Social Media

I have been asked many, many times about my years in Youth Ministry and what has changed. The biggest thing that has happened to Youth Ministry over the years is technology and Social Media.

Back in the day when communicating with students and parents we had to call everyone on a phone that was tethered to a desk or wall. There was a rotary dial and it took some time, a lot of time, to make all the calls to the parents and students. Then it would happen somewhere your plans would be tweaked and now you have to call everyone back and explain the change. Argh....


We also used a lot of posters and snail mail. You remember mail right? We would actually make a letter, write it out, copy it, fold it, place it in an envelope and stamp it; then to the mail box. This would have to be done days and days in advance. Inevitably the students and adults would get the communication late! Argh...


Today we have Social Media and most of the time this is at the finger tips of the students and adults. No more having to wait until they get home and have to check email. Email, by the way, students do not use, so don't send them! Parents and grandparents are all over that though.


Social Media is like a firearm, in my opinion, now wait before you shut me out! When used properly, firearms are to help, protect, hunt and for safety. When used as intended there is no problem. However, outside the bounds of what it was created for there is a problem. Social Media is the same way. You can contact masses at one time with upcoming ministry information, send updates immediately, contact parents and students at the same time, photos and immediate updates! But when Social Media is not used properly there is a problem. It can be used to tear down, destroy, attack and maim individuals.


Social Media can be a wonderful thing but use it wisely. IF we do not use it correctly in ministry then we are part of the problem. Make sure you follow the rules and guidelines properly! If you don't do it well, it will be used against you.


Parents please have conversations with your students about how to use Social Media correctly! Parents have your student's passwords and check their Social Media often, and let them know you are doing it! Also don't let your students have a Social Media page until 13 due to Federal Requirements, yep the government.


Anyway, I welcome your comments about this monster called Social Media.

Alive or on Life Support

Alive or on Life Support is the first thing that came to mind when I read this article and then again when I saw the video clip that it refers to. Bottom line is that a former leader of a church organization says he sees the church not doing enough to reach teens, students and the youth. This is from the Church of England and the country of Great Britain.

Now before too many other denominational protestants, or Catholics, become smug thinking this is NOT your concern, that is a wrong assumption. You see the church has to always be willing to reinvent itself, not the GOSPEL, not the Christ we represent but the HOW we do it.

We have to be willing to move outside our comfort zones, the way we have always done it, and be willing to embrace things that help reach this generation of souls for Jesus Christ. You see we have been too comfortable for too long doing the same old things the same old way and expect new and exciting changes or results. We tend to embrace change in our lives in entertainment, communications, food stuffs, medical procedures, and even in the cars we drive plus all the comforts of home, etc. However, when it comes to our worship, we tend to stay with what WE like over what THEY who are not here NEED when we can get them to the church.

I believe in new and improved in the free market. Better laundry detergents, better food products, improved cell phones, thinner televisions that take up a whole wall, better sound systems, headphones, games, and the like. If we can't make the product better we improve the container that it is in so it looks better. Take bleach in a better pour bottle, it's still bleach but sales go up for the new container. How about grape juice in a new easier to handle container to minimize spills? It's still grape juice!

Church, we have to look at, focus on, and target/reach those that are NOT here. How do we do that? Maybe you don't know, maybe I don't know, maybe no one really knows for sure but we do know one thing for sure; what we have been doing IS NOT WORKING! IF IT IS WORKING IT'S NOT WORKING AS WELL AS IT USED TO!

I believe that when you see a church that is NOT catering to or coddling any certain group but is targeting, budgeting for and giving resources to the children and the youth; well that church is more alive. Take a mental inventory. Has your congregation reached a median age that is near retiring and there are not any or very many young couples, babies or teens there? I plead with us as church leaders, we have to not worry, fret and stress over those in our congregation that we may loose if we try to reach those that are NOT here. Jesus came to seek and to save that which was lost!

Kingdom work is hard and difficult. Bu we have to ask ourselves are we Alive or on Life Support!?

http://www.foxnews.com/world/2013/11/24/former-archbishop-canterbury-warns-christianity-as-risk-dying-out-in-generation/

Former Archbishop of Canterbury warns Christianity at risk of dying out in a generation!

Published November 24, 2013

FoxNews.com

Lord Carey, the former Archbishop of Canterbury, has a warning for Christian churches: Attract young people to the faith or risk losing it forever. 

According to The Telegraph, Carey said Christianity is just a “generation away from extinction” in Britain unless churches have a breakthrough in attracting young people. 

Clergy are gripped by a “feeling of defeat” and congregations are worn down by “heaviness," he said.

Carey said the public greets both with “rolled eyes and a yawn of boredom," according to The Telegraph. 

Carey made his remarks at a Shrewsbury conference discussing how the church could be "re-imagined." 

“So many people do not see the average church as a place where great things happen," he said. “To sit in a cold church looking at the back of other peoples’ heads is surely not the best place to meet exciting people and to hear prophetic words.”

According to The Telegraph, Carey cited a lack of youth ministries as one of the sources of the problem.  

“So many churches have no ministry to young people and that means they have no interest in the future," he said. “We have to give cogent reasons to young people why the Christian faith is relevant to them.”

Sunday congregations in the U.K. have almost halved since 1970 to just 807,000 in the most recent figures, The Telegraph reported. 

Reboot!

Reboot! Yep, that's what I did this weekend. My wife and I have been married over 34 years now. We have jokingly said, or I have said, "Yep we have been married 34 years, 28 happy years!" She just smiles and looks my way and says, "Now that's not true, it hasn't been 28 I am sure of it!" Ha, ha, ha, ouch!

Recently we went to a marriage retreat, A Weekend To Remember, is what it was called. Now you may be thinking, why would a couple that has been married to each other this many years go to a marriage retreat? The reason is that from time to time we too need to Reboot our marriage. Sure we are empty-nesters, that is our children are all grown and gone, and seemed like only yesterday that they were in diapers, but we too need time away to regroup and to reconnect.

I want every married couple to know this, that if you have children, kids, teens, or even young adult children, spend your time cultivating your relationship with your spouse. Many of you know my heart that if it comes down between you or the children, go with the spouse, because one day your kids will be grown and gone. If you are luck they will be for sure.

Now the hidden blog post this time. It's not just about marriage, family and life but it's about the calling in your life. If you are a minister or Youth Minister, I want to share this with you. I was cleaning up some in the office. Don't panic, I still have the proverbial youth minister office. You know, everything in it's place and everything all over the place! But still I came across a piece of paper that a former minister left behind pinned to the bulletin board. It's about our calling, and our lives in the people business. I share it with you today so you too may Reboot your ministry or calling.
It has no title just 7 statements that I now share with you.

1. Am I living a life above reproach? 2 Timothy 2:20-21
2. Is this job my passion or my paycheck? 2 Samuel 23:9-10
3. Am I in line with where we are going as a church?
4. Do I feel like I deserve more? (You shouldn't)
5. Am I reflecting on how things used to be or passionate about how things are going to be?
6. Do i feel like I have to "kill time" because there is "nothing to do?" (There's always something to do when you're in the "people business".)
7. Do I fully trust the leadership? 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13

Now that I have reviewed these in my own life, I can better do ministry. You see too many times we start to focus inward and think we are important, even more important than we really are. We do this in ministry and we surely do it in our marriages.

I guess some of the best advice I have learned about marriage is to out serve your spouse. They try to out serve you, both of these in love, and your marriage will be great. If we do this in ministry, that is out serve others, and they serve the Lord it will be a great ministry.

What if? What if they don't serve like you serve? Who said THEY had too? You were the one called, equipped, and given a passion; you do it no matter what. So today, right now, whomever you are, wherever you are, slow down, be still and quiet and Reboot!

Married Couples, Unite!

Married Couples, Unite! Yep that's what I said, Unite!

