number. The only way for our country to become better is to be in God's word and apply it. Even secular colleges and universities state that incoming Freshman should have read several 'classics' and one of those books it the Bible! Come on, we gotta do better!
So what are we to do? Well several things. We should be an example for our students and kids, read it for yourself in front of them, with them, challenge them to do it; question them when they say they have read it. Just do it!
I guess what I am saying is that as Christians we should want to read the Bible, to spend time with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords; the one who died for us. For me I just don't understand a Christian that doesn't want to read God's Word, I don't! I understand you not liking asparagus or carrots but the Bible? Come on, belly up the the Bible and Stay In The Word!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Your Best Friend
Your Best Friend, is a highly fought after role in many student's lives, adults too when you think bout it. But in reality, your best friend may not be a person at all. Let's face it when it comes to living our lives for the glory of God and the better of mankind, our best friend is not a person at all but self-discipline and self-control. Yep, you see your best friend is in you, and you get to control it. So as you read this devotional that I received a few weeks ago, take a minute to read the word, to understand what it is talking about and to apply it to your lives. You see you are Your Best Friend!
One of Your Best Friends
Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. Proverbs 16:32
Why can’t I lose weight? Why can’t I get in shape? Why can’t I consistently spend time with God? Why can’t I get out of debt? Why can’t I break this bad habit? Maybe it is because of a lack of self-control. Could it be that many, if not most, of our personal problems are caused by a lack of self-control?
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote: “Great is the art of beginning, but greater the art is of ending.”
Somewhere past the starting point a problem exists. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a genie who could help us finish what we start? Or, an angel that would protect us from falling into the snares of the evil one? Or, a guide that would direct us on the straight and narrow path of godly upright behavior? Unfortunately, we don’t have those available to us. But we do possess the inner dynamic of self-control, which is a needed and essential virtue for effective living.
Self-control is one of the best friends we can have. It is one of the best friends we can introduce to our kids. It will enable us to become the persons we want to be and to perform the activities we want to do. We need to cherish this friend always. It is a real lifesaver.
Yet self-control extracts a high price. Following one of the famed Polish concert pianist Ignace Paderewski’s outstanding performances, a fan said to him, “I’d give my life to play like that.” The brilliant pianist replied, “I did.” On another occasion Paderewski was asked by a fellow pianist if he could be ready to play a recital on short notice. The famous musician replied, “I am always ready. I have practiced eight hours daily for forty years.” The other pianist said, “I wish I had been born with such determination.” Paderewski replied, “We are all born with it. I just used mine.”
The point is not that we could all become concert pianists just by exercising enough self-control. But when it comes to effective living we each have the makings of triumph, if we will apply our wills and come under God’s control and pay the price.
##
So there you have it. What do you need today that you will need help with from Your Best Friend?
One of Your Best Friends
Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. Proverbs 16:32
Why can’t I lose weight? Why can’t I get in shape? Why can’t I consistently spend time with God? Why can’t I get out of debt? Why can’t I break this bad habit? Maybe it is because of a lack of self-control. Could it be that many, if not most, of our personal problems are caused by a lack of self-control?
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote: “Great is the art of beginning, but greater the art is of ending.”
Somewhere past the starting point a problem exists. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a genie who could help us finish what we start? Or, an angel that would protect us from falling into the snares of the evil one? Or, a guide that would direct us on the straight and narrow path of godly upright behavior? Unfortunately, we don’t have those available to us. But we do possess the inner dynamic of self-control, which is a needed and essential virtue for effective living.
Self-control is one of the best friends we can have. It is one of the best friends we can introduce to our kids. It will enable us to become the persons we want to be and to perform the activities we want to do. We need to cherish this friend always. It is a real lifesaver.
Yet self-control extracts a high price. Following one of the famed Polish concert pianist Ignace Paderewski’s outstanding performances, a fan said to him, “I’d give my life to play like that.” The brilliant pianist replied, “I did.” On another occasion Paderewski was asked by a fellow pianist if he could be ready to play a recital on short notice. The famous musician replied, “I am always ready. I have practiced eight hours daily for forty years.” The other pianist said, “I wish I had been born with such determination.” Paderewski replied, “We are all born with it. I just used mine.”
The point is not that we could all become concert pianists just by exercising enough self-control. But when it comes to effective living we each have the makings of triumph, if we will apply our wills and come under God’s control and pay the price.
##
So there you have it. What do you need today that you will need help with from Your Best Friend?
Monday, February 7, 2011
Parents Are Vital!