What do I mean by this? Well you guys are in a marriage for a lifetime. Be in it. Be in it together, united in all you do. You will disagree, if you don't then one of you is not needed. The other thing, is have some fun in your marriage. Do stuff together, do stuff apart, but do things. Do things you like together. GUYS, she doesn't always have to camp, kill and gut something to spend time with you. Although as a guy I think that's a fun thing.

LADYS, stop making him get in touch with his feminine side; that's just scary. If you are looking for someone that has that warm fuzzy feeling always wondering how you are doing emotionally and wanting to cuddle on the sofa; well get a stuffed bear! Just kidding, not really, yes I am.

I recently was digging out some old papers and came across this that I know you have seen but I wanted to post it in a blog because it's true or funny or not. Read it with while thinking of Married Couples and be committed in marriage for the long haul! Your children need to see it how a marriage in love is lived through.

                           The Rules

1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules are subject to change at anytime without prior notification.
3. No male can possibly know all the rules.
4. If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she MUST IMMEDIATELY change some or all of the rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. IF the female IS wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
7. If rule 6 applies, the must apologize immediately for causing this misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind at any given time.
9. The male mus never change his mind without written consent from the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any given time.
11. The male must remain calm at ALL TIMES, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must under NO circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. IF the female has P.M.S. ALL RULES ARE NULL AND VOID!

Well there you have it, The Rules. Now read them together, and laugh out loud. You see laughter is great medicine. Doing things together helps married couples to unite.

So Now What?

"So Now What?" is heard by so many when they are doing so many things and finally those things are about to come to an end. Take Camp for instance. This summer I have had the joy of being at more than one camp environment. I have been with hundreds, maybe thousands of teens, hard to count accurately in my sleep depravation, and I have seen and heard many things from our teens. So the question remains, "So Now What?". I have learned things about our teens this summer. Many things that are new, some are reinforcements, and some I have seen for years. New: Our students are more fascinated with sex than ever before. Well at least in my 50+ years of life. Boys still talk with great knowledge of the opposite sex, what the girls like and don't like; and like always, they are wrong. New pranks involving Icey Hot, and other over the counter medications, some that you have to wonder out loud' "How did they think of that?" or "Why would you try something like that?" Reinforcements: Students are more tethered to their phones and music than EVER before. It is unhealthy for a teen to isolate himself, or herself, from others by escaping into their headphones and music. These are not bad things but our student culture is the most "disconnected" connected generation we have ever had. Students are insecure even when it comes to worshipping the Lord God in a worship service where the lights are low, people don't know each other and can't see you. Still they are afraid to let go and let God! So afraid of what others will think about them. What I have known for years: Kids are kids even when they are teens. They are insecure and want someone to love them. They will do dumb stuff to impress the opposite sex and give up on values taught to them that make parents cringe. Students have more, or put more, pressure on themselves and worry like crazy. Students going into High School will never say it but they are worried. They are the youngest in a place where the guys are men and the girls are women. Middle School students are worried about grades and getting placed correctly when they go to HS. Students are low in Self Esteem no matter how many participation ribbons and medals that they have amassed! Kids can't be kids because parents want them to perform at levels above them so the parents will look good, no matter that the kids just want to have some fun. Kids are filled with anxiety because they can't go to the movies without fear of someone shooting, fighting, or picking on them. Predators are around every corner. Going on line can be dangerous. Going outside can be dangerous. When it comes to relationships they are estranged from parents who are struggling with their own relationships. They see parents that struggle with many of the same issues that they do. Spirituality is hard on our students. They are confronted about their faith from other religions, culture, paganism, and due to lack of learning, knowledge or even family experience, they will not stand firm on truth but pressure. Students still want to know if SOMEONE will love them even though they see themselves as inferior products. Will they get dates, boyfriends, girlfriends, will pimples go away? What will the future bring to their lives? What vocation? Will I make money? Will I be happy? "So Now What?" To parents, love your kids, teach them by modeling biblical truths. Teach them God's Word so they can better know what they believe and why they believe it. To ministers, love the kids, teach them by modeling biblical truths. Teach them God's Word so they can better know what they believe and why they believe it. To Youth Ministers, love the kids, teach them by modeling biblical truths. Teach them God's Word so they can better know what they believe and why they believe it. The challenge is for parents and leaders because we have been where they are in ages and needs and the students this is their first rodeo. We know where to find answers, how to listen and how to lead them. That being said here's my question for us. "So Now What?"

Teens Leaving the Church

Teens leaving the church is one of those blaring statements that not only concerns Youth Ministers but also parents, pastors and church leaders. Recently after returning from vacation I am going through my mail and I find our state denominational paper in my box. One of the headlines reads, "Southern Baptist Membership Continues to Decline". It talks about how we have gone from millions of membership to fewer millions in membership over the last few years. This is not good.

Everyone of those numbers represents a person and not just a number. Churches across the board need to look at "how we do business" and change what we need to change to reach and keep not only the youth but those demographics that we are not reaching. This means not doing things the way we have always done them, cause if you do you will always get what you always got! (Not an original line by the way!) Businesses do this all the time. Look at what you are doing and see if it is "meeting your business plan? Is it reaching your customer base? If it is not, what needs to be tweaked to meet those needs?" Sure this may mean NOT doing some FAVORITE things of the current customers but WE CANNOT ALLOW THE FEAR OF LOSING WHAT WE ALREADY HAVE TO KEEP US FROM REACHING THOSE THAT HAVE NEVER BEEN HERE. This means that we can't allow us to fear losing folks in the pews when we have folks not coming to Christ because of the way we do things for ourselves. Spiritually speaking this is Pharisee ism to the degree of religion over relationship with Jesus.

I read an article from Mark Gregston, who operates a home for youth in Texas and is an author, speaker and director of Heartlight Ministries. It is one of those articles that I have read, copied, printed and digested. It's such a good article that I want to include it in its entirety for you to read. I have taken liberty to insert some italicized words for my own comments within the article and bold. Enjoy and join me in helping reach this generation for the Kingdom.

Why Teens Are Leaving the Church


Posted By Mark Gregston On June 15, 2012 @ 12:42 pm In boundaries,Finding purpose,fitting in,household rules,meaning of life,troubled teens

How many times have you walked into your teen’s room on a Sunday morning, stepped over wrinkled clothes and half-eaten sandwiches, shook the snoring lump between the covers and informed them to get up for church, only to hear a muffled, “No thanks”?

If this describes a scene in your household, you are not alone. Teens are leaving the church in droves. According to a recent study by the Barna Group, close to 60% of kids leave church after age fifteen. Three out of every five kids in your church’s youth group will eventually shrug off the institution entirely. What’s the cause for this exodus? Why is this next generation leaving churches en masse?

The Culture

On matters of religion and the family, our culture fosters confusion in our teens. In a society that craves entertainment, teens have an aversion to lectures. They would rather not sit and listen to someone preach for an hour every Sunday. Church is seen as “boring” or “lame.” It fails to offer fun or amusement. Once the Sunday school curriculum moves past puppet shows into a more serious application of Christian principles, many teens abandon the notion that the church holds any relevance to their lives.

Our culture also preaches that church is antiquated. The cynics have concluded that pastors and church leaders are incapable of understanding the new sexual norms, modern media, changing gender roles, or even recent scientific discoveries. The Barna Group revealed that 40% of 18 to 29 year olds believe the church’s teachings on sexuality and birth control are outdated.

Whether or not the church has done a good job refuting this view or not, the growing perception among young adults is that the church is no longer in touch with the modern world.

The Church

Another reason teens are leaving the church has to do with the church itself. Don’t misunderstand—the point is not to bash churches or assign blame. There are many factors to the departure of teens from their faith. However, like a doctor who identifies the disease before treatments, if we can diagnose why teens struggle with church, we can better cure what ails them.

For many teens, church has become judgmental and hypocritical. On our radio program this week, you’ll hear one of our students from the Heartlight residential program explain that he left church because he felt judged and looked down upon. Kids make mistakes and misconstrue, of course, and they may feel like church unfairly shines a spotlight on their weaknesses. But this is also the most inclusive generation in history. The way they embrace diversity is remarkable and inspiring. However, with that commendable sense of tolerance, young people today struggle with the exclusivity of Christianity. Why does the church act like it knows everything? Who’s to say they have the market on truth or right? For them, the church looks like an elite country club, where those who don’t fit the mold are denied acceptance. (We have to do a better job of explaining the why of things within the church. Why we do VBS as an example. Reason? More people come to Christ through VBS than any other evangelistic outreach of the church. Communicate the why so students and adults will know why we do this.)

Of course, we know this is a skewed view of the church. Not all Christians are hypocritical or judgmental. I have been in churches where the members have been the most loving and divergent group of people I have ever seen. But because your son or daughter may have an immature picture of religion doesn’t mean we should disregard their concerns. We can shatter this perception by celebrating Christian models that disdain hypocrisy. Point out to your teen those Christians who are living changed and transformed lives. Jesus unleashed His deepest anger at hypocritical religious zealots who twisted authentic Christianity.

Sometimes it’s healthy to get your teen exposed to Christian missionaries or volunteers who are building houses in third world countries, adopting children, or digging wells in Africa. Show your son and daughter the transforming work of the church right in their own backyard and around the world. If your teen is struggling with the church, perhaps you can find someone who will take your child under his or her wing and develop a friendship with them. (This fall at our church we will be moving more into small groups and mentor ships for our students and adults.) Interviews with rebellious young people who eventually persevered in their faith report having a friendship with an adult who was not their parent in the church.

David Kinnman, president of Barna Group, conducted his own studies on this issue and revealed that churches that integrate vocation and faith have a better retention rate among teens. Kids want to see how Christianity converges with their aspirations to become graphic artists, civil engineers, biologists, lawyers, or doctors. So, when somebody comes alongside them and says, Look, here’s how that vocation lines up with our faith, it debunks the notion that says church is irrelevant. (If we have a student interested in banking or business we need Christian business people to come along side of them and talk not only faith but vocational life.) If the church holds any hope of engaging with today’s teens, we must deliver the consistent message that our faith speaks to every issue in their lives.

The Teen

Sometimes it’s the culture, sometimes it’s the church, but many times, it’s the teen himself that makes the decision to shrug off church. Even in the best-case scenarios, it’s quite normal to find resistance from your teen on this matter of church attendance. Work hard at not taking it so personally, or as an affront to your success as a parent.

Start discussing this matter with your child long before he or she becomes a teenager. Start going to church as a family when the kids are small; show them that it’s not a duty, but a privilege; it is something your whole family is committed to. Then give your teen a timeline. I advise moms and dads to sit down and present a plan to their kids. It gives you a foundation to work from, and gives your teen a basis for freedom and responsibility for their own walk with God. It could look something like this …

• At 13, you need to go to youth group, church on Sunday, Bible study on Wednesday, and camp in the summer.

• At 15, you need to go to youth group and church on Sunday.

• At 17, you need to go to church on Sunday.

• At 18, we won’t make you go, but we would encourage you to go anyway, because church will equip you with life-skills, purpose and meaning. (I recommend that the last 6 months of HS, January on, to have them figure out what they can leave as a lasting legacy to their youth group. Passing of the baton so to speak.)

Just because more young adults are leaving the church every year doesn’t mean we need to keel to the trend. Some say, Relax, they’ll come back. But I’m not willing to be a passive onlooker as kids abandon the institution of the church. This is a battle that deserves a valiant effort that requires discernment, grace and skill. The community of believers is not only essential in a teen’s life, but in our lives as well. It won’t be easy, and it will take persistence, but with God’s help, we can instill values in our children they will one day pass along to their own.

Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, radio host, and the founder and director of Heartlight, located in Hallsville, Texas. For more information and helpful resources for moms and dads, check out our website. It’s filled with ideas and tools to help you become a more effective parent. Go to www.heartlightministries.org. Or read other helpful articles by Mark, at www.markgregston.com. You can also call Heartlight directly at (903) 668-2173. Hear the Parenting Today’s Teens broadcast on a radio station near you, or download the podcast at http://www.parentingtodaysteens.org/.

I hope you have enjoyed this conversation and have had some thoughts about how to better reach this generation. The church has to do a better job in stop the Teens Leaving the Church.

Youth Ministry in a Nutshell, Helping Parents

Youth Ministry in a Nutshell, Helping Parents that's right, Youth Ministry is about helping parents. Years ago the philosophy of Youth Ministry was to be the best that you could be and take care of the teens APART from the parents. The parents could rest assured that their teen was in capable hands and someone that knew their children better than they did who didn't need their help.

This model of Youth Ministry was the norm for a long, long time. This has become known of late of teaching the parents to be Dry Cleaner Parents. You know the dry cleaner is where you drop off something that needs to be cleaned up, fixed up, pressed and nicely returned to you in a little over an hour. Parents were taught to vacate their responsibility to become the number one discipler in the lives of their teens. This is not the right way to do this, nor is it even biblical. The parents are to be the front runner and the Youth Minister, Pastor, leader, whatever, is to help the parents.

So I am here to show the parents something and offer some help. Here goes. Have you ever thought about becoming a Missionary? Now don't panic. Learn from what the question is teaching about missions. A missionary that is going to a foreign field has to learn the culture of the people they are to work with. The nationals will have their own language and the missionary must learn to speak, understand, and interpret the language. There is a whole new set of foods to learn to eat, try to like, and although it is NOT something the missionary would have chosen; partake with the nationals to build relationships.

The locals always have their own way of dressing and many times it just doesn't make sense to the missionary. However, to reach the locals there is a way of 'embracing' many of the styles, not to offend, but to share Jesus even in the dress. Then there is the music of the locals. There is the music that moves them, they cry to, get angry with and dance like you have never seen before. This too is part of being a missionary.

Parents you have to learn to be a missionary.

1. Teens today have their own language. Learn it. You may have to understand text-ing in a new way. It is like a short hand that is used to improve speed and to lessen the amount of data going over the network saving you money. You don't have to talk like a teen, in fact, don't; it's kind of creepy. Learn to listen, understand and communicate with your teen. I gotta go to the next one, CUL8r (See you later) ; )
2. Teens eat fast food all the time. Sure you are the parent and "Doritos" at 11pm are not the most nutritious things to eat but sometimes, give in. Students eat crazy food choices, and drinks such as "monster, bull, star, extra caffeine and sugar energy drinks" all the time. Moderation may be in order but saying no way is a sure way for them to sneak and do it anyway. Students eat crazy stuff that you CAN NO LONGER TRY without medication. Bet back in the day you downed some stuff like crazy as well
3. Teen Fashion. Buckle up. Everyday there is someone sitting somewhere dreaming up a new way to wear, or just barely wear, their clothes. Let's face it, a teen wearing a Bennie cap in the summer is really crazy but IF IT IS WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING, well you know. Be aware of the fashions. You don't have to agree with it but understand it. Modesty is still hot so keep that in mind. The culture of our teens today will wear a fashion that is out there or it will be retro like it is brand new. Why? Because the are trying to be individualistic, while being like everyone else.
4. Teens and the music they listen to. Yep, you remember well what you listened to and probably your parents too said something like, "I don't understand it", "I don't get it", or "Turn that down!" We don't have to like it but we do need to understand the lyrics, the anger or attitude that goes with it or the meaning behind it all.

I know as a parent you may be thinking, 'Well when I was there age we never..." can I be honest with you for a second? You were never this age IN this age! School is different now. Homework, school work, life in general is different now.