This last weekend I was at Southeast Conclave in Chattanooga Tennessee with about 1100-1400 other youth workers, teachers, preachers and students. We were challenged by great speakers and several break out sessions. The one I taught on staying in the Youth Ministry for the long haul was particularly good, uhm..however, one of the sessions Dr. Jackson from New Orleans Theological Semainary, taught a session on what it takes to make a good kid. What do good kids have in common. The seminar was inciteful but also a true reminder of the number one roll of parents in the lives of their teens. Pastor Ryan Epps put together the notes from this break out session on line in his blog. Instead of me retyping the same facts, the same notes, from the same seminar; I thought I would copy his blog, give him the credit and post it for you.
This doesn't gurantee that your child will always turn out right because they live in a sinful world, and man is a fallen creature. However, this is set for you to read so you will be in the know and understand that you are to be faithful to the Lord God no matter what nor how hard it may be.
It's a great read. Take your time, ponder the facts, and as I always say, "Stay In The Word."
Parents…you are vital!!
This past weekend was a phenomenal time at Southeast Conclave in Chattanooga and we all left energized and motivated even greater in the calling to young people and their families. I sat in one of Dr. Allen Jackson’s (no not the country singer) seminars which was titled, “What makes good kids good.” While most of the information he shared we already know deep down, I would like to share some very valuable facts I gathered from my time that I pray can help confirm some issues for parents.
Allen says that some things most of us know, we have a generation that has quit coming to church (18-30 yrs old). There are some things to think about here. Most Christian students don't know how to explain what they believe in. I believe they may have a lot of knowledge from home teaching, children & youth ministry teaching, and possibly even Christian schools. When they are faced with heavier life decisions, secular college professors challenging them, and college life hammering down, they soon discover that all the knowledge was never rooted in the heart and lifestyle. In Christian Smiths book, “Soul Searching,” he calls this, “religion operating in the background.” Allen says that this is called, “Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.”
Moral: I know right from wrong / Therapuetic: I need God to make me feel better. / Deism: Maybe God did create the world, but He really isn't involved in day to day life.
With this expressed, this is what I would like to share with parents. There have been millions of teenagers surveryed over the past 30 years all across the country. Despite the rise of many factors in young peoples lives, one major truth still stands. The single most important social influence on religious life is their parents. Richard Ross says that the family environment around young people is a major variable in how things go for them in adulthood.
Let’s think about the Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.
a. They know right from wrong (Moralistic) because parents spend so much time sharing this in their discipling. The larger influence here is the parents living the example of making the decision between right and wrong.
b. They want God to make them feel better (Therapeutic) because they connect this aspect to their parents. Parents want to make their children feel better and many times try to “fix it.” This is totally natural and having my own child, I understand this. The greater influence would be the parent who teaches their child the possible purpose God has in the midst of their struggles. The parents need to let them experience the struggles, grow from them, thus being stronger because of them instead of trying to remove them from the problem. Yes, there are some issues that parents need to remove the child from, but there are many others that they could help lead their child through.
c. They believe for the most part that God created the world, but don't really think He is involved in day to day life (Deism). I believe that part of this is because they relate Gods involvement to church attendance on a Sunday and/or Wednesday and dont experience much outside of this. Parents can have a huge hand in this developement by taking the main role in being the ones who disciple their kids. Help them see God through their day when daily debriefing time comes in the evening before bed or whenever that time is for the family.
Ulitmately, young people will come to the age of accountability and personal responsibility, but I believe parents are the most impoartant factors in that developement. The choices and lifestyles of the parents are key, but also just as vital is the parents involvement in purposed discipleship teaching.
All of this helped me years ago to realize that it wasn't the youth ministries fault (or the Youth Minister) we are losing teens. Yes, I believe they play a huge role, but I believe parents are the best ones to disciple their kids.
Parents, I know it is a huge task to be this to your child, but the lifelong rewards are phenomenal. I don't believe in the statement, “its just too late.” No matter what age your child is, if they are still in your home, it is never too late to embarq on this journey with your child. I would love to share tangible ideas and directions you can take with your child. Feel free to contact me. I would love to come along side you in these efforts.
STATS: Dr. Jackson mentioned a few stats that are worth mentioning. He asked a couple thousand seminary students who are just previously post high school whom have stayed connected in the church and living moral lives what influences helped them.
a. 75% said parents/grandparents were their main influence.
b. One of the top contributing factors were that their parents were consistent in their own faith.
c. They described adult volunteers in the youth ministry as mentors.
d. Church was positive when friends were mentioned. (We need to create an environment where each student is missed and valued).
e. Most of them worked 10+ hours per week or played varsity sports. Creates discipline. (get them away from hours of video games, internet, & T.V.).
f. “Youth group” was mentioned as more positive than “church.” (they need more than just to sit in a worship service and miss out on the youth programs and activities)
g. 9th grade was pivotal – this is a developmental shift to the ability to think logical.
h. Each student needs 7 adults whose belief in them is unwavering and who speak encouragment into their lives. 2 of them need to be parents. (Proof that students need to be plugged into a youth ministry with loving adults).