Find a great Youth Ministry that is teaching biblical truths and get involved in it. You don't have to teach your own student but get plugged into the ministry. Learn to listen to and hang with students. You don't have to be cool, just accepting and influence a ggeneration like never before. Parents every Youth Ministry I know, needs you. You need them!

You see when you think about it, Youth Ministry in a Nutshell, Helping Parents!

Stay in the Word
ETSOYC 42-44

Where in the Word do I find that?

Where in the Word do I find that? This phrase was heard a few weeks ago when I was talking about parenting, discipline, issues on youth and Youth Ministry and how God's word is our answer to everything. The crazy thing about the Bible is that the information that we need is found in the pages but we have to open it, read it, apply it, and become scholars so to speak of it.

Several years ago the movie "Thirteen" was about a young lady coming of age from being a little girl to becoming a teen. The movie was controversial but looking at it from a Youth Pastor or Parental view, it was and is very enlightening. Children grow up so quickly and sometimes they want to be a young adult before they are ready spiritually, physically (although their bodies may 'show' they are ready), mentally, and emotionally.

Paul Tripp in his book "Age of Opportunity" says that in the first seven chapters of Proverbs that there is a biblical perspective on the struggles facing our students and this generation of cultural teens.

1. Adolescents have no hunger for wisdom or correction. He let's face it they think they are right and much wiser than they really are, and most believe they know MORE than their parents.
2. They have a tendency towards legalism. They tend to emphasize the letter of the law rather than the spirit. Teens trend to push at the fences you have in place and tell you that they are still in the yard.
3. They have a tendency to be unwise in their choice of companions. Let's face it there are some students that your child should NOT hang out with. Your student and their friends are good kids but when they get together, trouble. My wife's grand father used to say this along these lines. "When you have a boy you got a boy, when you have 2 boys, you have half a boy; when you have 3 boys, you have nothing but trouble!" Some good church kids just can not be together without being in trouble.
4. Our culture is a sex charged culture and your students are right in the middle of it being tempted with these new feelings that they have not had before. What do you do with them when you used to not feel this way?
5. Students do not live with eternity in mind. Students live in the now. They want instant gratification. They are micro-wave than a slow cooker. They want what they want and they want it now.
6. They tend to lack a heart of awareness of what they really need or want. Students are wondering about the big wild world that is just outside their doors and how they will function in it.

Add together all of this and you will start to see what the students are struggling with in their lives. They don't fear self-destruction, or risky behavior to fit in or belong. If there are problems in the home, their place of safety, or conflict that is not healthy or talked about; they will find someone to meet their emotional, spiritual, and acceptance needs.

Too many times we move our kids, students and youth to the margins and do not give them an outlet to express themselves. They will find a way to express themselves. If they do not have a chance to share their stories of life they will ramp it up in destructive behavior of some kind. This includes 'good church kids' as well.

I believe that we have to give students responsibilities along with consequences for not being responsible for the things we both have agreed to. You have to allow them to fail, to grow, to expand, to be safe and yet not back down when the conflict comes. Read the Bible as a family, as unit, allow them to lead, to read, to pray and share their hearts in a safe environment. Talk to your student and not at them. Make sure you continue to have places of conversation without judgement when you can.

Read the Bible as a parent in Deuteronomy 6 for your mandate and then read the first seven chapters of Proverbs to better understand your student. Do this and you won't have to ask, "Where in the Word do I find that?"

ETSOYC 31-37

Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! That's what everyone said on the 25th of December this last year and most people really meant it. I guess I really meant it too but I said it with a heavy heart. Why you might ask, well you see my baby brother went home to be with Christ on the 25th of December of 2011 after, I guess, a lengthy illness.

His name is Kenny and he was 44 years of age. He leaves behind not only the mother who raised us, Dorothy is 80 years young and weighs about 90 pounds (maybe); his wife of 19 years and a son, Braden who is only 12 years old. Kenny was my baby brother. Baby is a loose term when you are grown men. Kenny was a big man weighing in at well over 350 pounds and at times in his life weighed even more than that. BUT before you start thinking it had something to do with his weight, Nada!

Kenny suffered from "polymyositis" a connective tissue disease that slowly kept him from being able to move his legs, shoulders, and even motor control of his arms. He also was diagnosed with an inoperative melanoma tumor in his abdomen around October.

I watched his wife Leanna care for and love her husband in a story book kind of way. She took a leave of absence from her job where she didn't get paid while away to care for her family. I saw her help him get up to a standing position so he could walk months before the only thing he could do was lay there. She cared for him like, well; she demonstrated love like I had never seen before. If you or anyone you know that is married, could have half of what I saw, they will be lucky people.

The last few weeks of Kenny's life I was able to spend many hours with him. I had weeks of vacation so I went to the hospital and sat with her and him for days. Sula, my wife, stayed with us as well. We laughed, we cried, we talked about the elephant in the room: the going home of Kenny. We didn't want to talk about it because it seemed like a dream, a bad dream, but still a dream.

Was it hard? YES! I don't want to try to "spiritualize" it or say that we don't hurt because we know where Kenny is; yes we know where he is BUT we still grieve. I watched him tell his son that he was given only a week to live and then to have his 'little boy' lay across his daddy's chest and all of us cry and wail. Kenny gave the father to son talk about you can be whatever you want to be, you can accomplish whatever you put your mind to, be a good and honest/honorable man.

When I was asked to do his funeral, I agreed to do "whatever you want me to do" and then I asked him if I could cry, and his response was, "certainly." Kenny was my baby brother but he taught me oh so much.

When the doctor gave him the grim news, holding his hand and Leanna's hand, he asked Kenny if he could get anything for him. Kenny thought for a minute and said, "A clean bill of health would be nice!" The doctor laughed and so did everyone in the room because Kenny was thinking about everyone else and how they felt.

I survived the funeral experience with several tears pushed back, frogs in my throat, and times of extra prayer for strength. I used the text Proverbs 18:24 that reads, "A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. It was a fitting verse to use for two reasons, 1. It was the same text used at our father's funeral some 27 years before. 2. Because, although Kenny and I were not biological brothers, he was my baby brother.

Kenny wanted me to share the good news of Jesus Christ at his funeral and I was able to do that without any problem. To tell family and friends that there is one that is closer than a brother and that is Christ.

Selfishly I did not want Kenny to die on Christmas day, but God had other plans. His headstone will always have the Christmas date on it. People will look at it may think how sad because he died on Christmas day. I thought that at first, I prayed it wouldn't happen, but it did. Then I thought about Christmas, the birthday of Jesus and how my baby brother really got the best Christmas present of all; he celebrated Christmas 2011 WITH Jesus himself! How cool was it for him to say to Jesus, "Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas!"

A New Face In The Frame!

A New Face In The Frame!
This phrase probably best describes being a stepparent. Let's face it being a parent is one of the hardest jobs you can do to begin with and then add into that equation, someone else's children in your home, or you into their home and boom!

Over the years I have seen so many marriages, second and third marriages, crumble because of the issues of dealing with someone else's kids. Mom has come through a bad divorce and the only thing she has emotionally left in her bank comes around her kids. Dad has been with his little girl for a while now and she has him around her little finger and now there's another 'girl' in his life? Competition for the affection of an adult to the child and the child having to share their parent with another person can be difficult at best.

Sure there are so many Brady Bunch success stories out there. You know, "here's the story of a lovely lady who was bringing up...." well if you don't know, google it, or watch T.V. Land. I wish that every step family had nothing but success in their homes but it's not the truth and I won't lie to you. IT'S HARD IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE!

Think about a child that is going into a new family dynamic with a "new parent", that is someone that they know but not really. A child, a teen, a student has had several years to bond with their parent and now this new person wants to tell me that they love me, care for me, and want to be in my life. Sure you do! Hey, it's going to take some time. You can't just jump in and be super stepparent all at one time. So if you are a stepparent, buckle up for the push back you will receive from the child or teen. Too many "stepparents are often surprised and discouraged by the conflicts they have in their three primary relationships having to do with adolescent: the teen, their spouse, and the other parent.

So what are you to do? Well let's look at you and the teen first.

• Know what's going on inside the teen. Most students secretly, and sometimes not so secretly, want their parents to get back together. To have that story book home with mom, dad, and children make three; picket fence and dinner around the table. Well at least in their minds they do. The reality is that's not happening and YOU are the one that is messing that up! That may mean that the teen is rude to you, disrespectful, and defiant! To be honest with you, most of that is 'normal' teen behavior to parents but you become the lightening rod in this relationship.
• Have patience and persistence in establishing a connection. Do things that the teen likes to do, at least to a certain degree. You don't have to become like them, especially in dress, speech, and cool factor! You are still a parent and not their buddy. Get to know them in their world. Be careful here don't become the parent stalker but know what is going on in their world. Sure they will still have some disdain for you but you are trying for the long haul; a long term solid relationship with them.
• Do NOT try to replace the other parent. The mind of a student can be a battle ground trying to keep up with everything; now place another parent in the mix. Don't try to replace the other parent that is not in their immediate life. Oh yeah, when you hear, not IF you hear; "You are not my parent!" you can honestly respond by saying, "You're right I'm not, I'm just trying to..." The only thing you can really do here is to listen, be aware, empathize with them and be there.
• Let the biological parent be in charge of the discipline at first. This step is the one that seems to cause the most problem from my observations of step families. Somewhere in this marriage in the future you may have to be the one that does the discipline but you can't start off that way. Sure you may seem some behavior that you don't approve of or you don't do with your child in the same home but remember it's not your child. So how do you do this? Well you tell the biological parent tell the child that you guys are on the same page and you have decided that .... This way the discipline not only comes from the biological parent but the stepparent as well. Not just one bad guy here but two that care.

You and your spouse.

• Be super sensitive to you spouse's needs and concerns. Put yourself into their shoes so to speak. Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed and your child is with someone that you didn't know that well in their home. Let your spouse know you are supportive of them and their parenting. Ask how you can help them. When they respond you can have a more clear direction of what to do next. Don't come in by saying, "Let me tell you what you should have done." Not helpful, you are in this together, not in a superior role.
• Allow you spouse to experience your connection with the teen. The best way to show character, love and humility is for your spouse to see you try with their teen. Sure they may not understand, the teen may push you away, but you are loving the child that they love.
• Address questions about parenting skills. Talk about what role you will fill. When will you be entrusted with discipline, guidelines and rules? You cannot over communicate in this part of the marriage. If you are more forceful or 'over bearing' talk about it. It may be that you are not at all but that the biological parent is 'softer or gentler' than you are.

Now the other parent. In case you forget, there is another parent in the lives of these teens. The other parent may be hostile to you and their ex-spouse. The parent may not have the same values, be vindictive, or cause problems by driving a wedge between you, your spouse and the teen. Be ready for this. It may not happen but it might.

• Involve your spouse. Remember they know the ex better than you do and they know how better to handle and talk to them. You have a teen that is your long term care and a spouse that you want to take care of in this relationship. If there is no relationship between you and the ex then make sure that you support your spouse. Let them be in charge and you support them.
• Respect the other parent. No matter whether you respect the other parent or not know that they have suffered loss in the marriage; even if it was their own doing. Even if you don't agree with their values in life, this is still their teen that you have in your home. If possible have conversations about disciplines, homework, curfews, etc. This allows them to know that you do care about their child's well being.

When there is a family dynamics change like this there will be emotional fall out and difficulties. It has to! God created man and woman to remain in the marriage until death do us part. However, for whatever reason, that has not happened. Just be ready for the difficulty that will come because of it.

Remember, you married someone you love. One of the best ways to love you spouse is by helping them love their kids in the most supportive way possible. Give up controls, be humble in a true meaningful way, and earn your place in the family dynamics you have chosen.

I former minister told me years ago that when there's A New Face In The Frame! that it's the hardest job he has ever had to go through. So if you are in this situation, know you are not alone; others have had to look at A New Face In The Frame!

BWT 61-66

Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting!

Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting! Yep you read the line correctly. The movie, the old movie with Chevy Chase teaches parenting techniques. Now before you think I have lost my mind, or that I ever had a mind, or there he goes again, let me explain and build my case.

In the movie, the golfing character played by Chevy Chase is practicing golf and teaching one of the caddy's about life. He is playing golf, putting, making all of these strange sounds like dunnnannnnnnnnannn.....when he kicks, hits, or putts the ball. While he is doing this he keeps talking about "Being the Ball"when you play golf. That is you must become one with the ball, be the ball, understand the ball, etc...

It was at this moment that it hit me, PARENTING TECHNIQUE!

Here's the scenario I have seen played out too often, and now that I have grand-children, yes I do have 4 and now someone to play with, I tend to watch for this in them. As an example have you ever been in the store shopping and a parent comes down the isle with their little terror in the basket or in hand. The mom or dad is trying to complete the shopping before her little one reminds the world that they are in control. The parent says something like, "If you are good, I will take you to grand-mother's house when we are done." This is a secret code for "now is the time for you to erupt!" The child yells, kicks and screams, "I don't want to go to grand-mother's house!"

Due to shear embarrassment, the parent backs down and says, "OK, we don't have to go to grand-mothers house if you don't want to." REALLY?! The CEO of the family, this little tike in tow made the decision not to go to an adults home just because the pouted, temper tampered, and whined their way into getting their way? How does this train and equip your child for the future in school, in social gatherings, or work?

The boss comes in one day and asks the employee to do something that they really don't want to do and the employee screams, cries, and yells "I don't want to do that!" The employee pouts, holds their breath and the boss does the only thing they can do; call 911 as an adult has totally lost it.

You see Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting when being the ball should be translated to be the parent. You are the parent. You are the one that sets the rules. You are the one that has the veto power of events. You are the final say so. WHY? Because it is time to Be The Parent.

In love a parent of a toddler makes the calls and that is it.
In love with a teen a parent still makes the calls and has input from their teen. The teen has to realize that the buy in from them also helps them realize that there are consequences to their failure to perform, obey, or to be respectful to the parents. Be The Parent when the teen yells, rolls their eyes, or is disrespectful to you when you have to hold the line to make the consequences of their failures to be obedient. You see you are not having a battle with your teen you are training them to fully function in society, culture, and to become responsible adults in a timely manner.

Parents I am here for you. If I can help you, let me know.
Be The Parent!
Caddy Shack Teaches Parenting!
Fore!

I'm Pulling For You, We're All In This Together!

I'm Pulling For You, We're All In This Together! is a saying that I have been using for years and it's not mine. I must confess that I 'borrowed it" from another great philosopher by the name of Red Green from the Red Green Show on Public Television. In the show he is talking to 'older men' about things in life that seem to affect them at this stage of their lives. Things like hair growing in places that it never has before, such as an ear; or hair not growing where it once did like the top of your head. He gives folksy advice that you can use to cope with this stage of your life.

I have been using this phrase for years at the conclusion of most of my articles in youth ministry or at the end of my monthly newsletter called NETMA, which stands for "Nobody Ever Tells Me Anything"and I give it out to the parents. The reason that I use this phrase is that for this time period in the lives of parents of teens I'm Pulling For You, We're All In This Together in discipling, disciplining, and teaching the students. But here's the rub! I am not responsible for the student in these areas but the parent is. However, I am here to help the parent through these 'turbulent' years.

I have been there and done that. I have read, and continue to read books, articles, and talk to other youth pastors about how to deal with students in certain situations. How do we help parents to be the leaders in their homes? Bottom line, always remember, "I'm Pulling For You, We're All In This Together!"