*Just a few facts and stats to think about.
http://ryanepps.org/2011/02/07/parents-you-are-vital/ from Boone Trail Baptist Church, Johnson City, TN.
This doesn't gurantee that your child will always turn out right because they live in a sinful world, and man is a fallen creature. However, this is set for you to read so you will be in the know and understand that you are to be faithful to the Lord God no matter what nor how hard it may be.
It's a great read. Take your time, ponder the facts, and as I always say, "Stay In The Word."
Parents…you are vital!!
This past weekend was a phenomenal time at Southeast Conclave in Chattanooga and we all left energized and motivated even greater in the calling to young people and their families. I sat in one of Dr. Allen Jackson’s (no not the country singer) seminars which was titled, “What makes good kids good.” While most of the information he shared we already know deep down, I would like to share some very valuable facts I gathered from my time that I pray can help confirm some issues for parents.
Allen says that some things most of us know, we have a generation that has quit coming to church (18-30 yrs old). There are some things to think about here. Most Christian students don't know how to explain what they believe in. I believe they may have a lot of knowledge from home teaching, children & youth ministry teaching, and possibly even Christian schools. When they are faced with heavier life decisions, secular college professors challenging them, and college life hammering down, they soon discover that all the knowledge was never rooted in the heart and lifestyle. In Christian Smiths book, “Soul Searching,” he calls this, “religion operating in the background.” Allen says that this is called, “Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.”
Moral: I know right from wrong / Therapuetic: I need God to make me feel better. / Deism: Maybe God did create the world, but He really isn't involved in day to day life.
With this expressed, this is what I would like to share with parents. There have been millions of teenagers surveryed over the past 30 years all across the country. Despite the rise of many factors in young peoples lives, one major truth still stands. The single most important social influence on religious life is their parents. Richard Ross says that the family environment around young people is a major variable in how things go for them in adulthood.
Let’s think about the Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.
a. They know right from wrong (Moralistic) because parents spend so much time sharing this in their discipling. The larger influence here is the parents living the example of making the decision between right and wrong.
b. They want God to make them feel better (Therapeutic) because they connect this aspect to their parents. Parents want to make their children feel better and many times try to “fix it.” This is totally natural and having my own child, I understand this. The greater influence would be the parent who teaches their child the possible purpose God has in the midst of their struggles. The parents need to let them experience the struggles, grow from them, thus being stronger because of them instead of trying to remove them from the problem. Yes, there are some issues that parents need to remove the child from, but there are many others that they could help lead their child through.
c. They believe for the most part that God created the world, but don't really think He is involved in day to day life (Deism). I believe that part of this is because they relate Gods involvement to church attendance on a Sunday and/or Wednesday and dont experience much outside of this. Parents can have a huge hand in this developement by taking the main role in being the ones who disciple their kids. Help them see God through their day when daily debriefing time comes in the evening before bed or whenever that time is for the family.
Ulitmately, young people will come to the age of accountability and personal responsibility, but I believe parents are the most impoartant factors in that developement. The choices and lifestyles of the parents are key, but also just as vital is the parents involvement in purposed discipleship teaching.
All of this helped me years ago to realize that it wasn't the youth ministries fault (or the Youth Minister) we are losing teens. Yes, I believe they play a huge role, but I believe parents are the best ones to disciple their kids.
Parents, I know it is a huge task to be this to your child, but the lifelong rewards are phenomenal. I don't believe in the statement, “its just too late.” No matter what age your child is, if they are still in your home, it is never too late to embarq on this journey with your child. I would love to share tangible ideas and directions you can take with your child. Feel free to contact me. I would love to come along side you in these efforts.
STATS: Dr. Jackson mentioned a few stats that are worth mentioning. He asked a couple thousand seminary students who are just previously post high school whom have stayed connected in the church and living moral lives what influences helped them.
a. 75% said parents/grandparents were their main influence.
b. One of the top contributing factors were that their parents were consistent in their own faith.
c. They described adult volunteers in the youth ministry as mentors.
d. Church was positive when friends were mentioned. (We need to create an environment where each student is missed and valued).
e. Most of them worked 10+ hours per week or played varsity sports. Creates discipline. (get them away from hours of video games, internet, & T.V.).
f. “Youth group” was mentioned as more positive than “church.” (they need more than just to sit in a worship service and miss out on the youth programs and activities)
g. 9th grade was pivotal – this is a developmental shift to the ability to think logical.
h. Each student needs 7 adults whose belief in them is unwavering and who speak encouragment into their lives. 2 of them need to be parents. (Proof that students need to be plugged into a youth ministry with loving adults).
*Just a few facts and stats to think about.
http://ryanepps.org/2011/02/07/parents-you-are-vital/ from Boone Trail Baptist Church, Johnson City, TN.
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