Now for the parents of students in our Youth Ministry that might read this know that I am here for you. It is not my job to reach you, teach you, or to be there for you! That's right, it is not my job; it is may calling! I love to help you, to teach you, to equip you; pray for you and to just be a listening ear if you need to talk.

To parents and friends that are not in my local Youth Ministry and you are reading this; then you too are in my area of influence. Email, call, txt or tweet and I will help you anyway way I can. Why would I make myself available to you or to anyone for that matter? There is only one true reason: I'm Pulling For You, We're All In This Together!

Your Best Friend

Your Best Friend, is a highly fought after role in many student's lives, adults too when you think bout it. But in reality, your best friend may not be a person at all. Let's face it when it comes to living our lives for the glory of God and the better of mankind, our best friend is not a person at all but self-discipline and self-control. Yep, you see your best friend is in you, and you get to control it. So as you read this devotional that I received a few weeks ago, take a minute to read the word, to understand what it is talking about and to apply it to your lives. You see you are Your Best Friend!

One of Your Best Friends

Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. Proverbs 16:32

Why can’t I lose weight? Why can’t I get in shape? Why can’t I consistently spend time with God? Why can’t I get out of debt? Why can’t I break this bad habit? Maybe it is because of a lack of self-control. Could it be that many, if not most, of our personal problems are caused by a lack of self-control?

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote: “Great is the art of beginning, but greater the art is of ending.”

Somewhere past the starting point a problem exists. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a genie who could help us finish what we start? Or, an angel that would protect us from falling into the snares of the evil one? Or, a guide that would direct us on the straight and narrow path of godly upright behavior? Unfortunately, we don’t have those available to us. But we do possess the inner dynamic of self-control, which is a needed and essential virtue for effective living.

Self-control is one of the best friends we can have. It is one of the best friends we can introduce to our kids. It will enable us to become the persons we want to be and to perform the activities we want to do. We need to cherish this friend always. It is a real lifesaver.

Yet self-control extracts a high price. Following one of the famed Polish concert pianist Ignace Paderewski’s outstanding performances, a fan said to him, “I’d give my life to play like that.” The brilliant pianist replied, “I did.” On another occasion Paderewski was asked by a fellow pianist if he could be ready to play a recital on short notice. The famous musician replied, “I am always ready. I have practiced eight hours daily for forty years.” The other pianist said, “I wish I had been born with such determination.” Paderewski replied, “We are all born with it. I just used mine.”

The point is not that we could all become concert pianists just by exercising enough self-control. But when it comes to effective living we each have the makings of triumph, if we will apply our wills and come under God’s control and pay the price.
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So there you have it. What do you need today that you will need help with from Your Best Friend?

Parents Are Vital!

This last weekend I was at Southeast Conclave in Chattanooga Tennessee with about 1100-1400 other youth workers, teachers, preachers and students. We were challenged by great speakers and several break out sessions. The one I taught on staying in the Youth Ministry for the long haul was particularly good, uhm..however, one of the sessions Dr. Jackson from New Orleans Theological Semainary, taught a session on what it takes to make a good kid. What do good kids have in common. The seminar was inciteful but also a true reminder of the number one roll of parents in the lives of their teens. Pastor Ryan Epps put together the notes from this break out session on line in his blog. Instead of me retyping the same facts, the same notes, from the same seminar; I thought I would copy his blog, give him the credit and post it for you.

This doesn't gurantee that your child will always turn out right because they live in a sinful world, and man is a fallen creature. However, this is set for you to read so you will be in the know and understand that you are to be faithful to the Lord God no matter what nor how hard it may be.

It's a great read. Take your time, ponder the facts, and as I always say, "Stay In The Word."

Parents…you are vital!!

This past weekend was a phenomenal time at Southeast Conclave in Chattanooga and we all left energized and motivated even greater in the calling to young people and their families. I sat in one of Dr. Allen Jackson’s (no not the country singer) seminars which was titled, “What makes good kids good.” While most of the information he shared we already know deep down, I would like to share some very valuable facts I gathered from my time that I pray can help confirm some issues for parents.

Allen says that some things most of us know, we have a generation that has quit coming to church (18-30 yrs old). There are some things to think about here. Most Christian students don't know how to explain what they believe in. I believe they may have a lot of knowledge from home teaching, children & youth ministry teaching, and possibly even Christian schools. When they are faced with heavier life decisions, secular college professors challenging them, and college life hammering down, they soon discover that all the knowledge was never rooted in the heart and lifestyle. In Christian Smiths book, “Soul Searching,” he calls this, “religion operating in the background.” Allen says that this is called, “Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.”

Moral: I know right from wrong / Therapuetic: I need God to make me feel better. / Deism: Maybe God did create the world, but He really isn't involved in day to day life.

With this expressed, this is what I would like to share with parents. There have been millions of teenagers surveryed over the past 30 years all across the country. Despite the rise of many factors in young peoples lives, one major truth still stands. The single most important social influence on religious life is their parents. Richard Ross says that the family environment around young people is a major variable in how things go for them in adulthood.

Let’s think about the Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.

a. They know right from wrong (Moralistic) because parents spend so much time sharing this in their discipling. The larger influence here is the parents living the example of making the decision between right and wrong.

b. They want God to make them feel better (Therapeutic) because they connect this aspect to their parents. Parents want to make their children feel better and many times try to “fix it.” This is totally natural and having my own child, I understand this. The greater influence would be the parent who teaches their child the possible purpose God has in the midst of their struggles. The parents need to let them experience the struggles, grow from them, thus being stronger because of them instead of trying to remove them from the problem. Yes, there are some issues that parents need to remove the child from, but there are many others that they could help lead their child through.

c. They believe for the most part that God created the world, but don't really think He is involved in day to day life (Deism). I believe that part of this is because they relate Gods involvement to church attendance on a Sunday and/or Wednesday and dont experience much outside of this. Parents can have a huge hand in this developement by taking the main role in being the ones who disciple their kids. Help them see God through their day when daily debriefing time comes in the evening before bed or whenever that time is for the family.

Ulitmately, young people will come to the age of accountability and personal responsibility, but I believe parents are the most impoartant factors in that developement. The choices and lifestyles of the parents are key, but also just as vital is the parents involvement in purposed discipleship teaching.

All of this helped me years ago to realize that it wasn't the youth ministries fault (or the Youth Minister) we are losing teens. Yes, I believe they play a huge role, but I believe parents are the best ones to disciple their kids.

Parents, I know it is a huge task to be this to your child, but the lifelong rewards are phenomenal. I don't believe in the statement, “its just too late.” No matter what age your child is, if they are still in your home, it is never too late to embarq on this journey with your child. I would love to share tangible ideas and directions you can take with your child. Feel free to contact me. I would love to come along side you in these efforts.

STATS: Dr. Jackson mentioned a few stats that are worth mentioning. He asked a couple thousand seminary students who are just previously post high school whom have stayed connected in the church and living moral lives what influences helped them.

a. 75% said parents/grandparents were their main influence.

b. One of the top contributing factors were that their parents were consistent in their own faith.

c. They described adult volunteers in the youth ministry as mentors.

d. Church was positive when friends were mentioned. (We need to create an environment where each student is missed and valued).

e. Most of them worked 10+ hours per week or played varsity sports. Creates discipline. (get them away from hours of video games, internet, & T.V.).

f. “Youth group” was mentioned as more positive than “church.” (they need more than just to sit in a worship service and miss out on the youth programs and activities)

g. 9th grade was pivotal – this is a developmental shift to the ability to think logical.

h. Each student needs 7 adults whose belief in them is unwavering and who speak encouragment into their lives. 2 of them need to be parents. (Proof that students need to be plugged into a youth ministry with loving adults).

*Just a few facts and stats to think about.
http://ryanepps.org/2011/02/07/parents-you-are-vital/ from Boone Trail Baptist Church, Johnson City, TN.

Owning My Faith

Owning My Faith is not a youth only issue. How many times have we seen adults that live in the blessing of their parents and even grand-parents and their faith. You know, "Well my daddy was a deacon at the church, we were up at the church every time the door was open. Why, if the preacher was up there scrubbing the windows on Saturday we took a picnic lunch and yard chairs just to sit and watch him!" Really? Never thought about helping him or even doing the windows as a ministry to him, the church or the Lord? I digress, that is the subject of another blog later.

How about the person that talks about the greatness of their grand-parents as they walked with the Lord all their days, took them to church, taught them what prayer, scriptures, and faith fullness was all about but yet this person has walked away from that kind of faith.

Most of our Youth's Parents want their children, their teens, to own their own faith and will say so. However, their is a major disconnect here. If the parent's faith is weak, non-existent, or living on the blessings of the days gone by, do the parents really own their own faith? They are demonstrating to their kids what it means to be a Christian everyday and if they follow mom and dad who are not living on their own faith, well the student will be left with little to nothing.

I received this devotional from Tyndale House Publishers and wanted to post it so others could see it. Owning My Faith is critical in my own relationship with Jesus Christ. Enjoy.

I just realized that I’ve been living off of the faith of my parents.
How do I own my faith?

Living off of someone else's faith is like borrowing something from a friend. No matter what you borrow--a car, cell phone, clothes, CDs, or faith--it isnt yours and must be returned.
Solomon was challenged to 'learn to know the God of your ancestors intimately' (1 Chron 28:9). In other words, he wasn't to settle for hearing how someone else trusted God. He needed to find out for himself.

During these years, your faith will be tested. Friends who do not believe in Christ may see nothing wrong with doing things that would cause your conscience to start screaming in protest. That's when you will have to make a choice: Will you go along with your friends or will you stand on what you believe? If your faith is strong (if it is yours and not your parents or your youth leaders), no amount of pressure from friends will be able to blow you away. (See Matt 7:24-27.)
Consider taking these steps to help develop your faith.

• First, make sure you have asked Jesus Christ to forgive your sin and come into your life.
• Second, begin to ask questions about the Bible. God wants you to understand it as well as believe and obey it.
• Third, look for other Christians who are excited about developing their faith in God--people who do not want to settle for second best.

What you learn from them can convince you that being a Christian is worth the work and is 100 percent right for you!

So this is a start into "Owning My Faith"

"You Do For Family"

"You Do For Family" is probably not the best use of the English language. It is probably a slice out of the King's English, poor grammar, butchering some participle that I am dangling and 'ain't' even aware I done it. However, "You Do For Family" is a phrase that I strive to teach my children, who are both adults now with their own children and to try to live by it.

What does it mean? Sometimes it easier to discover and do than at other times. Sometimes it requires sacrifice and going out of your way to do things that may not make any sense at all. Going the extra mile or miles and sometimes you have to do that 3 or 4 times just to cover all the bases. Sometimes you have to be alone, pay an extra fee, pick up the check, or even spend lots of hours doing things you would rather not have to do.

Since November my wife and I have had to demonstrate and live the mantra of "You Do For Family." You see in October my brother was diagnosed with a very rare disease that has caused his muscles in his legs and torso deteriorate. He can seldom stand without help from a seated position. November my father-in-law was diagnosed with lymphoma after undergoing a surgery. He has been undergoing chemo for the last several weeks. The Friday after Thanksgiving my older sister was admitted to the hospital with abdominal pains, gallbladder was the early diagnosis until spots on the lung and then the liver were confirmed as cancer. I had my own bought with melanoma and it was surgically removed and so far so good. My bride of over 32 years now had gallbladder surgery in December and has improved so much from that surgery.

So what all of this have to do about "You Do For Family"? Well over the last few months we have made multiple trips to care of family. To visit, to sit through surgeries and making hospital visits. There have been trips to Georgia through the back roads of the mountains to pick and deliver things to help others get better. We have had the pleasure of picking up someones feet and legs just to ride in a car. Sitting through chemo treatments while the patient slept you get to watch vigils and pray during the time frame. There have been prayers, lots of prayers with and for people traveling through the valley of the shadow of death. During final visits I was able to serve my sister by helping carry her body from her home to the hearse as I was the only one who could emotionally and physically do it. As we were traveling to the funeral home our daughter-in-law called that she was in early stages of labor, weeks too early.

Now here's the neat thing about "You Do For Family" mantra. My church family has been amazing for and to me. Prayers, calls, txt msgs, emails, stopping in the hallway, cards and concerns have meant the world to me. You see we are family! Even today as we were about to begin the funeral of my sister Becky I see my Pastor walk into the room. He had driven over 3 hours just to sit with me and my wife through the service. This is something that "You Do For Family"

So through the last few months of what others would see as extremely difficult times, and sometimes they were, my God has sustained me, us and our family. Sometimes you may get down, short, put out and otherwise upset but Jesus has said he will never leave me nor forsake me. This has been proven over the last few months in my own life. Even now as I type these words my wife is with our son and daughter-in-law awaiting the arrival of a new life. I am home and she is there and we are separated once again but remember "You Do For Family"!

Family Ties

"Family Ties" was a television show from several decades ago for those that may not remember or know. However, we all have family ties in the body of Christ. As a child of God that allows me to be the brother to other believers. I am proud to be a part of the family of God.

Now I know that there are times when the family acts like a dysfunctional family but that is still family. I have been thinking about family over the last few months due to the fact my father-in-law was diagnosed with lymphoma, my baby brother has 'poly-myoscitis" and my older sister has terminal liver and lung cancer. In fact I am awaiting a call on her home going almost every day now. So family means a lot to me. You see I have been twice chosen so I love the fact that I can be part of the family of God; even if it's going to be a hard visit! : )

I came across this Parent Devo from Tyndale House Publishers, the owners of the New Living Translation, and it spoke to me today. Maybe because I am reflecting on life more, my age, grand-children; or the love of my life Sula. Anyway, take a look and let me know what you think about "Family Ties".

Loving Others like Family

“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”Romans 12:10 NLT

The December 31, 1989 issue of the Chicago Tribune featured a series of photographs considered the best photos of the decade. Michael Fryer’s image of a rescue attempt was a dramatic fire photo. It captured a fireman and a paramedic carrying a fire victim away from the scene. The blaze Fryer covered occurred in December 1984 at Irving Park and Kenmore Avenues in Chicago. It seemed routine until firefighters discovered a mother and five children huddled in one apartment’s kitchen. Fryer said firefighters surmised: “She could have escaped with two or three but could not decide who to pick and chose to wait for firefighters to arrive. All of them died of smoke inhalation.”

The apostle Paul wrote, “Love each other with genuine love” (Romans 12:10). The terms he used convey a love that is “full of tenderness” or “affectionate.” Actually, his first term “love” translates a compound Greek word that literally means, “love of the family.” The word translated genuine affection is a familiar Greek word, philadelphia. It means literally “love of the brethren.” I find it quite intriguing that Paul employs two words--love of family and love of brothers--to communicate the need for commitment in loving.

The deep affection and abiding commitment made between natural family members, like the Chicago mother toward her children, should be expressed in the spiritual family as well. We are to love our brothers and sisters of faith, as we love our brothers and sisters of blood. Brotherly kindness is an affection that family members have for one another.
Jesus has given authority to the entire world to judge whether or not we are genuine believers on the basis of our love for fellow believers. Love is the badge that identifies us as followers of Jesus Christ. Any time we do not show love toward fellow believers, we forfeit our right to proudly represent Jesus Christ in the world.

People around us who are bored by doctrine and can’t fathom theology instinctively understand love. People look at Christians before they look at our creed. They form their opinions about our religion when they see how we behave. If they like the melody, they will listen to our words. If what they hear is discord, then the lyrics of our faith seldom register in their lives.
As believers in Jesus Christ we need to make a clear, unequivocal commitment to loving each other as a family, for our own sake and for our witness to a watching world.

The BIONIC Man Lives!

I know you are thinking, "The bionic man?" is that a remake of an old television show? Maybe a new movie that is coming out and I have missed the trailers? Nope, none of these. BIONIC is one of the many acronyms that I have used over the years. In fact, this one goes way back to the 70's, late 70's when being involved in youth ministry was mostly pizza blasts and big events with tons of prizes each week. We could bring in a crowd and then lose a crowd because someone else had a better dog and pony show down the street or a bigger "boom box" to give away or the new thing called a Sony Walkman CD/AM/FM combination to give away.

In the youth ministry that I was a part of we started doing things differently. We wanted to do things such as building relationships with the students. Not to build the relationship around the Youth Pastor/Minister only because he, yes I said he because this was long, long ago in a generation far, far away, and then to see the students implode when the he left for a bigger or another church. (Long sentence there and choppy, but you get the idea!) Anyway we decided to build relationships with the students with as many adults in their lives as we could get. So we came up with the acronym called B.I.O.N.I.C. which stood for "Believe It Or Not I Care!"

This phrase was one we said often to one another and we trained on it:

• Be available for your youth
• Initiate conversations with youth
• Operate Covertly with students but publicly. Conversations go well this way
• Never break confidences. (Unless immoral, illegal, or dangerous)
• Interest yourself into their lives, likes, dislikes, life and yes drama
• Care, really care about their spiritual growth

Now I know looking over this list you can say these are cheesy and you would probably be right. However, think about youth ministry in light of these. Isn't Youth Ministry about being their for the students, talking with them, being open and really caring about their life? Things they are doing and not doing? Above all isn't Youth Ministry about their salvation and their spiritual growth?

So after finding this old piece of paper in one of my files recently I am thinking back to all the students that I have had the joy of hearing back from over the years that I have been able to impact for the kingdom. The joy of a little girl in the 7th grade that was tall, lanky, awkward and loved basketball more than boys write me years later to tell me she was now teaching a 7th grade girls Sunday School Class. How that she remembered the things I had taught her. Wow, I did make a difference after all.

So now after all these years, in the good times and the bad times, the fun and the sad, I can proudly say, "The BIONIC Man lives!"

Something For Dad

I was thinking that so many of my posts are for students, and seekers, or just sitting and thinking; I have some time to do that over the last few days. During my sitting and thinking spell I was thinking about men, dads, husbands and the roles that we have as men.

No matter how hard everyone else can try, only a dad can fully fulfill the roles of good ole dad! So here is some encouragement for you as you are thinking about being the one that God has called you to be. Yes it is a calling to be a parent. Let me try to encourage all the dads that feel inadequate; we all feel that way! So today, sit back slowly read the attached devotional that I received from The publishers of the New Living Translation Bible and know that I have Something For Dad!

Home Management

He must manage his own family well, having children who respect and obey him.1 Timothy 3:4

"The marketplace teaches us that success or failure in any business or venture depends on effective management. Management is not only doing things right; it is doing the right things.

The same is true for families. And dads, the Scriptures inform us, bear the responsibility for managing their family. Before you tune out the apostle Paul as being hopelessly chauvinistic, you need to understand the word manage. It means “to stand before; hence to lead, attend to (indicating care and diligence).” The use of this word in 1 Timothy 3:4 doesn’t give a husband permission to be a dictator. It simply means that as a manager, a husband is the one who will answer to the Lord for the home he and his wife have created. For good or bad, dads, we are the ones responsible for our homes--our families.

Most of us have had enough experience in the workplace to know the difference between good and bad management. Good managers lead by influence: They delegate but are available to help; they seek the input of others; and they plan ahead. In contrast, poor managers lead by authority: They tend to control all decisions yet are uninvolved when problems arise; they resist the input of others; and they tend to make decisions on the spur of the moment.

Dads, how is your management at home?

Let’s put an end to the extremes of uninvolved or dictatorial husbands. Dad, you are the leader, the manager of your home. Serve in that capacity with all your heart. Your family hungers for it. Your wife and children will respect you for it. And, God will be pleased when you stand before him to give an account of your responsibilities."

So there you have it! Something For Dad!

Like Father Like Son

Yep, Like Father Like Son, is the phrase that you hear people say about someones child when they see the child, hear them, or watch them in an environment of their own.

Recently I saw a posting or blog of my son's posted on his church's website/blog. It had a lot to do about coffee cups that he owns (I can relate!). The two that mean the most to him are from Bybee Pottery in Waco/Bybee area of Kentucky, same location now 200 years! The other is from Tate Knob Pottery outside Berea, same location now about 30 years. He has other cups but these two mean the most to him, you can read below why in just a minute.

I want to take a moment to say that the phrase "Like Father Like Son" could have been said about Jesus from the New Testament. Jesus said that he and the father are one; if you have seen me you have seen the father. It is my prayer that for you as a believer that you too might have that said of you too. "Like Father Like Son Like You!" We are to become in the image of Christ so that others may see Christ in us and when they see Christ in us they may see the Father as well. SOOOOO....as you read the blog post of my son, enjoy, reflect and understand that my son walks with the Lord Jesus Christ, just like his dad does so I guess you can say, "Like Father Like Son!"

"I just counted, and my wife and I own somewhere in the neighborhood of 18 coffee mugs. They range from travel mugs from Starbucks, to a plastic mug my dad got before I was born. We have the 10 that came with our dinner set someone got us for our wedding. I guess we have 20 cups if you count the two 24 oz latte cups that I just use for cereal and soup. The point is, I love coffee and have plenty of options to choose from when it comes to drinking my favorite morning drink.

Nine times out of ten, I choose one of two cups. In fact, I’m drinking out of one as I write this right now. My two favorite mugs were made near where my parents live in eastern Kentucky. They live in Berea, which is the Artisan capital of the world. I love going there. In the same afternoon, you can visit a weaver’s shop, woodworkers’ shops, local craft shops, a chocolate-maker’s store (who was trained at Hershey as a kid), and multiple pottery studios. The mug I’m drinking from as I write this was created at Tater Knob, a pottery studio that is nestled among the tall hills of the region. You have to step over this huge dog to get into the shop, and see all these creations everywhere you look. The potters invite you back and allow you to watch them turn bowls, cups, and just about anything you can think of on their wheels. You feel like part of the family. Their hands made the cup I drink out of at home, and it is unique and beautiful to me.

The other mug I drink from came from Bybee pottery, which is also near my parents’ home. What amazes me about this company is that they have been owned by the same family and made pottery in the same building for 200 years. The floor in the “throwing room,” where the pottery is actually turned, is 18 inches higher than the rest of the building, because of the generations of clay dust that has settled there. I love the history, and the rugged craftsmanship of their art.

Why do I tell you about these cups? I have almost two-dozen cups at my disposal, yet I consistently drink out of only two because they are unique, individual, and special to me. I’ve met their creators, looked them in the eye, and seen how much they love creating their craft. They don’t’ do it for the money; they do it for the sheer love of creation. They do the exact same job as a factory produced mug, but their beauty is in their hand-made imperfections. They have character.

God is building you and building me. What makes us beautiful is not our perfect edges that we present to everyone. When we come to church or walk out our doors, we present this perfectly finished, polished life, but that’s not who we are. So, there are chinks in our armor. So, we’re missing a few polished places.

Perfection doesn’t make us beautiful in God’s eyes; allowing his handiwork to shine through does. You are unique, individual and loved by God. Not because of your perfect records you may cling to so dearly, but because you have been in the hands of the Maker. Let his fingerprints shine in your encounters and interactions today."

So there you have it, the words of my son, in whom I am well pleased!